Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum “Best” real-life chatup lines

Viewing 20 posts - 1 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • #2132
    Phil
    Participant

    I was at work today, and one of my coworkers had to unload a big filing cabinet, so I went outside to help him. I was standing around, waiting for him to pull the vehicle over to the curb.

    I work in a state building, with various other state departments, one of which is the Department of Children and Families.

    While I was waiting around for him to bring the truck over, this young unwed mother who had her kids taken away because she keeps getting busted with drugs was hitting on me, and gave me her number.

    With the smoothest line ever: “Don’t call me until after this weekend, because they turned my phone off.”

    I mean…what, exactly, did she think might be attractive to me?

    #119429
    Dave
    Participant

    A friend of mine got us all kicked out of a club after beginning a wooing with: “Isn’t rape a bitch?”

    #119432
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    Classy. Sounds like the woman who hit on Phil thinks that men all have low standards…

    #119446
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    A girl very drunkenly said to me “In the words of Albert Schweitzer, I fancy you” in a club once. Not a random girl, I hasten to add. Someone I knew. It was followed a few weeks later, in the same club, by the following exchange :

    Her : “So, am I coming back to yours, then?”
    Me : “Do I have any choice?”
    Her : “Not really, no.”

    This makes it sound like I wasn’t interested; I was, I was just being rubbish. Anyway, we went out for a few months in the end, still mates today. I don’t think she remembers the Izzard-quoting incident.

    #119450
    James
    Participant

    You should’t get your big filing cabinet out on the sidewalk Phil, that would have done it for me!

    #119462
    Phil
    Participant

    She actually wasn’t a bad looking girl, but I’m naturally suspicious of anyone who feels the need to hit on me.

    I mean…pretty girls usually know they’re pretty. She could probably have sealed the deal based on that alone. Why the need to tell me that she’s in trouble for drugs, her kids got taken away, and her utilities have been switched off?

    Call me old-fashioned, but show me a bit of cleavage and shut up.

    #119464
    pfm
    Participant

    The best way to chat up a girl is by, well, not chatting much at all. You’ve just got to fucking listen, and pretend to be interested in absolutely everything she says. Some/most/all (that last one) girls love the sound of their own voices, so if they see you’re willing to listen to it for a long period of time then you’re in with a chance.

    #119467
    TheLeen
    Participant

    The best way to chat up a girl is by NOT using a chat-up line, no matter how clever you think it is. Just engage in natural conversation and be yourself, so she can figure out whether she likes you or not, jeez.

    #119473
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    The best way to chat up a girl is by, well, not chatting much at all. You?ve just got to fucking listen, and pretend to be interested in absolutely everything she says. Some/most/all (that last one) girls love the sound of their own voices, so if they see you?re willing to listen to it for a long period of time then you?re in with a chance.

    You old smoothie.

    The best way to get a girl is to get her hideously drunk on vodka and kiss her constantly until she starts to enjoy it. I did this, and a year later I’m engaged.

    #119483
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    You’d just better hope she doesn’t sober up before the wedding.

    #119507
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Go up to them and ask what part of Wales they come from. This is so random it tends to initiate a conversation.

    #119534
    James
    Participant

    Unless they are Welsh and say Swansea, and then say see ya!

    #119536
    penny
    Participant

    What’s wrong with Swansea?
    My Aunt lives in Swansea with her family and they are all lovely people.

    #119556
    James
    Participant

    Eh? Nothing is wrong with Swansea, I know people there too. It was a reply to a chat-up line that fails if they are already Welsh.

    #119573
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Why does it fail, though? It’s an In. Obscure and odd, but an In.

    #119582
    James
    Participant

    Possibly, but I won’t try it in Glasgow.

    #119607
    Baz
    Participant

    Do you mind! Mike and I come from Swansea!

    So does Russell T Davis, not that that counts for anything. But Harry Secombe does though.

    #119612
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    While waiting for a bus in Luton Town Centre a couple of years ago, I heard a girl shouting.

    “Oi!” she said. “I like you! Giz’ ya phone number!”

    I pride myself on my ability to see a person’s Inner Beauty, and I could tell from her mannerisms, her speech and her dress sense that she was a person whose Inner Beauty was in dire need of thousands of pounds worth of cosmetic surgery. She seemed to have just recently stepped off of the Chavette production line. Her tracksuit was the most peculiar shade of pink, and I was blinded by the sun glinting off of her ridiculously large golden hooped earrings. She had that stupid “bumpy hair” haircut a la Mark Lamarr circa 1992, and I seem to recall that dental hygiene was not high on her list of priorities.

    “You’re not subtle, are you,” I replied.

    “So you gonna give me y’number, or wot?”

    I raised my eyebrows. Mercifully, my bus arrived, and as I stepped on I called back, “Sorry, I’m taken.” I severely hoped someone would take her, too – preferably to some sort of Asylum for the Chronically Wrong In the Head.

    (I have a horrible tendency to assume that any girls who expresses an interest in me must be mentally ill, largely because any girls who expresses an interest in me must be mentally ill.)

    #119615
    pfm
    Participant

    Commenting on a girl’s smile is pretty good, e.g. ‘What a lovely smile…you could have been throwing up all night for all I know and yet your smile wouldn’t show it. I don’t know, perhaps that’s how you keep your figure…’

    #119617
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    May I just say what a *smashing* blouse you have on.

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