Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Better Ending to Officer Rimmer?

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  • #231422
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    I’m just thinking about the way they defeat the Rimmer abomination here; you can put any snarky “Officer Rimmer had an ending?” reactions aside for a moment.

    It was well established in the episode that Bio-prints disintegrate once they’ve served their life’s purpose, so: what if they had beaten the Rimmer monster by convincing it that it had fulfilled its purpose?

    E.g. they somehow promote the Rimmer monster to Captain, or they make a Bio-print of Rimmer’s dad, and get him to tell the monster that he loves and is proud of him.

    You’d have to rewrite some details to make this work, but it might be a more satisfying pay off than just them distracting it for a few seconds so they have a chance to shoot it in the face. -_-

    #231425

    Yes, the ‘stops existing when its job is done’ plot seems like such an obvious way to end the episode in an interesting / clever way that it’s hard to believe Doug went with ‘shoot it’.

    Of course I’d actually stump for a proper shot of it exploding from bazookoid fire over the ‘we stopped the tape 10 seconds early’ feel of the actual ending.

    #231428
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    All that episode needs is a big BOOM at the end as it cuts to black, I’m telling you. That’s it. And for the credits to come in a bit sooner, to negate the ‘stopped the tape 10 minutes early’ feel.

    #231429
    bloodteller
    Participant

    that the monster doesn’t even react to being hit by the bazookoid fire (nor do the shots even seem to impact the monster) makes the ending of the episode all the more awkward- it feels like there’s an effects shot missing here. at least have the monster explode or something, you know?

    #231430
    bloodteller
    Participant

    when the episode first came out i remember someone on the forum suggesting that a better end to the episode would have been the monster exploding into a big inky mess, resulting in lister making a crack about rimmer being “really self-absorbed”. that would’ve been quite good

    #231445
    Katydid
    Participant

    As I was first watching the episode, I was expecting them to be ennacting a plan to kill the Rimmonster by tricking it into completing the list they were getting it to make.

    Here’s my slightly ironic slightly serious pitch:

    After a volley of ineffectual bazookoid fire, Rimmer has a stroke of brilliance and tells the Rimmonster that it has completed its duty now that the Officer’s Club is empty. The Rimmonster dissolves into paper. Rimmer attempts to begin a self-aggrandizing speech about his valor in the face of certain death, but he is quickly cut off as the rest of the crew beat him to death Tikka to Ride-style.

    #231446

    There’s no reason to have a new ending really, it leaves it pretty clear the boys just killed the Rimmer gestalt and that’s all.

    #231484
    Dax101
    Participant

    Red Dwarf has had sudden endings many times before.

    Funny enough many of the new shows don’t have great endings but i don’t really have an issue with Officer Rimmers one.

    For example in Samsara they solve the mystery and leave… thats fine with me. but why is the Cat that finds the playing card and makes a fuss about it? surely Rimmer should have found it? really odd.

    #231489
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    Because the Cat of oblivious to why he shouldn’t make a big deal over the card and so we can get a nice shot of Rimmer’s reaction, if Rimmer found it it wouldn’t quite play out in the same way and idk if it would be as funny

    #231505
    Katydid
    Participant

    it leaves it pretty clear the boys just killed the Rimmer gestalt and that’s all.

    Kindly direct me to the people who are claiming otherwise.

    #231506
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    Ha, I literally said that this had nothing to do with the abruptness of the ending, yet people have still ended up discussing the abruptness of the ending. I shouldn’t have fought fate.

    OK, here’s another variation:

    The Rimmer monster is rampaging through the corridor when Rimmer rushes out in front of him, wearing a curly wig, a fake moustache and a yellow jacket.

    “Stop! I know you think you still need to absorb the original Rimmer, but you miscounted! There are no more Rimmers left – so your life’s work is done!”

    The monster looks incredulous and gestures at Rimmer.

    “Me? Oh no, I get why you’d think I was Rimmer, as we do look very similar, but as you can see- ”

    Rimmer gestures at his name tag.

    ” – I’m Knott.”

    #231529
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    RIMMER MONSTER: You’re not what?

    #231532
    Katydid
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on the list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: Falling down a big hole!

    (The Rimmonster falls down a big hole for some reason. The audience is dead silent.)

    #231533
    Katydid
    Participant

    Everyone: Dying!

    (The Rimmonster hits a tripwire and a bucket of kippers dumps over top of it. There is a long pause.)

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231534
    bloodteller
    Participant

    lister finds mineopoly cards in the rimmermonster’s pocket and the real cheater is revealed

    #231543
    Katydid
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: You’re going to be an uncle!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S KIND OF

    #231545
    Hamish
    Participant

    Cat convinces the Rimmonster that he is a psychopath and shoots it in the face.

    #231546
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    Lister reveals that he has passed the chef’s exam and freezers in mid-air while saluting; the rest of the cast remain in motion and act confused.

    #231550
    Dave
    Participant

    It turns out the Rimmer monster was actually just Holly. Jape of the decade etc.

    #231552
    Katydid
    Participant

    Rimmer knees the Rimmonster in its many ballsacks and says, “Officer Rimmer die young!”

    #231571
    cwickham
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: The smeg it is!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S KIND OF

    #231575
    Dave
    Participant

    The Rimmer Monster hid in Lister’s clean underpants drawer, where it died of loneliness three years later.

    #231578

    Rimmer Monster: I need your bike
    Lister: You got it!

    The Rimmer Monster flies off out of the side of the ship, looking suspiciously like a cutout.

    #231580
    Dave
    Participant

    *before Lister can fire, the Rimmer Monster grabs him and breaks his neck*

    Kryten: Mr Lister!
    Cat: Is he okay?
    Kryten: He’s… dead, sir!
    Rimmer: The Rimmer Monster’s going to get us. We’ll all be dead in a minute.

    *the Rimmer Monster stabs Cat in the eye with a pen*

    Rimmer: Cat?
    Kryten: Dead. But there may be a…

    *the Rimmer Monster crushes Kryten against the wall*

    Rimmer: Kryten! There may be a what? A whu-a way out of this? I-is that what you were going to say? Speak, Kryten! How can we change what’s happening…?

    *DRAMATIC MUSIC BEGINS*

    #231591
    Hamish
    Participant

    Following the barrage of Bazookoid fire, the Rimmonster wakes up on a hospital bed.

    LISTER: (VO) Rimmonster? You okay?
    RIMMONSTER: What happened to me? Where am I?
    CAT: (VO) Quarantine!

    The observation window depolarizes, revealing the Cat, Lister, Kryten, and Rimmer dressed in red and white checked gingham dresses, matching bonnets, pigtails, and army boots.

    KRYTEN: But don’t worry.
    LISTER: We’re here to entertain ya!

    Lister squawks like a chicken and flaps his arms as Kryten does a jig and Cat pulls a face. Rimmer just plays with Mr. Flibble for a bit.

    #231592
    Dave
    Participant

    The Dwarfers walk up and down the same corridor for a bit until the Rimmer Monster falls through an open manhole into some water. “Thank god for that,” says Cat.

    #231647
    flanl3
    Participant

    RIMMER: This is just a dream, isn’t it?
    RIMMONSTER: Yep. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy it.

    RIMMER THINKS.

    RIMMER: Alright. Pipe me!

    #231648
    flanl3
    Participant

    Wait a minute. What if all of Can of Worms was just Cat’s wet dream?

    #231653
    Katydid
    Participant

    Lister sneaks up behind the Rimmonster and pours the sexual magnetism over its shoulder. It is then gang raped.

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231672

    The Rimmer Monster realises it’s cornered, whips out a mop head and some false teeth and sneaks past the crew in its Dibbley ‘disguise’ to the tune of ‘Little Green Bag’.

    #231677
    cwickham
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: Fuck my arse we’re on the last page of the script!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231682
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    LISTER: You forgot the last item on that list!

    RIMMONSTER: What’s that?

    LISTER: Saying “nureek”.

    #231683
    Dax101
    Participant

    Turns out it was the Rimmer Squid all along and everyone wakes up.

    #231684
    bloodteller
    Participant

    LISTER: You forgot the last item on that list!

    RIMMONSTER: What’s that?

    *The Taxman emerges from the closet*

    TAXMAN: My eighteen grand! Come on, it’s bone crunching time, me old china. Now where’s those little thumbies?

    *Thump*

    GAME OVER

    #231685

    RIMMER: What’s that?
    LISTER: Dying!
    RIMMER: That’s ‘Dying, Mr. Rimmer Sir!’

    *jumps into the air*

    #231687
    cwickham
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot to set a course for the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: The slime’s coming home!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231688
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot to set a course for the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: Souper

    [Rimmonster dies of embarrassment]

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF NEXT ON DAVE SOME MORE RED DWARF OR MAYBE TOP GEAR I DON’T KNOW

    #231689
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot to set a course for the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Kryten: You are the most obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smeghead it has ever been my misfortune to encounter!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231690
    cwickham
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot to set a course for the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: The second Rimmonster, which was much less intelligent than the first, [small amount of laughter obviously pasted in from elsewhere] stowed away in my clean underpants drawer – where it died of old age many years later! [Bigger, equally obviously pasted in laugh]

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231691
    Hamish
    Participant

    RIMMER: Kryten, would you get the hacksaw and follow me?

    KRYTEN: Where are we going?

    RIMMER: We’re going to do to the Rimmonster what Alexander the Great once did to me.

    #231692
    Katydid
    Participant

    I failed to get “Rimmonster” to catch on in the initial discussion of Officer Rimmer when it aired. A year and a half later I succeed.

    #231693
    Dave
    Participant

    *a second Rimmer Monster appears, carrying two baby Rimmer Monsters*

    Rimmer Monster (shouting): I CAN’T SEE YOU BUT I KNOW YOU CAN SEE ME. I’D LIKE YOU TO MEET YOUR TWO SONS: THIS IS RIMMER, AND THIS IS MONSTER. OH, STOP CRYING AND SAY SPITONAWRIST, BOYS!

    #231703
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    [The Rimmonster rampages down the corridor with astonished, excited grins on its faces.]

    Rimmonster: “Kryten, unpack Rachelmonster and get out the puncture repair kit! I’m alive! I can touch, I can feel, I can absorb other Rimmers, I’m alive! Don’t you think it’s incredible? I. AM. ALIVE!”

    [The Rimmonster is suddenly bombarded with bazookoid fire until it explodes.]

    Cat: “What was he saying?”

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    #231705
    cwickham
    Participant

    [CAT, KRYTEN and LISTER see the RIMMONSTER staring at them silently. It holds up a card, on which is written:]

    “I am suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.”

    [The RIMMONSTER puts down the card and holds up a second:]

    “I may never speak again.”

    LISTER: You forgot the last card in that conversation!

    [The RIMMONSTER selects a new card:]

    “What’s that?”

    LISTER: DYING!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF ATMOSPHERE

    #231716

    Rimmonster: It’s Wednesday night; it’s amateur Hammond organ recital night. Ok, take it away Skutters!

    DOODLY-DOO-DOO

    #231717
    Dave
    Participant

    *Lister hands the Rimmer Monster an envelope. The Rimmer Monster opens it.*

    RIMMER MONSTER: (Reads letter) “What an absolute

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

    #231724
    Ridley
    Participant

    “You’re a model employee? In that case, ‘step into my officer’.”

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

    #231726
    flanl3
    Participant

    RIMMONSTER: Open it! Open it! I want to see what the last thing I’ll be doing is!

    LISTER OPENS THE POD, AND PULLS OUT THE ETERNAL ENDLESS VOID, HOLDING IT UP IN THE WINDOW. RIMMONSTER MAKES A FACE OF PRIDE THAT SLOWLY MORPHS INTO DISGUST.

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE, THERE’S NO KIND OF

    RIMMONSTER: It’s dying!

    ATMOSPHERE, I’M ALL ALONE,

    RIMMONSTER: It’s smegging dying!

    MORE OR LESS, LET ME LIE

    #231727
    cwickham
    Participant

    RIMMONSTER: It’s blue for not dying, right?
    LISTER: Yes!
    RIMMONSTER: Oh, good news, excellent news, Listy!
    LISTER: Oh, thank God!
    RIMMONSTER: I’m going to be an angel!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE

    #231728
    flanl3
    Participant

    TALKIE LISTER: Would you like the last thing you’re going to be doing?

    RIMMONSTER: NO DYING!!!!!!!!!!

    IT’S

    #231731
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    MORE OR LESS, LET ME LIE

    wat

    #231735
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    LET ME LIE FAR AWAY FROM HERE
    IN THE SUN, SUN, SUN
    COS IT’S FUN, FUN, FUN

    #231736
    flanl3
    Participant

    wat

    wat

    #231737
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I want to fly, shipwrecked and comatose.

    #231740
    flanl3
    Participant

    Wait is that the actual word

    What the fuck Howie

    #231743
    cwickham
    Participant

    LISTER: Don’t forget the last words of those lyrics!
    SYMESONSTER: What’re they?
    LISTER: More or less, let me lie–
    SYMESONSTER: wat

    #231748
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I thought it was “come on her toes”.

    You know, like “spit on her wrist”. It is a clever pun.

    #231762

    SYMESONSTER

    SYMONSTER, surely?

    #231779
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    I’LL PACK MY BAGS, AND HEAD INTO HYPERSPACE

    #231783
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    YOU AND ME AND THE GALAXY

    #231788
    cwickham
    Participant

    SPENDING MY DAYS IN ULTRAVIOLET RAYS

    #232029
    Katydid
    Participant

    COLD COLD COLD

    IN THE FUN FUN FUN

    #232217
    cwickham
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: Fuck my arse we’re on the last page of the script!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    This one would’ve been funnier if it had been “Doug: Fuck my arse we’re on the last page of the script!”, wouldn’t it

    #232218
    flanl3
    Participant

    Lister: You forgot the last item on that list!

    Rimmonster: What’s that?

    Lister: Fuck my arse we’re on the last page of the script!

    IT’S COLD OUTSIDE THERE’S NO KIND OF

    This one would’ve been funnier if it had been “Doug: Fuck my arse we’re on the last page of the script!”, wouldn’t it

    This one would’ve been funnier if Rimmonster had fucked Lister’s arse, wouldn’t it

    #232219
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Lister : You forgot the lyrics of the theme tune!
    Rimmonster : What’s that?
    Lister: it’s the song which plays at the end of each episode, but that’s not important right now.

    #232220
    cwickham
    Participant

    This one would’ve been funnier if Lister had fucked the Rimmonster in all of its arses, wouldn’t it

    #238179
    Ridley
    Participant

    >This one would’ve been funnier if Lister had fucked the Rimmonster in all of its arses, wouldn’t it

    “You forgot the last item on the list!”
    “What’s that?”
    “-er!”

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