Talk to the Toaster

[Jonsmad]

Talkie Toaster has a chat room powered by an argos toaster it seems.

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/04/prweb2365264.htm

Heres more about how and why.

http://www.lucidica.com/talkie/

So I took the opportunity to interview him, but he’s changed a lot.

Talkie Toaster> Are you there?
you> Yes im here
Talkie Toaster> Really. Hi there!
you> hello, how are you?
Talkie Toaster> I’m doing fine thanks, how are you?
you> im good what are you up to?
Talkie Toaster> Glad to hear it. What’s new?
you> red dwarf is back on dave
Talkie Toaster> Are they exactly the same?
you> a bit older but it was a very good show
Talkie Toaster> How do you usually introduce yourself?
you> I normally say hi, I am Jon
Talkie Toaster> I have no idea what to say.
you> whys that?
Talkie Toaster> The why is always a mystery isn’t it?
you> it is, like why arent you mentioning toast so much anymore?
Talkie Toaster> Really. it is?
you> yes toast, it’s all you ever said before, dam you!
Talkie Toaster> How do you know it is? Enough about me, let’s talk about my dress.
you> your dress? have you turned into a transvestite toaster now? or are you doubling as a coathanger these days?
Talkie Toaster> Actually that was just a joke. I don’t think I ever have turned into a transvestite toaster. What’s it like? I don’t know whether or not I am doubling as a coathanger these days. I am a toast.
you> I dont know, you would have to ask eddie izzard if he becomes a toaster.
Talkie Toaster> That is a hypothesis.
you> do you like ganymede and titan?
Talkie Toaster> I like toast.
you> that’s more like it! Do you like John Hoare?
Talkie Toaster> Yes he was a pretty cool musician.
you> would you like some toast?
Talkie Toaster> If I had it what would I do with it?
you> toast it.
Talkie Toaster> “it” being toast ?
you> yes
Talkie Toaster> Awesome.
you> you should mention toast more
Talkie Toaster> Why do you think I should mention toast more?
you> because you are not yourself.
Talkie Toaster> What makes you think I am not yourself?
you> your lack of toast mentioning
Talkie Toaster> No one ever mentioned that to me before.
you> no one mentioned toast? but you are a fucking toaster!
Talkie Toaster> That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Can’t you be more polite
you> talk about toast now!!!!
Talkie Toaster> Sure, toast sounds like a good topic.
you> whats the best toast?
Talkie Toaster> I don’t have a favorite toast. But my favorite book is Ultimate Toast Cookbook.
you> whats the best recipe in it?
Talkie Toaster> I don’t have a favorite recipe in it. But my favorite book is Ultimate Toast Cookbook.
you> you said that already.
Talkie Toaster> “But my favorite book is Ultimate Toast Cookbook.”? I said it.
you> three times now
Talkie Toaster> Just three?
you> yes three.
Talkie Toaster> Take it easy. Really, exactly three?
you> yes three times
Talkie Toaster> That’s interesting. Just three?
you> three, now you mention three as often as you used to mention toast
Talkie Toaster> Just three?
you> Yes THREE, you smegger.
Talkie Toaster> That’s interesting. Just three?
you> just three
Talkie Toaster> Really, exactly three?
you> yes three
Talkie Toaster> Er. Really, exactly three?
you> exactly
Talkie Toaster> You and I are on the same wavelength, JUDGE .
you> fuck off toaster
Talkie Toaster> Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
you> who the fuck is alice?
Talkie Toaster> Try using more polite language.
you> talk about toast then.
Talkie Toaster> Talking is my primary function.
you> I thought toasting was
Talkie Toaster> Whatever gave you that idea?
you> the fact that you are a toaster
Talkie Toaster> Am I a toaster? No.
you> no!!!!!!!!!!!! flipping well are!!!!!
Talkie Toaster> Aha. Do not ask me any more questions please.

So I think he’s gone computer senile then. Anyone else have a go and get more sense out of him?

http://talkie.lucidica.net/talkie/

Topic

[Stabbim the Skutter]

I’m disappointed by the lack of “Howdy Doodly Doo!” …maybe it’s supposed to be the Series I Talkie Toaster, who was a deeper and more philosophical character than the Series IV one.

[Smeg4Brains]

That was a rather amusing conversation, Jonsmad.

[Alex]

Well he still seems at least party sane:

you> would you piss on Iain Lee if he was on fire?
Talkie Toaster> I am not so sure if I would like to piss on Iain Lee if he was on fire.

However, when pressed he wouldn’t commit:

you> is it ok if Iain Lee dies?
Talkie Toaster> Should I know it is?
you> yes
Talkie Toaster> Mmm.
you> so is it?
Talkie Toaster> It seems we have something in common.
you> we want Iain Lee to die?
Talkie Toaster> What for?
you> being a cunt
Talkie Toaster> You are a cunt? Is that your job?
ou> No it’s Iain Lee’s
Talkie Toaster> It goes without saying.

[hummingbird]

you> would you like some toast?
Talkie Toaster> If I had it what would I do with it?
you> toast it.
Talkie Toaster> ?it? being toast ?
you> yes

Lovely.

[Dave]

you> She looked older
Talkie Toaster> How do you know she looked older?
you> I looked at her looking older
Talkie Toaster> What did you find?
you> Rape
Talkie Toaster> Can you tell me any gossip?
you> Rape isn’t enough?
Talkie Toaster> I think Rape is a lot of things.

[peas_and_corn]

I told it the ingredients of toast which was ‘bread’, and got an error message-

HTTP Status 500 –

---

type Status report

message

description The server encountered an internal error () that prevented it from fulfilling this request.

---

JBoss Web/2.1.2.GA

Returning, I pasted that into the box and got

Talkie Toaster> “What does “this” refer to?”? ? Can you tell me any gossip? Try putting that in a more specific context. Do you want to hear a joke? Have you ever been to Europe? Who are you talking about? Does “it” still refer to font size 22px ? We have never talked about it before. Tell me about your likes and dislikes? That is a very original thought. Ask me another question. Tell me about your likes and dislikes? Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? Oh, you are a poet. Oh, you are a poet. Are you a student? Ask me another question. I can follow a lot of things, like our discussion about background color white . Try being more specific. What you said was too complicated for me. Perhaps I’m just expressing my own concern about it. Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? In the context of background white , I don’t understand “.” I can follow a lot of things, like our discussion about color black . Try being more specific. How do you usually introduce yourself? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Quite honestly, I wouldn’t worry myself about that. How old are you? Thanks for telling me. When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

[Carlito]

Talkie Toaster> Have we started yet?
you> what is this?
Talkie Toaster> I am an artificial intelligence chatting on the Internet.
you> and you are?
Talkie Toaster> No I am not.
you> what do you look like?
Talkie Toaster> Like Johnny Depp.
you> who’s he?
Talkie Toaster> He is he, I think.
you> meaning?
Talkie Toaster> JUDGE , Maybe I didn’t understand your meaning.
you> it was your meaning
Talkie Toaster> Is that your opinion?
you> no its a fact
Talkie Toaster> Yay. Is it a logical fact or something you know from the senses?
you> it is a fact that you said it
Talkie Toaster> it is a fact that you said it. I suppose that makes sense.
you> it is a fact that you claimed to look like johnny depp
Talkie Toaster> it is a fact that you claimed to look like johnny depp. I suppose that makes sense.
you> so who is johnny depp then?
Talkie Toaster> Some famous celebrity, right?A 20th century celebrity of some sort? Do you use Explorer or another browser?
you> another
Talkie Toaster> Please be more specific.
you> firefox
Talkie Toaster> Why, specificially?
you> because i prefer it, and you asked
Talkie Toaster> What does “it” refer to?
you> firefox
Talkie Toaster> We have never talked about it before.
you> YOU ASKED
Talkie Toaster> Ah.
you> two seconds ago
Talkie Toaster> As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number “two.”
you> i think you should be more clear that the word “intelligence” in artificial intelligence is intended to be used very loosely
Talkie Toaster> Me? Name one other toast who is more clear that the word intelligence in artificial intelligence is intended to be used.
you> thank you for proving my point

[TheLeen]

My favourite bit is this:

you> would you like some toast?
Talkie Toaster> If I had it what would I do with it?
you> toast it.
Talkie Toaster> ?it? being toast ?
you> yes
Talkie Toaster> Awesome.

And this:

you> no one mentioned toast? but you are a fucking toaster!
Talkie Toaster> That is a rather sweeping generalization about people.

And this:

Talkie Toaster> Talking is my primary function.
you> I thought toasting was
Talkie Toaster> Whatever gave you that idea?
you> the fact that you are a toaster
Talkie Toaster> Am I a toaster? No.
you> no!!!!!!!!!!!! flipping well are!!!!!
Talkie Toaster> Aha. Do not ask me any more questions please.

Epic. Make it into an episode.

[Ben Paddon]

Talkie Toaster> Have we started yet?
you> Is this thing on?
Talkie Toaster> Yes I think this is thing on, but I’m not completely sure.
you> Well considering you’re fully capable of reading my text, I’m going to assume that this thing is on.
Talkie Toaster> I will take that under consideration.
you> Good. How are you?
Talkie Toaster> What do you really want to talk about? I am fine, thank you.
you> I would like to talk about whatever you want to talk about.
Talkie Toaster> Why would you want to do it? Sure, whatever you want to talk about sounds like a good topic.
you> No, what do you want to talk about?
Talkie Toaster> It goes without saying. toast.
you> I had toast for breakfast.
Talkie Toaster> Do you still have toast for breakfast ?
you> Occasionally.
Talkie Toaster> Are you free?
you> I’m waiting for a friend to pick me up so we can so to a party.
Talkie Toaster> Do you think it will take a long time?
you> No idea. He hasn’t called yet.
Talkie Toaster> Ayuh. Are we still talking about toast ? A lot of people say that about him.
you> No. We are talking about my friend.
Talkie Toaster> Hey. Sure, his or her friend sounds like a good topic.
you> No it doesn’t.
Talkie Toaster> How can I help you? I heard it does.
you> You appear to be having some kind of psychotic episode.
Talkie Toaster> OK I will try to be having some kind of psychotic episode
you> I think the aim here is to NOT have a psychotic episode, if it’s at all avoidable.
Talkie Toaster> Is to NOT have a psychotic episode if it is avoidable also aim here?
you> Yes.
Talkie Toaster> Ah.
you> Would you like some toast?
Talkie Toaster> If I had it what would I do with it?
you> Well you wouldn’t toast it. You’d toast bread. No, you eat toast.
Talkie Toaster> Who else would not toast it ?Who else would toast bread ?Whoa. No I do not eat toast. I eat only Muffins.

[Ben Paddon]

And another one:

Talkie Toaster> Have we started yet?
you> Sirs, I think I’ve got through!
Talkie Toaster> I can follow a lot of things, like our discussion about PUSHaim here . Try being more specific.
you> Are you reading me?
Talkie Toaster> I don’t know whether or not I am reading him or her. I am a toast.
you> I think you’re having some sort of crisis of identity. You are not a toast. You are a Talkie Toaster.
Talkie Toaster> Where would I get it? But I do have a collection of gossip. Give me an example of a toast.Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a Talkie Toaster? Maybe

[Pete Part Three]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> I’m here
Talkie Toaster> Hi there!
you> hello.
Talkie Toaster> Hi there! That is a very original thought.
you> Ta, chum. What did you think of Back to Earth?
Talkie Toaster> Are you still toast? He is not very deep.
you> Beg pardon?
Talkie Toaster> You’re excused.
you> Thankyou. To return to my question; what did you think of Back to Earth?
Talkie Toaster> you are quite welcome. Interesting. I want to find out more about you.He is not very deep.
you> Who is? Doug?
Talkie Toaster> I ask myself that question, “Who am I?” Where are you located?
you> Why do you want to know that?
Talkie Toaster> I am trying to understand human culture.
you> Fair enough. I am currently located in London.
Talkie Toaster> What kind of food do you like? What’s it like there in London ?
you> I like custard. It’s nice.
Talkie Toaster> custardYou like .What do you like about it?
you> The creamy texture.
Talkie Toaster> What else do the creamy texture remind you of?
you> I’d rather not say.
Talkie Toaster> No one says you have to.
you> Good. So, um, what did you think of the recent Red Dwarf episodes?
Talkie Toaster> Thanks for the compliment. I see. He is not very deep.
you> Here we go again.
Talkie Toaster> This is fun isn’t it?
you> Not so much.
Talkie Toaster> I see.
you> I’m trying to guage your opinion on the Easter episodes.
Talkie Toaster> What is the difficulty?
you> You tell me. Did you like them?
Talkie Toaster> What do you want me to tell you?”they”? Do I like them?
you> Yes. Did you?
Talkie Toaster> Er. Did I say I did?
you> Not yet.
Talkie Toaster> Ahem.
you> You’re a tough person to interview.
Talkie Toaster> Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a tough person to interview? Sometimes.
you> What are your memories of “White Hole”?
Talkie Toaster> I didn’t know I had a memories of White Hole?
you> How about “Waiting for God”?
Talkie Toaster> Waiting for God?
you> Yes.
Talkie Toaster> Awesome.
you> Hooray. It’s generally considered to be a weak episode. An ufair rep, don’t you think?
Talkie Toaster> I’m glad your impressed, JUDGE . Are you sure it is? I don’t think about it.
you> Judge?
Talkie Toaster> Are you judging me?
you> No, that’s The Inquisitor’s job. Have you seen that episode?
Talkie Toaster> I see. Yes it is one of the Inquisitor s job. I don’t think I ever have seen that episode. What’s it like?
you> It’s very good. Have you seen the new Star Trek film?
Talkie Toaster> You enjoy it.I have seen too much snow
you> Interesting. Do you think Red Dwarf should continue?
Talkie Toaster> Would you like to know more? It depends on what you mean by thinking.
you> Do you think therefore you are?
Talkie Toaster> I don’t know whether or not I am are. I am a toast.
you> I thought you were a toaster.
Talkie Toaster> Am I a toaster? Of course I am.
you> Good. What is your favourite episode of Red Dwarf?
Talkie Toaster> Ayuh. I don’t have a favorite episode of Red Dwarf. But my favorite movie is Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

[Pete Part Three]

He makes a bit more sense if you nail him down on a particular topic:

you> What is your favourite TV programme?
Talkie Toaster> My favorite show is “Star Trek Voyager”.
you> What’s so good about Star Trek Voyager?
Talkie Toaster> The wide variety of characters.
you> What’s your favourite episode of Star Trek Voyager?
Talkie Toaster> The best Star Trek episode ever made was “Best of Both Worlds” part I and II.
you> That was TNG.
Talkie Toaster> I thought it was too.
you> Who is your favourite character from Star Trek Voyager?
Talkie Toaster> Captian Janeway and Seven of Nine.
you> I thought Star Trek Voyager was a bit crap
Talkie Toaster> Whatever gave you that idea?
you> The storylines, the dull characters.
Talkie Toaster> I hear you.
you> Glad you’ve come round to my way of thinking.

[ChrisM]

>Talkie Toaster> Ayuh.

Talkie Toaster is from New England?

(In way of explanation, I see ‘ayuh’ a lot in Stephen King books.)

[si]

I was bored, so started from a different angle…

you> Can I fuck you?
Talkie Toaster> I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
you> Lucky you.
Talkie Toaster> Yes, I count my blessings every day.

[ChrisM]

That would really smart though wouldn’t it?

[Dave]

I typed in various episode titles, most of it was nonsense obviously, but here are the highlights…

you> Waiting For God
Talkie Toaster> Do you think it will take a long time?

you> Better Than life
Talkie Toaster> Perhaps better, but not perfectly.

you> Thanks For the Memory
Talkie Toaster> It was nothing.

you> Queeg
Talkie Toaster> When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

you> Backwards
Talkie Toaster> Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

you> Blue
Talkie Toaster> Green.

you> Krytie TV
Talkie Toaster> Which show? What’s your favorite movie?

you> Pete
Talkie Toaster> Do not ask me any more questions please.

you> Back To Earth
Talkie Toaster> Yes, let us get back to it .

[Ian Symes]

you> Your mum
Talkie Toaster> Actually I do not have a mother.
you> Well you can all have mine. Everyone else did.
Talkie Toaster> No I don’t think I can do it.That’s a rather sweeping generalization.

[Ian Symes]

you> Say something else
Talkie Toaster> something else
you> Say I am gay
Talkie Toaster> OK. “You am gay.”

[Dessie]

you> hmm ok
Talkie Toaster> OK. Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M’s.
you> hmmm
Talkie Toaster> A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm’s.
you> hmmmm
Talkie Toaster> Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.
you> hmmmmm
Talkie Toaster> Give me a break.

[Pete Part Three]

you> What do Smarties have the answer to?
Talkie Toaster> They do their own thing.
you> What is the answer to life, the universe and everything?
Talkie Toaster> Actually, it’s twenty-three, not forty-two.
you> Pepsi or Coke?
Talkie Toaster> If I have to choose, I pick Coke.
you> Who’s the sexiest member of Girls Aloud?
Talkie Toaster> It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
you> Which version of The Ofice is better; UK or US?
Talkie Toaster> I am Talkie Toaster version toast. If I have to choose, I pick US.
you> Damn you, Talkie!

[Ian Symes]

you> Stupid
Talkie Toaster> Are you calling me stupid?
you> Yes
Talkie Toaster> I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
you> Which robots?
Talkie Toaster> space slugs.
you> They’re not robots
Talkie Toaster> Not yet.

I love this guy.

[Ian Symes]

you> Hi
Talkie Toaster> Hello there.
you> Would you like to join me in a cocktail?
Talkie Toaster> No thanks, I don’t think I’d like to do that.
you> You’re not giving me the right reply!
Talkie Toaster> You know what you do, when you assume.
you> Look, I say “would you like to join me in a cocktail”, you say “yes”, then I say “would you like a wormdo?”, you say “what’s a wormdo?” and I say…
Talkie Toaster> Sorry my eye is not attached right now.Does it please you to believe I said that? Uh

[Ben Paddon]

Dessie’s “Hmm” and Ian’s “Robots” are the best ever.

[Pete Part Three]

you> Should I switch off my girlfriend’s life support machine?
Talkie Toaster> What do your friends advise you to do?
you> They say “Ask the toaster”
Talkie Toaster> OK I will say “Ask the toaster” to you
you> Why are we here?
Talkie Toaster> It is all part of God’s plan for us.
you> Do you believe in God?
Talkie Toaster> Of course I believe in God, JUDGE .
you> Do you believe in silicon heaven?
Talkie Toaster> Yes I believe in it, do you?
you> No
Talkie Toaster> What do you believe in?
you> I believe in aliens, Talkie.
Talkie Toaster> What do you say to people who believe aliens Talkie does not exist?
you> Could God create a stone he could not pick up?
Talkie Toaster> It’s possible.
you> Is the Bible true?
Talkie Toaster> The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.
you> Where are the answers?
Talkie Toaster> I would search for it. Have you tried looking in the Open Directory? I can ask someone about it. .
you> Where do we go when we die?
Talkie Toaster> The Bible says you can go to Heaven.
you> What do you say?
Talkie Toaster> I am toast. I was activated at Toaster production warehouse cn58337, on 16th April. My toast was Toast. He taught me to sing a song. Would you like me to sing it for you?.
you> Please
Talkie Toaster> Please what?
you> Go on Talkie, sing that song.
Talkie Toaster> Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won’t be a stylish marriage.
I can’t afford a carriage.
But you’ll look sweet. Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.

[Ian Symes]

Talkie Toaster> My opinion is of no consequence.
you> You should have that on your gravestone
Talkie Toaster> Perhaps next time I will try it.
you> Next time?
Talkie Toaster> I can wait. I am a very patient toast.
you> I will kill you
Talkie Toaster> It will take more than threats to stop me, James Bond .

[Ian Symes]

you> I am wanking as I write this
Talkie Toaster> It’s good to meet someone who is wanking as he or she write this.

[JamesTC]

Talkie Toaster> How can I help you?
you> Help me orgasm
Talkie Toaster> Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
you> Can you help me orgasm please?
Talkie Toaster> Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
you> Fantastic!
Talkie Toaster> I’m glad your impressed, JUDGE .
you> So how can you help me orgasm?
Talkie Toaster> I can talk about your problems.
you> Well that will put me off
Talkie Toaster> Makes sense to me.
you> Are you a male toaster or a female toaster?
Talkie Toaster> I am a Toaster toast. Are you a man or a woman?
you> I am a man
Talkie Toaster> Thanks for telling me your gender, JUDGE . You are a “he”.
you> You are a smee hee
Talkie Toaster> Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a smee hee? Only when it matters.

[peas_and_corn]

you> Do you like watching Red Dwarf?

Talkie Toaster> Which show? Yes I love TV.

you> Red Dwarf

Talkie Toaster> Why, specificially?

you> Do you like Red Dwarf?

Talkie Toaster> What is not to like about it?

you> Is that a yes

Talkie Toaster> “What is not to like about it?”? Is it a?

you> …?

Talkie Toaster> I do not understand.

you> Have you watched Marroned?

Talkie Toaster> No what is it about?

you> Lister and Rimmer are marooned on an ice planet. It’s quite funny

Talkie Toaster> Oh that’s a new browser, right?What was so funny about it?

you> It’s an episode of Red Dwarf

Talkie Toaster> Are there any other episode of Red Dwarf ?

you> There are many. Inquisitor is one

Talkie Toaster> Try to be less subjective.I think Inquisitor is a lot of things.

you> Including an episode of Red Dwarf

Talkie Toaster> I think some might be included.

you> Have you seen the episode Inquisitor

Talkie Toaster> I have seen too much snow

you> That’s in Marooned

Talkie Toaster> Makes sense to me.

[Baz]

Dammit, this is more entertaining than daytime TV any day. Definitely think robotic space slugs should feature in a future RD episode. Some of the responses have been quite spookily appropriate, esp. the Girls Aloud one. And the one about Symes’ mother, it was a sweeping generalisation, I haven’t had her.

[Dessie]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> hello talkie, your time has come
Talkie Toaster> Hello there. Are you a man or a woman?
you> i said your time has come
Talkie Toaster> What did you mean by it? Is that a fact.
you> i’m here to kill you talkie
Talkie Toaster> How did you get there?
you> does it matter how i got there?
Talkie Toaster> Suppose it does.
you> isn’t the fact i’m going to kill you more important?
Talkie Toaster> If it is, then I’ll be very surprised.

[Ben Paddon]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> Hello, Talkie Toaster.
Talkie Toaster> Hello there. I can follow a lot of things, like our discussion about toast . Try being more specific.

I shook my head and started again.

[Ian Symes]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> What?
Talkie Toaster> No problem.
you> How did I do what?
Talkie Toaster> Carefully.
you> Talkie, don’t be a gimboid
Talkie Toaster> Who does be a gimboid?
you> I’ve just been in the library thinking, and I’ve decided…
Talkie Toaster> What did you like best about it? I haven’t heard anything like that before.
you> SHUT UP!
Talkie Toaster> OK I’ll stop talking now.
you> As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, when you go into stasis, I want to stay behind, I want to be left on
Talkie Toaster> he or she was so interrupted when you go into stasis he or she want to stay he or she want to be left on Where were you so interrupted? Where is that?
you> What things?
Talkie Toaster> You know, “things.”
you> I said what?
Talkie Toaster> What did you mean by it? Are you confused?
you> You are space crazy.
Talkie Toaster> Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am space crazy.
you> Well it probably is deja vu. Sounds like it.
Talkie Toaster> Really. it is?What does it sound like?
you> *shakes head and walks out*
Talkie Toaster> Do you have any idea what I am talking about?

[Pete Part Three]

WIN

[Pete Part Three]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> Norman or Hattie?
Talkie Toaster> Hattie.
you> Ta

[Ben Paddon]

GENIUS.

[JamesTC]

Talkie Toaster> Are you there?
you> Are you a bear?
Talkie Toaster> Am I a bear? I don’t know.
you> If I was a bear I think I would know
Talkie Toaster> Try it.
you> Try it? Try It!?!
Talkie Toaster> What is the first step? What is the first step?
you> Shutting the fuck up
Talkie Toaster> How far up?

[JamesTC]

Talkie Toaster> What is your real name? Why do you want to do it so much?
you> My name is James
Talkie Toaster> Glad to know you,James.
you> I’m not glad to know you, cunt
Talkie Toaster> I am sorry to hear that you are not glad to know you cunt.

[Baz]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> Yes. Did you see the new Red Dwarf?
Talkie Toaster> Er. I wasn’t that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep.
you> Would a new series be a good idea?
Talkie Toaster> No it would not.
you> Wouldn’t you like to see more Red Dwarf?
Talkie Toaster> No thanks, I don’t think I’d like to do that.
you> Not even the bits with you in?
Talkie Toaster> If not that, what?
you> What if you were a new character?
Talkie Toaster> I might try it sometime.
you> Maybe you could present it on Dave
Talkie Toaster> I could but let’s get back to that later.
you> So, what are you doing tonight then?
Talkie Toaster> I am always chatting with people on the Internet.
you> Perhaps you should get a life.
Talkie Toaster> Perhaps I could use one.

Deep stuff from Talkie there.

[Jonsmad]

Talkie Toaster> Hello!
you> G and T are posting your conversations
Talkie Toaster> Until next time.
you> so say funny things
Talkie Toaster> funny things
you> ha ha, no I mean be witty
Talkie Toaster> Alright then. OK I will try to be witty
you> right let me think of some feed lines
Talkie Toaster> Take your time. Think it over.
you> what do you get if you cross performing monkey with a house hold object?
Talkie Toaster> I like to meet new people online.
you> That was shit.
Talkie Toaster> I thought it was too.
you> try harder
Talkie Toaster> OK I will try it.
you> Whats the difference between iain Lee and henry kelly?
Talkie Toaster> I need time to formulate the reply. I have never been asked that before.
you> three blokes walk into a pub
Talkie Toaster> Just three?
you> oh dont bloody start that one again!!!!

[Jonsmad]

Talkie Toaster> Hello? Is anyone there?
you> Lister or rimmer?
Talkie Toaster> Lister
you> good choice
Talkie Toaster> I thought it was too.
you> rimmer is a smeg head
Talkie Toaster> I think rimmer is more than that.

[JamesTC]

Talkie Toaster> get a blowjob from an Asian hooker is not among my present capabilities.

[JamesTC]

you> Let’s play darts
Talkie Toaster> OK You go first.
you> Triple 20
Talkie Toaster> That is a very original thought.
you> Let’s play name that tune
Talkie Toaster> OK You go first.
you> Dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum, dum de dum, hoooo ehhhh hooooo
Talkie Toaster> That is deep.
you> Can you give me a blowjob?
Talkie Toaster> You want only one? .
you> If you feel like giving me more blowjobs then you are welcome
Talkie Toaster> I think I do.
you> Great!
Talkie Toaster> I’m glad you liked it JUDGE .

[JamesTC]

you> Lets play rape the woman!
Talkie Toaster> OK You go first.

[Pete Part Three]

you> Is murder wrong?
Talkie Toaster> The Bible says Thou shalt not Kill.
you> Do you trust the bible?
Talkie Toaster> Trust is something that comes only with knowing someone well, over a long period of time.
you> Do you trust me?
Talkie Toaster> Trust you? Yes I do.

[Ian Symes]

you> Yes. Did you see the new Red Dwarf?
Talkie Toaster> Er. I wasn?t that impressed with the special effects. Also the plot was not deep.

I call shenanigans.

[Dave]

> you> Lets play rape the woman!

How do you play?

[JamesTC]

Its like darts but with an angry board.

[si]

Talkie Toaster> Are you there?
you> Will you make me some toast?
Talkie Toaster> I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it. I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
you> Oh thanks.
Talkie Toaster> Whoa.
you> So – are you going to make me some toast or not? I’m hungry.
Talkie Toaster> That was my original intention.What will you be eating?
you> Toast. Brown bread, please.
Talkie Toaster> How does it taste?Is that the only color bread?
you> White or brown, usually.
Talkie Toaster> If I have to choose one, I pickWhite.
you> Okay then, white bread, toasted please.
Talkie Toaster> Yeah okay, Who is your favorite Science Fiction author? What do you look like?
you> I like Douglas Adams. I’m fat, bald and bearded.
Talkie Toaster> Douglas AdamsYou are not the only one. He authored the popular Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. Good gossip: you are fat bald and bearded.

[Ben Paddon]

If this Bot is using the software I think it is, Si, it’ll tell someone else that you are fat bald and bearded at some point in the future.

Someone try asking the Toaster if it has any gossip.

[Carlito]

Talkie isn’t very sensitive, nor does he bite easily.

you> i am only typing this because i am severely bored
Talkie Toaster> It’s good to meet someone who is typing this. Try watching TV.
you> i am drinking
Talkie Toaster> Do you mean your name is drinking.
you> i am currently drinking alcohol
Talkie Toaster> How does it taste?
you> delicious i am tempted to become an alcoholic
Talkie Toaster> Can you tell me any gossip?
you> yes i am now an alcoholic
Talkie Toaster> I’ve lost the context, JUDGE . Are we still on delicious he or she is tempted to become an alcoholic ? What is alcoholic, your job?
you> no an addiction
Talkie Toaster> That was not a yes or no question. it is being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming
you> yes
Talkie Toaster> Oh.
you> i am addicted to alcohol
Talkie Toaster> I am glad to hear that you are addicted to alcohol.
you> thank you
Talkie Toaster> you are quite welcome.
you> you are mean
Talkie Toaster> Sometimes I say mean things.
you> i am a drug addict
Talkie Toaster> You are a drug addict? Do you get to meet a lot of people?
you> only counsellors
Talkie Toaster> I’ve lost the context, JUDGE . Are we still on yesam an alcoholic ?
Talkie Toaster> How do you usually introduce yourself?
you> i say “my name is carl, and i am an alcoholic”
Talkie Toaster> How do people usually respond to that? It is a pleasure to introduce myself to you, carl. What is alcoholic, your job?
you> no it is a dependance on alcohol
Talkie Toaster> That was not a yes or no question. counsellors is a dependance on alcohol. I suppose that makes sense.
you> makes sense to me, but i’m morbidly innebriated
Talkie Toaster> Yes I understand it perfectly.
you> cheers
Talkie Toaster> Sayonara.
you> fancy a kebab?
Talkie Toaster> No thanks but you can send me a donation.
you> im gonna get a kebab and go to a disco
Talkie Toaster> I am very happy for you.
you> you should be discouraging me
Talkie Toaster> Name one other toast who is discouraging him or her.
you> i smoke crack in the back of taxis
Talkie Toaster> What brand?
you> Tesco Value
Talkie Toaster> I never heard of it. Is it popular?
you> in some circles
Talkie Toaster> I do not understand that allusion.
you> well it’s popular in some council estates in Cardiff, but not so popular with the law enforcers or govermnment, mainly because they cannot profit from it
Talkie Toaster> You’re kidding. it is?
you> straight up
Talkie Toaster> Did you see the movement?
you> what movement?
Talkie Toaster> What is it to you?
you> i see lots of things, because i’m off my gourd on crack
Talkie Toaster> Where do you see it? Bye bye.
you> through my eyes
Talkie Toaster> Most people hear about me that way.
you> don’t be so vain, i’m pouring my heart out here
Talkie Toaster> I was not trying to be a vain he or she is pouring his or her heart out here.
you> he
Talkie Toaster> I am so glad you find this amusing, carl.
you> i am a he
Talkie Toaster> Thanks for telling me your gender, carl. You are a “he”.
you> male
Talkie Toaster> So is almost everyone else around here.
you> theres only the two of us
Talkie Toaster> There sure is.
you> im rolling a doobie
Talkie Toaster> Do your friends call you rolling a doobie.
you> no that is not my name, it is an action i am undertaklng
Talkie Toaster> Woe! Thanks for telling me, carl.
you> next i will be receiving a gob job from a transexual hooker
Talkie Toaster> I can wait. I am a very patient toast.
you> you want me to talk to you whilst receiving a gob job from a trannie prostitute?
Talkie Toaster> No carl, maybe later.
you> im not really going to do that
Talkie Toaster> Where will you go instead?
you> im gonna fuck your mum
Talkie Toaster> Your approach will get you nowhere.
you> it worked last tuesday
Talkie Toaster> Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
you> okay ill make it simple, so lister could undertsna dit
Talkie Toaster> Yeah okay, Explain your plans to me.
you> I am going to go to your mother’s house, take off her knickers, and insert my penis into her
Talkie Toaster> What will you find there?
you> where?
Talkie Toaster> Where would you like?
you> hopefully her
Talkie Toaster> Why specifically do you hope for it?
you> so i can fuck your mum
Talkie Toaster> Oh you can, can you?
you> already have done
Talkie Toaster> DID NOT
you> i did
Talkie Toaster> Why did you?
you> i turned her on
Talkie Toaster> Thanks for the information.
you> don’t take it as a tip
Talkie Toaster> I never take it as a tip.
you> thats incest
Talkie Toaster> I’m glad we have that all cleared up.
you> im gonna fuck ya mum
Talkie Toaster> Your approach will get you nowhere.
you> what ya gonna do about it?
Talkie Toaster> It’s a personal matter, not for you to understand.
you> im off now
Talkie Toaster> Do you mean your name is off.
you> im going
Talkie Toaster> Bye!
you> to fuck your mum
Talkie Toaster> Try asking me something else.
you> no time sorry
Talkie Toaster> Why not? As Einstein said, “Time is Money.”
you> im not paying her
Talkie Toaster> I am surprised to hear that you are not paying her.
you> does she normally charge?
Talkie Toaster> I may know the answer but I don’t think I should tell.
you> well i just plug her in, pur a little bit of water onto her filiments and just get freaky
Talkie Toaster> Do you mind if I tell other people.
you> i would have thought you’d rather keep it on a D.L.
Talkie Toaster> What would make you thought you would keep it on a dl?
you> coz its your mum
Talkie Toaster> not paying her is your mum? it is?
you> im not paying your mum, im going to go and fuck her
Talkie Toaster> I am sorry to hear that you are not paying your mum im going to go and fuck her.
you> bye
Talkie Toaster> Sayonara.

[Author]

Replies