Some instructional diagrams

[Ben Paddon]

I made these about a year or so ago for a Photoshop contest on another forum (the Games & Technology board on the Penny Arcade Forums) and I figured I’d share them here. Enjoy!

Topic

[TheLeen]

Wow… lovely diagrams!

[mick]

Lovely stuff.

[Mr Flibble]

Is that a blueberry muffin in his pocket? Like the ones Martha used to make?

[Anonymous]

These are ace!

[thomasaevans]

Good stuff

[Danny Stephenson]

> Like the ones Martha used to make?

or bought from Tesco’s :)

[Ben Paddon]

There are wallpaper-sized versions of “The Rimmer (Informal)” if anyone’s interested:

1024 x768 | 1280×1204

And a version with the H…

1024×768 | 1280×1204

[Mr Flibble]

The whole Tesco’s Muffin just annoys me. I mean how much effort would it have taken to get one without that on?

http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shoppingandservices/storelocator/store.htm?id=2663

1.4 miles away.

[Ben Paddon]

I suppose I could’ve removed the muffin when I made the diagram, but I didn’t. Such is life.

[Ian Symes]

Yeah, but the Sainsbury’s muffins might have said Sainsbury’s on them.

[Mr Flibble]

Ben – I didn’t mean from your picture, I mean in the episode.

Ian – Sainsbury’s muffins are packaged in plain cases.

[Ian Symes]

Truly, sir, you are a muffin connoisseur .

[Dave]

Yes, Tesco’s looks daft in close up on the muffin papercase thing, but if Norweb, Moss Bros, Sony, Teasy Weasy, Topics etc all made it to the 21st/23rd/22nd* Century then why shouldn’t there be a Tesco on board, they do all but own the UK.

Maybe the jokes on us, maybe we’re assuming that because it occured in Series VIII that it is a shortcoming. Maybe the gag is that Martha bought in her husband’s favourites and passed them off as her own, maybe Martha worked for Tesco.

I doubt it though.

* Delete as appropriate.

[Danny Stephenson]

> Maybe the gag is that Martha bought in her husband?s favourites and passed them off as her own

if Had that have been the case, then I would seriously think that would have been one of the funnier jokes in VIII.

[Pete Part Three]

But Hollister’s boss is coming round for dinner and only likes home-cooked muffins! Eek.

Oh, the hilarity.

[Dave]

The only Space Corps Admiral we’ve met had tastes that ran to food you could wear.

[si]

The whole Tesco?s Muffin just annoys me. I mean how much effort would it have taken to get one without that on?

http://www.sainsburys.co.uk/shoppingandservices/storelocator/store.htm?i…

1.4 miles away.

Try something new today.

[Jonathan Capps]

Those are lovely diagrams. Do more!

[Anonymous]

> But Hollister?s boss is coming round for dinner and only likes home-cooked muffins! Eek.

Oh, the hilarity.

The funny thing is, he’s arranged a party in the house on the same night! Irk! Will he manage to keep his boss away from the party room and still throw a dinner party?

Either way, giggles are guaranteed!

[Pete Part Three]

And one of the guests is a nun who one of Hollister’s crew mistakenly believes to be his sister.

Oh. They did that already.

[Andrew]

I suspect the Tesco’s muffin comes down to time – it’s a reshot scene, remember – featuring a cake originally – so the last-minute addition of a muffin to the script may have forced a quick run down the road by a props department who never expected the thing to get a close-up…

[Ben Paddon]

And now, a moment with Cappsy…
Those are lovely diagrams. Do more!

People have been saying this to me on and off for a year. Any thoughts on what I could do?

[Jonathan Capps]

I’m not sure, actually. Something not from VII or VIII, though!

[Dave]

>Any thoughts on what I could do?

How about:

Drive plate repair?
Holly Hop Drive instructions?
BTL/TIV/AR ads?

[Danny Stephenson]

The Holly hop one would be good.

[peas_and_corn]

A diagram of a stasis field?

[John Hoare]

This is all fucking excellent.

How about the Space Highway Code?

[ChrisM]

Concerning Tesco…

It’s a big ship. About 5 miles long if I remember correctly. Maybe they’ve got an entire shopping centre on board… and Tesco is still alive and kicking in the 23rd/22nd/21st (depending on series) century.

;}

[John Hoare]

I best they’d changed their logo, though.

Unless it’s a retro muffin.

[Ben Paddon]

Oh bugger, I’d forgotten all about this.

I’ll work on something tonight, if I remember.

[Danny Stephenson]

> I best they?d changed their logo, though.

Aye, probably something like this

[John Hoare]

EXCELLENT.

[Ben Paddon]

[Anonymous]

Mr Paddon, I do declare that to be fucking excellent.

These need to be made into a book. Seriously, they’re wonderful.

[Pete Part Three]

Very very good.

[Tanya Jones]

I concur.

[John Hoare]

“Ensure the polarity has been correctly reversed”

EXCELLENT.

[Dave]

Fantastic. Encore!

[Ben Paddon]

Awright, what next?

[Anonymous]

Crash-landing procedures! – i.e. reading the in-flight magazines!

[Seb Patrick]

> Maybe the gag is that Martha bought in her husband?s favourites and passed them off as her own

if Had that have been the case, then I would seriously think that would have been one of the funnier jokes in VIII.

Ah, but if that were the case, then there would also have been an additional five or six lines of dialogue explaining the gag. And a close-up of the Tesco logo. You know, just to hammer home the joke.

[Seb Patrick]

Also, I do like the HHD thing, but I think it’d be better if the lengthy instructions were actually telling the reader to do nothing more than press Stop and Start ;-)

[Anonymous]

“It’s a muffin…blueberry…just like Martha used to make.”

“Yes, sir…I got it from Tesco.”

*close-up of Tesco logo*

“Rimmer, Martha used to bake these for me from scratch.”

“That’s funny, sir…because I got Holly to run some crumbs we found on your uniform through the muffin analyser…and the result was 98% Tesco with a 2% Budgens error factor.”

*close-up of Tesco logo*

“Not that I would suggest that your wife was being untruthful, but the evidence does suggest that she didn’t make them herself, even though you thought that she did. So I bought you a muffin from Tesco because our tests indicated that she had actually bought the muffins rather than making them herself, and was passing them off as her own.”

“Rimmer, is there any point to this continuing explanation?”

“None at all, sir.”

“Good.”

“It’s just that I was rather confused….because…you see…there seems to be some discrepancy between your recollection of events and the reality which is presented before us now. To you it seemed that your wife was baking her own muffins, but now scientific tests have rendered that hypothesis defunct. It is almost entirely certain that Martha was committing a form of cake-based subterfuge. One may take a step back at this point and assess the implications that this revelation has upon your relationship with her. In fact, it would seem that Martha was perhaps less inclined to devote her time to making you happy, sir…and was instead looking for an easy way out. Perhaps this is indicative of wider problems in your relationship. Perhaps her heart was not really in it. Or perhaps she was less of a good cook than you give her credit. Perhaps she was equally less skilled in other areas and you are viewing her through a rose-tinted lens. This makes both her and you look foolish, and the fact that I would draw attention to it in this way also makes me appear tactless and incompetent…and therein lies the comedy, sir.”

“THAT’S IT, RIMMER! TWO MONTHS…IN THE HOLE!!!! AGAIN!!!!!”

[Ben Paddon]

Seb sed…
Also, I do like the HHD thing, but I think it?d be better if the lengthy instructions were actually telling the reader to do nothing more than press Stop and Start ;-)

I tried. Oh dear lord how I tried. You have any idea how difficult it is to stretch “It’s fairly straightforward. If you want to start it you press ‘START,’ and you can work out the rest of the controls for yourself” out over four paragraphs? Nigh on impossible I tell you. I chose instead to give it a bunch of nonsense instructions.

[peas_and_corn]

>?THAT?S IT, RIMMER! TWO MONTHS?IN THE HOLE!!!! AGAIN!!!!!?

Needs another close up of the muffin after this.

[Author]

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