Rob Grant’s Colony

[Dave]

Excellent. Thanks for running this and keeping us on track.

[Warbodog]

We need a bit of discipline or we’ll go another 20 years failing to read a decent book targeted specifically at us.

[Warbodog]

Chapter 10. Quite a substantial chapter I’ll have to digest by itself.

– New characters! Captain Gwent a more chaotic antagonist than we’ve had thus far, if similarly unhinged (and this is the elite first generation).

– Section Leader Peck seemingly exists to be Eddie’s (and perhaps by assumption the reader’s) unattainable sexy stoic scientist love/wank interest. So far the female characters are still faring better than in his previous novel, imagine if they weren’t.

– Familiar awe-inspired description for the massive space lift from the author who grew up reading sci-fi. “You could have hidden the Pacific Fleet from the Japanese bombers in this space. The source of the Nile could be lurking in one of the corners, and you’d never find it. It’s a big, big space.” (Reminded of Red Dwarf’s “big, red, red, big…” “It could eat Copenhagen…”).

– Then strangely subverted when we’re denied the satisfaction of seeing the actual ship. Is that significant? What’s he hiding? Is it a big willy? Is it just a simulator, like some really obvious Twilight Zone twist? It’s probably a willy.

– I realised I’d been reading part one like a prat and not looking for hints and foreshadowings until they came up again. Mainly with what turned out to be the obvious setup of Eddie’s romantic type earlier, but now I’m belatedly wondering what that unseen ‘animal sting’ in the bar was, that was mentioned again. An injection?

– Despite this attention to detail, we’re invited into Eddie’s erotic fantasies (whether we like it or not), but without any violent flashback clips complicating the mood as promised.

– Laugh out loud: “His eyes are bulging like a dodgem fare collector’s jeans.”

[Warbodog]

Laugh out loud: “His eyes are bulging like a dodgem fare collector’s jeans.”

Unless that’s a joke you don’t/didn’t get and is just about collecting a lot of money and not inappropriate boners.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I read 10-12 earlier and will need to flick through the pages again before commenting much but one thing I noticed is that twice now Rob has predicted fish to be used as screen savers in the future, and that future hasn’t been realised yet and I find  that incredibly disappointing.

Chapter 10 was really great though. Lots going on and really enjoyed getting to know so me new characters who will presumably be around until the end now.  I like how Eddie’s ignorance basically makes him a funny and likeable character to these people, except Jezebel of course.

Then strangely subverted when we’re denied the satisfaction of seeing the actual ship. Is that significant? What’s he hiding? Is it a big willy? Is it just a simulator, like some really obvious Twilight Zone twist? It’s probably a willy.

Given Gordon is supposed a there for community planning and such, it being elaborate simulation wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility. Hell, if the planet is going to shit and is going to take hundreds of years to get to another planet, you just need to ship to house colonists for long enough for the planet to destroy itself and star over a fresh. They don’t actually need to go anywhere.   There was a line early on about how they hoped to solve the space propulsion system problem late into the ships development, well being a stationary hub for a few hundred years would solve that issue.

[Warbodog]

really enjoyed getting to know some new characters who will presumably be around until the end now.

Don’t get too attached, you know what Rob’s like.

Chapter 12

The Catholic references at the end were fitting, since the whole thing felt like some bloodthirsty moral sermon. The professionals catching up with the amateur would-be villain was the only satisfaction I took from it.

Chapter 13

Okay, back to sci-fi character comedy, thanks.

– Rounding out the crew with Styx the stock meataxe security guard and a doctor with the unfortunate name of Piers Morton.
– “Drier than a constipated camel’s sphincter” is straight from Red Dwarf VI, but I can’t decide whether it’s Rimmer or Lister. That camel can’t get a break.
– “Non-permanent suspension of life” could bring stasis to mind, but I could tell where it was going, since I’ve been waiting for it to show up.
– The low-profile launch is further suspicious activity.
– I’ve had hopes/ideas of what will happen later ever since I read the subtitle ‘Generation I,’ but I shouldn’t make predictions since I have physically if not mentally listened to the book before!

[Pete Part Three]

Turns out my only memory of this book is buying it at Waterloo station and reading it on a train somewhere.  I’m *sure* I must have read it again but, having browsed through the opening chapters, it’s not ringing many bells, beyond “Dwarfy ones”.

I may try and catch up.

[Stilianides]

Yes, “drier than a constipated camel’s sphincter” is a line that struck me as well. Reminiscent of the “longer yellow streak” line that we know Rob was responsible for.

There is a moment in chapter 15 which is particularly grim even by Rob’s standards.

There’s something slightly bizarre about the fact that Rob often tries to describe his characters’ disgust at mutilation, whilst Rob himself seems positively enamoured with it.

[Stilianides]

I’ve enjoyed the book so far, in spite of all of that.

There are sporadic moments of black humour and the occasional nice turn of phrase.

It also skips along pretty smoothly and is an easy read (if you have a strong constitution).

[Warbodog]

Part two ends a bit abruptly. Now we’ve had time to get attached, it’s back to those foreboding cliffhangers with delayed gratification, very Red Dwarf.

And probably about to get a lot more Red Dwarf. I’m not sure how Rob wants us to feel at this point, but since he’s made it obvious what’s going to happen next, I’m mainly looking forward to the relief of Eddie getting to come clean and be himself, even if there would be a significant cost involved. The more we learn about his assumed identity, the more it feels like Blake from off from Blake’s 7 having to go around branded as a child molester.

I don’t think we really need to explore more of Gordon’s backstory at this point, but the South American Nazi connection seems a bit specific to be chance. They always did like namedropping Nazis though.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Part two ends a bit abruptly. Now we’ve had time to get attached, it’s back to those foreboding cliffhangers with delayed gratification, very Red Dwarf.

It is a bit of a shame the part ends in the way a chapter might if it was due to carry on immediately in the next one.

I’ve really enjoyed part two but it’s been very short, despite a lot happening.  We’re clipping along at quite the pace.

Loving the prose.  Every single line is quite a joy to read, but particularly anything Gwent says.

I’m quite interested in this society that Gordon has cooked up, sort of Brave New World-esque but also deliberately instils a system that was raised and fought in BSG, that of people following in their families footsteps on potentially decades long voyage across space.

It actually also fleetingly made me imagine a Timewave written by Rob, think he’d do a much better job of tackling that sort of thing.

The idea of only temporarily being relieved of life “non-permanent suspension of life” I immediately assumed was going to be a stasis thing, but seems more like a Borg Queen type thing?  Given the next part is Generation X and that Eddie has eaten his last meal I can only assume this is what’s going to happen to him.

Rob obviously has a chip on his shoulder about chicken soup from a vending machine for it to appear in two of his works.

And I’m wondering if Padre is going to be something of a stowaway activist too.  Not really a religious man looking to make change but someone who has deliberately worked their way on board to oppose the system etc.

The low-profile launch is further suspicious activity.

This is just adding to my guess further up that they’re not going anywhere at all and its all a rouse. Which would be very reminiscent of Ascension

[Warbodog]

a system that was raised and fought in BSG, that of people following in their families footsteps on potentially decades long voyage across space.

It was very familiar, probably from BSG then, more than any historical basis, though I read something or other more recently that had aliens doing a similar thing.

Given the next part is Generation X and that Eddie has eaten his last meal I can only assume this is what’s going to happen to him.

Someone has to be the disembodied head on the hardback cover (however stylised), and Eddie/Heady, blatant.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Someone has to be the disembodied head on the hardback cover (however stylised), and Eddie/Heady, blatant.

oh I have the paper back, I’ve not seen this.

[Spaceworm Jim]

Look, it’s Heady O’Hare!

I’m a bit behind on this, but I am enjoying the book a lot. The Pilgrim’s Progress excerpts at the start of each Part confused me when I was younger, but now I can see it’s just a joke. Used to think there was a deeper meaning, and maybe I’ll realise something later on, but I like the juxtaposition.

The reason I haven’t posted is that I remember this book so well I’m worried about spoiling things.

[Warbodog]

The epigraphs (I had to look the word up, that’s how good a literature graduate I am) went over my head. If he’s being mock pompous, I feel like he’d be more obvious by referencing different impressive sources or including several each time, like you get played straight in Carl Sagan books. Referring back to the same one suggests there is some spiritual connection, whatever it is.

I don’t know, Rob doesn’t seem to be ironically or faithfully retelling The Pilgrim’s Progress in space, like some kind of Ulysses 31. A troubled man is saved by another man who directs him to a gate where he will find salvation. No character names are parodies (Styx is Greek, Gwent is an historic Welsh kingdom, Peck is an actor from Jurassic Park). I do enjoy stretched analogies, but I think Rob’s just trolled me into wasting some time.

[Warbodog]

The next part of Colony is the longest by far (it’s almost half the book? Chapters 17-37), so have a few days’ “head” start on PART THREE: GENERATION X if you’re eager and we can see how it goes.

[Dave]

Ah shit, I haven’t had time to read part two yet. Soon.

[Warbodog]

Maybe part three should be extended across two weeks? No chapter counts, just take it at our own pace. We shouldn’t suffer for Rob’s asymmetry.

[si]

I’ve still only read the first four chapters. Maybe I should get a wriggle on.

[Stilianides]

Yeah, I think taking it slowly is a good idea to try to include as many people as possible.

I have to say that this book is rather better than I remember it. And it is almost a Red Dwarf novel in everything but name.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

If we go with what Warbo is suggesting, we read to the end of part 3 by the end of November?

That will give everyone plenty of time to read at their own pace, chip in comments as and when they feel, should work out ok.

[Warbodog]

And it is almost a Red Dwarf novel in everything but name.

It’s gone from being a similarly themed project with expected author similarities to basically a variation on Red Dwarf now. If Doug had written this book today, we’d put it down to legal difficulties or spite, I wonder how pure Rob’s motives were.

It’s good that I didn’t read it at the time when post-Grant Red Dwarf was a fresh wound. After 20 years it’s reached a safe background level and I can just enjoy it.

It’s kind of hilarious that Rob once said (probably on Comedy Connections) that he left because he wanted to do something other than Dwarf.

And maybe aside from Incompetence, this is the best thing he’s done since Backwards.

[Dave]

Just finished Part Two. Still enjoying it, and I’m finding the horrible feelings of being in the shit and just waiting to be found out very Red-Dwarf-novel-Rimmer-ish.

Other than that though I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how distinct it’s been from RD so far. Yes, there have been some surface similarities and the occasional familiar turn of phrase (“code mauve” is a shameless reuse of “mauve alert”) but generally it’s different enough to feel like its own thing.

[Dave]

one thing I noticed is that twice now Rob has predicted fish to be used as screen savers in the future, and that future hasn’t been realised yet and I find  that incredibly disappointing.

I always took those moments as being references to the fishtank screen-savers that did exist in the 90s.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Oh I vaguely remember those. And now I think about it, along with numerous city and nature scapes, there’s quite a few underwater, fishy screen savers on the Apple TV.

but I’d still like to live in a world where every monitor when idle just resembled a fish tank.

[Warbodog]

I’m getting through part three more slowly anyway, because of how relentlessly heavy it is.

Mental/physical degradation has been a common theme of my nightmares (usually with fictional pets I’ve neglected that proceed to inbreed like Frankensteins), so playing it for laughs doesn’t really work for me.

And as far as brutality, Backwards was just a warm-up. I can enjoy over-the-top violence and gore when it’s explicitly for laughs, and can chuckle and wince when it’s played straight in Clive Barker type stuff, but it’s like Rob gets off on the suffering and misery, mercifully balanced out by lots of funny lines.

[Stilianides]

I have to say that personally I don’t find the book too grim and it zips along very quickly for me. I whipped through quite a few chapters today and there are some interesting ideas and a decent cliffhanger (I won’t go into details yet as we will discuss this section more later).

There are huge chunks that feel similar to Dwarf and that feeling only gets stronger as the book progresses.

Eddie himself sometimes feels like Lister, sometimes like Rimmer and occasionally like Kryten, so I guess some would reasonably say that makes him a new character. :)

[Warbodog]

It’s picking up again for me now after a lull, so I’ll offload notes. Can’t avoid spoiler implications, so avert your eyes.

Chapter 17

– The dialogue does as well as it could to lighten the horror (“extensive injuries,” etc).

– “If it’s any consolation, you still have all your hair.” The most Red Dwarf line so far? (Eddie’s lost his watch, too).

Chapter 18

– Rob doesn’t want us to leave that jar. We must experience the suffocating body horror.

– I’m sure everyone noticed “out of the gloop.”

– He’s not even wired up properly, for fuck’s sake. This is the sort of nightmare future a Red Dwarf character would be presented with and successfully avert, but this is Eddie’s reality (for now, anyway).

Chapter 21

A very minor nitpick, but it would’ve been simpler if the mix-up with Eddie’s identity had happened because they can’t read the labels on the jars and were guessing, rather than having the computer read the names aloud so there had to be an extra detail of the heads being mysteriously mislabelled in the past.

Chapter 23

The promise of a new setting and purpose has me back on board. The ship was only a vehicle and it wasn’t about the journey, but the destination?

Is he going to do THAT twist? With what he’s set up, could he resist NOT doing it?

[Dave]

This is the sort of nightmare future a Red Dwarf character would be presented with and successfully avert

It is kind of funny that Rob’s final episode of Red Dwarf set out his hero’s destiny as becoming a disembodied brain in a jar of green goop, and he then goes on to write a novel in which his hero’s destiny is to become a disembodied head in a jar of green goop.

[Warbodog]

Might Colony have been planned as a TV or radio series before/alongside becoming a novel?

I listened to the first half of the abridged audiobook when doing other things, and noticed that [their extensive abridgement of] part one ends after 27 minutes, part two after 56 minutes and chapter 23 (mid point of the book?) after 86 minutes.

Each of those ‘episodes’ ends on a dramatic cliffhanger or other natural break, which would have been reworked to suit the other mediums.

The story doesn’t seem to require a big budget, especially with turn-of-the-century CGI, and the Strangerers got away with plenty of weird visuals.

Maybe it would have been good, but listening to the abridged audiobook as it stands is not a good way to read the book. It clips along too fast, in a way that didn’t seem to be a problem with the Red Dwarf ones. There’s no time to care about anything.

The Strangerers had the opposite problem of feeling unbearably stretched out (and repetitive) at nine parts, maybe that would have been better as a book too.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Chapter 17

– The dialogue does as well as it could to lighten the horror (“extensive injuries,” etc).

– “If it’s any consolation, you still have all your hair.” The most Red Dwarf line so far? (Eddie’s lost his watch, too).

Just read this chapter and basically these are my comments.  Although I also found it drga a bit.  Maybe because I knew what it was building to, it felt very indulgent in keeping that from Eddie and the reader for as long as possible.

The hair line, and the amature nipple gazing actually had me lol-ing. The rest is fine writing, I like the horror of it all unfolding to Eddie with him seeing a nymph and such.

I’m intrigued to know how Styx is still around if it’s meant to be centuries, and how the ship appears to be in a position where they don’t know much of the history which it seems is the case from what’s said at the end of the chapter.

I’m enjoy the book, and I’m intrigued as to where it’s all going … but as has been mentioned, it feels very much like Red Dwarf in the premise and … well having not really read the blurb or anything, I can’t help but feel we’re still in the set up stage rather than being underway with the story.  But I guess that’s how IWCD plays out too … and there isn’t a story in there so much as a series of events happening to the main character.

For a comedy sci-fi book about a ship going to form a colony, it just currently feels like it’s not delivering on that very basic understanding I had of the premise and is rather doing something this author has already done.  Which is fine, I’m enjoying it, but also feel slightly cheated.  Does that make sense to anyone else?

[Dave]

Yes definitely. Last night I checked how thick the unread section of the book was compared to how thick the section was that I’d read, and was surprised to see that I was now around ⅔ of the way through. It still feels very much like it’s still setting up the situation and characters.

[Dave]

As for the Dwarfiest line of the book, so far for me it’s probably the bit about cannibals (that’s also on the back of the hardcover).

[Stilianides]

Chapter 17 – I don’t have any issues with this section because the description of Eddie’s body is so cartoonish. A person losing one limb might be horrific, to lose almost your entire body is too ludicrous to be disgusting. The idea of having been preserved for centuries could have come straight from Red Dwarf VI.

Chapter 18 – Something of a shame that the cover gives away Eddie and his gloop. The genital assault is amusing and very Rob.

Chapter 19 – “Call me a stickler and nail my gonads to a griddle” could almost be a lost Ace catchphrase. :) The name Piers Morton has stood the test of time well. “Even in the ladies’ shower room” hints at coincidental similarities with Krytie TV. It’s interesting how Doug and Rob approached a similar topic – Doug with a Carry on style and Rob being more sleazy.

Chapters 20-21 – Short, but well-written chapters. The idea of a society that can’t read is another that could have come straight from Dwarf.

Chapter 22 – The crash and the “it happens a lot” response is a neat use of foreshadowing. Not that it is unique to this book, but it adds an element of danger to these chapters that might otherwise have felt flat.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Chapter 18 – Hand. Pick up the ball!

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Chapter 19 – “he locomotes with all the confident conviction of a newborn fawn who has been passed through a coffee grinder and put back together again by a blind wheelchair maker with Parkinson’s disease.”

I love this line. It just keeps going.  Every time you think its coming to an end there’s another corner and more of it stretching before you.

It also feels extremely out of place for this novel and Rob in general.  Sarcastic similies aren’t unusal but this feels more like something Douglas Adams’ would write for the voice of the book in Hitchhikers.

[Dave]

Does it say “wheelchair maker” in your copy? Is that the paperback?

If so that’s interesting as the hardback has it as “watchmaker”. Maybe it was changed after someone pointed out that the cliché of the blind watchmaker is that they are actually really good at putting things together.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Ha no, I just read it as wheelchair maker. It is indeed watchmaker.  It is the paper back though.

Further thoughts on 19 … I feel this book has just constantly been a series of events where Eddie is confused for someone else.  First by the debt collectors, then as Gordon, now as Morton … though it certainly feels as though we’re getting to something happening, such as this life threatening event he has been awoken for.

But knowing our luck he’ll he shoved out an airlock at the end of this part then picked up by a passing ship in a couple of millenia.

[Dave]

If it’s any consolation I think wheelchair maker is funnier.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I am consoled.

[Warbodog]

I feel this book has just constantly been a series of events where Eddie is confused for someone else.

A fine line between running gag/theme and just being repetitive. To compare to The Strangerers again, the same thing happened several times in that too (different sets of characters going through the same misunderstandings and learning process as the previous sets). Decapitation was also a recurring theme.

Did the abrupt time skip between parts just feel like missing chapters to anyone else? It’s strange that Rob would be so coy as to rob us of Eddie’s POV assault.

[Dave]

Yes that definitely felt jarring, but I think intentionally so.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Yeah its definitel felt as if something was missing.  But then I guess for the reader, you need to go into the next chapter having no idea whats going on, so the revelations hit you at the same time they hit Eddie.

If we know he got brutally murdered for all intents and purposes, we’d be one step ahead of him in the next chapter.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Chapter 20 – finally more than half way through the book and an actual bonafied interesting twist has exposed itself.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Next couple of chapters start to move things along quite nicely.  There’s some brilliant irony that Eddie, under the circumstances, is coming across as more the sane, emotionally intellegent one.

I wonder if this was the story Rob had in mind when he sat down to write this.  Imposter onboard ship, loses all but his head and then wakes up to find he is the only one capable of reading.  It’s a fun idea, just seems to have taken a long while to get to it.

Looking forward to finding out … hopefully … why they have settled on a planet before know.  It seems a bit of a conincidence that the ship is hit and damaged within reach of 3 planet, 2 of them habitable.

Also would love to know how a group of people lose the ability to read.  They’re bred to take on the roles of their parents, but you’d assume there’d still be training which would involve needed to read.

I feel sorry for Styx in every line Rob writes for that character(s).

I’m surprised the crew didn’t just mutiny when Gwent the younger was put in charge.

Eddie’s lust for Peck I’ll assume is down to Rob’s lustful desires of strong, powerful, independant and unattainable women.

[Warbodog]

I wonder if this was the story Rob had in mind when he sat down to write this.  Imposter onboard ship, loses all but his head and then wakes up to find he is the only one capable of reading.  It’s a fun idea, just seems to have taken a long while to get to it.

I’d been enjoying it as a series of unfortunate events before now, but this was when I got what you were saying about the story finally starting. Probably because Eddie’s finally starting to take an active role in events and not just being tossed around helplessly like a roulette ball.

Also would love to know how a group of people lose the ability to read.  They’re bred to take on the roles of their parents, but you’d assume there’d still be training which would involve needed to read.

This stretched credibility to me (I was fine with the reanimated head in a jar, clearly). Also how Oslo implausibly has all the wit and cultural references of an Arnold Rimmer.

I’m surprised the crew didn’t just mutiny when Gwent the younger was put in charge.

I appreciated this as a more serious look at how doctrine and undeserved respect will keep people in line. Oslo’s looking for a loophole, but still respects the chain of command almost religiously. And then there’s the actual religious ones.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

So read up to chapter 30 …

Things are definitely starting to get interesting.  The idea of Padre being athiest is quite amusing, and a nice little way of exploring the inevitable failings of people being born into their job.

I keep struggling to picture Eddie as Snacky with a head in a jar.  There was reference to Eddie slamming his hands down on Padre’s desk in one chapter, as if he doesn’t have mobility issues or is made of metal with pincer hands.  I can’t help but feel if Rob hadn’t written Red Dwarf he’d have just made Eddie a hologram rather than going through all the bother of making him a clumsy robot … unless this becomes more relevent later on.

I’m not quite sure how Eddie’s maths skills helped him spot orbital annomalies.  I appreciate maths would be involved but I’d image accounting is a very different sort of maths to spacial geometry or whatever it is.

[Warbodog]

Up to chapter 31

This is getting more White Hole by the chapter, with the planetary collision and now the time-pressured consultation with the distracted geniuses.

The Professors are a nice addition to the cartoonier side of the cast, balancing out the Styx drones. The wackier mutants feel quite Quanderhorn, or Toxic Crusaders.

The mysteries of the computer’s warning to Eddie and the blocked-off corridors are compelling.

I enjoyed the narrator’s Usborne Puzzle Adventure style ‘did you spot the clue, readers?’ at the end of the chapter, but reading back, it’s just some technobabble. Since we were reminded about Chekhov’s self-repairing hull plates a few chapters back, it’s probably about those.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Having just read chapter 31, have to agree about the White Hole comparison. It’s all very familiar territory.

im disappointed Eddie didn’t get the answers he wanted, as I want them too.

I hope the professors come back into the story soon though. As much as their cartoonishness was fun, I’d be annoyed if Rob wasted a chapter on them just for a laugh, when he via Eddie acknowledges the time constraints.

Also, heads in jars and cryogenics. How many more ways to keep people alive are on this ship?

The ship layout changing is interesting, I wonder if that’s the ship itself that’s done that for some reason? Given how it’s apparently able to regrow itself.

[Warbodog]

Finished part three and less gripped by the cliffhanger this time. Adding more deadly jeopardy just feels like a distraction from the more established imminent threat, the characters even express as much.

Rob famously resisted putting a naff robot in Red Dwarf, and doesn’t do them here except in pisstake clunky robot suit form, but the book may all be building up to a cyborg scrap.

It’s been good to space out the reading, since experiencing this along with Eddie in basically real time would be exhaustingly relentless. It’s remarkable that he’s still quipping.

[Author]

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