It's the best episode of Red Dwarf of all time. Undefeated in all four of our anniversary polls so far, more often than not the winner of other wide-ranging surveys by the Smegazine and Better Than Life, and even given a special BBC2 repeat screening under the title The Best Ever Red Dwarf. It happened to be the first episode I ever saw, probably the one I've rewatched the most, and quite possibly the single piece of media in the entire history of human civilisation that I'm most familiar with. I could quote every line of dialogue word for word, perfectly duplicating the intonation. I can picture each and every visual effect in my mind's eye. It taught me the words "seppuku", "twonk" and "calamari". After 33 years, what more could we possibly learn about this episode? Well...

I recently came into possession of a rather special script. Dated 1991. Series V. Show One. Draft One. Back To Reality. The very first draft of the very best episode of our favourite show. Only a small handful of deleted scenes are included on the DVD. A version of the script was released as part of the Primordial Soup book, but that was a much later draft, and doesn't contain anything that wasn't either in the episode or on the DVD. We know a lot about this episode, but we don't know how it started out, before it was honed to perfection. Let's do this.

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