Mindblowing thing I've just noticed about the Opening Theme…

[(deleted)]

…it’s got lyrics!!!

Just sticking Can Of Worms on again through headphones, and although I’ve heard that piece of music probably thousands of times over 20 years I’ve only just noticed the vocal parts, namely HOWARD GOODALL SINGING THE NAME OF THE SHOW FOUR TIMES THROUGH A VOCODER.

If you’re listening out, it’s during the triangular key changes in the second half of the theme.

My brain has exploded.

Altogether…

# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf
# Red Dwarf*

*previously unpublished lyrics (c) Noel Gay Music Ltd

Topic

[srmcd1]

Damn subliminal advertising! All these years of enjoying Red Dwarf when all the time those seedy shadowy execs were trying to make us watch Red Dwarf!

This is so timely since the third Da Vinci Code movie just came out. How do we connect Howard’s plans with the coming of the Apocalypse? Does Rimmer’s H secretly have a map of the Norwegian Underground? Are Cat’s fangs actually long lost circuitry to some vast motherboard?

We are through the Looking Glass, people! And there’s no Johnny Depp to be found! White is black, and black is plaid!

[Cloud Strife]

I just watched some old intros to make sure I couldn’t hear it…but I can.. Its all I can hear. I am pretty traumatized.

[Stephen R. Fletcher]

I’m such an idiot that I honestly didn’t realize until watching a version of that vid with lyrics that somebody posted where exactly it was… *hangs head in shame and hopes I’m not the only one*

[John Hoare]

By the way, I’ve just listened to the Series 1 and 2 opening theme, and you can hear Dona DiStefano whispering “Norman Lovett is a cunt” 15 seconds in.

[srmcd1]

If you play the credits backwards at slow speed, you can hear someone saying “Dummy, you’re playing it backwards at slow speed!”

[Jimboid]

It stands to reason that it has those lyrics. I mean, the theme tune announces the show, it’s called “Red Dwarf”. It’s a blatant clue, isn’t it? Blatant.

Hang on a second…are you seriously telling me that you’ve all been hearing the prat version of the theme for all this time? For 27 years?!

Woah,

[Jimboid]

It stands to reason that it has those lyrics. I mean, the theme tune announces the show, the show’s called “Red Dwarf”… It’s a blatant clue, isn’t it? Blatant.

Hang on a minute…are you seriously telling me that you’ve all been hearing the prat version of the theme tune all this time? For 27 years?!

Woah, that’s a classic, that is. That’s a classic.

[Jimboid]

Is there an echo in here?

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The name of the comedy is Red Dwarf.

[Danny Stephenson]

Do I have to now blow everyone’ minds further by pointing out that the end of Mr Blue Sky doesn’t say ‘Mr Blue Sky-yiii’…?

[(deleted)]

“Please turn me o-ver…!”

On the subject of hidden messages in Howard Goodall themes I’m presuming you all know about the Latin Mr Bean translations and that the opening/closing say different things, and that the choir also sing “end of part one” and “part two” in Latin?

[(deleted)]

And here’s when Howard Goodall got carried away with the bio-printer.

[clem]

Astonishing.

> I’m presuming you all know about the Latin Mr Bean translations and that the opening/closing say different things

Yep, but I’ve just had to look them up. According to Wikipedia it’s “Behold the man who is a bean” and “Farewell, man who is a bean”.

And everybody knows the piccolo part in the Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em theme spells out the name of the show in morse code, right?

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

Wow, this is astonishing.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

If you run the song ‘Cash’ through a spectrogram analysis, you can see Craig Charles’ throbbing, blood engorged penis.

[Ben Paddon]

Dildonics.

[(deleted)]

As a picture of the deeply strange impact and aftershock of all this, now it has settled, that YouTube upload of the phase-inverted theme has received over 55,000 extra hits in the 5 days since this thread appeared. For the record that’s around three times as many hits as each UKTV Play premiere of each XI episode has got in its pre-broadcast week (according to BARB), and approximately the entire on-demand requests for Twentica. (Although the interesting part of that is obviously how relatively low the UKTV Play ratings are compared to the Dave broadcasts, and another reminder of how unrepresentative fandom is. Or non-linear-TV advocates generally…)

It is fair to say then that a lot of people have had fun with this over the weekend (and another spike when all the office workers got bored on Monday), which has made me feel a lot better about my being dragged into it going really fucking weird. The best thing was that Howard Goodall got swamped with unsolicited mass adolation, which should be happening regardless, and it’s felt nice to know that I fired the starting pistol on a tiny, transient moment of Red Dwarf making people smile. To get a bit in-your-face about it, I like the idea that the ultimate domino effect of me being a giddy nerd on Friday night has likely been the brief cheering up or distraction of a stranger who, statistically speaking, might have needed it. If that sounds preposterously self-aggrandising, tough, I’m having that one. I’ve been on the other end enough to know that sometimes stupid little things like that can make a difference.

However, lest it go any further, re: my name appearing in places making me look like some megalomaniac Ian Levine style wannabe superfan figure trying to mark his territory – I am obviously not the first person to spot this in three decades. That makes no sense even as a concept. I’m probably not even the hundredth, or the thousandth. It was supposed to be a bit of fun.

Anyway, that’s nothing, the internet will soon really sway to the viral strains of The Fingerclicks At The Start Of Tongue Tied Were Only Dubbed On In 1995 For Smeg Outs.

[Ian Symes]

You should be proud of this, Darrell, as I am proud that you chose to post it on G&T.

[si]

I am obviously not the first person to spot this in three decades. That makes no sense even as a concept. I’m probably not even the hundredth, or the thousandth.

Yeah, but none of those suckers told G&T <b>AND THE WORLD</b> about it, überfan Darrell!

It was supposed to be a bit of fun.

Yeah, they all say that, mate.

[si]

Bollocks, forgot I can’t do that HTML stuff. Should have just used the *asterisks* like I was going to do.

[cwickham]

Now I’ve seen the video where the words ‘RED DWARF’ helpfully flash up on screen every time Goodall says it, I am astonished it took 27 years for anyone to notice this. I can hear it clear as day on the standard version of the theme now.

[MANI506]

What’s that about the clicks at the start of Tongue Tied?!

[peepingsignal]

The clicks are actually Howard Goodall making clicking noises into a Vocoder.

[(deleted)]

I only meant that as an inconsequentially mundane parody of the original post, but yeah, if you look at a spectral analysis they have a different audio quality to the main track (which I am 99.9% sure is off a domestic cassette), showing those clicks (which don’t appear in Parallel Universe) were done in a foley pass for Smeg Outs to cover that opening shot. The video features two different attempts at dubbing them onto two differently mastered versions of the source audio, one with some nice attack reverb (heard at the start of the video) and one dry (when Kryten introduces the long version). I haven’t checked which version turns up after the credits because I was going off the DVD. If only there was a fansite with a video file of that bit on a conveniently situated Downloads section in order to check. OH WELL.

I only noticed because I was trying to patch together the most complete, clean, hifi rip of the song possible with a view to attempting a fake stereo remix, which is pretty much impossible due to how muddy and noisy the source is with no proper bass or high end. Had to settle to doing my own mastering of a patchwork edit off the Series II bonus disc and Just The Smegs.

Two paragraphs on some clicking noises. I am truly using this lunch hour well.

[Bexley Heath]

it’s felt nice to know that I fired the starting pistol on a tiny, transient moment of Red Dwarf making people smile

For what it’s worth, Darrell, it was my birthday when I saw your post/strained my ears at the phase-inverted recording. Had me giggling like a loon, and I then inflicted it on everyone who came to my party, with similar effects. Honestly one of the highlights of the day. So, thanks for a fine present.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Honestly, it was right there.

I feel as if I’ve been staring at the moon all my life and then everyone suddenly says ‘Oh look, there’s dark patches as well’ and everyone gets a biscuit but me.

They’re my fucking biscuits and I haven’t opened them since the ’96 repeat run of Series VI.

[Ridley]

Three cheers for Howard and Darrell!

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

And Pete Tranter’s Sister!

Right guys?

Guys?

*A dog barks in the distance*

[unclerubbish]

This reminds me of the time 2 months ago when I realised C3P0 had one silver leg.

[Dave]

C3P0 had a what now?

*googles*

….bloody hell.

[unclerubbish]

Not to derail the thread but I assume his new red arm is a joke/nod to the leg which nobody seemed to know about.

[cwickham]

I was watching a Remastered episode today (with the What’s Different text track on, don’t start) and briefly thought “hang on, the lyrics aren’t on the theme used on the Remastered episodes”. So I went onto the next one, closed my eyes during the opening sequence and it was clear as day.

Maybe we were all simply paying more attention to the visuals during the opening sequence?

[(deleted)]

S-s-s-s-soundtracks…???!!!!

[si]

Yeah. Soundtracks… Can’t afford them yet, mind. And no theme tunes included as far as I can tell, sadly. But then, the last few Doctor Who OSTs haven’t included the themes, either.
Looks nice, though.

[(deleted)]

I am completely powerless to resist. The FLAC option’s what’s doubly impressed me – even the stuff we’ve already got via AC3 rips has massively improved sonics on these releases.

Tonight, I’m going to get home, put the baby to bed, and then wallow in these like a pig. The whole working afternoon is a write-off.

[Seb Patrick]

>And no theme tunes included as far as I can tell, sadly

There are.

[si]

There are? Cool. I only had a quick look while I was on the bus, then popped over here to see if anyone had said owt about it. I’ll go back and read it properly now.

[curtis]

Now some time had passed on this, does anyone else wish they could unhear it?

[flanl3]

Justice Commentary:
‘No, Hattie, there aren’t any words to the opening, that’s just the closing’

[Dave]

This might be the time to mention that my best mate at school was *convinced* that the closing theme began:

“It’s cold outside, there’s snow hanging off the sphere…”

[Phobos And Deimos]

And the Christmas sphere’s that ring there
Are the clanging chimes of doom
Well tonight thank God it’s cold outside, there’s no kind of atmosphere

[Seb Patrick]

I’ll pack my bags and head into hyperspace
Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed
Spend my days in ultra violet rays
Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

We’ll lock on course straight through the universe
You and me and the galaxy
Reach the stage where hyperdrive’s engaged
Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun

[Ian Symes]

I’ll pack my bags and head into hyperspace
Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed

Velocity at time warp speed, isn’t it?

[(deleted)]

I rescind this thread.

[(deleted)]

I vividly remember the first time I heard that, browsing the racks at Andy’s Records. I nearly threw up in absolute, genuine disgust.

[si]

Ah, Andy’s Records. I worked there for a short while. Had a fit on my first day. That went down well.

[si]

Also, I remember seeing ‘the lyrics’ printed somewhere, and that read “Where I’ll succeed at time warp speed”, as well. I remember that vividly, because it makes absolutely fuck all sense.

[Toxteth O-Grady]

I always heard it as “Velocity at time-warp speed” too.

Does anyone know who’s responsible for those God-awful second verse lyrics? Or that horrendous synthesised techno version of the tune they are heard in?
I had it on some album of Sci-Fi themes back in the 90s, and I listened to it so much it’s caused that crappy version to be burned into my memory. I can still hear it in my head if want (or don’t want, as the case will always be).

I was pleased to see in the Howard Goodall DVD feature that he wasn’t responsible for those shit lyrics, and even had a second verse of his own.

[(deleted)]

Ian Hu and Mark Lambert. They did a lot of these knockoff themes at the time for Silva Screen Records, including an even dodgier disco version of Doctor Who with a spoons solo by Sylvester McCoy.

[Pete Part Three]

Strange. I always heard it as “Velocity” too. See here : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTEpiFcn0wI

Google reckons it’s “Where I’ll Succeed….” , mind.

They’re both shit, obvs.

[Author]

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