Really annoying things you do as a Red Dwarf fan

[Tanya Jones]

Shout “Oo-oo-ooo! Outland Revenue!” every time you hand your other half a HM Revenue and Customs letter.

Topic

[Dave]

“Ah, there, that’s it. That’s the shape we’re looking for: The last-chicken-in-the-shop look?”

[Seb Patrick]

And I’d like you to lay them for me, you chicken.

[Pete Part Three]

Nobody calls me chicken…

[Danny Stephenson]

Seb, what have you DONE?

[Dave]

What came first: The Chicken or The End?

[Phil]

This thread has less meat in it than a Chicken (Mc)Nugget.

[John Hoare]

THEY WERE FUCKING OBSESSED.

[listerssock]

Well take my mind of it then. Talk to me or something!

[Phil]

Why would anyone have created this thread? What’s its purpose? To rid the universe of chicken vindaloo?

[listerssock]

Perhaps I didn’t make myself clear? I said supper is ready!

[Ben Paddon]

If you go the whole hog and rent a tank, then Thumbs Up.

[Andrew]

Also: Ha-ha – chickens…

And: Nice piece of chicken ass. (BTL novel)

[Ian Symes]

Also: Ha-ha – chickens?

Bindun.

Who votes we put together a definitive Chicken List as a G&T article?

[Ian Symes]

Oh, and…

“It’s the time of year, now that Spring is in the air, when those two wet gits, with their girly curly hair…”

[Andrew]

> Bindun.

Oops. How weird – I didn’t read “Hahaha, chickens! He he he?” as being that line at all. I’ve no idea why not…

[Ian Symes]

Chicken soup.

Yep, that’s working.

[Seb Patrick]

>Who votes we put together a definitive Chicken List as a G&T article?

ME

[James]

Emohawk! Fowl! That’s a free kick.

[Tanya Jones]

I think “That’s illegal, matey!” every time I see something, er, illegal. I even manage to annoy myself with that one.

[Ben Paddon]

I am reminded of a friend in High School. He was a bit of a moronic yob, but he was a Red Dwarf fan. Anyway, he got caught smoking a joint behind the Sports Hall and, as he tells it, the teacher actually asked him where he got the joint from. “I want names, places and dates,” the teacher supposedly said.

“Arnold Rimmer, his locker, this morning!” said my friend with a cheeky grin. Allegedly.

The teacher didn’t get the reference, it seems: he asked who Arnold Rimmer was, and then proceeded to ask the school receptionist to pull up his file and find his locker.

Possibly much of this story was embellished by my friend, as in all likelihood he was a little high when it occurred.

[Danny Stephenson]

Had he been at that marijuana gin again?

Oh it works for everything!!!

[listerssock]

So they won’t come back again?

[pfm]

Phrases I often use –

‘Tee hee hoddle ha.’

‘Oh shutup you piece of distended rectum.’

‘Goit.’

‘Twonk’

‘See you in ten minutes’ (now that I’m ashamed of)

‘Is your name Holly??’ if anyone says ‘Is your name *whatever*?’

‘Gordon Bennett!’ (yes I’m well aware this isn’t strictly a Dwarf phrase/reference but…just smeg off, dogfood face!)

‘Because the king of the potato people won’t let me’ (if anyone asks me why I can’t do something, which happens often…)

‘The stasis room creates a static field of time. Just as x-rays can’t pass through lead, time cannot penetrate the stasis field so although you exist you no longer exist in time and for you time itself does not exist. Although you’re still a mass you are no longer an event in space-time, you are a non-event mass with a quantum probability of zero.’

[Dave]

I have been known to use the phrase ‘pus filled bubo’ more often than the average member of the public

[Danny Stephenson]

“cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity” has been used by me at some point to describe someone.

[Ian Symes]

?cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity? has been used by me at some point to describe someone.

Gannon?

[listerssock]

ha!

[Tanya Jones]

Didn’t we quote that wrong on our fan film? What a bunch of tits.

[John Hoare]

Didn?t we quote that wrong on our fan film? What a bunch of tits.

That is absolutely dreadful. It’s not the initial mistake that’s the problem – it’s the fact that NONE of us picked up on it at any point…

[Dave]

>it?s the fact that NONE of us picked up on it at any point?

I’d insult you all but I’m suddenly unsure of the plural of anus

[Phil]

>the plural of anus

Jonathan Capps.

[Danny Stephenson]

Anii

[Jonathan Capps]

> Jonathan Capps.

So, along with the collective noun, it’ll be a Phil Reed of Jonathan Capps.

[Ben Paddon]

According to the Star, performingmonkey was reported as saying…
Phrases I often use –

?Tee hee hoddle ha.?

I tend to use this when I want to fake-laugh at something, usually expanding it by tacking on part of another Dwarf quote to the end. “Tee hee hoddle ha, chuckle guffaw giggle.”

[Author]

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