Home › Forums › Ganymede & Titan Forum › Rimmericks Search for: This topic has 99 replies, 33 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by Jason aka Smeg4Brains. Scroll to bottom Viewing 100 posts - 1 through 100 (of 100 total) Author Posts November 13, 2012 at 2:17 pm #203737 siParticipant I saw this over at TOS yesterday, and am a little surprised it’s not been mentioned here (as far as I’ve noticed), not even by that TOSser, Seb: http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/competition/ So, yeah…prizes for poetry, and everything. Let’s see… A shithole site set up by Symes Lent itself well to making up rhymes. A Dwarf ship that’s Red, Where everyone’s dead, ‘Cept for Lister, who knows all his lines. Anyway,competition ends Friday, 12pm (lunchtime, yeah?). November 13, 2012 at 3:33 pm #203738 Pecospete666Participant You should win at both sites! I do not know what G&T are giving away but they should reward this effort! November 13, 2012 at 4:45 pm #203743 Pecospete666Participant SI II think a night with Melanie Robinson would be a good G&T gift http://twosexyladiescbd.wordpress.com November 13, 2012 at 5:33 pm #203744 PhilParticipant There was a commenter named Pete His input was always a treat “It’s Vogans!” he’d say In that adorable way And the admins would reach for “delete” November 13, 2012 at 9:07 pm #203751 anniescribeParticipant Good luck you eligible UK cats Alas, for us American brats Dave thinks we’re slags And we can’t get goodie bags We’re only wanted for our DVD stats November 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm #203752 KatydidParticipant Red Dwarf had many a quote Which caused the forum to dote Over buttery puns They came out in tons The brilliant ones made us all gloat November 13, 2012 at 10:16 pm #203754 Seb PatrickKeymaster There was a young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch Who had a trans-Menai-Strait-travelling cock From his home he could screw with His girl in Bontnewydd That happy young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch November 13, 2012 at 10:21 pm #203756 siParticipant There was a young man from Sheffield Who was shit at limericks. November 13, 2012 at 11:03 pm #203757 HelloMabelParticipant I’m digging these, especially the butter one! Here’s my attempt: A studious young man from Japanymede Was researching Titan and Ganymede. But he stumbled on this site And, caught up in its shite, Said, “Sayonara, five-year planymede!” November 13, 2012 at 11:55 pm #203759 Danny StephensonKeymaster There was a young man called Lister, If Kochanski showed up he’d’ve kissed her, But it’s only a dream, Or so it would seem, For the proof: on his hand is a blister… November 14, 2012 at 1:37 am #203765 ReeceParticipant I wanted to enter the competition, But my hopes will not meet fruition. It’s a load of bull, I’m not eligible, Oh shit, something from Red Dwarf… eh… inquisition. November 14, 2012 at 2:26 am #203766 Pecospete666Participant Phil you win a night with Melanie Robinson too. http://twosexyladiescbd.wordpress.com Just give Ian the bills! How come nobody pissed and moaned about my new avatar? November 14, 2012 at 2:44 pm #203784 PhilParticipant There once was a pile of poo Though some would call it Pete Part 2 “A dinosaur’s loose! The ship’s full of shit juice!” Screamed cartoonish shells of the crew. November 14, 2012 at 3:17 pm #203788 Jonathan CappsKeymaster This THIS is a good thread. November 14, 2012 at 10:50 pm #203818 MANI506Participant I used underpantski twice. November 15, 2012 at 4:10 am #203826 HelloMabelParticipant Some topics I’m tired of (or hate): Why ‘slag’, said by Dave, was just great! Why Norm was a jerk, Just how *do* light bees work? But most of all, seven v. eight. Gladly accepting suggestions on how to fit ‘which Rimmer it is’ in there. :) November 15, 2012 at 7:53 am #203829 Ben PaddonParticipant I used underpantski twice. Red Dwarf has come back from hiatus, And so limericks have been created. But spent my time instead Nominating this thread for that coveted Hall of Fame Status. November 15, 2012 at 8:11 am #203830 Brayds2006Participant I once met a man from Red Dwarf, I told him I owned a Wharf. He asked me for proof, and not so aloof, I told him to go fuck himself. …that’s how it works, right? November 15, 2012 at 12:17 pm #203852 siParticipant I am actually struggling to come up with a competition entry. :/ Mind you, SFX are running a competition with almost identical prizes, and no poetry skills necessary… http://www.sfx.co.uk/2012/11/14/red-dwarf-x-competition/ November 15, 2012 at 12:20 pm #203853 takerdemonParticipant I suck at limericks but here’s an futile attempt. Lister committed crimes that were petty, Kryten found kebabs brown and sweaty, The Cat’s pretty dumb, And the other one, His mum likes alphabetti spaghetti November 15, 2012 at 2:34 pm #203858 PhilParticipant Lister said “slags” in Polymorph It’s true, he said “slags” in Polymorph I thought this was your favorite show I can’t believe you didn’t know That Lister said “slags” in Polymorph. November 15, 2012 at 3:24 pm #203861 takerdemonParticipant I think this one is a little better than my first effort actually. Simple yet effective… as you can tell I’ve mastered pomposity even if say so myself! In The End he was a joke among men, He’s snuffed it a few times since then, That wasn’t goodbye, You live once then die, But sometimes you can live again. November 15, 2012 at 4:43 pm #203863 Bexley HeathParticipant Red Dwarf scripts are written quite witt’ly But they’re almost as funny done shitly The Smegups are great stuff I just can’t get enough Of watching Chris Barrie say “chitley”. November 15, 2012 at 5:04 pm #203864 Ben KirkhamParticipant He’s Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer, Without him life would be much grimmer, He’s also a fantastic swimmer – Oh, hang on. November 15, 2012 at 11:36 pm #203874 HelloMabelParticipant takerdemon and Bexley, this is for you: Look at this fine pair of limericks Worthy of the title of ‘Rimmericks’. Should you meet Chris Barrie At DJ, please carry Your Rimmericks right up to him-mericks. November 15, 2012 at 11:55 pm #203875 siParticipant Just over twelve hours left to send my email. I’m still having trouble actually coming up with something that might win. Has anyone actually entered? November 16, 2012 at 12:31 am #203877 anniescribeParticipant If those of you who are eligible to enter don’t do it, I’m gonna choke a bitch. I have three and I can’t do a thing with them. So enter, already. November 16, 2012 at 12:36 am #203879 BlisschickParticipant ^^ This, because I can’t enter, either, and my poetry streak has been sucked away by my current English class. November 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm #203893 HelloMabelParticipant > I can’t do a thing with them. You could always post them here. Just a thought. :) November 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm #203895 takerdemonParticipant > Your Rimmericks right up to him-mericks. This line broke me. Kudos! I’ve entered, I expect nothing but since I thought it was written already and the rest of my life is only going to be 30 seconds, WHAT THE HELL! November 16, 2012 at 4:43 pm #203898 Pete Part ThreeParticipant If there’s one thing I’m shit at, it’s limericks, So I’m jealous of you lot, you pricks, Tried to think of a rhyme But I ran Out of Time Like that episode from Red Dwarf VI November 16, 2012 at 9:25 pm #203908 CoziFantozziParticipant There was a technician called Rimmer His long-service medals a-glimmer With Cadmium 2 He murdered the crew And chance of promotion looked slimmer November 17, 2012 at 12:36 am #203909 MANI506Participant I actually had the idea of using underpantski twice and entering it today. I thought a good natured reference to series seven might endear me to Doug. Sadly I had the idea two hours after the competition closed. Oh well, the DVD will be bought and devoured on Monday anyway. The love of my life Kochanski A stir in my underpantski I sit by the machine As the laundry cleans And rotates her underpantski… It’s crap. November 17, 2012 at 2:29 am #203921 HelloMabelParticipant > A studious young man from Japanymede > Was researching Titan and Ganymede. > But he stumbled on this site > And, caught up in its shite, > Said, “Sayonara, five-year planymede!” A lovely Red Dwarf fan from Brighton Has an urge that there’s just no use fightin’. When she meets that Japanymeder She’ll find that he can complete ‘er – Guess where they’ll meet? ________ _ _____! November 18, 2012 at 3:29 pm #203962 SgtSmileyUKParticipant lol many inspiring rhymes there. There was a fashionable feline named Cat In the days when Doug was Phat and Dave was much slimmer, and hung out with rimmer so Kryten plucked up his Strat. Didnt enter, as the time came too fast I was really meanta but couldnt be arsed. thought tO site seemed like my cup of tea, but I dont like tea or beer only coffee. and something green to put in de rolly. another ting I dislike I should say is smegging knobs , god there so gay… but lucky for you all I came here today to keep u updated on my RDX game coming this way…. November 18, 2012 at 4:16 pm #203966 siParticipant Cheers. November 18, 2012 at 7:45 pm #203977 RedDwarfFan2982Participant I wrote a couple(I’ll post all but the one I entered, for now) Upon the mining ship Red Dwarf the crew came across a polymorph There was a big commotion As it stole their emotions Rimmer’s anger was fourth My series X themed one: Rimmer met his brother, Howard and lied The crew took Jesus for a ride Simulants attacking BEGGs are snacking Cesiumfrancholithicmixialabidumrixidixidoxidexidroxide When Marooned, you know it’s crucial To ration food, when escape is futile The dog food was a disappointment Aswell as the bonjella gum ointment And worse to come is the dreaded pot noodle Rimmer is a man of many goals Tries his hardest with his soul His failure, he blames His parents and nicknames on rare occasions he’s called Arsehole Let me know what you guys think :) November 18, 2012 at 9:50 pm #204001 HelloMabelParticipant > Let me know what you guys think :) Of those four I liked the Polymorph one the best. :) November 18, 2012 at 11:59 pm #204020 Pecospete666Participant I liked series X! November 19, 2012 at 12:09 am #204021 ReeceParticipant Pretty sure Pecospete666 is the clear winner here. November 19, 2012 at 7:45 am #204028 Ben PaddonParticipant PecosPete liked Series X, So hilarious he wet his kecks! His favourite scene was the vending machine being lifted but looking like sex. November 19, 2012 at 8:32 am #204031 clemParticipant There once was a man with a plan. He’d planned it – it was his plan. On a farm he’d breed horses With horses and horses But for Krissie, he’d need a dustpan. November 19, 2012 at 10:31 am #204039 clemParticipant There once was a slob and a cat, A robot and an utter twat, A computer named Holly, Rimmer’s blow-up dolly, Some skutters and a CGI rat. I think my competition entry was better than those, but not much. November 19, 2012 at 10:44 am #204041 Pete Part ThreeParticipant There once was a man with a plan. He’d planned it – it was his plan. On a farm he’d breed horses With horses and horses But for Krissie, he’d need a dustpan. Awesome. November 19, 2012 at 11:02 am #204042 Bexley HeathParticipant To make their show pre-watershed Rob and Doug coined the swearword “smeghead” But innocent mentions by kids at conventions are something the cast’s come to dread. When fanficcers write about Rimsy the pretexts are always quite flimsy When thinking of Listy his eyes go all misty What happens next goes beyond whimsy. November 19, 2012 at 12:30 pm #204051 siParticipant There once was a man with a plan. He’d planned it – it was his plan. On a farm he’d breed horses With horses and horses But for Krissie, he’d need a dustpan. I’m with Pete Part Three, Clem – that is, indeed, Awesome. November 19, 2012 at 12:45 pm #204054 Seb PatrickKeymaster Shall I be the annoying pedant who points out it doesn’t scan properly, then? November 19, 2012 at 12:47 pm #204055 Seb PatrickKeymaster (That sounded mean. I do think it’s good. It just possibly needs a slight tweaking.) November 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm #204057 Jonathan CappsKeymaster To my eyes, it just needs an extra word in the second line. Something like “He planned it for it was his plan” but better. November 19, 2012 at 1:12 pm #204058 siParticipant I read that line with a beat’s pause where the dash was. November 19, 2012 at 4:16 pm #204062 NoFroParticipant I thought the line was a reference to “It was me plan! I planned it.” November 19, 2012 at 5:33 pm #204069 Pecospete666Participant Benny the Blade. Went on a crusade. Looking for a slag to shag. He found a old hag. And When she started to gag. She told him she was a old queen in drag November 19, 2012 at 5:34 pm #204070 clemParticipant Thanks for the praise guys. Seb you palestine! TOS is shit bring back Ellard etc. ;) Did you enter the competition in the end then Si? > I thought the line was a reference to “It was me plan! I planned it.” It was. November 19, 2012 at 5:56 pm #204073 Uncle MontyParticipant >Benny the Blade. >Went on a crusade. >Looking for a slag to shag. >He found a old hag. >And When she started to gag. >She told him she was a old queen in drag That’s not a limerick, you twat. November 19, 2012 at 6:03 pm #204074 ReeceParticipant That’s not a limerick, you twat. You’re right. It’s a Rimmerick. November 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm #204076 siParticipant I did enter the competition, yes. Came up with something just after 11am on friday. Saw a Tweet not long ago saying that the cast has picked a winner today, and that we’d know more tomorrow. Assuming I don’t win, I’ll post my entry here then. November 19, 2012 at 6:19 pm #204077 Ben PaddonParticipant The limerick’s premise is simple, You’ve just got to… uh… um… er…. …dimple. November 19, 2012 at 11:40 pm #204102 HelloMabelParticipant > Shall I be the annoying pedant who points out it doesn’t scan properly, then? That’s rich coming from Mr. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch! ;) November 20, 2012 at 12:12 am #204103 Danny StephensonKeymaster There was a young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, Who thought he had warts on his cock, This first diagnosis, Was just simple psychosis, It was Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis…. November 20, 2012 at 3:48 pm #204117 Ben KirkhamParticipant Danny wins, I think. November 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm #204130 Ben PaddonParticipant But it’s not a limerick. November 20, 2012 at 7:18 pm #204133 Ben KirkhamParticipant No, but I’m in awe of the spelling. I’ve been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, lovely place. As for actual limericks, I love Clem’s ‘plan’ one, though there are many of high quality. November 20, 2012 at 7:22 pm #204134 siParticipant RedDwarfHQ have just Tweeted a link to a vid of the cast reading the winning entry – alas it’s not mine, but to be fair, it is pretty good. http://t.co/y639wAsH For what it’s worth, my entry(below) had a similar theme to the winner, I thought… *ahem* Red Dwarf was a hulking great Miner, With a crew-you’d be pushed to find finer. Wiped out in a blast, Now it’s crewed by the last Man alive…it’s no luxury Liner. November 20, 2012 at 7:29 pm #204136 SgtSmileyUKParticipant lol was that it? the simplest one won. I was sure going by some of the aboves standards that it was gonna contain a little more. Im not Jealous cos I didnt even enter but i gotta admit some Ive seen blew me away with their brilliance that I thought Id have no chance. still, we got a lotta chuckles out of Limericks again so erm, which way is out November 20, 2012 at 8:04 pm #204138 RedDwarfFan2982Participant Here’s the one I entered: Anything can happen when you are alone Stuck in space a long way from home Spend the night getting drunk Then waking up in your bunk Thinking “Where the smeg did I get this traffic cone?” November 20, 2012 at 8:27 pm #204140 NoFroParticipant There was a BSC SSC swimmer Who by his parents was treated as dimmer He found his brother was a dope New parentage gave him hope And by the end of “The Beginning” he was a winner November 20, 2012 at 8:41 pm #204141 anniescribeParticipant Awww. NoFro’s is definitely the cutest. November 21, 2012 at 2:08 am #204152 Ben PaddonParticipant I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS. November 21, 2012 at 4:13 am #204155 JonsmadParticipant Here’s the limmerick I sent in. I asked the computer called Pree. To send in this Limmerick for me. She said “I’ll save you some time” “You dont win, no need to complete your last rhyme” . . . November 21, 2012 at 7:28 am #204158 Pete Part ThreeParticipant I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku. November 21, 2012 at 10:07 am #204162 Bexley HeathParticipant The winning entry: “There once was ship that was red Her crew, for the most part, were dead Wiped out on a mission By the 2nd Technician What a total and utter SMEG HEAD!” Jeeeeezus. IMHO, that’s rubbish. I can see why they’d choose to pick something so obvious and unoriginal as the winner, since the T&Cs implied they might use it in marketing. But still, I reckon there should be a follow-up competition which actually encourages the kind of witty micro-referencing that’s been going on in this thread (e.g. Clem’s effort). …Not that I’m bitter… November 21, 2012 at 10:38 am #204164 Seb PatrickKeymaster >I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku. Critics dislike you If you write rhyming haiku Imagine their whines At a haiku with four lines November 21, 2012 at 12:32 pm #204166 Jason aka Smeg4BrainsParticipant This is genuinely my entry: There was a writer called Naylor, Whose movie funding attempts were a failure, The fans started to sadden, Red Dwarf: The Movie wouldn’t happen, But then Dave became their saviour I can’t understand why I didn’t win. November 21, 2012 at 12:57 pm #204167 anniescribeParticipant Iambic pentameter not even given a chance Shakespeare in his grave’s rolling in a dance I was not eligible, so I bloody couldn’t try The DVD itself, I couldn’t even really buy “It’s my best gift idea” said Sister Dear So if by Thanksgiving it is still not here Surely I should have it by the Fourth of July November 21, 2012 at 4:50 pm #204210 ReeceParticipant My entry: I like Stork Margarine because I’ve only got one leg. November 21, 2012 at 4:57 pm #204216 AlexParticipant Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver. November 21, 2012 at 5:02 pm #204217 ReeceParticipant Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver. Mum’s the word! November 21, 2012 at 6:34 pm #204242 Ben KirkhamParticipant Slip Digby won it. The organist. November 21, 2012 at 6:55 pm #204248 Danny StephensonKeymaster That’s not what they said in court… November 22, 2012 at 12:09 am #204353 HelloMabelParticipant > I think my competition entry was better than those, but not much. What was it, Clem? November 22, 2012 at 12:19 am #204356 siParticipant There once was a CENSORED named CENSORED, Who reckoned CENSORED was CENSORED! When CENSORED said CENSORED, CENSORED and CENSORED got CENSORED, Now CENSORED is CENSORED cunt! November 22, 2012 at 12:37 am #204362 SgtSmileyUKParticipant chuckled@Si love it November 22, 2012 at 1:31 am #204373 dodgelisterParticipant There once was a competition online Where we each entered a rhyme I was hungover And wrote when it was over So no one ever read mine :( November 23, 2012 at 12:09 am #204454 clemParticipant > What was it, Clem? There once was a roguey named Hogey. He was a demented old fogey, But with his wiblifier The Dwarfers escaped from a dire Situation as sticky as bogies. November 23, 2012 at 7:49 am #204463 Ben PaddonParticipant Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH, Muh MAH mah muh MAH mah mah MUH, Buh BEE bee boo BEE, Duh DEE dee doo DEE, Luh LAH lah luh LAH lah lah LUH. November 23, 2012 at 8:29 am #204466 HelloMabelParticipant > But it’s not a limerick. > I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS > Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH, […] Hang on. Are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead…wrong? ;) November 23, 2012 at 1:07 pm #204472 anniescribeParticipant Gordon Bennett, Mabel, everybody’s wrong. Everybody’s wrong, Mabel. Wrong, everybody is, Mabel! December 12, 2012 at 12:02 am #205019 stooeykingParticipant We are the boys from the Dwarf, We’re about 3 million years off course, We’ve fought simulantants, psirens and GELFs, Hallucinations and personifications of ourselves, And 2– some say 3– Polymorphs. July 27, 2016 at 4:13 am #214320 BlisschickParticipant One night drinking wine, I came upon a thread That I had forgotten and now seemed dead. I drank a little more, And realized that before I should have had more in my head. (Okay, so it’s a horrible limerick. I’ve had a bottle and don’t care. Cheers. Now revive this thread. Some of you were good at this.) July 27, 2016 at 11:52 am #214322 siParticipant Four years on and nothing has changed We’re all a bit weird and deranged Reviving old threads We thought long since dead And na na na something restrained July 27, 2016 at 2:25 pm #214323 siParticipant Wanted to change the last line to ‘We’re all still decidedly strange’. It scans better. But I can’t. July 27, 2016 at 5:47 pm #214324 BlisschickParticipant Aw. Okay, I’ll just read it that way. For you. July 27, 2016 at 6:18 pm #214325 siParticipant Ta. July 27, 2016 at 10:03 pm #214327 Nick RParticipant A guest star from Scotland called Craig Human Confidence was who he played. He moved to the States – The cruellest of fates! ‘Cos everyone there calls him Cregg. July 28, 2016 at 4:44 pm #214330 clemParticipant Many fans didn’t like Taiwan Tony. Racial stereotypes make them moany, But at Pree they went “Phwoar!” Now they’re hungry for more. Let’s all hope XI’s not pony. July 28, 2016 at 9:20 pm #214332 GlenTokyoParticipant Not gonna lie, didn’t read the date on the post, oh well. There once was a lifeform known as the cat, Wherever he wanted he shat, A smelly gift in your shoe, He could do it on queue, Confronted, “Deal with that” he said with a splat. There was a young scouser called Lister, His arse was beginning to blister, A curry so hot, He was glued to the pot, Spewing what could be called a shit geyser July 30, 2016 at 9:47 pm #214339 (deleted)Member In ’07 those guys Doug and Rob Reconvened to talk shop through their gob For no reason then They split up again Which was really strange and no-one mentions it I mean it was genuinely quite confusing at the time and I still haven’t fathomed what the deal was and when was that Son Of Cliche reunion only cause he seems to have gone a bit disassociative with it all again and they don’t follow each other on Twitter I checked out of curiosity cause I’m a nosey knob. July 31, 2016 at 7:25 pm #214341 performingmonkeyParticipant They didn’t exactly ‘split up again’ seeing as there was no indication they were gonna rekindle their writing partnership. What is ‘really strange and no-one mentions it’ is the fact that Rob was script editor on the first series of Stressed Eric. July 31, 2016 at 10:22 pm #214342 (deleted)Member I find it easiest to think of them in terms of the Mitch & Mickey plotline in A Mighty Wind. That’s pretty much exactly The Grant Naylor Story. (I’m also being largely frivolous – I’d much rather them have rekindled their friendship, however long-distance, than their professional partnership, and that’s obviously what happened. But that didn’t make a bathetically funny last line to a limerick.) August 2, 2016 at 2:52 pm #214373 Jason aka Smeg4BrainsParticipant Us G&Ters are getting old and fat Just like the Dwarfers (except Cat) We’ve matured a touch No one says “cunt” as much And hardly a mention of a foaming twat Author Posts Viewing 100 posts - 1 through 100 (of 100 total) Scroll to top • Scroll to Recent Forum Posts You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Log In Username: Password: Keep me signed in Log In