Remastered: Series IV And V

[Dave]

We all know about Remastered and the original plans to go further than Series III.

So what changes do you think they would have made to Series IV And V if they had gone ahead with the original plans to remaster them too?

Maybe we should go episode by episode, one a day. Who’s game?

[Dave]

CAMILLE:

– “You two should audition for what’s my fruit” line cut for time to fit in longer establishing shots.

– Landing bay scene recomposited with new CGI Starbug design and background. 

– Tales Of The Riverbank: The Next Generation theme replaced by rock version.

– “Whatever happened to old hammy” line flub corrected.

– Shot of Starbug at crash site replaced by CGI version.

– Lister/Kochanski-Camille scene now includes superimposed 2D skutter zooming across the bottom of the screen halfway through.

– Camille’s changing into her blob form now includes an elaborate morph effect.

– Final scene fades into black and white to hit us over the head with the movie homage.

– Episode ends with new text: “Epilogue: Hector and Camille never did pursue a cure for their condition, as after meeting the crew of Red Dwarf they realised that in their true forms they didn’t look so bad after all.”

[Warbodog]

– The fruit would be digitally replaced with a Twinkie, pretzel and cruller(?), respectively, to better appeal to the international audience.

– The dodgy fish on the monitor are replaced with more lifelike Chris Veale creations.

– The clip of Kryten running and shouting “we have to go!” from the next series is inserted to make the escape from Camille’s ship more exciting.

– Hologram Camille would be unnecessarily recast with a different actress, but with the original still appearing in the long shots.

– Camille’s backstory could be made easier to understand by panning over some illustrations, preferably with an incongruous detail that doesn’t suit the look of the current era of the show.

[tombow]

Back To Reality – Timothy Spall overdubbed with Ray Romano

[Dave]

DNA:

– Design of ship replaced with CGI version in opening shots:

– Glenn Miller reference replaced with mention of Richey Edwards: “Ah, smeg! That’s all we need. Richey Edwards on board boring us to death with Motorcycle Emptiness”.

– DNA computer revoiced by Alan Carr.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

That implies Glenn Miller is someone people would like to meet but Rimmer contrarily hates. I’d always read the joke as Glenn Miller being boring. 

Unless you don’t like Manics. In which case we can’t be friends 

[Dave]

I was just going with an updated reference to a musician who went missing under mysterious circumstances. The Manics are great.

But I also think Rimmer might not like them, so the joke still works.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Yeah I get the update and Rimmer likely wouldn’t like Manics. But the original joke has the audience on Rimmer’s side. I think? 

[Dave]

Weirdly I feel as though Glenn Miller is the kind of naff muzak that Rimmer should actually like.

[Jonsmad]

A bit at the end of Back To Reality where a second squid is seen swimming by and cat with a fishing rod  singing 🎶 I’m going to eat you little squidy 🎵 

[Moonlight]

DNA:

Vague references to Kryten’s penis replaced by CGI sequences of Archie, to better convey the concept of a Kryten’s penis to the audience.

[Warbodog]

JUSTICE:

– Lister’s head is shown bursting by overlaying a yellow particle effect on a freeze frame.

– Cat’s fall is enhanced with the sound of crashing pots and pans.

– Lister’s fall is enhanced with the sound of crashing pots and pans.

[Moonlight]

Lister’s head is shown bursting by overlaying a yellow particle effect on a freeze frame.

[Warbodog]

omg we can finally see it how the creators always envisioned!

[Moonlight]

I will absolutely do more of these suggestions as videos if they’re practical to make in a few minutes.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

Do the Camille epilogue!

[Flap Jack]

Incredible, Moonlight. It’s like we have Ed Bye himself among us!

[Dave]

This is more than I could ever have hoped for.

[Technopeasant]

A bit at the end of Back To Reality where a second squid is seen swimming by and cat with a fishing rod  singing I’m going to eat you little squidy  

[Warbodog]

It took until the 20th viewing to notice Moonlight had even done the intrusive letterboxing.

[clem]

WHITE HOLE:

– ‘Eskimo word for “Eastbourne”ʼ line redubbed so that Americans get the joke. Florida? Superimposed Skutter whizzing by obscures Rimmer’s mouth at the exact right moment.

– Clatter following “not pished” enhanced. Now more pots-and-pans-y.

– Planet pool sequence replaced with newly created CG version.

– Nebulae added to starfield background when Starbug disappears around the crew. 

[Warbodog]

I’ll save Ian from having to post it: https://www.ganymede.tv/2004/04/white-hole-re-mastered-2/

[Dave]

WHITE HOLE:

– ‘Eskimo word for “Eastbourne”ʼ line redubbed so that Americans get the joke. Florida? Superimposed Skutter whizzing by obscures Rimmer’s mouth at the exact right moment.
– Clatter following “not pished” enhanced. Now more pots-and-pans-y.

– Planet pool sequence replaced with newly created CG version.

– Nebulae added to starfield background when Starbug disappears around the crew. 

– “It’s like having a conversation with Paul Robeson on dope” replaced with “It’s like watching a YouTube video at 0.25 speed”.

– The “so what is it?” sequence now has a conspicuous “fzzt” sound effect added whenever a timeline disruption occurs, thus significantly ruining the joke.

– “Ah, so you’re a waffle man!” cut for time, reduced to simply “Ah”.

[Moonlight]

It took until the 20th viewing to notice Moonlight had even done the intrusive letterboxing.

No, that was an accident because of the pixel width being set incorrectly despite me manually setting it correctly.

Working with standard def DVD rips is always suffering.

[Dave]

DIMENSION JUMP

– Norman Lovett is given a brief and needlessly gratuitous cameo as Chuckles the Doctor, a counterpart in Ace’s dimension, in a newly-recorded scene (cobbled together with footage shot during the recordings of Stoke and Nanarchy) with noticeably jarring differences in set and costume:

Ace: “Hi Chuckles!”

Chuckles: “Alright dude?”

Ace: “Still saving lives and keeping our boys on their feet?”

Chuckles: “Yes.”

(NB. To make time for this new scene, all footage of the crashed Starbug on the rocks by the water has been cut from the episode.)

– After “rubber shares went up this morning,” a newly dubbed line is added for Ace: “I guess that’ll be because of all the condoms I’m buying!”, to keep joke structure consistent with Series VIII.

– Outdated model shot of the Wildfire replaced with slick new modern CGI version:

– Ace’s line referring to the “small rouge one” is edited to remove the word “small” to be consistent with use of Series VIII pencil-dwarf design.

– Ace’s departure scene is re-edited to have CGI kippers fall through Rimmer at the climax. As they hit the ground, the sound of pots and pans can be heard.

[Warbodog]

[Warbodog]

MELTDOWN:

To appeal to Japanese viewers, the dinosaur sequence is gratuitously extended with new footage of Ed Bye in a Godzilla costume stomping around Bekonscot Model Village.

[Dave]

MELTDOWN:
To appeal to Japanese viewers, the dinosaur sequence is gratuitously extended with new footage of Ed Bye in a Godzilla costume stomping around Bekonscot Model Village.

– Aung San Suu Kyi is digitally added in the background among the “hero” wax droids, making for an increasingly awkward watch as the 21st century progresses.

– “Low” Lister’s echoing laugh from the end of Demons & Angels is dubbed in immediately after Holly’s “small physical presence” line to accentuate the dirty joke.

[desbug]

MELTDOWN:
To appeal to Japanese viewers, the dinosaur sequence is gratuitously extended with new footage of Ed Bye in a Godzilla costume stomping around Bekonscot Model Village.

Anything that features Bekonscot is great in my book. I am hoping it will also be great in the book I forgot I ordered even if I didn’t fancy paying £300 to go to Bekonscot with Actual Kryten.

[Dave]

HOLOSHIP:

[Warbodog]

– All scenes aboard the Holoship have extensive interference-style effects added to remind the audience that it’s holograms.

– Due to concerns over promoting smoking, the scene featuring Commander Binks is cut. He was only a minor character anyway.

– To make up the time, and appeal to the Japanese audience, the scene when Rimmer says “dress!” and his costume appears is extended into an elaborate Sailor Moon style animated transformation sequence.

[Dave]

– The previously silent sequence in which Rimmer’s brain rejects the mind patch is now accompanied by this new score:

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

In Back to Reality the car chase scene is replaced with a plasticine stop motion car chase sequence 

[Flap Jack]

Whoa, hold up there, Quinn. No pudding until everyone’s finished their mains.

[Technopeasant]

– The previously silent sequence in which Rimmer’s brain rejects the mind patch is now accompanied by this new score:

[Warbodog]

[Dave]

[Ian Symes]

Actually, due to the lapsed copyright, they could now *show* Winnie The Pooh being executed. As long as he wasn’t wearing a red shirt.

[Dave]

Well the shirts would all be red by the end etc. [/TMWRNJ]

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

After Lister swallows Rimmer’s lightbee, the credits are cut into by the sound of animalistic grunting and dedication 

[Flap Jack]

[Ben Saunders]

[Dave]

[Moonlight]

– All scenes aboard the Holoship have extensive interference-style effects added to remind the audience that it’s holograms.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

All scene with Elvis re-edited with a new actor playing the part of Elvis against a green screen 

[Flap Jack]

The Inquisitor:

– Thomas Allman scene either cut out entirely or reshot so that you see his full trial. If reshot, to make time Cat’s trial is cut out, and Rimmer’s ends at “… yourself.” / “Oh smeg.”

– When The Inquisitor takes control of Lister to speak through him, VFX is used to make his mouth move to match what’s said, and AI voice replication is used to make it sound like a mix of The Inquisitor’s voice and Lister’s.

– Aged up Lister reshot with current year Craig Charles.

– Opening conversation between Rimmer and Lister redubbed so that instead of reading a Trojan War comic, Lister’s watching an old Twitch stream of a Trojan War Fortnite clone (with the frame zoomed in so you don’t see the book). Comic onomatopoeia is replaced with “spawn camping”, “teabagging”, “griefing”, “unaliving” etc.

– Kryten and Lister’s ship IDs redubbed to be Additional 002 and 011-169 respectively (the latter accidentally in line with novel continuity instead of the Justice retcon).

– New timeline Kryten replaced with Butler.

– Text screen added to end of the episode explaining that The Inquisitor was really Kryten the entire time.

[Dave]

Aged up Lister reshot with current year Craig Charles.

Cruel but perfect.

[Warbodog]

TERRORFORM:

– The Unspeakable One gets an extended introduction to build suspense. We see through his POV as he travels through CGI tunnels, accompanied by sound effects borrowed from the Alton Towers ghost train.

– Due to Cat’s yellow jacket being misidentified as a colour error and desaturated, the episode is now in black and white.

[Technopeasant]

Aged up Lister reshot with current year Craig Charles.
Cruel but perfect.

Either that or edit in the old Lister from Future Echoes for the sake of better continuity.

[Dave]

TERRORFORM:
– The Unspeakable One gets an extended introduction to build suspense. We see through his POV as he travels through CGI tunnels, accompanied by sound effects borrowed from the Alton Towers ghost train.
– Due to Cat’s yellow jacket being misidentified as a colour error and desaturated, the episode is now in black and white.

– Special effects for the Unspeakable One’s minions upgraded to match Grant Naylor’s original creative vision, while also making subtle allusion to the then-recent 1997 election:

– Later dialogue edited for consistency:

[Author]

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