Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Really annoying things you do as a Red Dwarf fan

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  • #2136
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    Shout “Oo-oo-ooo! Outland Revenue!” every time you hand your other half a HM Revenue and Customs letter.

    #119542
    TheLeen
    Participant

    Shout “You never learn, do ya!” at people and then be surprised that they’re offended. Cause they don’t recognise the quote. At all. Ahem.

    #119543
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    Whenever someone normal makes the grave mistake of mentioning they like Red Dwarf to me and then quickly regret it as I go on to bore them senseless. I used to work next to a couple of chaps who made this fatal error, and then went on to compound the error by saying that series 8 was their favourite.

    I like to think the hours of lecturing that followed educated and enriched them and that they came to realise the error of their ways.

    #119545
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    > And where did you hide the bodies, Capps?

    I left them slumped in their chairs.

    #119546
    TheLeen
    Participant

    I do that too, and they don’t even know the show. Poor people

    #119549
    John Hoare
    Participant

    Breathe.

    #119551
    Andrew
    Participant

    “Red Dwarf you say? I’m Andrew Ellard. I make the DVDs. I do the website. I design stuff! I write stuff! You don’t realise it but you’ve basically been worshipping at the alter of me! Like me! Please like me! I have Danny’s phone number and everything!”

    #119552
    TheLeen
    Participant

    That certainly worked for me. Ehehehe.

    #119553
    pfm
    Participant

    > I get way too excited when someone mentions a name that links to Red Dwarf. I Have to let them know.

    Yeah I’m always doing that. Whether it’s Timothy Spall cropping up in Oliver Twist ‘he was in an episode of Red Dwarf, you know!’ or explaining every single time Scrapheap is on that Robert played Kryten.

    Me and my mate are a little obsessed with the theory that no scripted UK television show exists that doesn’t have some connection to either Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, whether it’s cast or crew. They get extra points for more than one connection, e.g. Eastenders has Jake Shears who was in Red Dwarf (Kill Crazy), Jo Joyner who was in Who and some bird who was in HP, can’t remember her name. I’m well aware of how sad that is. Kingdom has some too – Stephen Fry does the audiobooks for Harry Potter, he also was GOING to write an episode of Who (that fucking counts), also Tony Slattery did a couple of voices on Dwarf. So there you go…

    #119554
    James
    Participant

    I knew you did that Andrew! But does it result in any horizontal action? It’s only any good if it does ;)

    All I get is. Ohh you have them meetings don’t you, and you all dress-up like them Trekies don’t you? Followed by yeah that H guy is well funny innit.

    Or Red Dwarf?? That one is the worst, which results in much conversation and head slapping.

    #119557
    Bytrix
    Participant

    I love calling people a Twonk, Red Dwarf has sealed that word in my mind forever and to be totally authentic you have to say it with a birmingham accent too!

    #119572
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    > I have Danny?s phone number and everything!

    Yeah, but you never ring me *sobs*…

    #119574
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Say “Niet problemski” whenever anyone thanks me. And, indeed, frequently thank people by saying “Thankski veryski muchski budski”.

    #119575

    If left unchecked I tend to overuse the term “toodle pipski”.

    editation: and “thank you so very very much indeedy”.

    Possibly in the past I may even have been caught using “tee hee hoddle ha”, for which I apologize profusely.

    #119576
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    “oh ha ha” is a favorite of mine when I’m being sarcastic.

    #119577
    TheLeen
    Participant

    I “oh yes you are. tottied” someone into making out with me.

    #119579
    John Hoare
    Participant

    t5opkgreopdsfkopdfskopsdfjopdajpodgadsga

    #119580
    Andrew
    Participant

    > t5opkgreopdsfkopdfskopsdfjopdajpodgadsga

    I was thinking exactly the same thing. Only without the 5.

    #119590
    Steve Harris
    Participant

    Making connections is one of my worst Dwarf traits and one that often makes the family cringe…..

    Oooo, am I going to have fun with ‘Lost’ and ‘Ackerman’…

    On a serious note, perhaps the most annoying thing is getting angry.

    I’m a pretty easy going fellow and have many interests, I also tend to get on well well with people. I’m a huge football fan, my team lost 4-0 tonight, am I bovered, nah, there’s always the next game. I can take a joke, personal insults are just shrugged off and basically I always look on the bright side…
    Oddly though, I’m extremely protective of certain things and Dwarf is one of them..

    Slag Series VIII off with an explanation and I’ll argue the toss but accept a differing point of view, dismiss it with a single “it’s crap” sentance and a red mist forms,
    Create a piece that is full of errors or a website that misses the point and I loose the plot.
    Ask a stupid question or raise some ludicrous point without even bothering to search around a bit and I just feel like being rude in reply.

    I may be alone in this and quite frankly, it’s not really rational behaviour…
    I just think it deserves better even though there are far more important things in life..

    #119592
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Making connections is one of my worst Dwarf traits and one that often makes the family cringe?

    Same here, although not just with Dwarf – everyone on telly is “So and so out of that thing” to me. But it doesn’t make my family cringe, because my parents are just as bad, and they’re the people I got it from!

    It was a happy day in our house when IMDb was launched, I can tell you…

    #119593
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Incidentally, the three comments above Steve’s represent my favourite moment in the history of G&T.

    #119595
    Steve Harris
    Participant

    The history of G&T is an interesting one and a subject that is crying out for an in-depth debate………

    However, my tastes were formulated more by rebelling against a parent based society rather than following a family tradition….
    Saying that, I have some family traits that I’m particularly fond off and they
    include a love of cricket,football, poetry and nature…

    I can safely say, that music tastes, comedy and food are without doubt, self formulated and the one thing I tell the kids above all else, is be your self.

    #119629
    listerssock
    Participant

    I create a red dwarf link in about 80% of the TV shows I watch. Plus hardly anyone around me likes Red Dwarf so I have to make do with watching the DVD’s religiously.

    I also keep saying “Nao nao nao” whenever I disagree with someone.

    #119634
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I am reminded of a story from a few years ago. I was living with my Mum at the time, and a friend of hers had popped by to visit. He’d brought one of his friends with him, who was probably the singularly most boring individual I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. So there’s me, another family friend, and this Incredibly Boring Guy sitting in the kitchen. And the Incredibly Boring Guy is, apparently, a plumber. A plumber with a criminal record.

    He was talking about this abandoned house in his neighborhood. He was talking about the Boiler in this house, and how he wanted to nab it. So he paid some kids to break into the house and get the Boiler. It was not an interesting story, and he spoke with such a strange inflection (pauses in the middle of sentences, broken vowels and so on).

    Frankly, I’d had enough. I stood up, said, “Will you excuse me? I think I’ve left the oven on,” and walked out.

    To add insult to injury, I had been sitting on the (switched off) oven during the conversation. The family friend who was left with the Incredibly Boring Guy later said that the move made me a “magnificent bastard.”

    #119659
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    Watch Red Dwarf?

    #119671
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Actually, I have wondered why we take it REALLY personally when someone says they hate Red Dwarf?

    #119674
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    I don’t mind when someone I don’t have an awe-inspiring amount of respect for says it… but when people like Armando Iannucci say it, it’s a bit disappointing. You like to think you’d be on the same wavelength as those kind of people. I bet Charlie Brooker doesn’t like it, either.

    #119687
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    I could go and ask if you want.

    #119690
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Go on then.

    #119693
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    He’s not in the office.

    #119695
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    CHICKEN.

    I will continue to call you chicken until you ask him.

    #119697
    John Hoare
    Participant

    A chicken, there

    #119699
    listerssock
    Participant

    Now kindly cluck off before I shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.

    #119703
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Lol, it’s as bald as a plucked chicken, man

    #119708
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    Am I still me? Who’s eating this chicken?

    #119709
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    “No, It’s a chicken”

    Them Grant Naylor boys sure do love their chicken…

    #119715
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Well, they’d prefer chicken.

    #119716
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    BTW, I did actually check whether Brooker was in the building; I had to walk past the Zeppotron offices on my way to somewhere else. Not that I’d have asked him if he was there. That would be a bit weird.

    #119722
    listerssock
    Participant

    How sad for you Captain Paxo!

    #119724
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Hahaha, chickens! He he he…

    #119725
    listerssock
    Participant

    I’m very happy to perform the ceremony but I can’t understand how sacrificing poultry might clear up the Brooker problem?

    #119733
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    For God’s sake, get me an epidural.

    #119735
    listerssock
    Participant

    It must of looked something like…a Roast Chicken.

    #119737
    penny
    Participant

    Too slow Chicken mango!

    #119740
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    > Too slow Chicken mango!

    Fail.

    #119747
    penny
    Participant

    >> Too slow Chicken mango!

    >Fail.

    Dam! and double blast!

    #119752
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Now you’ve turned into a chicken.

    #119762
    James
    Participant

    You taste worse than the plastic container you came in!

    #119768
    Phil
    Participant

    Fix him with the time wand!

    #119779
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Otherwise, you’d just be picking on the chicken.

    #119782
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    The Dwarf In-Joke Chicken Knowledge Database should be created.

    #119783
    Dave
    Participant

    “Ah, there, that’s it. That’s the shape we’re looking for: The last-chicken-in-the-shop look?”

    #119784
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    And I’d like you to lay them for me, you chicken.

    #119785
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Nobody calls me chicken…

    #119786
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Seb, what have you DONE?

    #119788
    Dave
    Participant

    What came first: The Chicken or The End?

    #119795
    Phil
    Participant

    This thread has less meat in it than a Chicken (Mc)Nugget.

    #119797
    John Hoare
    Participant

    THEY WERE FUCKING OBSESSED.

    #119803
    listerssock
    Participant

    Well take my mind of it then. Talk to me or something!

    #119805
    Phil
    Participant

    Why would anyone have created this thread? What’s its purpose? To rid the universe of chicken vindaloo?

    #119806
    listerssock
    Participant

    Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear? I said supper is ready!

    #119808
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    If you go the whole hog and rent a tank, then Thumbs Up.

    #119824
    Andrew
    Participant

    Also: Ha-ha – chickens…

    And: Nice piece of chicken ass. (BTL novel)

    #119830
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Also: Ha-ha – chickens?

    Bindun.

    Who votes we put together a definitive Chicken List as a G&T article?

    #119831
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Oh, and…

    “It’s the time of year, now that Spring is in the air, when those two wet gits, with their girly curly hair…”

    #119836
    Andrew
    Participant

    > Bindun.

    Oops. How weird – I didn’t read “Hahaha, chickens! He he he?” as being that line at all. I’ve no idea why not…

    #119877
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Chicken soup.

    Yep, that’s working.

    #119878
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    >Who votes we put together a definitive Chicken List as a G&T article?

    ME

    #119879
    James
    Participant

    Emohawk! Fowl! That’s a free kick.

    #119881
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    I think “That’s illegal, matey!” every time I see something, er, illegal. I even manage to annoy myself with that one.

    #119883
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I am reminded of a friend in High School. He was a bit of a moronic yob, but he was a Red Dwarf fan. Anyway, he got caught smoking a joint behind the Sports Hall and, as he tells it, the teacher actually asked him where he got the joint from. “I want names, places and dates,” the teacher supposedly said.

    “Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning!” said my friend with a cheeky grin. Allegedly.

    The teacher didn’t get the reference, it seems: he asked who Arnold Rimmer was, and then proceeded to ask the school receptionist to pull up his file and find his locker.

    Possibly much of this story was embellished by my friend, as in all likelihood he was a little high when it occurred.

    #119902
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Had he been at that marijuana gin again?

    Oh it works for everything!!!

    #119915
    listerssock
    Participant

    So they won’t come back again?

    #119936
    pfm
    Participant

    Phrases I often use –

    ‘Tee hee hoddle ha.’

    ‘Oh shutup you piece of distended rectum.’

    ‘Goit.’

    ‘Twonk’

    ‘See you in ten minutes’ (now that I’m ashamed of)

    ‘Is your name Holly??’ if anyone says ‘Is your name *whatever*?’

    ‘Gordon Bennett!’ (yes I’m well aware this isn’t strictly a Dwarf phrase/reference but…just smeg off, dogfood face!)

    ‘Because the king of the potato people won’t let me’ (if anyone asks me why I can’t do something, which happens often…)

    ‘The stasis room creates a static field of time. Just as x-rays can’t pass through lead, time cannot penetrate the stasis field so although you exist you no longer exist in time and for you time itself does not exist. Although you’re still a mass you are no longer an event in space-time, you are a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero.’

    #119937
    Dave
    Participant

    I have been known to use the phrase ‘pus filled bubo’ more often than the average member of the public

    #119940
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    “cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity” has been used by me at some point to describe someone.

    #119942
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    ?cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity? has been used by me at some point to describe someone.

    Gannon?

    #119943
    listerssock
    Participant

    ha!

    #119947
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    Didn’t we quote that wrong on our fan film? What a bunch of tits.

    #119949
    John Hoare
    Participant

    Didn?t we quote that wrong on our fan film? What a bunch of tits.

    That is absolutely dreadful. It’s not the initial mistake that’s the problem – it’s the fact that NONE of us picked up on it at any point…

    #119950
    Dave
    Participant

    >it?s the fact that NONE of us picked up on it at any point?

    I’d insult you all but I’m suddenly unsure of the plural of anus

    #119951
    Phil
    Participant

    >the plural of anus

    Jonathan Capps.

    #119952
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Anii

    #119953
    Jonathan Capps
    Keymaster

    > Jonathan Capps.

    So, along with the collective noun, it’ll be a Phil Reed of Jonathan Capps.

    #119954
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    According to the Star, performingmonkey was reported as saying…
    Phrases I often use –

    ?Tee hee hoddle ha.?

    I tend to use this when I want to fake-laugh at something, usually expanding it by tacking on part of another Dwarf quote to the end. “Tee hee hoddle ha, chuckle guffaw giggle.”

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