Red Dwarf is Back on Netflix Streaming, but…

[Katydid]

…what the hell is this? I mean, I was excited that they didn’t have the Remastered I-III, but I hope someone tells them they accidentally replaced Epideme with the long-lost necrophilia episode.

[Jonsmad]

Later the SS Herpes is infected with a chalmydionic microbe.

[Katydid]

I’m really curious now as to what they say about “Blue”, but I’m too scared to check.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Later the SS Herpes is infected with a chalmydionic microbe.

Hall of fame.

[Seb Patrick]

That is pretty much what happens, though, no?

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

It wasn’t sexually transmitted, though.

[John Hoare]

KISSING IS THE SAME AS SEX

IT MAKES ME DO A NAUGHTY

[Sam Johnson]

The synopsis for Krytie TV is also quite… er… questionable:

“After being cornered and reprogrammed by restless, sex-starved prisoners, Kryten launches his own television station called Krytie TV.”

Is “reprogramming” a euphemism for something else?

[si]

No one’s even thought about reprogramming me for nearly 15 years now. :/

[ori-STUDFARM]

Good job you have the ability for self programming. You’d ‘splode otherwise!

[Jonsmad]

Unpack Rachel and get out the reprogramming kit.

[anniescribe]

The description for Blue is adorable. Mama approves …

[Reece]

The description for Blue is adorable. Mama approves …

“Lister is feeling lonely, Rimmer rejoins the crew to give him a sympathy-fuck.”

[anniescribe]

Hey, by his own assessment, Lister’s pretty good at it. At least as good as his pool playing. ;-)

[Renegade Rob]

I wonder what it’ll say about Dear Dave. Something along the lines of “Lister exchanges fluids with a coffee and tea vending machine.”

[anniescribe]

Lemons: “The Boys from the Dwarf accidentally end up back in time; Rimmer gets freaky with the savior of mankind … or does he?”

[Pete Part Three]

Entangled: “28 minutes of stuff”.

[anniescribe]

Trojan: “Not at all what you envision when you think of Trojan and Rimmers. Also, some moosing about aboard the Dwarf.”

[mick]

>No one’s even thought about reprogramming me for nearly 15 years now. :/

The last time I did that it took a week to dry the mattress.

[Connell]

Back In The Red Part 3: “No, that’s not a typo – they actually made a third part.”

[Ben Paddon]

Backwards: “After starting a fight in a pub, Kryten and Rimmer are hired as entertainers in a pub. Lister and the Cat drink lager.”

[Ben Kirkham]

Pete Part 2: A weak plot device creates a dinosaur and the crew decide to feed it a cow and it shits everywhere.

… or am I confusing that with a Shakespeare play?

[Ben Paddon]

Blue: Lister’s wet dream about Rimmer leads the crew to a disaster in the ARG Unit.

[JamesTC]

Duct Soup: Lister needs a wee.

[Connell]

‘Backwards: .sdrawkcab sklat dna sklaw enoyreve ylsuht ,esrever ni sevom emiT .htraE fo noisrev sdrawkcab a si hcihw ,ytilaer etanretla na otni dna eloh emit a hguorht ylf werc ehT’

[Alex]

Future Echoes: After Rimmer watches him explode, Lister tries to stop The Cat from getting a fishy mouthful.

[ori-STUDFARM]

D.N.A.- Kryten the mechanoid becomes human, plays with his own nipples and then experiences his first erection. He doesn’t like it and so goes back to being a mechanoid again.

[Connell]

Only The Good: Troubles ahed for the gang as the show faces cancellation. Can the writers pull of a quirky yet thrilling series finale to save the show from the scrapheap?

No.

[si]

Emohawk – Polymorph II: The crew encounter a domesticated Polymorph as a halfway plausible excuse to bring back Duane Dibbley and Ace Rimmer.

[Ben Paddon]

Parallel Universe: Lister masturbates, with dire consequences.

[JamesTC]

Krytie TV: Lister masturbates, with dire consequences.

[MANI506]

Back In The Red Part 2: Rimmer becomes the ship’s bike after downing the sexual magnetism virus.

[MANI506]

Pete Part 1: Erections.

[JamesTC]

Krytie TV: Erections.

[MANI506]

Pete Part 2: A disembodied erection right up the Cat’s arse.

[genericnerdyusername]

I was going to make a comment on Pete Part Three, but I don’t I’m good enough friends with him to call him a knob without actual offence being taken. So I won’t.

[anniescribe]

Out of Time: Rocks fall, everybody dies. Or reboots, whatever.

[Pete Part Three]

>I was going to make a comment on Pete Part Three, but I don’t I’m good enough friends with him to call him a knob without actual offence being taken. So I won’t.

It’s OK, I am a knob.

[Seb Patrick]

Backwards: The crew land on a planet that seems similar to Earth in the year 1989. The Cat does a shit in some grass. They pay a taxi driver in advance to take them to a pub. They start an unprovoked fight with the patrons of said pub, then in retaliation eat a man’s pie. As punishment for the fight, Arthur Smith angrily gives Rimmer and Kryten a job. Lister and the Cat each drink a pint of bitter and then leave, in order get a lift to a local park. From there, they find a bicycle lying on the ground and generously return it to its picnicking owners, before leaving the planet in Starbug. Meanwhile, Kryten and Rimmer decide to quit their new job, and head to a cafe to watch a woman eat a snack before going for a swim in the same local park. While at the bottom of the lake they find the other Starbug and fly it back to Red Dwarf.

[MANI506]

Arthur Smith could have said ‘after tonight’s gig, you’re out’? I don’t think I can explain away much else but this tiny detail works for me.

[HelloMabel]

Marooned: Lister and Rimmer wait for Lister to die. They can’t hide how happy they are.

Blue: Lister and Rimmer kiss. They can’t hide how happy they aren’t.

[Pecospete666]

“It’s OK, I am a knob”

I agree!

[Ben Paddon]

Thanks For the Memory: Lister does a jigsaw so mundane he immediately forgets doing it.

[ori-STUDFARM]

Back In The Red Part 2- Picking up where part 1 left off, the Red Dwarf crew stumble along and stretch out a story to the point where part 3 will take up the inaction.

[Blisschick]

Not sure if it’s our player or Netflix, but the hubby started watching the series again, and for some reason the show looks as if it’s on film, rather than shot in video. It looks that way (so far) in the first two series. I hate the look. I’ll stick to my DVD’s, thanks.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

Thanks For the Memory: Lister does a jigsaw so mundane he immediately forgets doing it

I want that fucking jigsaw…

[Jonsmad]

Bliss chick. Is it The remastered series then? cus that was film effect.

[Blisschick]

I’m not sure…it was some version different from the DVD’s. Ben could probably tell you. I do know it had a video effect, though.

[si]

Thanks For the Memory: Lister does a jigsaw so mundane he immediately forgets doing it

I want that fucking jigsaw…

If that’s not crying out to be Official Anniversary Merch, I don’t know what is.

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

It could be the PAL to NTSC conversion…

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Something along those lines. It’s definitely the original series, but a really lossy compression/conversion has taken place at some point and changed the bastard frame rate.

[anniescribe]

“Blue: Lister and Rimmer kiss. They can’t hide how happy they aren’t.”

Mabel, much as I like this pairing, I think you nailed it. LOLOL

[Blisschick]

>>Something along those lines. It’s definitely the original series, but a really lossy compression/conversion has taken place at some point and changed the bastard frame rate.

Whatever the technical reason is that is totally over my head, it sucks.

[Ben Paddon]

That’s BBC Worldwide for you. It took them years to fix Doctor Who, and they’re still missing “Planet of the Dead” and “A Christmas Carol”. Plus Hyperdrive is currently in 4:3 (it was in 16:9 when it was on the service two years ago) and the encode for The Office is terrible.

I actually know one or two people at the executive level at BBC Worldwide. And, uh, yeah. They’re a bit shit.

[flanl3]

So what if it’s a dead thread? I was too proud of thinking of this.

Give & Take: After much debating, Cat finally gets tricked into filling Lister’s hole, before it’s discovered that Cat’s incapable of such and Lister will have to fill it himself.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Oh, so *this* is where I got the idea for “in brief” synopses for The Complete Guide. I’d forgotten about this thread.

[Katydid]

Hooray, I indirectly contributed to G&T.

[McAleeCh]

Oh, so *this* is where I got the idea for “in brief” synopses for The Complete Guide. I’d forgotten about this thread.

Please tell me you guys will be updating the guide once you’ve had the chance to go through the XI Blu-ray/DVD – I’m looking forward to seeing the ridiculous mini-synopses for the latest batch of episodes. XD

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

There’s a plan. I planned it.

[flanl3]

Okay, but what will you do once your plan gets a little messed up after you get three mill years out into space after one of your buddies couldn’t properly repair the site in time and it blows up on everyone?

[Hamish]

Just spotted this beauty from Edmonton Public Library:
“An unambitious slob has been awakened from a 3 million year sleep to find out he may be the last human alive. Hopelessly lost in space, this crew of mutant bachelors kill time and share adventures aboard the mining ship Red Dwarf.”
https://epl.bibliocommons.com/item/show/1865690005_red_dwarf_xi

…Mutant Bachelors?

[(deleted)]

You remember them, they toured with the Abnormal Platters, the Deformed Tremeloes and Freddie And The Fucked-Up Dreamers.

[By Jove its holmes]

Well, we know from Timeslides that Rimmer evidently has a thing for underage teenage “temptresses” so is Lister/Caroline Carmen necro really implausible ;)

[Katydid]

Meanwhile in 2016, Red Dwarf is not available for streaming in the US period.

And some of my discs are lost.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

And some of my discs are lost.

You monster!

[Ben Paddon]

The good news is that Red Dwarf is surprisingly affordable on DVD in the US – the individual series sets range from $6 to $22, or the complete I-VIII set is $60.

[flanl3]

I think I bought my complete set for around $67, and the only problem I encountered was that I had to reassemble the box (it had come apart a little).

[flanl3]

Well, not the Dave series, clearly, but the fact that I spent almost as much on those three as I did on the first eight isn’t really much of a surprise.

[Katydid]

The good news is that Red Dwarf is surprisingly affordable on DVD in the US

I’m missing the episodes for I and V.

[Jonsmad]

Twentica “Lister clamps Kryten’s Nipples to get him going before the discussion of a Big Bang”

[By Jove its holmes]

I always thought that Lister could sing the 1997 Candle in the Wind about Rimmer: “You called out to our country, now you belong to Heaven – Shut up, Lister!”

[flanl3]

Officer Rimmer: “Rimmer nuts everywhere in a dream then in his pants in real life.”

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

we know from Timeslides that Rimmer evidently has a thing for underage teenage “temptresses”

Wait, what?

[By Jove its holmes]

RIMMER: “…if one of us had a photograph of a female-only naturist beach in Acapulco, full of bronzed, naked, uninhibited teenage temptresses, we could go there for a holiday?”

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Yeah, that extra word in the original post is quite key.

[Pete Part Three]

Is it OK if I burn Lolita?

[Dave]

You know that thing when an ‘r’ and an ‘n’ right next to each other can look like an ‘m’?

[Katydid]

“Cat finds a lady cat. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not even close.”

[By Jove its holmes]

Ian: But most people don’t refer to 18 and 19 year olds as “teenagers”, they call them “young adults”. That’s what gave me pause and wonder.

[flanl3]

Is it OK if I burn Lolita?

You know that thing when an ‘r’ and an ‘n’ right next to each other can look like an ‘m’?

Eleven and sixty-seven hundredths out of ten on that comment there.

[si]

most people don’t refer to 18 and 19 year olds as “teenagers”

I refer to 18 and 19 year olds as “far too young”.
Mind you, i refer to twenty-somethings in the same way.

And some thirty-somethings.

[si]

I don’t want to suggest how they refer to me.

[By Jove its holmes]

Still makes you wonder how old Rimmer was when he photographed the girls at the nudist beach and why they didnt call the cops on him as a dirty pervert.

[International Debris]

I just assumed it was a photograph he had acquired, rather than one he’d taken himself.

[flanl3]

Except it would need to be developed.

[Hamish]

Just like with Hitler in Fascist Dictator Monthly?

[International Debris]

If we’re getting into ‘how do they redevelop photos from prints?’ territory we might as well do a scene-by-scene ‘hold on this doesn’t make sense’ thread.

[flanl3]

we might as well do a scene-by-scene ‘hold on this doesn’t make sense’ thread.

Might as well indeed.

[(deleted)]

You can turn photos back into negatives. It used to be a thing you could get done.

[peas_and_corn]

So does that make a photo a positive?

[Jonsmad]

Cured: Lister finally receives treatment, for the ancient necrophilia incidental STD.

[Hamish]

Another winner from Edmonton Public Library:

“The Emmy-winning comedy returns for more hilarious intergalactic adventures, with the original cast on board. Viewers see the gang stranded in a scientific research center, contending with out of control, and Rimmer decides to leave Red Dwarf in search of a dimension where he isn’t such a giant loser.”

https://epl.bibliocommons.com/item/show/2017535005

[Ben Saunders]

Contending with out of control what?

[Katydid]

Series XII was shit. The show’s had the crew contend with out of control before, and I can’t imagine why they thought it could ever live up to the same heights. 8/10.

[Flap Jack]

Beyond A Joke: “The Dwarfers spend some time in virtual reality, and… uh… something happens with other Krytens? I don’t know, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen it. I think there’s like a green, dumber Kryten in it?”

[Ben Saunders]

I just watched Beyond A Joke, there. I thought it was really good. Maybe it’s just the relief of it not being terrible after the slog of Ouroboros, Duct Soup and Blue, but I found myself really enjoying it.

[International Debris]

Beyond a Joke better than Blue?!

[Ben Saunders]

Yeah. Blue has good moments but it’s boring for the most part. Nothing much happens apart from the Rimmer Experience and the kiss.

[International Debris]

You know what I was saying about us having the opposite opinions all the time…

[Katydid]

I’ve traditionally always liked Blue, but I found myself kind of bored with it outside of its strongest scenes the most recent time I watched it.

[Hamish]

I still don’t get all of the hate for Beyond a Joke myself. The last half of VII is far better than the first four episodes, even with Rimmer gone for most of them.

[Ben Saunders]

Pretty much what KyoSo said.

And pretty much the exact opposite of what Hamish said.

[Ben Saunders]

One thing I noticed in Blue is that there is absolutely no peril whatsoever, hardly anything actually happens. Lister feels a bit sad and Kryten builds a rollercoaster. In my notes/review I wrote that after the constant excitement of VI this feels a bit boring, but if the episode was in Series III the progression might feel more natural (with the heaviest rewrites imaginable)

[Dave]

With the heaviest rewrites imaginable, it could become an episode of Fawlty Towers.

[International Debris]

That might be what I like about it. I do enjoy the quieter, character-based rambling episodes. Peril isn’t always important.

[flanl3]

Timewave: The boys consider letting themselves and a whole shipful of people die just because they are annoyed by a gay man.

[Ben Paddon]

“Blue” is probably the most I-feeling VII episode. I kind of like that about the episode, honestly. I just wish more of the jokes landed.

[Hamish]

> And pretty much the exact opposite of what Hamish said.

I still stand by it. Blue, Beyond a Joke, Epideme and Nanarchy all benefit by and large by being consistent and having decent production. Tikka, Stoke, and Ouroboros are all over the place.

And Duct Soup is Duct Soup.

[Katydid]

I feel like I really like Epideme, but at the same time I have this distinct fear that if I watch it again I will just be bored and unimpressed by it. Considering I went through a phase in my early teens where VII was my favorite series (and I think I considered Ouroborus my favorite episode briefly), you have to realize it had a lot further fall as I matured than it did for most of you.

I was impressed by VII’s more filmic directing and (OCCASIONALLY) tone, _especially_ the 24/25 fps picture. I grew up associating 29.97 fps video-look with cheap BBC sitcoms and other extremely low-budget affair, so the 24/25 fps instantly made child me think “movie”. It tricked me into thinking I was seeing something much bigger and more dramatic than I was, and I was happy to fall into the fantasy.

[Ben Saunders]

I just watched Epideme and Nanarchy there and hey, what do you know, they were pretty good.

Epideme would be brilliant if it wasn’t for that fucking talking virus. Holy shit I hate whoever did the voice for that with a passion, and whoever heard that voice and thought “yes that’s good that’s the voice we’re looking for”. It reminds me of the DJ in Revelation of the Daleks, who also ruins that story.
Nanarchy starts well but falls off towards the end.

When I was younger I liked the film look of VII, but now I realise that half the time it’s so fucking DARK it doesn’t matter what framerate it’s shot at because you can’t see anything.

Duct Soup is utter cack, but I’ll always love Tikka and Stoke.

I tried to rank them in order but it’s too hard. Basically it goes Tikka>>>>>>>>>>>>Duct Soup

[bloodteller]

>Timewave: The boys consider letting themselves and a whole shipful of people die just because they are annoyed by a gay man.

CURED- Rimmer considers letting a man die horribly in an asteroid storm just because he’s (pretending to be) disabled.

SILICONIA- Kryten allows his friends to be mindfucked and then forced into slavery just because he is annoyed with them over various petty reasons.

[flanl3]

Mechocracy: All the machines on board Red Dwarf get annoyed, except all the ones we already knew existed.

[Rubber]

M-CORP: Lister is partially blinded by white supremacists but learns to love their cause.

[Hamish]

>Epideme would be brilliant if it wasn’t for that fucking talking virus. Holy shit I hate whoever did the voice for that with a passion, and whoever heard that voice and thought “yes that’s good that’s the voice we’re looking for”.

Hey, I actually LIKE Gary Martin in Epideme.

I guess it is just my mission in life to piss you off, right Ben?

[Jawscvmcdia]

Hey, I like the shit bits!

[flanl3]

Skipper – Rimmer gets annoyed at Lister for fucking a rat.

[bloodteller]

CAN OF WORMS: cat accidentally gets pregnant, so lister murders his babies

[bloodteller]

oh yeah and everyone is uncharacteristcally annoyed at cat for being impregnated

[Ben Saunders]

>I guess it is just my mission in life to piss you off, right Ben?
Grr.

[Pete Part Three]

Saunders had been pissed off for almost two weeks now and, so far, he hadn’t enjoyed a minute of it.

[flanl3]

Give & Take: After much debating, Cat finally gets tricked into filling Lister’s hole, before it’s discovered that Cat’s incapable of such and Lister will have to fill it himself.

“Lister offers Cat his hole, and when Cat is unable to fulfill his desires, he sets out to do it himself” is perhaps a bit more to the point.

[Author]

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