Hi guys, I've come from the land of the official forum in search of lemons

[dodgelister]

I heard that here, unlike people at the official forum I won’t get referred to as a continuity bore, won’t get back bitten for loving red dwarf and loving having a laugh with the members and won’t have to put up with haters who write negatively about everything dwarf and put the rolling eye smiley after every post… and therefor I think I won’t be needing those lemons :D

Topic

[SgtSmileyUK]

lol plenty of lemons here as anywhere else mate,
Let me be the first to extend a hearty welcome to you m8 and hope you can avoid stepping in the dog poo thats all over the plce.

[SgtSmileyUK]

*place

[Paul Muller]

Welcome! Sorry about the poo.

[HelloMabel]

Hi Dodge, I didn’t even know there WAS a rolling eye smiley! Welcome.

[dodgelister]

hehe you should apologise for.the chicken!

I’m glad that smiley and the constant user of it isn’t here hehe

excuse me while I.wipe my shoes

sgt smiley you don’t use Twitter much right?
is reznor here?

[Ridley]

This place is a complete [etc.]

[SgtSmileyUK]

aint spotted rezzie yet mate,but am looking forward to that
avast ye landlubbers the piratz are boarding yon hold.

[Ian Symes]

This place is quite good, but you guys should really try Gazpacho Soup…

[Ben Kirkham]

Maybe the title of this thread should be changed to ‘Let’s Talk (About) Bollocks.’

[Jo]

is reznor here?

aint spotted rezzie yet mate,but am looking forward to that

*sharpens knives*

[JamesTC]

Who the smeg is reznor?

[Ridley]

You had to ask.

[SgtSmileyUK]

lmao jo . poor guy , he really is hiding from ya.
true

we’ll fit in alright then fellow bollocks speaker

[SgtSmileyUK]

forgive my impertinence and ignorance but whats with being directed to Gazpacho soup? I thought this place was gr8?
I wanna stay, if I may?

[JamesTC]

Yeah, best post as much as you can here. In fact, it is best to set yourself a target of 50 posts per day and 10 new topics per day. The admin may make out that they hate you and are going to ban you but that is just their way of showing their appreciation of contributing to the community.

[dodgelister]

Lovely fella, think I may take his advice. Say, what’s your stance on the idea of jumping off cliffs?

[SgtSmileyUK]

really?
can someone also explain where the sarcasm is , Im looking for it but cant seem to find it anywhere.

[SgtSmileyUK]

lol at the lemming hint (clever really since its how the thread was lemon-ny)

[dodgelister]

This place is hostile. I think I’m gonna use the lemons. You with me Sgt Jesus Geordie smiley?

I’d suggest a bit of payback trolling but I have better things to do… Like my wife :P

[dodgelister]

The funny thing is I never knew lemons could write on forums… You learn something new everyday lol

[takerdemon]

Welcome Dodge!

I’ve not been here long and people have been nothing but nice. I realise that the replies to this post will now be a barrage of people telling me to fuck off or calling me a cunt but I get the feeling that’s a term of endearment around these parts…

… Either that or I’m as thick as a ticket touts wad.

[Ian Symes]

People have been nice to you because you seem to be not a complete fucking idiot. People who aren’t fucking idiots are generally nice to people who aren’t fucking idiots. If people aren’t nice to each other, then at least one of the parties must be a fucking idiot. So if people are consistently not nice to you, you have to consider whether everyone else is a fucking idiot, or…

[takerdemon]

Mr Symes, that was prophetic and greatly appreciated. A pint for that man!!!

[dodgelister]

Oh shit. Well, I can only thank you an. You have put a lot of people to shame today and corrected so many wrongs. My tests show that I have an IQ of 149, in school I was fast tracked to GCSE at the age of 14 on 4 of the core subjects, I possess a Cambridge Celta, Delta, BA Honz, PGCE and MA and have not begun a phD because my life is currently taking precedence. I generally work teaching English as a foreign language however for the last year I was working for the Mexican government translating legal documents into and from Spanish for the UN.

Thank fuck you, I mean YOU, Ian, you came here and corrected me before I began to think I may have a bit of a brain in my skull. Forgive all those examining bodies and companies that have certified me, employed me and promoted me and repeatedly commended on my abilities. I am so glad that you pointed out their and my flaws.
Seriously, you must be some kind of super genius the likes of which I can’t comprehend, I mean after all, you just read 3 or 4 posts I made in a pokey little Internet forum where I am probably the only member to have ever had sexual intercourse (it feels really good by the way) and gave me your professional opinion and wow… Man, seriously!

Fuck off ;)

[dodgelister]

Man*

See, you had the foresight to make the forum mobile friendly. Genius.

[Pete Part Three]

I think I speak for most people on here by saying “Go fuck yourself, you annoying cunt”

[dodgelister]

I will be back in London in a couple if days and I urge anyone who would like to say these things to my face to let me know when and where they would like to do so. I would also like to request that you take out health insurance beforehand.

[Pete Part Three]

Oh, I’m sorry! I assumed you liked this kind of banter. Should I have included a smiley after my comment? I’m never sure.

[Ben Kirkham]

dodgelister,

How can you boast about academic qualifications in order to try and prove your intelligence and then make a fatuous and puerile statement about the sexual inadequacies of people you’ve had contact with for such a short period of time? There’s nothing on here to imply that. For all of this site’s swearing, I’ve been visiting it for ten years and never heard anyone make deliberate and insulting sexual jibes to anyone else, especially the guy who CREATED THE SITE. I think it’s deplorable behaviour.

Everyone is always given a chance on G&T, and I stand by that. But when you deliberately join a forum to stir up trouble, is it any wonder that you get a hostile reaction? Because, to my mind, all you’re here for is to stir up trouble.

Oh, and to end an argument by threatening physical violence is not a wise thing to do.

:)

[Jo]

Oooh, I’m shaking in my little spaceboots!
Take your empty threats, your over inflated ego and don’t let the door hit you on the way out..

[dodgelister]

Since when did I stir up trouble? I reacted to insults here and stuck up for sergeant smiley in his thread then been barraged with insults. <3

[Jo]

For all of this site’s swearing, I’ve been visiting it for ten years and never heard anyone make deliberate and insulting sexual jibes to anyone else, especially the guy who CREATED THE SITE.

Dodgy Lister is Shane G and I claim my £5.

[dodgelister]

Lol Rather that than Shane Dibley and I’m glad £5 is a lot to you :)

[Ian Symes]

I will be back in London in a couple if days and I urge anyone who would like to say these things to my face to let me know when and where they would like to do so. I would also like to request that you take out health insurance beforehand.

Is you face that horrific that it causes health problems?

[dodgelister]

I hope that that isn’t you in your avatar or Pot Kettle Black ;)

[Jo]

I’d suggest a bit of payback trolling but I have better things to do… Like my wife :P

Aw diddums, looks like our friendly neighbourhood troll has just got a cob on because Mrs DodgyLister turned him down… and who can blame her?

[dodgelister]

I can’t be bothered trading insults with losers haha I know you will all write idiotic things here and I’m not gonna read them because basically, if I want my come-back I’d wipe it off your mother’s face… Coming down to your level of dock jokes and your mama one liners doesn’t suit me and I really don’t want to waste anything that would part your hair as it shoots over your heads, so do yourself and the world a favour guys, next time you are a lake, don’t feel like you HAVE to stay dry, if you get me?

[Pete Part Three]

Well, I think this explains what happened over at TOS, anyway.

[dodgelister]

LOL @ Jo, if you ever got broken open I’m sure you sealed back up years ago. I bet you spend the other part of your life on plenty of fish hoping for a message from… Any man at all? No one? Aww…

[Ian Symes]

To be fair, I’ve fucked her.

[takerdemon]

Dock jokes are beneath you?

We only make them because of pier pressure.

[Ben Kirkham]

“LOL @ Jo, if you ever got broken open I’m sure you sealed back up years ago. I bet you spend the other part of your life on plenty of fish hoping for a message from… Any man at all? No one? Aww…”

Resorted to insulting women now, eh? Can it sink any lower?

[Pete Part Three]

Dock jokes are beneath you?

We only make them because of pier pressure

I think you just salvaged this thread.

[Ben Kirkham]

“To be fair, I’ve fucked her.”

HEARTBREAKER!

[SgtSmileyUK]

lol Im just surprised nobody added (who hasn’t? sorry my expectations of responses were low)

[Tanya Jones]

I certainly didn’t expect any better from you, flower.

[JamesTC]

“is it me or has the atmosphere got somewhat tense again?” – McGruder

[si]

*grabs popcorn*

[Alex]

This place is quite good, but you guys should really try Gazpacho Soup…

I think I’ve just remembered why we don’t have a forum on our site.

[JamesTC]

I thought the reason was that I would get mad with mod powers.

[Author]

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