Thumbnail Wars

Here at Ganymede & Titan, we’re never afraid to tackle the big issues surrounding Red Dwarf. Over the last twenty years we’ve dealt with accusations of racism, homophobia and sexism within the show, gone through the trauma of seeing our beloved co-creators waging war through the courts, and hosted endless debates about which of Series VII and VIII was the shittest. This week, almost the entirety of Red Dwarf was published on BBC iPlayer, including all but three episodes of the Dave era. It’s all still available on UKTV Play of course, meaning Mummy Beeb and Daddy Dave have joint custody of all their kids and step-kids. And so there’s now a new question to settle. A question that will tax our collective IQs to their very limits. Which platform has the best thumbnails?

Let’s go through series by series, awarding points to each streaming service based on which image we prefer for each episode. The iPlayer thumbnails are on the left and can be distinguished by the black background, while UKTV Play is on the right against blue. (If you’re on mobile, you’ll probably want to tap to expand.) While we’re here, we might as well also cover any oddities or discrepancies in the metadata. Honestly, this is going to be pretty niche. Strap in.

Series 1

A contrast in styles right from the get go; while both platforms mostly use screengrabs more often than publicity stills, UKTV Play goes with the definitive pre-accident shot we’re all familiar with, which is both more visually interesting than the BBC’s choice, and also preserves the original surprise of Rimmer ending up as a hologram by the end of the episode. They also win Future Echoes hands down, with Chris’s silly face being much more arresting than the wide shot of the sleeping quarters. Conversely, I’m plumping for iPlayer for Balance of Power, as including Chen illustrates a point of difference for the episode, plus having two Rimmer close-ups in a row lacks variation. Once again, silly face beats wide shot for Waiting For God.

I’m tempted to penalise UKTV Play for replacing the ampersand that features in Confidence & Paranoia‘s title card with an “and”, but looking down the list it appears that they don’t use said symbol at all for subsequent episodes, so perhaps it’s not supported by their system. The thumbnails are both good, but UKTV’s has more colour. A close call for Me², but I marginally prefer the framing of the two Rimmers facing the camera. But the main story here is the platform’s differing solutions to that tricky superscript character. We can assume that using a proper squared symbol isn’t an option for either of them; remember that as well as their own websites and apps, their metadata has to be compatible with a multitude of third party devices, consoles, smart TVs and set top boxes. UKTV’s approach is far more conventional, and the BBC spelling out the full word is something I don’t recall seeing before. At first glance it’s very jarring, but on reflection I think I prefer it. It’s a far more accurate rendition of what the title is supposed to be, and how it’s supposed to sound when read out loud.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 1-5 UKTV Play

Series 2

A close one to start Series 2 with, UKTV shading it by having the titular Kryten taking up more of the frame. I’ll always plump for a thumbnail that shows off something unique to the specific episode it represents, so UKTV win out against the BBC’s bunk room shot for Better Than Life. The broken leg aspect of Thanks For The Memory makes it three for three, and also demonstrates that they seem to have done a bit of a colour grade on the screengrabs if you compare it to the episode, so full marks for effort. Vibrant colours are obviously a more attractive incentive to click, but conversely I’m going to give the BBC the edge for Stasis Leak as the black and white offers an extra layer of intrigue, although I’d have skipped ahead a couple of minutes and picked a shot of Rimmer’s head poking through the table. Neither Queeg image is ideal, but at least UKTV’s features the character in question. And as you can see, Parallel Universe‘s shots are extremely similar, so the more vibrant yellows are the tie-breaker.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 2-10 UKTV Play

Series III

It’s not looking great for the BBC so far, and Series III could easily be a clean sweep for UKTV. Absolutely no contest for Backwards and Marooned, iconic images from each episode vs generic shots of a regular looking how they always look. UKTV have plumped for a publicity photo for Polymorph, but despite everything I’ve previously said about ensuring the distinctive elements of an episode are represented, I’ve never liked that particular photo, whereas the simple fearless Lister screengrab is striking in itself. It’s clear which is the better image for Bodyswap, but I’m penalising UKTV the point for getting the name of the bloody episode wrong. No score for either side. Another still from UKTV Play for Timeslides, and while I do like the inclusion of Junior Angler, there are so many more episode-specific options they could have gone for, so that’s another win the plucky underdogs. And once again, no contest for The Last Day, you just got to use Hudzen.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 3-14 UKTV Play

Series IV

It’s a brilliant, all time classic publicity shot that UKTV use for Camille here, but the BBC’s screengrab features your actual Camille, so they win. Both choices for D.N.A. adhere nicely to the philosophy of highlighting something unique, and it’s hard to choose between them. So it’s tie-break time again, and iPlayer shades it by using the full stops that are canonically part of the title as used on screen. Please refrain from pointing out all the times that we ourselves have failed to include them. Another interesting one for Justice, with two perfectly valid choices of iconic scene to highlight, but UKTV Play’s is more visually interesting when scrolling through. Episode-specific easily beats generic character shot for White Hole, and UKTV also takes the point for Dimension Jump; both use Ace as the selling point, but UKTV’s publicity shot is superior to the BBC’s screengrab, as they’ve plumped for one where you can’t actually see the hair or forehead which distinguish between the two Rimmers. It’s certainly an interesting choice for the BBC, of all organisations, to include a convicted sex offender in their Meltdown thumbnail, and presumably one made in blissful ignorance of the situation. Ignoring this element, it has to be said it’s a better advert for the episode than Lister looking at an off-screen Winnie The Pooh, so I have to give it to them.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 6-17 UKTV Play

Series V

Oooh, it’s photographs all round for UKTV Play this time – the only series in the BBC era for which this is the case. And I’m sorry to say it, but I think this one is a 6-0 thrashing. I am however deducting another point from UKTV Play for missing out The Inquisitor‘s definitive article. I’d also question iPlayer’s use of “and” in the title for Demons & Angels; it’s an ampersand on screen, and we’ve already seen that they can use them if they want to, unlike UKTV Play. The glimpse of Chris Barrie’s nipple for Holoship is the closest the BBC comes to picking up a point, but it highlights a missed opportunity for both platforms to use a fully-blown thirst trap for Terrorform.

The latter half of this series really illustrates a big difference between the two platforms, which I think is a little bit of an issue across the board with the iPlayer images. Ask any Red Dwarf fan to pick an iconic shot from either Quarantine or Back To Reality, and 99% of them would pick the exact shots that UKTV use. How can you not include Mr Flibble and Duane Dibbley? Whoever picked the thumbnails for the BBC clearly didn’t have a working knowledge of the show in the same way that fans would, even fans way less hardcore than the likes of us. This is in no way a criticism of the iPlayer team – it’s completely unreasonable to expect anyone to have such insight into every single programme on the platform. For new commissions, iPlayer stills are provided by the production company, as part of the contracted deliverables alongside the episodes themselves. Based on Red Dwarf, I’d assume that this isn’t the case for archive material, and it’s perhaps a symptom of there not currently being an Andrew Ellard/Seb Patrick type figure who could help out on GNP’s behalf.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 6-22 UKTV Play

Series VI

Woah. Bloody hell. Don’t worry UKTV, it’s only the most visually distinctive episode of the entire run that you’ve cocked up. Not that iPlayer’s choice for Gunmen is much better at conveying the unique aspects we know and love, but it has to take the point for actually being from the episode in question. Elsewhere though, it’s an otherwise flawless victory for UKTV Play once again. I can see what the BBC was going with for Legion; that particular scene is perhaps the only time in the entire oeuvre where even the most casual of fans will be able to identify a very specific moment from just a shot on a default set with default costumes. Nevertheless, if an entire episode is named after a guest character, you kind of have to use them, right? The rest of the series looks as generic as can be on iPlayer, and the final two consecutive Kryten shots are particularly sloppy. If either of those came up in Smegle, you’d just be working your way through Series VI episodes and crossing your fingers.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 7-27 UKTV Play

Series VII

Things are a little bit closer as we reach Series VII. Both make good choices for Tikka To Ride, although UKTV’s publicity still just shades it for including all of the characters. Conversely, both make odd choices for Stoke, but only one uses Ace, albeit only visible through a magnifying glass. I’m torn on Ouroboros –  it’s good to feature Chloe Annett in her first episode, but that photo looks nothing like the character as people remember her, and iPlayer’s linkway grab is attention-grabbing. The BBC are the hands-down winners for Duct Soup, partly because it’s a better shot, and partly because UKTV’s is actually from Epideme, ffs.

Not much separating the ones for Blue, but UKTV Play’s is a generic publicity shot rather than an episode-specific one, so iPlayer wins. A clear victory for UKTV on Beyond A Joke though, for the usual reasons. Epideme‘s is a close one, both good choices but Caroline Carmen swings it for me. And while UKTV Play’s choice for Nanarchy is a little dull, the BBC’s gives away the punchline to the entire episode.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 11-31 UKTV Play

Series VIII

Nearly identical shots for Back In The Red (Part One), but even more strangely, iPlayer’s image for (Part Two) is remarkably similar to UKTV Play’s for (Part Three). True to form, it’s the latter that’s got the wrong episode. I marginally prefer the brighter colours in the BBC’s (Part One) shot, so it’s a clean sweep for Auntie in that trilogy. Incidentally, UKTV Play abbreviates “Part” to “Pt” here – is there a character limit in play? That could also be the reason both platforms opt for numericals in the titles of multi-part stories, rather than the words used on screen.

Meanwhile, the BBC’s next three are remarkably similar to each other, none of them denoting anything specific about the episodes in question, which makes it three all. Neither of them use the big shitting dinosaur for Pete (Part Two), but iPlayer’s reaction shot at least gives an intriguing sense of peril. They’ve both plumped for the same scene for Only The Good… (with both missing out the ellipsis), and I’d just about give the close-up the edge over the two-shot.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 16-34 UKTV Play

Back To Earth

Back To Earth, absent both sides, no score draw. But let’s take a minute to discuss the rights issues; a lot of people are assuming it’s to do with the Coronation Street crossover, but I’m not so sure. No logos, clips or music from the show are used, just the location, which will have been cleared for use. My best guess is that it’s more likely related to all the people who gave up their time for vastly reduced fees in order to get the show made in the first place. It’s possible that there’s some contractual limit to how this work can be used. Back To Earth is still available digitally to buy on Amazon Prime, as paid downloads are dealt with differently to streaming rights, so there is some hope that the situation is resolvable. Regardless of your opinion on the quality of the mini-series, it feels wrong that Red Dwarf is incomplete on both streaming platforms.

Incidentally, Craig Charles seems to be under the impression that Back To Earth is coming to iPlayer eventually, it’s just delayed because they want to use the Director’s Cut version. I’d like that to be true, but it would contradict what the BBC Press Office told us on Tuesday, explicitly stating it was a rights issue.

Series X

Well, we got through eight series without any thumbnails that were literally identical, and then two come along at once. Let’s give them both a point when that happens – it seems kinder than giving them both zero, even though it has the same effect. On both sides, it looks like publicity stills are the default all of a sudden, and it makes sense that they’re more readily available for more recent productions. We’re also getting into the territory when streaming was a consideration at the time these episodes were made; UKTV Play didn’t launch until a couple of years after Series X aired, but the former terrestrial broadcasters all had their own catch-up services by then, with the digital channels not far behind.

For the ones that can be separated, I think the BBC wins them all, in a huge reversal of form. While UKTV’s shots for Fathers & Suns (they don’t use the ampersand, of course) and The Beginning are funny, iPlayer’s are more iconic for those particular episodes. Similarly, UKTV’s choice for Lemons is arguably the better standalone image, but the BBC’s has Jesus in it, although less prominently than is perhaps ideal. Finally, it’s a close call for Entangled, but I like the slightly out-of-character nature of the BBC’s shot, and again it’s a more memorable scene than UKTV’s.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 22-36 UKTV Play

Series XI

Another close one to start with, both good shots, but the BBC shades it showing off more characters. The Samsara ones are not absolutely identical, but as near as makes no odds, so another score draw. Then once again, it’s clear wins for iPlayer all the way – each and every photo of theirs is just that little bit more memorable, iconic and intriguing than UKTV’s. The Krysis one is bizarre – very similar set ups, but UKTV Play’s omits the two most interesting characters! And while it’s less clear-cut when it’s publicity stills rather than screengrabs, doesn’t the shot UKTV have used for Can of Worms actually relate to Give & Take, which opens with Rimmer stalking about that corridor with the psi-scan?

Oh, and how dare the BBC switch their ampersand policy for the episode with the initials G&T. Bastards.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 28-37 UKTV Play

Series XII

Some odd choices made by both sides here. For one thing, there’s a distinct lack of Hitler, the cowards. While neither of the Cured pics are the ones I’d choose, UKTV’s is cleaner. But I can’t believe neither of them used shots where everyone’s Kryten for The One Where Everyone’s Kryten. iPlayer’s at least has some extra Krytens, so they shade it. They both gain a point for using identical photos (and clearly the correct choice) for Timewave, although they both lose a point for getting the name of the episode wrong. Perhaps they got their information from the back of the Series XI steelbook.

Both choices for Mechocracy are a bit meh, but UKTV’s has the best face. And then once again, they’ve missed out the interesting part of their photo for M-Corp. The Skipper shots are both unusual, but then again it’s a very unusual episode. You’d have thought the return of Holly would be the selling point, or failing that Mr Rat, but the BBC do at least go for what’s obviously one of the weird universes, thus creating a suitable level of intrigue. UKTV Play’s admittedly very funny shot from the multiple-Listers universe doesn’t sell the concept nearly as well.

Latest Score: BBC iPlayer 31-39 UKTV Play

The Promised Land

And finally, what the actual fuck, iPlayer? The most recent episode of Red Dwarf is represented by a publicity shot from some 21 years earlier. Only 80% of the people in that shot are actually in the episode. An absolutely bizarre cock-up, especially given the quality of the actual artwork for The Promised Land, produced with exactly this kind of usage in mind. At least it’s in its own “Special” tab on iPlayer now, rather than lumped in with Series XII as it was on launch. And it is odd that UKTV Play has Red Dwarf: The Promised Land listed as a whole seperate programme to Red Dwarf, and that the streaming verison is still split into two parts, which was originally done to ease the server strain during the initial broadcast.

Final Score: BBC iPlayer 31-40 UKTV Play

Conclusion

A clear win for UKTV Play in the end, although somewhat closer than it might have been after the first few series. Bizarrely, it looks like each broadcaster does better with the episodes that they didn’t make – UKTV’s thumbnails are mostly superior in the BBC era, but iPlayer claws it back once we get to the modern episodes.

On a serious note, it is absolutely fantastic that almost all of Red Dwarf is now so widely available on two mainstream streaming platforms in the UK. For a show that’s 35 years old, there’s no escaping it – it’s being pushed hard on the iPlayer, and judging by the vast increase in social media chatter over the last couple of days, it’s clearly being noticed. This can only be good news for the future of the franchise, and we’re potentially going to look back on this as the first big step in Red Dwarf‘s glorious new era.