Mindblowing thing I've just noticed about the Opening Theme…

[Darrell]

…it’s got lyrics!!!

Just sticking Can Of Worms on again through headphones, and although I’ve heard that piece of music probably thousands of times over 20 years I’ve only just noticed the vocal parts, namely HOWARD GOODALL SINGING THE NAME OF THE SHOW FOUR TIMES THROUGH A VOCODER.

If you’re listening out, it’s during the triangular key changes in the second half of the theme.

My brain has exploded.

Altogether…

# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf*

*previously unpublished lyrics (c) Noel Gay Music Ltd

[Darrell]

https://youtu.be/WvcaB0TWNLc

Aha!!! Massively more prominent in this YouTube video of a phase-inverted version with the centre channel frequencies cut.

I’m not going mad! Clear as day in that one!!!!

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

wat

[SoundableObject]

I bet Gene Roddenberry wrote the lyrics.

[John Hoare G&T Admin]

i’m a gibbering wreck

what have you done

[International Debris]

That’s literally the only thing I’m ever going to be able to hear in the theme now.
Holy shit.

[cwickham]

I still can’t hear it at all…

[Darrell]

It’s where the last pairs of “fun, fun” and “sun, sun” go in the end titles.

It’s clearest the fourth and final time as it’s least obscured by other instruments. Vocoders aren’t the best messengers of diction at the best of times but it’s definitely there.

The fact it’s buried so much yet would have been so fiddly and time-consuming to record hints to me that he may have originally intended it to be a bigger part of the piece. Either that or it was always meant to be a Ronnie Hazlehurst-style cryptic easter egg and we’ve just heard the punchline to a 27 year old joke.

[si]

The mind-blowing yet amusing thing is that me and my siblings have been doing exactly that (sans vocoder but in silly voices) for years, never realising that it was actually there.
Yep, never un-hearable now. Going to have another look at that Gazpacho Soup ‘opening titles’ vid now.

[cwickham]

Ah! OK, I can *sort of* hear the last one now.

[Pete Part Three]

Oh my.

[Jonsmad]

Can of Words.

[Jawscvmcdia]

[MANI506]

I was gonna ask for a time stamp but I heard it!

[Tim Shaw]

I’m stunned! This is like discovering the secret fifth housemate in The Young Ones. It was always there!!

[Andy Holland]

Holy smokes! That’s actually incredible: a single G&T post has fundamentally changed the way I hear a theme tune I’ve heard regularly for over two decades.

Darrell, how the smeg did you uncover this hidden gem?

[Dave]

This deserves an article of its own.

[Ben Paddon]

Bloody ‘Ell.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

Can’t hear it at all. I’m not saying it’s not there, but I’m going to need some more help in identifying it. Either that or this is an elaborate joke that I’m not in on.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

I stand corrected.

[Darrell]

https://youtu.be/_s6oIVm10N8 – yes, I went there.

Never mind that though, VALIDATION FROM ON HIGH!!

[Seb Patrick]

HOLY FUCK

I clicked on that phase-inverted version, started listening, and thought “There’s nothing there, what are they on about?” Then BOOM: “REEEEED DWAAAAAARF!”

[Brayds2006]

The fact that it took 27 years to find this is mind-boggling to me. This has been hidden for longer than I’ve been alive and now it’s suddenly been found, just like that. New layers to the theme are being discovered after almost three decades. I’m amazed Howard’s never told anyone.

This also means Howard sings in every episode since Backwards, instead of just the three or four we thought he sung in.

[Tanya Jones G&T Admin]

This is astounding, and Darrell’s welcome to stay. The rest of you; buck your ideas up.

[It’sMarilynMonroe!]

http://i.imgur.com/UfsKJ.gif</img&gt;

[Jonathan Capps G&T Admin]

What the fuck

[It’sMarilynMonroe!]

[NoFro]

Incredible.

[Ridley]

Subliminals!

[si]

Did Rob and Doug know?

[quinn_drummer]

Well spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska!

I’m in the middle of planning a philosophy essay on the meaning of the self and personal identity and this has just amplified the existential Krysis … I mean crisis I was having.

I need to go and have a lie down!

[cwickham]

There is also a hidden message in the QI theme tune that nobody noticed for twelve years until it was actually pointed out on the show itself.

We should probably start looking at the 2point4 children theme now.

[Pete Part Three]

Howard; if you’re reading this. You’re a fucking legend.

[Stephen Abootman]

Just in case anyone missed the G&T retweet of this:

Howard Goodall ‏@Howard_Goodall 5 hours ago
I am honoured & delighted my vo-coded message from the past has been cracked!🎶🎶🎶

[Andy Holland]

Digital Spy have picked this up, Darrell: http://www.digitalspy.com/tv/red-dwarf/news/a811846/red-dwarf-theme-song-lyrics-no-one-knew-about

…proving that Darrell will forever be remembered as the greatest Red Dwarf detective we didn’t know we needed…

[noknowncure]

Something to sing along to innit!

[International Debris]

If you play every Blackadder theme synced up it explains proof that the first series was based on documented fact.

[John Hoare G&T Admin]

“According to a forum on ganymede TV…”

Digital Spy really are fucking useless.

[Darrell]

Alright, this is officially weird now. I wouldn’t mind so much but they’ve got it mixed up confusing the opening and closing songs (“underneath the lyrics”).

Still, the second time this year I have initiated a Red Dwarf news story. If I get three do I win something?

[Seb Patrick]

Fuck’s sake, Digital Spy. Did they even actually read what people were saying?

Mental Floss (courtesy of my friend James) got it right, though: http://mentalfloss.com/uk/music/47667/secret-red-dwarf-theme-tune-lyrics-discovered-after-27-years

[Darrell]

Mental Floss can stay.

For one exhausting year I used to co-run and co-edit a daily pop culture trivia/ephemera blog called Talk About The Passion with my old friend Ben (it was before clickbaity pop culture sites were that much of a commodity and pre-Twitter so it died on its arse, much like all the other stuff we spent years making and badly mistimed too early). Anyway, Mental Floss, along with QI, was the single biggest influence on it, so there’s a pleasing circularity to this.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Am I going mental? I thought this was common knowledge.

What sounds like over-zealous trombone wah-wah is a vocoder line mimicking ‘Red Dwarf’ four times.

You can hear it really well in the stereo extractions I posted up not long ago.

I’m disappointed in all of you.

[curtis]

I’ve only just got over the two closing themes revelation. Stop doing this to me!

[Seb Patrick]

Am I going mental? I thought this was common knowledge.
What sounds like over-zealous trombone wah-wah is a vocoder line mimicking ‘Red Dwarf’ four times.
You can hear it really well in the stereo extractions I posted up not long ago.
I’m disappointed in all of you.

Good job you mentioned it before now!

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

But it’s right there!

[Taiwan Tony]

Amazing.

What happens if you play it backwards?

[performingmonkey]

All these years…… *breaks down*

My belief system has been torn asunder.

> For one exhausting year I used to co-run and co-edit a daily pop culture trivia/ephemera blog called Talk About The Passion with my old friend Ben

REM-related at all? :)

[Paul Muller]

Can’t quite make it out but it sounds like he’s singing ‘Red Worf’ – possibly in reference to Worf’s ‘Will Scarlet’ costume in the Star Trek TNG episode ‘QPid’?

Bit obscure, Howard…

http://imgur.com/a/FkBvM

[jellyscare]

REG WHAAAAARF

src=”http://www.aveleyman.com/Gallery/ActorsS/tve19667-20090411-284.jpg” </img>

[jellyscare]

I’m never guessing how to do html tags again.

[Cloud Strife]

…I dont feel so well. This has genuinely upset me. Like I have probably heard that theme well over 5000 times these past 29 odd years….I feel like I need to rest.

[srmcd1]

Damn subliminal advertising! All these years of enjoying Red Dwarf when all the time those seedy shadowy execs were trying to make us watch Red Dwarf!

This is so timely since the third Da Vinci Code movie just came out. How do we connect Howard’s plans with the coming of the Apocalypse? Does Rimmer’s H secretly have a map of the Norwegian Underground? Are Cat’s fangs actually long lost circuitry to some vast motherboard?

We are through the Looking Glass, people! And there’s no Johnny Depp to be found! White is black, and black is plaid!

[Cloud Strife]

I just watched some old intros to make sure I couldn’t hear it…but I can.. Its all I can hear. I am pretty traumatized.

[Stephen R. Fletcher]

I’m such an idiot that I honestly didn’t realize until watching a version of that vid with lyrics that somebody posted where exactly it was… *hangs head in shame and hopes I’m not the only one*

[John Hoare G&T Admin]

By the way, I’ve just listened to the Series 1 and 2 opening theme, and you can hear Dona DiStefano whispering “Norman Lovett is a cunt” 15 seconds in.

[srmcd1]

If you play the credits backwards at slow speed, you can hear someone saying “Dummy, you’re playing it backwards at slow speed!”

[Jimboid]

It stands to reason that it has those lyrics. I mean, the theme tune announces the show, it’s called “Red Dwarf”. It’s a blatant clue, isn’t it? Blatant.

Hang on a second…are you seriously telling me that you’ve all been hearing the prat version of the theme for all this time? For 27 years?!

Woah,

[Jimboid]

It stands to reason that it has those lyrics. I mean, the theme tune announces the show, the show’s called “Red Dwarf”… It’s a blatant clue, isn’t it? Blatant.

Hang on a minute…are you seriously telling me that you’ve all been hearing the prat version of the theme tune all this time? For 27 years?!

Woah, that’s a classic, that is. That’s a classic.

[Jimboid]

Is there an echo in here?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The name of the comedy is Red Dwarf.

[Danny Stephenson G&T Admin]

Do I have to now blow everyone’ minds further by pointing out that the end of Mr Blue Sky doesn’t say ‘Mr Blue Sky-yiii’…?

[Darrell]

“Please turn me o-ver…!”

On the subject of hidden messages in Howard Goodall themes I’m presuming you all know about the Latin Mr Bean translations and that the opening/closing say different things, and that the choir also sing “end of part one” and “part two” in Latin?

[Darrell]

And here’s when Howard Goodall got carried away with the bio-printer.

https://youtu.be/vRXn8GlnC0w

[clem]

Astonishing.

> I’m presuming you all know about the Latin Mr Bean translations and that the opening/closing say different things

Yep, but I’ve just had to look them up. According to Wikipedia it’s “Behold the man who is a bean” and “Farewell, man who is a bean”.

And everybody knows the piccolo part in the Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em theme spells out the name of the show in morse code, right?

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

Wow, this is astonishing.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

If you run the song ‘Cash’ through a spectrogram analysis, you can see Craig Charles’ throbbing, blood engorged penis.

[Ben Paddon]

Dildonics.

[Darrell]

As a picture of the deeply strange impact and aftershock of all this, now it has settled, that YouTube upload of the phase-inverted theme has received over 55,000 extra hits in the 5 days since this thread appeared. For the record that’s around three times as many hits as each UKTV Play premiere of each XI episode has got in its pre-broadcast week (according to BARB), and approximately the entire on-demand requests for Twentica. (Although the interesting part of that is obviously how relatively low the UKTV Play ratings are compared to the Dave broadcasts, and another reminder of how unrepresentative fandom is. Or non-linear-TV advocates generally…)

It is fair to say then that a lot of people have had fun with this over the weekend (and another spike when all the office workers got bored on Monday), which has made me feel a lot better about my being dragged into it going really fucking weird. The best thing was that Howard Goodall got swamped with unsolicited mass adolation, which should be happening regardless, and it’s felt nice to know that I fired the starting pistol on a tiny, transient moment of Red Dwarf making people smile. To get a bit in-your-face about it, I like the idea that the ultimate domino effect of me being a giddy nerd on Friday night has likely been the brief cheering up or distraction of a stranger who, statistically speaking, might have needed it. If that sounds preposterously self-aggrandising, tough, I’m having that one. I’ve been on the other end enough to know that sometimes stupid little things like that can make a difference.

However, lest it go any further, re: my name appearing in places making me look like some megalomaniac Ian Levine style wannabe superfan figure trying to mark his territory – I am obviously not the first person to spot this in three decades. That makes no sense even as a concept. I’m probably not even the hundredth, or the thousandth. It was supposed to be a bit of fun.

Anyway, that’s nothing, the internet will soon really sway to the viral strains of The Fingerclicks At The Start Of Tongue Tied Were Only Dubbed On In 1995 For Smeg Outs.

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

You should be proud of this, Darrell, as I am proud that you chose to post it on G&T.

[si]

I am obviously not the first person to spot this in three decades. That makes no sense even as a concept. I’m probably not even the hundredth, or the thousandth.

Yeah, but none of those suckers told G&T <b>AND THE WORLD</b> about it, überfan Darrell!

It was supposed to be a bit of fun.

Yeah, they all say that, mate.

[si]

Bollocks, forgot I can’t do that HTML stuff. Should have just used the *asterisks* like I was going to do.

[cwickham]

Now I’ve seen the video where the words ‘RED DWARF’ helpfully flash up on screen every time Goodall says it, I am astonished it took 27 years for anyone to notice this. I can hear it clear as day on the standard version of the theme now.

[MANI506]

What’s that about the clicks at the start of Tongue Tied?!

[Brayds2006]

The clicks are actually Howard Goodall making clicking noises into a Vocoder.

[Darrell]

I only meant that as an inconsequentially mundane parody of the original post, but yeah, if you look at a spectral analysis they have a different audio quality to the main track (which I am 99.9% sure is off a domestic cassette), showing those clicks (which don’t appear in Parallel Universe) were done in a foley pass for Smeg Outs to cover that opening shot. The video features two different attempts at dubbing them onto two differently mastered versions of the source audio, one with some nice attack reverb (heard at the start of the video) and one dry (when Kryten introduces the long version). I haven’t checked which version turns up after the credits because I was going off the DVD. If only there was a fansite with a video file of that bit on a conveniently situated Downloads section in order to check. OH WELL.

I only noticed because I was trying to patch together the most complete, clean, hifi rip of the song possible with a view to attempting a fake stereo remix, which is pretty much impossible due to how muddy and noisy the source is with no proper bass or high end. Had to settle to doing my own mastering of a patchwork edit off the Series II bonus disc and Just The Smegs.

Two paragraphs on some clicking noises. I am truly using this lunch hour well.

[Bexley Heath]

it’s felt nice to know that I fired the starting pistol on a tiny, transient moment of Red Dwarf making people smile

For what it’s worth, Darrell, it was my birthday when I saw your post/strained my ears at the phase-inverted recording. Had me giggling like a loon, and I then inflicted it on everyone who came to my party, with similar effects. Honestly one of the highlights of the day. So, thanks for a fine present.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Honestly, it was right there.

I feel as if I’ve been staring at the moon all my life and then everyone suddenly says ‘Oh look, there’s dark patches as well’ and everyone gets a biscuit but me.

They’re my fucking biscuits and I haven’t opened them since the ’96 repeat run of Series VI.

[Ridley]

Three cheers for Howard and Darrell!

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

And Pete Tranter’s Sister!

Right guys?

Guys?

*A dog barks in the distance*

[unclerubbish]

This reminds me of the time 2 months ago when I realised C3P0 had one silver leg.

[Dave]

C3P0 had a what now?

*googles*

….bloody hell.

[unclerubbish]

Not to derail the thread but I assume his new red arm is a joke/nod to the leg which nobody seemed to know about.

[cwickham]

I was watching a Remastered episode today (with the What’s Different text track on, don’t start) and briefly thought “hang on, the lyrics aren’t on the theme used on the Remastered episodes”. So I went onto the next one, closed my eyes during the opening sequence and it was clear as day.

Maybe we were all simply paying more attention to the visuals during the opening sequence?

[Darrell]

S-s-s-s-soundtracks…???!!!!

[si]

Yeah. Soundtracks… Can’t afford them yet, mind. And no theme tunes included as far as I can tell, sadly. But then, the last few Doctor Who OSTs haven’t included the themes, either.
Looks nice, though.

[Darrell]

I am completely powerless to resist. The FLAC option’s what’s doubly impressed me – even the stuff we’ve already got via AC3 rips has massively improved sonics on these releases.

Tonight, I’m going to get home, put the baby to bed, and then wallow in these like a pig. The whole working afternoon is a write-off.

[Seb Patrick]

>And no theme tunes included as far as I can tell, sadly

There are.

[si]

There are? Cool. I only had a quick look while I was on the bus, then popped over here to see if anyone had said owt about it. I’ll go back and read it properly now.

[curtis]

Now some time had passed on this, does anyone else wish they could unhear it?

[flanl3]

Justice Commentary:
‘No, Hattie, there aren’t any words to the opening, that’s just the closing’

[Dave]

This might be the time to mention that my best mate at school was *convinced* that the closing theme began:

“It’s cold outside, there’s snow hanging off the sphere…”

[Phobos And Deimos]

And the Christmas sphere’s that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere

[Seb Patrick]

I’ll pack my bags and head into hyperspace
Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed
Spend my days in ultra violet rays
Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

We’ll lock on course straight through the universe
You and me and the galaxy
Reach the stage where hyperdrive’s engaged
Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

[Ian Symes G&T Admin]

I’ll pack my bags and head into hyperspace
Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed

Velocity at time warp speed, isn’t it?

[Darrell]

I rescind this thread.

[Darrell]

I vividly remember the first time I heard that, browsing the racks at Andy’s Records. I nearly threw up in absolute, genuine disgust.

[si]

Ah, Andy’s Records. I worked there for a short while. Had a fit on my first day. That went down well.

[si]

Also, I remember seeing ‘the lyrics’ printed somewhere, and that read “Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed”, as well. I remember that vividly, because it makes absolutely fuck all sense.

[Toxteth O-Grady]

I always heard it as “Velocity at time-warp speed” too.

Does anyone know who’s responsible for those God-awful second verse lyrics? Or that horrendous synthesised techno version of the tune they are heard in?
I had it on some album of Sci-Fi themes back in the 90s, and I listened to it so much it’s caused that crappy version to be burned into my memory. I can still hear it in my head if want (or don’t want, as the case will always be).

I was pleased to see in the Howard Goodall DVD feature that he wasn’t responsible for those shit lyrics, and even had a second verse of his own.

[Darrell]

Ian Hu and Mark Lambert. They did a lot of these knockoff themes at the time for Silva Screen Records, including an even dodgier disco version of Doctor Who with a spoons solo by Sylvester McCoy.

[Pete Part Three]

Strange. I always heard it as “Velocity” too. See here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTEpiFcn0wI

Google reckons it’s “Where I’ll Succeed….” , mind.

They’re both shit, obvs.

[Katydid]

That opening synth sounds fucking terrible, especially since I’ve just heard the wonderful high-quality version of the real thing on the OST.

[pi r squared]

> I was pleased to see in the Howard Goodall DVD feature that he wasn’t responsible for those shit lyrics, and even had a second verse of his own.

Whilst I have no doubts about the genius of Howard Goodall, I would argue that the “shit” lyrics of Ian Hu’s alternative version are still better than some of the additional verses that Goodall wrote, according to the same DVD feature. Can you honestly say that the Hu lyrics are worse than:

I’d like to have
Red blotches on my face
Make a mess
Of my nose
I’d love to peel
In every awkward place
Fun, Fun, Fun in the Sun, Sun, Sun

‘cos, you know… they’re kind of dreadful lyrics that barely even scan properly,

[Seb Patrick]

Well, “where I’ll succeed” rhymes with “time warp speed” and “velocity” doesn’t. Also, “where I’ll succeed at time warp speed” makes sense as a sentence, whereas “velocity at time warp speed” doesn’t.

Given how completely and utterly shit and point-missing the added lyrics are, though: “velocity” is probably, therefore, correct.

[Dave]

Well, “where I’ll succeed” rhymes with “time warp speed” and “velocity” doesn’t.

“I’m all alone” doesn’t rhyme with “more or less” either. Nor does “drinking fresh” rhyme with “mango juice”.

[Toxteth O-Grady]

I just meant I was pleased that Howard Goodall never wrote *those* synth-version lyrics.
I probably should have put a full stop before mentioning his second verse.

Yes, his second verse lyrics are terrible too, but it seems apparent to me that he wasn’t taking them seriously, and likely knew they would never be recorded.
RD wasn’t his first theme tune, so he probably knew just one verse would be plenty for the end credits of a sitcom. The additional verse may just have place-holder lyrics that he never bothered doing a second draft of.
Then again, if you look at the normal 1st verse lyrics written down, they’re not exactly Wordsworth either. I think the singer’s performance brings a lot of credibility to them.
Maybe if Jenna Russell sang Goodall’s 2nd verse it would have have been half-decent. Who knows?
All I know is I hate the Hu & Lambert version, and the additional lyrics are only part of that hatred. That ending with the repeated chord, alternating between channels, is just atrocious.

[Darrell]

I’ll stick up for the unused words – the Goodall lyrics are deliberately naive, childlike and idiosyncratic, as they are based around Lister’s speech to Frankenstein which is also as such. Combining them with music that is a turbo-powered, sophisticated, well-produced classic pop parody is a deliberate clash designed to contrast the dreams versus reality of Lister’s Fiji plan. The watertight slickness of the finished song represents how Lister’s plan sounds in his own head. The unused verses present more of the same.

If the lyrics – used or unused – were self-consciously witty/clever it wouldn’t work as a piece.

[Pete Part Three]

>Well, “where I’ll succeed” rhymes with “time warp speed” and “velocity” doesn’t.

“Velocity” would be drawn out…so “Ve-loci-teeee at time-warp speeeed”, but as Dave says the lack of a rhyme isn’t a deal-breaker.

That said, I’ve flip-flopped. I’m hearing “Where I’ll succeed” now.

I’m of the opinion that the singer has a minor problem pronouncing v and w as “ultraviolet rays” sounds like “ultrawiolet rays” to me too.

[GlenTokyo]

Where I’ll exceed /beat/ time warp speed would be better I think.

This a comment aimed at the past haha

[Darrell]

http://blog.timespace.com/2016/12/artists-and-composers-reveal-their-top-5-plug-ins-of-2016/

In his own words…

[Author]

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