Rimmericks

[si]

I saw this over at TOS yesterday, and am a little surprised it’s not been mentioned here (as far as I’ve noticed), not even by that TOSser, Seb:

http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/competition/

So, yeah…prizes for poetry, and everything. Let’s see…

A shithole site set up by Symes
Lent itself well to making up rhymes.
A Dwarf ship that’s Red,
Where everyone’s dead,
‘Cept for Lister, who knows all his lines.

Anyway,competition ends Friday, 12pm (lunchtime, yeah?).

Topic

[Pecospete666]

Benny the Blade.

Went on a crusade.

Looking for a slag to shag.

He found a old hag.

And When she started to gag.

She told him she was a old queen in drag

[clem]

Thanks for the praise guys. Seb you palestine! TOS is shit bring back Ellard etc. ;)
Did you enter the competition in the end then Si?

> I thought the line was a reference to “It was me plan! I planned it.”

It was.

[Uncle Monty]

>Benny the Blade.
>Went on a crusade.
>Looking for a slag to shag.
>He found a old hag.
>And When she started to gag.
>She told him she was a old queen in drag

That’s not a limerick, you twat.

[Reece]

That’s not a limerick, you twat.

You’re right.

It’s a Rimmerick.

[si]

I did enter the competition, yes. Came up with something just after 11am on friday. Saw a Tweet not long ago saying that the cast has picked a winner today, and that we’d know more tomorrow. Assuming I don’t win, I’ll post my entry here then.

[Ben Paddon]

The limerick’s premise is simple,
You’ve just got to… uh…
um…
er….
…dimple.

[HelloMabel]

> Shall I be the annoying pedant who points out it doesn’t scan properly, then?

That’s rich coming from Mr. Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch! ;)

[Danny Stephenson]

There was a young man from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch,
Who thought he had warts on his cock,
This first diagnosis,
Was just simple psychosis,
It was Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis….

[Ben Kirkham]

Danny wins, I think.

[Ben Paddon]

But it’s not a limerick.

[Ben Kirkham]

No, but I’m in awe of the spelling. I’ve been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, lovely place.

As for actual limericks, I love Clem’s ‘plan’ one, though there are many of high quality.

[si]

RedDwarfHQ have just Tweeted a link to a vid of the cast reading the winning entry – alas it’s not mine, but to be fair, it is pretty good.

http://t.co/y639wAsH

For what it’s worth, my entry(below) had a similar theme to the winner, I thought…

*ahem*

Red Dwarf was a hulking great Miner,
With a crew-you’d be pushed to find finer.
Wiped out in a blast,
Now it’s crewed by the last
Man alive…it’s no luxury Liner.

[SgtSmileyUK]

lol was that it? the simplest one won. I was sure going by some of the aboves standards that it was gonna contain a little more. Im not Jealous cos I didnt even enter but i gotta admit some Ive seen blew me away with their brilliance that I thought Id have no chance. still, we got a lotta chuckles out of Limericks again so erm, which way is out

[RedDwarfFan2982]

Here’s the one I entered:
Anything can happen when you are alone
Stuck in space a long way from home
Spend the night getting drunk
Then waking up in your bunk
Thinking “Where the smeg did I get this traffic cone?”

[NoFro]

There was a BSC SSC swimmer
Who by his parents was treated as dimmer
He found his brother was a dope
New parentage gave him hope
And by the end of “The Beginning” he was a winner

[anniescribe]

Awww. NoFro’s is definitely the cutest.

[Ben Paddon]

I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS.

[Jonsmad]

Here’s the limmerick I sent in.

I asked the computer called Pree.
To send in this Limmerick for me.
She said “I’ll save you some time”
“You dont win, no need to complete your last rhyme”
. . .

[Pete Part Three]

I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku.

[Bexley Heath]

The winning entry:

“There once was ship that was red
Her crew, for the most part, were dead
Wiped out on a mission
By the 2nd Technician
What a total and utter SMEG HEAD!”

Jeeeeezus. IMHO, that’s rubbish. I can see why they’d choose to pick something so obvious and unoriginal as the winner, since the T&Cs implied they might use it in marketing. But still, I reckon there should be a follow-up competition which actually encourages the kind of witty micro-referencing that’s been going on in this thread (e.g. Clem’s effort).

…Not that I’m bitter…

[Seb Patrick]

>I don’t think they were keen on my palindromic haiku.

Critics dislike you
If you write rhyming haiku
Imagine their whines
At a haiku with four lines

[Smeg4Brains]

This is genuinely my entry:

There was a writer called Naylor,
Whose movie funding attempts were a failure,
The fans started to sadden,
Red Dwarf: The Movie wouldn’t happen,
But then Dave became their saviour

I can’t understand why I didn’t win.

[anniescribe]

Iambic pentameter not even given a chance
Shakespeare in his grave’s rolling in a dance

I was not eligible, so I bloody couldn’t try
The DVD itself, I couldn’t even really buy
“It’s my best gift idea” said Sister Dear
So if by Thanksgiving it is still not here
Surely I should have it by the Fourth of July

[Reece]

My entry:

I like Stork Margarine because I’ve only got one leg.

[Alex]

Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver.

[Reece]

Might have won if you’d enclosed a fiver.

Mum’s the word!

[Ben Kirkham]

Slip Digby won it. The organist.

[Danny Stephenson]

That’s not what they said in court…

[HelloMabel]

> I think my competition entry was better than those, but not much.

What was it, Clem?

[si]

There once was a CENSORED named CENSORED,
Who reckoned CENSORED was CENSORED!
When CENSORED said CENSORED,
CENSORED and CENSORED got CENSORED,
Now CENSORED is CENSORED cunt!

[SgtSmileyUK]

chuckled@Si love it

[dodgelister]

There once was a competition online
Where we each entered a rhyme
I was hungover
And wrote when it was over
So no one ever read mine :(

[clem]

> What was it, Clem?

There once was a roguey named Hogey.
He was a demented old fogey,
But with his wiblifier
The Dwarfers escaped from a dire
Situation as sticky as bogies.

[Ben Paddon]

Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH,
Muh MAH mah muh MAH mah mah MUH,
Buh BEE bee boo BEE,
Duh DEE dee doo DEE,
Luh LAH lah luh LAH lah lah LUH.

[HelloMabel]

> But it’s not a limerick.

> I think a lot of the limericks were rejected because THEY AREN’T SMEGGING LIMMERICKS

> Buh BAH bah buh BAH bah bah BUH, […]

Hang on. Are you trying to tell me everybody’s dead…wrong? ;)

[anniescribe]

Gordon Bennett, Mabel, everybody’s wrong. Everybody’s wrong, Mabel. Wrong, everybody is, Mabel!

[stooeyking]

We are the boys from the Dwarf,
We’re about 3 million years off course,
We’ve fought simulantants, psirens and GELFs,
Hallucinations and personifications of ourselves,
And 2– some say 3– Polymorphs.

[Blisschick]

One night drinking wine, I came upon a thread
That I had forgotten and now seemed dead.
I drank a little more,
And realized that before
I should have had more in my head.

(Okay, so it’s a horrible limerick. I’ve had a bottle and don’t care. Cheers. Now revive this thread. Some of you were good at this.)

[si]

Four years on and nothing has changed
We’re all a bit weird and deranged
Reviving old threads
We thought long since dead
And na na na something restrained

[si]

Wanted to change the last line to ‘We’re all still decidedly strange’. It scans better.
But I can’t.

[Blisschick]

Aw. Okay, I’ll just read it that way. For you.

[si]

Ta.

[Nick R]

A guest star from Scotland called Craig
Human Confidence was who he played.
He moved to the States –
The cruellest of fates!
‘Cos everyone there calls him Cregg.

[clem]

Many fans didn’t like Taiwan Tony.
Racial stereotypes make them moany,
But at Pree they went “Phwoar!”
Now they’re hungry for more.
Let’s all hope XI’s not pony.

[GlenTokyo]

Not gonna lie, didn’t read the date on the post, oh well.

There once was a lifeform known as the cat,
Wherever he wanted he shat,
A smelly gift in your shoe,
He could do it on queue,
Confronted, “Deal with that” he said with a splat.

There was a young scouser called Lister,
His arse was beginning to blister,
A curry so hot,
He was glued to the pot,
Spewing what could be called a shit geyser

[(deleted)]

In ’07 those guys Doug and Rob
Reconvened to talk shop through their gob
For no reason then
They split up again
Which was really strange and no-one mentions it I mean it was genuinely quite confusing at the time and I still haven’t fathomed what the deal was and when was that Son Of Cliche reunion only cause he seems to have gone a bit disassociative with it all again and they don’t follow each other on Twitter I checked out of curiosity cause I’m a nosey knob.

[pfm]

They didn’t exactly ‘split up again’ seeing as there was no indication they were gonna rekindle their writing partnership. What is ‘really strange and no-one mentions it’ is the fact that Rob was script editor on the first series of Stressed Eric.

[(deleted)]

I find it easiest to think of them in terms of the Mitch & Mickey plotline in A Mighty Wind. That’s pretty much exactly The Grant Naylor Story.

(I’m also being largely frivolous – I’d much rather them have rekindled their friendship, however long-distance, than their professional partnership, and that’s obviously what happened. But that didn’t make a bathetically funny last line to a limerick.)

[Smeg4Brains]

Us G&Ters are getting old and fat
Just like the Dwarfers (except Cat)
We’ve matured a touch
No one says “cunt” as much
And hardly a mention of a foaming twat

[Author]

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