My Terrible Red Dwarf Fan Fiction…

[jdfr]

TL;DR: I gave myself a challenge to write an episode of Dave era Red Dwarf in 24 hours. Here’s a Drive link if you fancy a read.

Long-time lurker here since the announcement of BTE. I last posted on here about nine years ago, waxing lyrical about the merits of Can of Worms, so naturally, I very quickly realised that we all have something to bring to this forum, and from then on the thing I should bring is silence.

A couple of months ago, I was offered a writing job in a very specific style that was completely different from anything I’d written before, and I found myself struggling. So, I set myself a writing exercise: to write an episode of Dave era Red Dwarf within 24 hours. I chose Dave era Dwarf quite honestly because I’m nowhere near talented enough to slap together even the palest imitation of Series I–VI, and I have a genuine affection for the Dave-era.

I came up with a rough plot, and it probably took me about two eight-hour sessions to finish. I found the script on my computer this week and thought I’d upload it in case anyone fancied a read. Lots of plot holes, contrivances, groaners, and jokes possibly outright stolen from the show itself… but here’s a Drive link to the script if you’re bored and curious.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15AF9-44vpRjXhnjqwtpRT7X_pu4m3Vy494CWTxec5b4/edit?usp=sharing 

Topic

[Nick R]

I liked it! Especially impressive that you wrote it all within a day.

I’ll be honest: the plot does have elements reminiscent of Psirens, Camille, and Legion. But that doesn’t matter too much, since it’s not like Red Dwarf has never reused its own ideas before. And what matters is whether you explore new aspects of those concepts, and stick some good jokes in there. I think you did that.

I like Talkie Parsnip Vendor.

And this bit:

RIMMER
That’s fair. Heads, it’s you. Tails, it’s still you, but I’ll pretend to feel bad about it.
KRYTEN
(slight irritation)
Are you quite sure you don’t want to account for the possibility of the coin landing on its side, sir?

I also appreciated the fact that your story gives us an update on the fate of a certain important character introduced during the Dave era…

[Warbodog]

The dialogue was authentic, which is my barrier to writing anything with these characters. Challenges are good for knocking things out.

[Meteo]

Big schmeal. I wrote two of my Episodes in under an Hour.

Big schmeal. I wrote two of my Episodes in under an Hour.

I did find this pretty good; – other than a few idiotic gaffes, on words, or some cornier plot Devices-, what was no *BIG, FAT INDIAN* driving to crying… Hatred of *Interrupted by Colourful Celtic/Grek Chant including “All that is good and holy”…* Massacre of Philipinos with two noses…

…

What was so bad about any of that?!? SIncerely, it was a pretty good episode, with some Megaforce; – reminded me of Thanks for the Memory (or my angsty crap day was that shitload of smeg about), and (PRIMARILY), Queeg, Polymorph, Justice, Terror form, and Rimmerworld.

The dramatic parts were better than anything Doug Naylor, John, Marco, Mel and Scabby wrote after 1998. Except those episodes I’mma forgetting about.

And use of existing sets, CGI and a few “Classic Dwarf” bits were also pretty good.

I will make a few alterations, but it’s already 96% done and decent, to coin a (Red Dwarf Timeline) 2030s Expression/QUotable Schob Awesome Scroat Bongflip.

If you except mah Invitation.

[Author]

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