Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Jupiter Moon: Crap TV Show

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  • #259430
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Don’t ask me how because I can’t recall, but I fell into an internet hole the other day and ended up watching a few episodes of a short-lived show called Jupiter Moon.

    It was made and broadcast by British Satellite Broadcasting on their Galaxy channel in 1990, there are 150 episodes (although the Sky merger to create BSkyB meant about 40 odd shows were unseen here until the mid 90’s).

    Now, I’ll get it out of the way, I’ve watched 3 episodes and it’s shite. There are a few recognisable actors in it, but a lot of awful ones and awful performances, but what struck me is how weirdly, this is like Red Dwarf’s weird long lost sibling. When you watch the documentaries on the Dwarf DVDs, especially about getting the first series made, they say “you don’t do sci-fi sitcoms” about a million times, well this is a sci-fi soap opera, and is strangely quite close to the anecdote of the BBC wanting patio doors and general life scenarios but in space, instead of Red Dwarf, this is the show that definitely proves Rob and Doug knew better than the executives.

    As for why set a soap in space, I think they just chose it for their setting just because of the BSB brand, they’d paid for their own satellites to orbit the Earth, they were already pretty spacey.

    There are quite a lot of things so far that make it seem like this could fit as the recent past in the Red Dwarf universe.

    It’s set in 2050 on a ship orbiting Callisto, where there’s a city, and the program centres on the ordinary lives of students at the ship’s university and the staff who work there, as well as the ship’s crew. There are plenty of mentions of Ganymede too, a seemingly bustling human colony, and Titan.

    Some of the students are here because their parents are mining gas in the Jupiter system, there’s also a side story about the first interstellar voyage, to potentially discover other life (so no aliens here either).

    The sets also look a bit like Red Dwarf, a cross between the blandness of series 1 and II and the garish style of Parrot’s, but that’s probably just the time period leaking into the production.

    As I said though it’s awful, and I’ve only watched 3, so there may be more or less commonalities going forwards.

    I looked it up and apparently the budget for this was £6m for the lot, so £40,000 an episode, which is about the same or a bit more than Red Dwarf cost to make, I don’t know if we ever had a concrete figure but in my head I’m sure Doug said one of the Grant Naylor series cost about £200k. Might be wrong there.

    While Jupiter Moon has a bigger cast, it really is ropey for that money.

    It ever you want more reinforcement of how good BBC VisFX/ The Model Unit were/are, then have a look at this. Some alright models badly manoeuvred with some shite compositing over the top. The model effects were produced in Prague “to save money” (source: BTS thing in YouTube) so Christ knows what the money went on.

    If anyone is bored, have a look, it’s on YouTube, I think in full. I’m sure most of you will think it’s absolute dogshit, but maybe for one of you it’ll be your Inspector Spacetime and you’ll just fall in love with it despite it’s flaws.

    #259442
    Katydid
    Participant

    a short-lived show called Jupiter Moon.

    there are 150 episodes

    Soaps are manufactured in bulk by child slaves.

    #259443
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    American shows be like: 5 seasons over 6 years, 120 episodes
    British shows be like: 13 seasons over 30 years, 78 episodes

    #259446
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    a short-lived show called Jupiter Moon.

    there are 150 episodes
    Soaps are manufactured in bulk by child slaves.

    It was on from the 26th March 1990 to the 30th November 1990 before it got pulled.

    #259449
    Manbird
    Participant

    Ben Aaronovitch (Doctor Who and Rivers of London) wrote a handful of episodes, y’know.

    #259670
    Plastic Percy
    Participant

    I always get it confused with Escape from Jupiter/Return to Jupiter, the Australian children’s show from the 1990s.

    #259692
    tombow
    Participant

    Australian shows were rockin’ in the early 90s – Girl From Tomorrow/Tomorrow’s End, Pugwall, Round the Twist…

    #260080
    Plastic Percy
    Participant

    You’re right there. I’ve fond memories of Ship to Shore, Round the Twist, The Silver Brumby etc.

    #260089
    tombow
    Participant

    for some reason the one Pugwall scene that always stays with me is when Pugwall’s mum worries about how crazy the band could get in future, and she imagines them sitting around dressed like a glam-metal band, looking stoned, eating pizza and burping. I didn’t really understand as a kid they were meant to be drunk/stoned, I just thought all rock stars were unhealthy cause they ate bad pizza.

    #260115
    Rubber
    Participant

    “…mystery illnesses threaten to engulf Ilea – resulting in a daft episode where everyone fails to act whilst wearing silly surgical masks to avoid spreading germs.”

    Imagine!

    #260117
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Australian shows were rockin’ in the early 90s – Girl From Tomorrow/Tomorrow’s End, Pugwall, Round the Twist…

    Indeed, their children’s drama just seemed a step above the US offerings. I remember it being a major disaster that my parents had selfishly booked a family holiday for the two weeks when Tomorrow’s End was concluding. Excessive whining achieved wonders and the VCR was set for the last 5 episodes instead of Coronation Street.

    Halfway Across The Galaxy And Turn Left was an exceptionally good (and Adams-esque) title for a TV series. Unfortunately, can’t comment on the show itself as never got further than the title.

    #260124
    Rubber
    Participant

    a short-lived show called Jupiter Moon.

    there are 150 episodes
    Soaps are manufactured in bulk by child slaves.
    It was on from the 26th March 1990 to the 30th November 1990 before it got pulled.

    Could you link to the online episodes you were watching? I can’t find it anywhere and the snatches of scenes I’ve glimpsed have fascinated me.

    #260140
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    a short-lived show called Jupiter Moon.

    there are 150 episodes
    Soaps are manufactured in bulk by child slaves.
    It was on from the 26th March 1990 to the 30th November 1990 before it got pulled.
    Could you link to the online episodes you were watching? I can’t find it anywhere and the snatches of scenes I’ve glimpsed have fascinated me.

    This channel has a lot of them, 4 episodes is my personal best before my intelligence circuits melted.

    #260148
    Rubber
    Participant


    This channel has a lot of them, 4 episodes is my personal best before my intelligence circuits melted.

    Thank you so much!

    Watched the first two minutes. Hmmm. I didn’t go all the way to fucking Jupiter to be surrounded by Welsh people.

    #260151
    Dave
    Participant

    Hmmm. I didn’t go all the way to fucking Jupiter to be surrounded by Welsh people.

    With comments like this it’s no wonder George McIntyre killed himself.

    #260152
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    #260153
    Rubber
    Participant

    It’s ok, I’m not convinced he’s genuinely Welsh. The German and French accents are equally alarming.

    #260154
    Rubber
    Participant

    ANNA CHANCELLOR JUST TURNED UP AND RAISED THE STANDARD A MILLION PERCENT!

    “What a lot of crosses you’ve got… Oh, that one’s got a little man on it.”

    #260157
    Rubber
    Participant

    Four episodes in, I’ve really got into this. To the extent that the opening swells of the theme tune make me feel all excited and happy. I mean it’s cack but it’s crack.

    Saturday morning is a really dangerous time to discover 150 archived episodes of an addictive soap opera, of course.

    #260825
    Rubber
    Participant

    Watched all 40 episodes available on YouTube. 39 was missing but I got the basic idea. It’s quite moreish if you have a high tolerance for quite subpar television which, frankly, it sometimes pays to have as a 21st century Red Dwarf fan.

    #260826
    Rubber
    Participant

    KEY LINES:

    “You try being made an orphan when you were seven years old, then see how you feel about chocolate!”

    “Of course! It does say on your notes that you’re sexually hyperactive!”

    “If you ever do anything like that again, I will hit you so hard you will wake up wishing you’d never been born.”

    “I’m sorry, I still haven’t finished my Christmas project on Titan’s methane levels.”

    “It’s as black as a badger’s bum out here, but if they’ve got the lights on the transit warp, I should—“ BOOM

    “I’ll go mad if I can’t get back down to Space City to have my hair done!”
    “What’s all this interest in your hair if I’m not here to see it?”
    “Oh Jean-Francois, that’s positively twentieth century! Now, what did the next little piggy have for lunch?”

    “We’re drifting without power and you want the only mechanic on the ship to mess with the confectionary dispenser!”
    “You don’t have to make it sound like a pornographic movie.”

    “I couldn’t sleep with those Barbie dolls staring at me.”

    “Stop splitting hairs! Splitting hairs is one of your most annoying habits.”

    “I hope I can count on you to be staunch.”
    “I am staunch, really I am!”

    “Don’t kill the cockatoo, Melody! You’ll be ever so sorry later!”

    “Melody, if you wish you were dead, why are you trying to live longer than anyone else?”
    “…OHHHHHHHHHHH I DON’T KNOW!

    “Dear god Piers, we’re all on 900 calories a day and this child has been stuffing himself on vita-chocs!”

    “Look, I know the air’s thinning and activity should be kept to a minimum, but that is no excuse for desultory habits.”

    “Funny, isn’t it? Four days ago we were all getting ready to die and now we’re worrying about breakfast cereals.”

    “I think the college is more valuable than you realise.”
    “Even the cockatoo’s retarded.”

    “Morning girls!”
    “Hi Captain.”
    “Off dancing?”
    “Yeah.”
    “I’ll be with you in spirit… little sausages.”

    “Some sort of problem?”
    “It is difficult sometimes, although we are all God’s children, on a British spaceship to understand those of us from nations which are sensitive and concerned for their eternal wellbeing rather than just the day-to-day problems of the universe. It is hard sometimes to break down the barriers and join in with those from a nation that for so long has rejected faith, hope and charity.”

    “Pushy females have reached Jupiter system and it’s time to move on a bit.”

    “Don’t go to the Scandinavian Skylab, it’s all saunas and suicides.”

    “Those shoes. There’s something… despicable about Brelan’s shoes. Don’t you agree?”
    “Mmmm, loathesome.”

    “He’s clever in some ways, but horrifyingly retarded in others.”

    “You really are a carping sort of person, Sara. You’ve been carping on about one thing or another for six months, ever since you got here. How on earth do you think you’ll ever get a husband if you carry on carping?”

    #260832
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    They’re available on DVD I think, had a quick look round online and couldn’t find them on any of the YouTube type sites so I may have inadvertently cost you a couple of quid if you want to see them all. I did see some for as little as 49p on Amazon so not so bad really.

    There’s a bit of BTS on YouTube too, I saw a special effects one about how they were done in Prague because the company apparently was well regarded and had experience but it doesn’t seem like it.

    I can’t honestly remember how I stumbled upon it, I was probably reading about something to do with defunct broadcasters or something because that’s the kind of thing I read.

    Hard to believe this was a contemporary of Red Dwarf between III and IV VFX wise. They had more money too you’d imagine, though I suppose BBC VFX being in house at the time did provide production value they didn’t have to pay for.

    #260833
    Rubber
    Participant

    The effects reminded me of the sort of thing you got on CBBC shows around the same time. Can’t remember if that stuff looked slick when I was 9 but I doubt it.

    With hindsight, my very favourite thing about it is the fact that the Sardinian girl’s devout Christian faith is treated as an irritating but amusing character defect throughout and seems to be a side effect of her not being very bright. I thought they might soften that a bit as it progressed, but they didn’t. Gorgeous.

    Also the bit where someone refers to ‘the taxpayer’ footing the bill for everyone’s degree studies… HAHAHAHAHA, what a snapshot of a simpler time.

    #260835
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    What was the TV show with the dog puppet in it? It was like a bloodhound, it was a good puppet. Something in my head says he was an anthropomorphised police officer dog and wore a uniform, but I might be getting it mixed up with Space Precinct.

    #260837
    Rubber
    Participant

    What was the TV show with the dog puppet in it? It was like a bloodhound, it was a good puppet. Something in my head says he was an anthropomorphised police officer dog and wore a uniform, but I might be getting it mixed up with Space Precinct.

    SpaceVets?

    #260838
    Dave
    Participant

    Yeah, Space Vets was alright and almost felt designed to be a gateway drug to Red Dwarf.

    #260840
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Yeah, Space Vets was alright and almost felt designed to be a gateway drug to Red Dwarf.

    Just had a look at an episode, they only had one sting so that’s something in common with Dave Dwarf.

    The model shots look quite similar but there’s obviously less to them. Pete Tyler shot them so they were probably on the same stage – the starfields and nebulas have that Red Dwarf look, and the models that I’ve seen would fit in too, they’re just a bit less intricate.

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