I Complained To The BBC Tonight

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

You know that feeling when you quietly realise in yourself, past the fighting, past the arguments and anxiety that your missus just doesn’t give a fuck anymore and instead of championing good ol’ British indifference, they actively sabotage you and you’re only together out of habit? I had that bittersweet feeling when watching BBC Three tonight.

I sent the following complaint to the BBC and I will never watch their output again. I’ve left, I hope the children forgive me one day.

—

The Totally Senseless Game Show is still on-air as I send this complaint and it has rapidly and thankfully clarified a brooding but growing feeling in my gut and heart about the BBC that has lingered for a long time. For me, it marks the end of the corporation as a viable and competent television broadcaster.

What I saw on the show tonight was nothing short of degenerate, amateur and wholly uneducated nonsense that dares to present itself as anything other than that and for the BBC to broadcast it can only mean it now panders to the whims of actual idiots in its ranks as I cannot believe, even in an increasingly jaded and distracted nation, that anyone would find this programme amusing or within the realms of decency.

I grew up watching and listening to a myriad of programmes, of all genres, on the BBC and I gained an education in comedy, documentary, the arts, drama and music from your television and radio stations. Tonight, I have seen the sad, feckless end of the BBC and I shall not be watching any further, from now until your charter is revoked in the coming years. Thank you for your time.

Topic

[John Hoare]

You absolute fucking idiot.

[Ridley]

Dunno why the BBC bothered with a whole season of programmes when a blindfolded man handling poop-shaped mousse on the chest of a fat guy is the greatest exploration of disability since Craig Charles disfigured himself to trick children.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Craig sounds like a husky transsexual now.

[Ian Symes]

Whereas you sound like a twelve year old with a thesaurus.

[peepingsignal]

Your TV is still miles better than the TV here. A compilation of Internet Cat Videos was the highest-rated non-news programme on TV last night.

Television might be bad in the UK, but it’s fucking dismal in Australia.

[Ben Paddon]

I nominate this thread for Hall of Fame status.

[si]

The BBC show Mrs Brown’s Boys. I just choose not to watch that particular show, as opposed to shun the entire corporation.

[Ian Symes]

Television might be bad in the UK

Apart from anything else, it isn’t. What Pete Tranter’s Sister has done here is watched one programme on one channel on one evening, and written off an entire corporation as a result.

I mean, it’s fair enough. I once saw an episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys, so now I don’t watch Doctor Who, Sherlock, Match of the Day, House of Fools, Inside No 9, The Great British Bake Off, Pointless, QI or Limmy’s Show. Nor do I listen to any of the radio stations or use any of their websites or apps.

The fact that the BBC makes programmes that I don’t enjoy me makes me sick. I pay my license fee, so I expect every single second of broadcasting across their dozens of TV and radio channels to be aimed at me. I came across something called “CBeebies” the other day – unbelievably childish and silly. Shut the whole fucking thing down.

[peepingsignal]

Oh I don’t agree either, the BBC makes plenty of shows I’ve enjoyed and still enjoy. My comment was more of an excuse to complain about that damn cat show. It’s wall-to-wall reality shows and cheap factuals here. Cherish what you’ve got, because if you let that go unchecked you’ll end up getting 90-minute long, 5-night-a-week shows about renovation or cooking, on multiple channels, at the same time.

[Ridley]

G&T is no longer interested in the audience the BBC formerly used to attract.

[Taiwan Tony]

CBeebies is good! I will now never “surf” on the Internet again!!!!

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

First there are kisses, then there are sighs, then before you know where you are, you’re saying goodbye.

[Phil]

In all seriousness, will Celebrities Disfigured never be uploaded to youtube? :(

[Ridley]

#He’s got cash, he’s got disfigured.

[Jo]

“…excuse to complain about that damn cat show”

I don’t know what cat show you’re referring to, but if you’re dissing Jackson Galaxy, then I’ll fight ya!

[ori-STUDFARM]

You said “feckless”. LOL

[peepingsignal]

>I don’t know what cat show you’re referring to, but if you’re dissing Jackson Galaxy, then I’ll fight ya!

No no, not at all! I hadn’t even heard of him, but a google search tells me he’s got the most unique beard I’ve ever seen.

What I was complaining about was “Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud”, which I’ve found out is in fact a Channel 5 show. So just to let you all know, it was a hit down here. Yay.

[Ben Paddon]

First there are kisses, then there are sighs, then before you know where you are, you’re saying goodbye.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

If someone could transcribe the EastEnders omnibus for me and post it up every week, I’d appreciate it immensely.

[Ian Symes]

What I was complaining about was “Cats Make You Laugh Out Loud”, which I’ve found out is in fact a Channel 5 show. So just to let you all know, it was a hit down here. Yay.

Does your version have the same voiceover as ours? Because there’s no way anyone on G&T would ever criticise that guy.

[Ridley]

Is it just lol, lol, lol, oh look a cat?

[Jo]

“No no, not at all! I hadn’t even heard of him, but a google search tells me he’s got the most unique beard I’ve ever seen.”

:D

[Jawscvmcdia]

I think it’s safe to say that the BBC is now in it’s twilight years. The damage was done when the Saville revelations came out and I don’t think that this is something the corporation will fully recover from. Also, the influx of online streaming services such as YouTube, Netflix, etc. have also inevitably drawn a lot of viewers from the corporation.

Sadly, whilst I agree with everything that the BBC stands for, its days are numbered unless it can truly modernise itself. I do not believe that in another fifty years, the BBC will be as we know it today.

[John Hoare]

Sadly, whilst I agree with everything that the BBC stands for, its days are numbered unless it can truly modernise itself. I do not believe that in another fifty years, the BBC will be as we know it today.

Bearing in mind that the BBC wasn’t as it was today 50 years ago either, this is an exercise in stating the obvious.

[Ian Symes]

Also, the influx of online streaming services such as YouTube, Netflix, etc. have also inevitably drawn a lot of viewers from the corporation.

Just last week, the premiere of a programme about some people baking cakes in a tent only had 9.3 million people watching it live. :(

[Blisschick]

Obviously, American TV must be absolute shit then because I end up watching more stuff made by the BBC than I do by any of our major networks over here. But then, I’m probably not saying anything anyone doesn’t already know.

[peepingsignal]

>Does your version have the same voiceover as ours? Because there’s no way anyone on G&T would ever criticise that guy.

From the one minute I saw of it, yes it was! Whoa, I didn’t even realise that was him, talk about a grand coincidence.

I don’t think he’s ever been on Australian TV before. Congratulations Mr. Lee, the world truly is the size of a village these days.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

In the short term, I’d much rather see the licence fee go towards all of the terrestrial broadcasters as a whole, rather than be confined to the BBC. I don’t believe in the licence fee. For me, it’s like paying Ford for the privilege of driving on the roads even if you buy a Nissan and frankly, the sooner it was scrapped, the better. I really do get the feeling that the BBC, behind closed doors are starting to plan twenty years down the line for when the corporation will no longer receive public funding, or a shadow of what it takes in now, or receives what it does now but is completely restructured into a more commercial arm of a new company with a new charter that incorporates other commercial broadcasters. I could easily see Channel 4 and the BBC becoming part of a single company but with very different programming styles and receiving shared revenue from the licence fee and commercial enterprises. Just look at Disney and how many studios it runs, each successful and each catering for different audiences.

My complaint to the BBC was not based on some single reaction to a single programme. It was the tipping point for my frustration at this once well-loved and respected broadcaster which has been in the news for years with nothing but scandal and reports of huge amounts of taxpayers money being wasted and series after series of just nonsense being put on the air. I may not like much of what BBC Three puts out, but I understand the need for that channel. Then I saw what was on that night and I thought ‘Really? This is good ol’ Auntie claiming to be putting out its best, every time? Bollocks to this’.

[John Hoare]

In the short term, I’d much rather see the licence fee go towards all of the terrestrial broadcasters as a whole, rather than be confined to the BBC. I don’t believe in the licence fee. For me, it’s like paying Ford for the privilege of driving on the roads even if you buy a Nissan and frankly, the sooner it was scrapped, the better. I really do get the feeling that the BBC, behind closed doors are starting to plan twenty years down the line for when the corporation will no longer receive public funding, or a shadow of what it takes in now, or receives what it does now but is completely restructured into a more commercial arm of a new company with a new charter that incorporates other commercial broadcasters. I could easily see Channel 4 and the BBC becoming part of a single company but with very different programming styles and receiving shared revenue from the licence fee and commercial enterprises. Just look at Disney and how many studios it runs, each successful and each catering for different audiences.

My complaint to the BBC was not based on some single reaction to a single programme. It was the tipping point for my frustration at this once well-loved and respected broadcaster which has been in the news for years with nothing but scandal and reports of huge amounts of taxpayers money being wasted and series after series of just nonsense being put on the air. I may not like much of what BBC Three puts out, but I understand the need for that channel. Then I saw what was on that night and I thought ‘Really? This is good ol’ Auntie claiming to be putting out its best, every time? Bollocks to this’.

You absolute fucking idiot.

[Russ L]

The thing that always baffles me about this sort of argument is that you can actually avoid paying the license fee, either by being naughty or by not having a telly at all.

You can’t avoid paying for ‘every single advertising-funded channel’ every single time you go shopping, even if you don’t have/don’t watch the telly.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Not paying the licence fee is a criminal offence, regardless of the current debate of whether or not it’ll instead become a civil offence when the 2016 charter is drawn up.

When I go shopping, I can choose which products and services to support or otherwise through my purchases. I cannot choose not to fund the BBC and furthermore, what those companies do with my money once I’ve my made my purchase is really out of my hands. I made the conscious decision to give them that money and I don’t expect a voice in the matter after that. I can simply remove my support by not buying what they’re selling. If they use some of the money to fund television advertisements, fine, it’s their cash at that point.

I don’t have that decision with the BBC and it is not an essential service like the police, fire brigade or NHS and it doesn’t deserve to be maintained, essentially, via taxation.

[Russ L]

I don’t accept your atomised view of the world. I am obliged to buy food and such. A certain amount of my outgoings necessarily ends up funding commercial channels, whosever’s hands it might pass through on the way. I can’t issue an end-use certificate and so I have no control over the matter.

(I could subsist entirely on stolen goods bought from that bloke at the pub, I suppose, but that would be a criminal offence of greater magnitude. Or entirely from farmer’s markets and that sort of thing, but that would be an insufferable-middle-class-cunt offence).

This would all remain the case even if I didn’t have a TV set and never watched any television programmes. I wouldn’t have to pay for a telly license then, though.

All this said, I can’t see this disagreement going anywhere other than around in circles at this point.

[Ian Symes]

My problem with the “why should I *have* to pay the license fee” argument is that I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t *want* to pay the license fee.

[Pete Part Three]

That is certainly the problem here, yes.

Not everyone has a huge appreciation of BBC programmes, so those people will always believe the licence fee is a compulsory tax on owning a Television. I don’t think the argument is really that complicated.

Phoning the channel to complain about a show is moronic. Resenting the licence fee when you don’t value what it subsidises is not.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Russ, you need to buy food and yes, some of the revenue will go to advertisements but you have a choice in what products you buy and from that, the consumer will always have a relative amount of control in how much can be spent on ad-breaks between Corrie by any one company. There’s no option in that regard with funding the BBC. I don’t have a choice in the matter, regardless of whether I watch or do not watch their programmes.

The BBC is not a necessity. I have never had a fire at my home, or a break-in, yet I do not call for my taxes to reflect my hope that these things never happen. I don’t ask to be taken off a hypothetical register of homes able to receive assistance in emergencies because I know these services are universal and for all of us when we need them the most. The BBC is not, and has never been for everyone, nor should it continue to receive funding out of a blinkered sense of necessity, tradition or individual opinion on its value to the watcher and listener.

I put in a complaint to the BBC because I have always been aware of the dangers that come with organisations who have monopolistic control over their market. The BBC is the sole receiver of the licence fee and as such, must be held up to scrutiny far more than commercial operators who can be run out of town on the strength of their programming and their ability to draw in audiences to watch the advertisements.

[Ben Paddon]

I shudder to imagine a version of the BBC driven by the needs of a commercial network. The fact is, the BBC has produced and continues to produce some of the best TV in the world, as evidenced by the high regard that the BBC is held in around the globe, and a world where the BBC has to think about whether a show will make its money back is a BBC where shows like The Young Ones, Blackadder and (no, but yes!) Red Dwarf simply couldn’t have existed.

We’re lucky (for a variable amount of “luck”) that Dave has brought Red Dwarf back, but let’s not forget that it’s the BBC who gave it a shot in the first place, and let’s also not forget that it very nearly didn’t happen because, as Paul Jackson made a point of saying about eighty-thousand bloody times on Red Dwarf Night, you don’t write scifi sitcoms. There’s no way one of the other channels would have picked it up, and if that had it would have ended up as a very different, much more homogenized sort of show.

(Not to suggest that ITV and Channel 4 aren’t capable of putting out great shows, because they frequently do, but I can count on one hand the number of ITV shows that make it over to the US, and Channel 4 is partially subsidized by the license fee anyway so they can afford to take a few more risks.)

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Channel 4 receives nothing from the licence fee, however, S4C receives £76 million from the BBC.

For over thirty years, Channel 4 has shown some of the most original, subversive and challenging programmes of our time and it does it all without an expected penny of public money. I don’t look to Channel 4 just as an example of success financially. Even as a teenager, I inherently knew Channel 4 was, for the lack of a better cliché, edgier, cooler and more willing to take risks and show the kinda programmes that may only appeal to very specific people or very specific mindsets.

For showing Vic Reeves Big Night Out alone, they’ll always have my love and loyalty.

[International Debris]

The problem with the argument that commercial channels can be “run out of town on the strength of their programming” is that it immediately discounts the idea of niche programming, and discourages channels from taking risks, or letting shows develop.

These days the BBC does put out an unnecessarily large amount of shit material, and there are definitely problems with how the license works (paying it in installments is strangely staggered, and there are no concessions for the unemployed), but even ignoring the argument about whether commercial television produces better results, in the past I’ve been ok to pay £10 a month to watch TV without advert breaks. At no point has an ad break ever improved my viewing experience. I hate adverts and avoid them at all costs (I’ve been pursuing a fruitless endeavour to block every Twitter account that has a ‘promoted’ tweet in my timeline for a couple of years now) and don’t enjoy the narrative or flow of a television programme being interrupted by such things.

Mind you, I don’t even have a TV any more, and do everything via my computer. iPlayer is wonderful. And, of course, license funded.

[Pete Part Three]

>The fact is, the BBC has produced and continues to produce some of the best TV in the world

Opinion, not fact. An opinion shared by many (including me) but not everyone – and, evidently, not every licence payer.

I find the argument fascinating but, outside of Westminster, I don’t think it’s boils down to anything more than an opinion with its basis in another opinion:

“They make shows I like so long may it continue”/ “I don’t like their shows, so it’s time to abolish the licence fee”.

Good luck convincing the other side they’re wrong…

[Russ L]

Russ, you need to buy food and yes, some of the revenue will go to advertisements but you have a choice in what products you buy and from that, the consumer will always have a relative amount of control in how much can be spent on ad-breaks between Corrie by any one company. There’s no option in that regard with funding the BBC. I don’t have a choice in the matter, regardless of whether I watch or do not watch their programmes.

‘Relative’? My choice would be ‘I don’t want to pay anything at all towards ITV’. This isn’t an option, regardless (as you put it of) of whether I watch or do not watch their programmes.

If my choice was ‘I don’t want to pay anything at all towards the BBC’, I could simply not have a television. It is an option, albeit (for most of us) probably a drastic one, and one that would leave me still having to pay for the commercial channels that I wasn’t watching. The license fee is the only one you can actually avoid.

That’ll do from me now, anyway. No point repeating ourselves any more.

[Russ L]

In other news, I spit on your HTML and will insist on using BBcode even where it doesn’t work.

[Ridley]

[peas_and_corn]

One thing I find interesting is that the BBC is funded by a tax specific to it rather than the beeb being funded out of general revenue. If I were a paranoid person, it is almost as if it was introduced specifically so people will deliberately know how much off their tax money is going to the BBC and want to not pay it- become a lightning rod for problems people have with the BBC generally.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

I could be the biggest fan in the world of the BBC and its programming. Yet, even then, I know that no broadcaster outside of a purely educational or public information capacity deserves that money. Especially one that receives every single penny with no real say from the licence fee payer into what is broadcast. It has nothing to do with my stance on their programming, what they put out, it simply comes down to is this a necessity to live and in addition, are there alternative models that work well?

It is not a necessity and commercial and subscription services are working very well both in viewer numbers and their financial outlook.

We’ve became so used to paying the licence fee that we forget what it is ultimately, a tax on owning a television with all revenue going to a small part of what is shown on it. A tax that if avoided, is a criminal offence. In this day and age, that’s a comical premise but yet, it still stands to this day.

[Jonathan Capps]

In other news, I spit on your HTML and will insist on using BBcode even where it doesn’t work.

I will address that just as soon as I work out why the entire site keeps going down every few hours.

Incidentally, we have now sent out detector vans to identify all those not paying the G&T License Fee.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

No no no, my cat’s name is Frankenstein. Frankenstein the cat, he is a Bombay cat.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Look mother, a reply.

—

Thanks for contacting us regarding BBC Three’s ‘The Totally Senseless Game Show’ broadcast 11th August 2015.

We understand you feel the quality of the programme is extremely poor and that it very much lowers the standard of our overall output.

We’re naturally very sorry when we hear that members of our audience do not like our programmes or services. We try very hard to produce a wide range of high quality programmes and services which we hope will appeal to our audiences.

There will always be some programmes that do not appeal to some people and this is the nature of broadcasting whereby we are serving many different people with many different expectations and we regret on this occasion you felt the need to complain.

We do hope you’ll be happier with future output.

Thank you again for contacting us, we value your feedback. All complaints are sent to senior management every morning and we included your points in this overnight report.

These reports are among the most widely read sources of feedback in the BBC and ensures that your complaint has been seen by the right people quickly. This helps inform their decisions about current and future programmes.

Kind regards

—

That’s me told.

[Ian Symes]

I think John’s version was punchier.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

It didn’t have a chorus though.

[Ben Paddon]

I promise you, there was a chorus. We’ve all been singing it, just not out loud

[Author]

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