Really annoying things you do as a Red Dwarf fan

[Tanya Jones]

Shout “Oo-oo-ooo! Outland Revenue!” every time you hand your other half a HM Revenue and Customs letter.

Topic

[TheLeen]

Shout “You never learn, do ya!” at people and then be surprised that they’re offended. Cause they don’t recognise the quote. At all. Ahem.

[Jonathan Capps]

Whenever someone normal makes the grave mistake of mentioning they like Red Dwarf to me and then quickly regret it as I go on to bore them senseless. I used to work next to a couple of chaps who made this fatal error, and then went on to compound the error by saying that series 8 was their favourite.

I like to think the hours of lecturing that followed educated and enriched them and that they came to realise the error of their ways.

[Jonathan Capps]

> And where did you hide the bodies, Capps?

I left them slumped in their chairs.

[TheLeen]

I do that too, and they don’t even know the show. Poor people

[John Hoare]

Breathe.

[Andrew]

“Red Dwarf you say? I’m Andrew Ellard. I make the DVDs. I do the website. I design stuff! I write stuff! You don’t realise it but you’ve basically been worshipping at the alter of me! Like me! Please like me! I have Danny’s phone number and everything!”

[TheLeen]

That certainly worked for me. Ehehehe.

[pfm]

> I get way too excited when someone mentions a name that links to Red Dwarf. I Have to let them know.

Yeah I’m always doing that. Whether it’s Timothy Spall cropping up in Oliver Twist ‘he was in an episode of Red Dwarf, you know!’ or explaining every single time Scrapheap is on that Robert played Kryten.

Me and my mate are a little obsessed with the theory that no scripted UK television show exists that doesn’t have some connection to either Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter, whether it’s cast or crew. They get extra points for more than one connection, e.g. Eastenders has Jake Shears who was in Red Dwarf (Kill Crazy), Jo Joyner who was in Who and some bird who was in HP, can’t remember her name. I’m well aware of how sad that is. Kingdom has some too – Stephen Fry does the audiobooks for Harry Potter, he also was GOING to write an episode of Who (that fucking counts), also Tony Slattery did a couple of voices on Dwarf. So there you go…

[James]

I knew you did that Andrew! But does it result in any horizontal action? It’s only any good if it does ;)

All I get is. Ohh you have them meetings don’t you, and you all dress-up like them Trekies don’t you? Followed by yeah that H guy is well funny innit.

Or Red Dwarf?? That one is the worst, which results in much conversation and head slapping.

[Bytrix]

I love calling people a Twonk, Red Dwarf has sealed that word in my mind forever and to be totally authentic you have to say it with a birmingham accent too!

[Danny Stephenson]

> I have Danny?s phone number and everything!

Yeah, but you never ring me *sobs*…

[Seb Patrick]

Say “Niet problemski” whenever anyone thanks me. And, indeed, frequently thank people by saying “Thankski veryski muchski budski”.

[Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc]

If left unchecked I tend to overuse the term “toodle pipski”.

editation: and “thank you so very very much indeedy”.

Possibly in the past I may even have been caught using “tee hee hoddle ha”, for which I apologize profusely.

[Danny Stephenson]

“oh ha ha” is a favorite of mine when I’m being sarcastic.

[TheLeen]

I “oh yes you are. tottied” someone into making out with me.

[John Hoare]

t5opkgreopdsfkopdfskopsdfjopdajpodgadsga

[Andrew]

> t5opkgreopdsfkopdfskopsdfjopdajpodgadsga

I was thinking exactly the same thing. Only without the 5.

[Steve Harris]

Making connections is one of my worst Dwarf traits and one that often makes the family cringe…..

Oooo, am I going to have fun with ‘Lost’ and ‘Ackerman’…

On a serious note, perhaps the most annoying thing is getting angry.

I’m a pretty easy going fellow and have many interests, I also tend to get on well well with people. I’m a huge football fan, my team lost 4-0 tonight, am I bovered, nah, there’s always the next game. I can take a joke, personal insults are just shrugged off and basically I always look on the bright side…
Oddly though, I’m extremely protective of certain things and Dwarf is one of them..

Slag Series VIII off with an explanation and I’ll argue the toss but accept a differing point of view, dismiss it with a single “it’s crap” sentance and a red mist forms,
Create a piece that is full of errors or a website that misses the point and I loose the plot.
Ask a stupid question or raise some ludicrous point without even bothering to search around a bit and I just feel like being rude in reply.

I may be alone in this and quite frankly, it’s not really rational behaviour…
I just think it deserves better even though there are far more important things in life..

[Seb Patrick]

Making connections is one of my worst Dwarf traits and one that often makes the family cringe?

Same here, although not just with Dwarf – everyone on telly is “So and so out of that thing” to me. But it doesn’t make my family cringe, because my parents are just as bad, and they’re the people I got it from!

It was a happy day in our house when IMDb was launched, I can tell you…

[Seb Patrick]

Incidentally, the three comments above Steve’s represent my favourite moment in the history of G&T.

[Steve Harris]

The history of G&T is an interesting one and a subject that is crying out for an in-depth debate………

However, my tastes were formulated more by rebelling against a parent based society rather than following a family tradition….
Saying that, I have some family traits that I’m particularly fond off and they
include a love of cricket,football, poetry and nature…

I can safely say, that music tastes, comedy and food are without doubt, self formulated and the one thing I tell the kids above all else, is be your self.

[listerssock]

I create a red dwarf link in about 80% of the TV shows I watch. Plus hardly anyone around me likes Red Dwarf so I have to make do with watching the DVD’s religiously.

I also keep saying “Nao nao nao” whenever I disagree with someone.

[Ben Paddon]

I am reminded of a story from a few years ago. I was living with my Mum at the time, and a friend of hers had popped by to visit. He’d brought one of his friends with him, who was probably the singularly most boring individual I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter. So there’s me, another family friend, and this Incredibly Boring Guy sitting in the kitchen. And the Incredibly Boring Guy is, apparently, a plumber. A plumber with a criminal record.

He was talking about this abandoned house in his neighborhood. He was talking about the Boiler in this house, and how he wanted to nab it. So he paid some kids to break into the house and get the Boiler. It was not an interesting story, and he spoke with such a strange inflection (pauses in the middle of sentences, broken vowels and so on).

Frankly, I’d had enough. I stood up, said, “Will you excuse me? I think I’ve left the oven on,” and walked out.

To add insult to injury, I had been sitting on the (switched off) oven during the conversation. The family friend who was left with the Incredibly Boring Guy later said that the move made me a “magnificent bastard.”

[peas_and_corn]

Watch Red Dwarf?

[Danny Stephenson]

Actually, I have wondered why we take it REALLY personally when someone says they hate Red Dwarf?

[Seb Patrick]

I don’t mind when someone I don’t have an awe-inspiring amount of respect for says it… but when people like Armando Iannucci say it, it’s a bit disappointing. You like to think you’d be on the same wavelength as those kind of people. I bet Charlie Brooker doesn’t like it, either.

[Ian Symes]

I could go and ask if you want.

[Seb Patrick]

Go on then.

[Ian Symes]

He’s not in the office.

[Seb Patrick]

CHICKEN.

I will continue to call you chicken until you ask him.

[John Hoare]

[listerssock]

Now kindly cluck off before I shove a large seasoned onion between the lips you never kiss with.

[Danny Stephenson]

Lol, it’s as bald as a plucked chicken, man

[Seb Patrick]

Am I still me? Who’s eating this chicken?

[Danny Stephenson]

“No, It’s a chicken”

Them Grant Naylor boys sure do love their chicken…

[Ian Symes]

Well, they’d prefer chicken.

[Ian Symes]

BTW, I did actually check whether Brooker was in the building; I had to walk past the Zeppotron offices on my way to somewhere else. Not that I’d have asked him if he was there. That would be a bit weird.

[listerssock]

How sad for you Captain Paxo!

[Ian Symes]

Hahaha, chickens! He he he…

[listerssock]

I’m very happy to perform the ceremony but I can’t understand how sacrificing poultry might clear up the Brooker problem?

[Ian Symes]

For God’s sake, get me an epidural.

[listerssock]

It must of looked something like…a Roast Chicken.

[penny]

Too slow Chicken mango!

[Ian Symes]

> Too slow Chicken mango!

Fail.

[penny]

>> Too slow Chicken mango!

>Fail.

Dam! and double blast!

[Ian Symes]

Now you’ve turned into a chicken.

[James]

You taste worse than the plastic container you came in!

[Phil]

Fix him with the time wand!

[Ian Symes]

Otherwise, you’d just be picking on the chicken.

[Danny Stephenson]

The Dwarf In-Joke Chicken Knowledge Database should be created.

[Author]

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