Misheard lines

[Danny Stephenson]

Does anyone have any quotes from Red Dwarf that they’ve misheard and took it as read, only to find that years later you’ve got it all wrong?

Now i’ve wrote this topic starter I can’t think of an example. Bollocks

Anyways…

Discuss.

[Phil]

For a VERY long time…maybe right up until the DVD…I thought Columbo was “the man with the dirty map who discovered America.”

I know what he really said now…but I’m actually kind of partial to my mishearing. I think it’s funnier. “Mac” doesn’t add anything to the “Columbo” identification…whereas a dirty map is actually another miniature joke right in the same line…

Man, Rob and Doug should have let me mishear things officially for GNP.

[Andrew]

For years I heard:

“What are men like in the 23rd century, guy?”

As opposed to:

“I’m an enlightened 23rd century guy.”

I blame Craig entirely.

[Jonathan Capps]

I never misheard anything, you big idiots.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

When Lister says “Smeg” I always heard “YOU CUNT!”

[Mr Flibble]

Quarantine (I think) when talking about Lister blowing his nose:

Kryten: A Turner Sea Scape, perhaps?

became to me

Kryten: A Turnersiski perhaps?

With me thinking Turnersiski was some arty bloke I hadn’t heard of.

[Andrew]

Oh, thanks for the reminder on the Terrorform news item, John:

?The part of you that lusts after meaningless sex?

For years, to me, this was:

“The part of you that lusts after mean, English sex.”

Reclaiming England’s sexual reputation!

[Danny Stephenson]

Are you blaming Craig for that one as well, Andrew?

[Danny Stephenson]

> When Lister says ?Smeg? I always heard ?YOU CUNT!?

Oh, It’s started, I knew it would!

[Phil]

I really do lust after mean English sex.

Who’s free this weekend?

[Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc]

Really, what can’t Craig be blamed for?

Until I read it in Infiinty Welcomes Careful Drivers, I didn’t know that the line from Lister’s reminisces of art college went “Who’s together by then? You can still taste the toothpaste.” I mean, I heard the last sentence, but the first was just a trainwreck of jumbled syllables in Scouse on my untutored Yank ear.

[pfm]

> Really, what can?t Craig be blamed for?

The crapness of Spider-man 3.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

> Oh, It?s started, I knew it would!

What has?

> The crapness of Spider-man 3.

How very dare you.

[Antipodean]

In “The Last Day”, Lister says “Is it anything to do with being stuck opposite Brigitte Nielson in a packed lift?” For some reason I thought this was a “pack-lift”, which I figured was another word for freight elevator. When I heard the “-ed” for the first time the sentence made much more sense.

[Jonathan Capps]

> How very dare you.

Get out!

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

The only thing about it I didn’t like was the ending. I won’t say why yet as lots of people probably still haven’t seen it.

[Austin Ross]

CRAIG: They were gonna sort that out in the dub!
WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: They were gonna suck that out in the dump!

RIMMER: Cunnilingus?
WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: Color lingers?

LISTER: Go back to the DNA splitter! I’ve got an idea!
WHAT I THOUGHT I HEARD: Bleaghsadfargowellynasacks blah blah blah Scouse language blah.

In fact, I’ve still never really sorted out just what the fuck Craig is saying in that last one…

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

> RIMMER: Cunnilingus?

When does Rimmer say Cunnilingus?

[Andrew]

> When does Rimmer say Cunnilingus?

Series VIII, Cassandra.

[Anonymous]

> I know what he really said now?but I?m actually kind of partial to my mishearing. I think it?s funnier. ?Mac? doesn?t add anything to the ?Columbo? identification?whereas a dirty map is actually another miniature joke right in the same line?

Well… “map” is in the world of Columbus, while “mac” is in the world of Columbo. To make the joke work, there needs to be something within it merging Columbo with Columbus, which the “map” version doesn’t do. It’s just talking about Columbus whilst using the name Columbo. You might as well say “Columbo was the man with the big ship who discovered America”. There’s no humour in it.

[Anonymous]

> I never misheard anything, you big idiots.

I have to agree with this. I suggest you all start paying attention more readily in the future – doing this should help you grasp more of what’s happening around you and thrust you into a world of intelligence that you might enjoy. When they communicate with you, people are not supposed to sound like the warbling teacher in the Charlie Brown and Snoopy Show. If this happens it is due to you being big idiots, as Cappsy said.

[Danny Stephenson]

> Go back to the DNA splitter! I?ve got an idea!

Sorry to be pedantic, Austin, But isn’t that “DNA suite”?

A double mishearing perhaps?

[Austin Ross]

Like I said, I’ve never sorted out just what he’s saying in that scene.

[Phil]

>Well? ?map? is in the world of Columbus, while ?mac? is in the world of Columbo. To make the joke work […]

Why are you trying to rationalize a mis-hearing?

[Danny Stephenson]

I have noticed that a lot of mishearings are from Craig, I’ve never realised just how quick he actually speaks.

And Austin, you did well to pick out THAT much from that little bit of dialogue. Because only until I read the subtitles on the IV DVD did I realise what he actually said.

And also i’ve noticed that on Camille, Craig says “when Nelson put the telescape to his blind eye…”

what’s a telescape?

[Cloudane]

Funny….. I just discovered this site today and my first thought was “oh so *that’s* what the lyrics were!”

I misheard “Ganymede and Titan” as “Have you been to Titan?”

[Seb Patrick]

I always used to think it was “Carry me to Titan…”

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

“Luna city 7, that’s my idea of heaven” I heard as “Luna city 7, that’s menstrual heaven”

[Tanya Jones]

>?Luna city 7, that?s my idea of heaven? I heard as ?Luna city 7, that?s menstrual heaven?

An ad campaign just waiting to be born!

[John Hoare]

Oh, thanks for the reminder on the Terrorform news item, John:

?The part of you that lusts after meaningless sex?

For years, to me, this was:

?The part of you that lusts after mean, English sex.?

Reclaiming England?s sexual reputation!

You might want to take another look at this Time Hole article…

[John Hoare]

Although, forgetting that:

Does it sound like our Dave would put up with this? While the future Cat, Rimmer, (unsurprisingly) and Kryten all seem to revel in the luxury, Lister’s dialogue is more subdued. Is it possible that this Lister, inanimate and trapped in a glass jar, is being forced to witness a lifestyle he would otherwise despise? And if so – who is responsible for leaving Lister in this state? Could it be he was reduced to a body-less brain by members of his own crew…?

That is brilliant. And I never noticed it, but you’re right – his dialogue and performance *are* more subdued than the rest of them…

[Danny Stephenson]

I’ve found another one in Tikka To Ride by Kryten.

“Garbled, confusing and quite frankly….”

What I heard was :
“Carrabulled….”

Which I took to be some strange word that meant indecipherable.

Ironic how the word ‘garbled’, was indeed.

[Seph]

Oddly, i’ve never misheard any of Craig’s lines, then again i’m used to listening to people who speak English as a 3rd or 4th language so Craig’s practically the Queen by comparison.

my only misheard Dwarf line was in Holoship:

Nirvanah Crane: you make love like a Japanese meal, small portions..

what I heard: “You make love like a Japanese mule” even with the rest of the sentance I didn’t click it was supposed to be ‘meal’ until I read the subtitles.

[Jonathan Capps]

I find it hard to concentrate on any of the lines when Jane Horrocks is in that nighty…

[TheLeen]

No matter how many times I tell myself it is “goldfish shoals, nibbling” I still each and everytime I hear “goldfish are snivelling”… I know it doesn’t make sense… at all…

[Andrew]

> That is brilliant. And I never noticed it, but you?re right – his dialogue and performance *are* more subdued than the rest of them?

It’s total extrapolation, of of course – nothing Rob and Doug consciously put there, and likely the product of the last-minute writing – but the whole “Don’t worry about me/absolutely dandy” thing is the kind of dialogue given to someone PRETENDING to be okay.

I like to think that the others would have boiled him alive in his jar if he’d spoken out against them.

[Danny Stephenson]

extrapo-what-alation?

[Anonymous]

When I was much younger and first watched Terrorform, the bit where the Cat crouches by Rimmer’s “Charm” gravestone and says “Hey – this one’s Minute” was misunderstood by my feeble young brain as “Hey – this one’s my newt!”…as in for some reason Cat had found the grave of his pet newt.

[Ian Symes]

Snap!

[John Hoare]

I thought that Lister’s Father’s dog was called ‘Hammer’ until the other day.

[Ian Symes]

Please Hammer, Don’t Bite ‘Em.

[Andrew]

> I thought that Lister?s Father?s dog was called ?Hammer? until the other day.

AHHHH!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[John Hoare]

Indeed.

[Pete Part Three]

Who’s Lister? You mean Fister, surely?

[Danny Stephenson]

I used to think Lister’s dog was called “Hammer” as well, it’s a perfectly normal name for a dog, Hannah sounds rather silly in comparison…

[Phil]

>Please Hammer, Don?t Bite ?Em.

Ian get your own catch phrase my long haired friend or are you not acute enough to come up with one yourself

[Tanya Jones]

Stop it, Phil, you’re scaring me.

[Seb Patrick]

Back to that Time Hole article :

Ah yes, Konchanski. The love of Lister’s life. In the real world, no question. But in his own mind? As Camille proved, Lister’s ideal woman is actually a pretty Scouse lass with her head screwed on and a nice line in sarcasm.

But… doesn’t the script call her “Kochanski Camille”? Isn’t she supposed to remind Lister of KK? And isn’t her accent, in fact, meant to be Scottish rather than Scouse?

[Pete Part Three]

I thought she was Irish.

Anyway, I really like the comment that, ironically enough, in terms of Lister’s prospective life-partner, the real-life Kochanski is the dream but Camille Kochanski is the reality.

>But? doesn?t the script call her ?Kochanski Camille??

I was thinking about this earlier as I watched Camille last night. It just seems like an interesting continity nod to name the character. She’s nothing like Chlo? Annett’s Kochanski but the “banter” is kind of reminiscent of the stuff in the Drive Room in The End with Clare Grogan.

It would have completely overshadowed the scene in Camille if Grogan had inexplicably turned up,mind, so it definitely made sense to go with someone else.

[Ian Symes]

Apart from anything else, if it had been your actual Kochanski, Lister would have twigged straight away that Camille was a Pleasure GELF.

[Author]

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