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  • #204062
    NoFro
    Participant

    I thought the line was a reference to “It was me plan! I planned it.”

    #204069
    Pecospete666
    Participant

    Benny the Blade.

    Went on a crusade.

    Looking for a slag to shag.

    He found a old hag.

    And When she started to gag.

    She told him she was a old queen in drag

    Photobucket Pictures, Images and Photos

    #204070
    clem
    Participant

    Thanks for the praise guys. Seb you palestine! TOS is shit bring back Ellard etc. ;)
    Did you enter the competition in the end then Si?

    > I thought the line was a reference to β€œIt was me plan! I planned it.”

    It was.

    #204073
    Uncle Monty
    Participant

    >Benny the Blade.
    >Went on a crusade.
    >Looking for a slag to shag.
    >He found a old hag.
    >And When she started to gag.
    >She told him she was a old queen in drag

    That’s not a limerick, you twat.

    #204074
    Reece
    Participant

    That’s not a limerick, you twat.

    You’re right.

    It’s a Rimmerick.

    #204076
    si
    Participant

    I did enter the competition, yes. Came up with something just after 11am on friday. Saw a Tweet not long ago saying that the cast has picked a winner today, and that we’d know more tomorrow. Assuming I don’t win, I’ll post my entry here then.

    #204077
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    The limerick’s premise is simple,
    You’ve just got to… uh…
    um…
    er….
    …dimple.

    #204102
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    > Shall I be the annoying pedant who points out it doesn’t scan properly, then?

    That’s rich coming from Mr. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch! ;)

    #204103
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    There was a young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,
    Who thought he had warts on his cock,
    This first diagnosis,
    Was just simple psychosis,
    It was Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis….

    #204117
    Ben Kirkham
    Participant

    Danny wins, I think.

    #204130
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    But it’s not a limerick.

    #204133
    Ben Kirkham
    Participant

    No, but I’m in awe of the spelling. I’ve been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, lovely place.

    As for actual limericks, I love Clem’s ‘plan’ one, though there are many of high quality.

    #204134
    si
    Participant

    RedDwarfHQ have just Tweeted a link to a vid of the cast reading the winning entry – alas it’s not mine, but to be fair, it is pretty good.

    http://t.co/y639wAsH

    For what it’s worth, my entry(below) had a similar theme to the winner, I thought…

    *ahem*

    Red Dwarf was a hulking great Miner,
    With a crew-you’d be pushed to find finer.
    Wiped out in a blast,
    Now it’s crewed by the last
    Man alive…it’s no luxury Liner.

    #204136
    SgtSmileyUK
    Participant

    lol was that it? the simplest one won. I was sure going by some of the aboves standards that it was gonna contain a little more. Im not Jealous cos I didnt even enter but i gotta admit some Ive seen blew me away with their brilliance that I thought Id have no chance. still, we got a lotta chuckles out of Limericks again so erm, which way is out

    #204138
    RedDwarfFan2982
    Participant

    Here’s the one I entered:
    Anything can happen when you are alone
    Stuck in space a long way from home
    Spend the night getting drunk
    Then waking up in your bunk
    Thinking “Where the smeg did I get this traffic cone?”

    #204140
    NoFro
    Participant

    There was a BSC SSC swimmer
    Who by his parents was treated as dimmer
    He found his brother was a dope
    New parentage gave him hope
    And by the end of “The Beginning” he was a winner

    #204141
    anniescribe
    Participant

    Awww. NoFro’s is definitely the cutest.

    #204152
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS.

    #204155
    Jonsmad
    Participant

    Here’s the limmerick I sent in.

    I asked the computer called Pree.
    To send in this Limmerick for me.
    She said “I’ll save you some time”
    “You dont win, no need to complete your last rhyme”
    . . .

    #204158
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku.

    #204162
    Bexley Heath
    Participant

    The winning entry:

    “There once was ship that was red
    Her crew, for the most part, were dead
    Wiped out on a mission
    By the 2nd Technician
    What a total and utter SMEG HEAD!”

    Jeeeeezus. IMHO, that’s rubbish. I can see why they’d choose to pick something so obvious and unoriginal as the winner, since the T&Cs implied they might use it in marketing. But still, I reckon there should be a follow-up competition which actually encourages the kind of witty micro-referencing that’s been going on in this thread (e.g. Clem’s effort).

    …Not that I’m bitter…

    #204164
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    >I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku.

    Critics dislike you
    If you write rhyming haiku
    Imagine their whines
    At a haiku with four lines

    #204166

    This is genuinely my entry:

    There was a writer called Naylor,
    Whose movie funding attempts were a failure,
    The fans started to sadden,
    Red Dwarf: The Movie wouldn’t happen,
    But then Dave became their saviour

    I can’t understand why I didn’t win.

    #204167
    anniescribe
    Participant

    Iambic pentameter not even given a chance
    Shakespeare in his grave’s rolling in a dance

    I was not eligible, so I bloody couldn’t try
    The DVD itself, I couldn’t even really buy
    “It’s my best gift idea” said Sister Dear
    So if by Thanksgiving it is still not here
    Surely I should have it by the Fourth of July

    #204210
    Reece
    Participant

    My entry:

    I like Stork Margarine because I’ve only got one leg.

    #204216
    Alex
    Participant

    Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver.

    #204217
    Reece
    Participant

    Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver.

    Mum’s the word!

    #204242
    Ben Kirkham
    Participant

    Slip Digby won it. The organist.

    #204248
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    That’s not what they said in court…

    #204353
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    > I think my competition entry was better than those, but not much.

    What was it, Clem?

    #204356
    si
    Participant

    There once was a CENSORED named CENSORED,
    Who reckoned CENSORED was CENSORED!
    When CENSORED said CENSORED,
    CENSORED and CENSORED got CENSORED,
    Now CENSORED is CENSORED cunt!

    #204362
    SgtSmileyUK
    Participant

    chuckled@Si love it

    #204373
    dodgelister
    Participant

    There once was a competition online
    Where we each entered a rhyme
    I was hungover
    And wrote when it was over
    So no one ever read mine :(

    #204454
    clem
    Participant

    > What was it, Clem?

    There once was a roguey named Hogey.
    He was a demented old fogey,
    But with his wiblifier
    The Dwarfers escaped from a dire
    Situation as sticky as bogies.

    #204463
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH,
    Muh MAH mah muh MAH mah mah MUH,
    Buh BEE bee boo BEE,
    Duh DEE dee doo DEE,
    Luh LAH lah luh LAH lah lah LUH.

    #204466
    HelloMabel
    Participant

    > But it’s not a limerick.

    > I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS

    > Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH, […]

    Hang on. Are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead…wrong? ;)

    #204472
    anniescribe
    Participant

    Gordon Bennett, Mabel, everybody’s wrong. Everybody’s wrong, Mabel. Wrong, everybody is, Mabel!

    #205019
    stooeyking
    Participant

    We are the boys from the Dwarf,
    We’re about 3 million years off course,
    We’ve fought simulantants, psirens and GELFs,
    Hallucinations and personifications of ourselves,
    And 2– some say 3– Polymorphs.

    #214320
    Blisschick
    Participant

    One night drinking wine, I came upon a thread
    That I had forgotten and now seemed dead.
    I drank a little more,
    And realized that before
    I should have had more in my head.

    (Okay, so it’s a horrible limerick. I’ve had a bottle and don’t care. Cheers. Now revive this thread. Some of you were good at this.)

    #214322
    si
    Participant

    Four years on and nothing has changed
    We’re all a bit weird and deranged
    Reviving old threads
    We thought long since dead
    And na na na something restrained

    #214323
    si
    Participant

    Wanted to change the last line to ‘We’re all still decidedly strange’. It scans better.
    But I can’t.

    #214324
    Blisschick
    Participant

    Aw. Okay, I’ll just read it that way. For you.

    #214325
    si
    Participant

    Ta.

    #214327
    Nick R
    Participant

    A guest star from Scotland called Craig
    Human Confidence was who he played.
    He moved to the States –
    The cruellest of fates!
    ‘Cos everyone there calls him Cregg.

    #214330
    clem
    Participant

    Many fans didn’t like Taiwan Tony.
    Racial stereotypes make them moany,
    But at Pree they went “Phwoar!”
    Now they’re hungry for more.
    Let’s all hope XI’s not pony.

    #214332
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Not gonna lie, didn’t read the date on the post, oh well.

    There once was a lifeform known as the cat,
    Wherever he wanted he shat,
    A smelly gift in your shoe,
    He could do it on queue,
    Confronted, “Deal with that” he said with a splat.

    There was a young scouser called Lister,
    His arse was beginning to blister,
    A curry so hot,
    He was glued to the pot,
    Spewing what could be called a shit geyser

    #214339
    (deleted)
    Participant

    In ’07 those guys Doug and Rob
    Reconvened to talk shop through their gob
    For no reason then
    They split up again
    Which was really strange and no-one mentions it I mean it was genuinely quite confusing at the time and I still haven’t fathomed what the deal was and when was that Son Of Cliche reunion only cause he seems to have gone a bit disassociative with it all again and they don’t follow each other on Twitter I checked out of curiosity cause I’m a nosey knob.

    #214341
    pfm
    Participant

    They didn’t exactly ‘split up again’ seeing as there was no indication they were gonna rekindle their writing partnership. What is ‘really strange and no-one mentions it’ is the fact that Rob was script editor on the first series of Stressed Eric.

    #214342
    (deleted)
    Participant

    I find it easiest to think of them in terms of the Mitch & Mickey plotline in A Mighty Wind. That’s pretty much exactly The Grant Naylor Story.

    (I’m also being largely frivolous – I’d much rather them have rekindled their friendship, however long-distance, than their professional partnership, and that’s obviously what happened. But that didn’t make a bathetically funny last line to a limerick.)

    #214373

    Us G&Ters are getting old and fat
    Just like the Dwarfers (except Cat)
    We’ve matured a touch
    No one says “cunt” as much
    And hardly a mention of a foaming twat

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