Home › Forums › Ganymede & Titan Forum › “Best” real-life chatup lines Search for: This topic has 19 replies, 12 voices, and was last updated 17 years, 5 months ago by Ian Symes. Scroll to bottom Creator Topic January 18, 2008 at 2:07 am #2132 PhilParticipant I was at work today, and one of my coworkers had to unload a big filing cabinet, so I went outside to help him. I was standing around, waiting for him to pull the vehicle over to the curb. I work in a state building, with various other state departments, one of which is the Department of Children and Families. While I was waiting around for him to bring the truck over, this young unwed mother who had her kids taken away because she keeps getting busted with drugs was hitting on me, and gave me her number. With the smoothest line ever: “Don’t call me until after this weekend, because they turned my phone off.” I mean…what, exactly, did she think might be attractive to me? Creator Topic Viewing 19 replies - 1 through 19 (of 19 total) Author Replies January 18, 2008 at 2:42 am #119429 DaveParticipant A friend of mine got us all kicked out of a club after beginning a wooing with: “Isn’t rape a bitch?” January 18, 2008 at 11:06 am #119432 Tanya JonesParticipant Classy. Sounds like the woman who hit on Phil thinks that men all have low standards… January 18, 2008 at 5:57 pm #119446 Seb PatrickKeymaster A girl very drunkenly said to me “In the words of Albert Schweitzer, I fancy you” in a club once. Not a random girl, I hasten to add. Someone I knew. It was followed a few weeks later, in the same club, by the following exchange : Her : “So, am I coming back to yours, then?” Me : “Do I have any choice?” Her : “Not really, no.” This makes it sound like I wasn’t interested; I was, I was just being rubbish. Anyway, we went out for a few months in the end, still mates today. I don’t think she remembers the Izzard-quoting incident. January 18, 2008 at 7:27 pm #119450 JamesParticipant You should’t get your big filing cabinet out on the sidewalk Phil, that would have done it for me! January 19, 2008 at 2:07 am #119462 PhilParticipant She actually wasn’t a bad looking girl, but I’m naturally suspicious of anyone who feels the need to hit on me. I mean…pretty girls usually know they’re pretty. She could probably have sealed the deal based on that alone. Why the need to tell me that she’s in trouble for drugs, her kids got taken away, and her utilities have been switched off? Call me old-fashioned, but show me a bit of cleavage and shut up. January 19, 2008 at 2:36 am #119464 pfmParticipant The best way to chat up a girl is by, well, not chatting much at all. You’ve just got to fucking listen, and pretend to be interested in absolutely everything she says. Some/most/all (that last one) girls love the sound of their own voices, so if they see you’re willing to listen to it for a long period of time then you’re in with a chance. January 19, 2008 at 7:43 am #119467 TheLeenParticipant The best way to chat up a girl is by NOT using a chat-up line, no matter how clever you think it is. Just engage in natural conversation and be yourself, so she can figure out whether she likes you or not, jeez. January 19, 2008 at 11:04 am #119473 Ian SymesKeymaster The best way to chat up a girl is by, well, not chatting much at all. You?ve just got to fucking listen, and pretend to be interested in absolutely everything she says. Some/most/all (that last one) girls love the sound of their own voices, so if they see you?re willing to listen to it for a long period of time then you?re in with a chance. You old smoothie. The best way to get a girl is to get her hideously drunk on vodka and kiss her constantly until she starts to enjoy it. I did this, and a year later I’m engaged. January 19, 2008 at 7:19 pm #119483 Seb PatrickKeymaster You’d just better hope she doesn’t sober up before the wedding. January 20, 2008 at 11:26 am #119507 Pete Part ThreeParticipant Go up to them and ask what part of Wales they come from. This is so random it tends to initiate a conversation. January 20, 2008 at 9:25 pm #119534 JamesParticipant Unless they are Welsh and say Swansea, and then say see ya! January 20, 2008 at 10:35 pm #119536 pennyParticipant What’s wrong with Swansea? My Aunt lives in Swansea with her family and they are all lovely people. January 21, 2008 at 4:35 pm #119556 JamesParticipant Eh? Nothing is wrong with Swansea, I know people there too. It was a reply to a chat-up line that fails if they are already Welsh. January 21, 2008 at 7:04 pm #119573 Pete Part ThreeParticipant Why does it fail, though? It’s an In. Obscure and odd, but an In. January 21, 2008 at 10:19 pm #119582 JamesParticipant Possibly, but I won’t try it in Glasgow. January 22, 2008 at 4:18 pm #119607 BazParticipant Do you mind! Mike and I come from Swansea! So does Russell T Davis, not that that counts for anything. But Harry Secombe does though. January 22, 2008 at 6:36 pm #119612 Ben PaddonParticipant While waiting for a bus in Luton Town Centre a couple of years ago, I heard a girl shouting. “Oi!” she said. “I like you! Giz’ ya phone number!” I pride myself on my ability to see a person’s Inner Beauty, and I could tell from her mannerisms, her speech and her dress sense that she was a person whose Inner Beauty was in dire need of thousands of pounds worth of cosmetic surgery. She seemed to have just recently stepped off of the Chavette production line. Her tracksuit was the most peculiar shade of pink, and I was blinded by the sun glinting off of her ridiculously large golden hooped earrings. She had that stupid “bumpy hair” haircut a la Mark Lamarr circa 1992, and I seem to recall that dental hygiene was not high on her list of priorities. “You’re not subtle, are you,” I replied. “So you gonna give me y’number, or wot?” I raised my eyebrows. Mercifully, my bus arrived, and as I stepped on I called back, “Sorry, I’m taken.” I severely hoped someone would take her, too – preferably to some sort of Asylum for the Chronically Wrong In the Head. (I have a horrible tendency to assume that any girls who expresses an interest in me must be mentally ill, largely because any girls who expresses an interest in me must be mentally ill.) January 22, 2008 at 7:01 pm #119615 pfmParticipant Commenting on a girl’s smile is pretty good, e.g. ‘What a lovely smile…you could have been throwing up all night for all I know and yet your smile wouldn’t show it. I don’t know, perhaps that’s how you keep your figure…’ January 22, 2008 at 7:41 pm #119617 Ian SymesKeymaster May I just say what a *smashing* blouse you have on. Author Replies Viewing 19 replies - 1 through 19 (of 19 total) Scroll to top • Scroll to Recent Forum Posts You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Log In Username: Password: Keep me signed in Log In