I wrote a poem.

[Phil]

It’s awesome.

Topic

[Jonathan Capps]

I know a man called Phil Reed,
He is sexy and nice,
And also great,
I hate him really.

[Ben Paddon]

Line, five syllables.
Follow with one of seven.
Then another five.

[Dave]

I wrote someone a poem
but you lot don’t know ’em

[Zombie Jim Undead]

I like tits,
TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS
Nipples are good are bums are good
TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS.

[ChrisM]

Life is short and then you die,
But everyone wants their piece of pie.
Time’s a drain and can be fickle,
Then along comes the guy with the great big sickle.
Charyou Tree!

(The third line was originally ‘Life’s a pain and folks are fickle’ but I actually think most people are pretty predictable, and life’s generally not all that bad. I think ‘drain’ is pretty apt though, it does drain away so quickly so it does. I went into Irish mode for a moment there… Or Mejis. One of the two.)

[Ben Paddon]

I’m a poet,
And I was unaware of this trivial piece of information.

[Danny Stephenson]

Charyou Tree!

Isn’t that a Pok?mon?

[ChrisM]

Not as far as I know.

Short answer:
It’s a reference to Stephen King’s Dark Tower books, Wizard and Glass specifically. A kind of harvest festival (or reap-tide as the folks in Mid-World call it, a time of celebration with a dark origin.)

Long answer: (Feel free to skip if you’re not interested, I know what it’s like reading a load of blurb, only someone else find interesting):

The folk of Mid-World (a kind of parallel world in which much of the Dark Tower series is set) would create a bonfire and burn things called stuffy guys, scarecrow like things made of sticks, with root vegetables for heads and a shirt. Kind of like Guy Fawkes on bonfire night except these things have their hands painted red. It’s usually a time of happiness, fertility and celebration in that world, but the root origins are much darker.

In ancient times actual human beings were sacrificed, as an offering to the Can Char (the death gods) in the hope of gaining fertility for the land. Stuffy guys are like a present humane alternative (if that makes sense.) The folks say something like “Life for you, life for my crop.” (Originally “Death for you, life for my crop.”. “Charyou tree! Come reap!” (Char, means death, so charyou tree, is the place of death, (I think) a tree or stump where the victims were bound.)

Not that I was wishing death on anyone mind. It just seemed relevant due to the death nature of the poem. Possibly a bit pretentious of me but it seemed an interesting idea at the time.

Cheerful chap aren’t I?

[ChrisM]

Ps. I’m not an emo, honest.

[Phil]

I like crackers and snacks
crackers and snacks, crackers and snacks
I like crackers and snacks
crackers and snacks, crackers and snacks

I’m thinking of calling it “The Waste Land.”

[Smeg4Brains]

I just farted,
It smells nice.

In 100 years that’ll be considered the greatest love poem of all time.

[Danny Stephenson]

I just farted,
It smells nice.

A testament to my maturity was torn when I laughed at the childishness of that comment.

[Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc]

Maturity is vastly overrated.

Teehee, farts.

[Jonathan Capps]

BUMS,
BUMS,
BUMS,
BUMS.

[pfm]

> I went into Irish mode for a moment there? Or Mejis.

I always wondered whether the folks of Hambry were meant to be Irish or not. The way Susan and other characters say ‘so you will’ and phrases like it kind of suggests so, but I’m not sure if King has himself confirmed it. What stumps me is what Roland’s accent would be.

[ChrisM]

I always wondered whether the folks of Hambry were meant to be Irish or not. The way Susan and other characters say ?so you will? and phrases like it kind of suggests so, but I?m not sure if King has himself confirmed it. What stumps me is what Roland?s accent would be.

Actually I think those particular accents are probably more Scottish than Irish (despite my connection there.) but I guess it could be either.

The people of Hambry seem to be a mixture of Mexican/Spanish and Scottish. I.e most people speak in that Scotch type dialect, but then you’ve got th servant honbre types like that old guy at the Mayor’s place. And just to mix things up, you’ve got characters like Susan, who look like the archetypal Irish/Scottish lass, and yet they has a Spanish sounding surname like ‘Delgado.’

I think King intentionally decided to mix things up, it being another world.

[TheLeen]

> BUMS,
> BUMS,
> BUMS,
> BUMS.

You may or may not be aware of it, but this is actually German and translates to

SHAG,
SHAG,
SHAG,
SHAG.

[Phil]

SHAG,
SHAG,
SHAG,
SHAG.

Don’t mind if ah do!

[Tanya Jones]

What about BUM SHAG?

[TheLeen]

Well, almost, but no.

“Bumsen” is a verb (“to bums” really), the s is part of the word stem, so it only works with the plural of bum.

:x

[mick]

Dwarfs are red,
Starbugs are green,
Series seven was so bad,
it ruptured my spleen.

[Jonathan Capps]

Mick’s back, everybody!

[mick]

There was a Red Dwarf fan from France,
Who found G&T just by chance,
John and Seb fucked her,
Watching Captain Butler,
and Cappsy shot twice in his pants.

[Kevin G]

I was writing a poem about golf earlier, but I couldn’t think of anything that rhymes with “John Grisham”. I’m guessing that’s a common problem for golf poets, though.

[Dave]

He sat on the loo seat armed with a John Grisham
Distracted by golf games played not how he’d wish’em

[TheLeen]

Nothing rhymes with John Grisham after nine coronas

[Author]

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