Slightly mad conspiracy theory

[dennisthedoughnutboy]

So, I bought my copy of the Bodysnatcher Collection this weekend, and started watching Re-Dwarf. My flatmate then chimes in with “You know the *real* reason why they remastered those early ones, don’t you?”. How can you resist a line like that?

Anyway, his claim was that it was to do with cutting Paul Jackson Productions out of the loop for approving overseas sales, and any subsequent royalties. The ‘evidence’ is that the only series that were remastered were the ones with the PJP credit at the end, which was duly replaced with a GNP one. By his logic, this meant that the new versions of the shows were now separate entities, and there’d be no hangups in selling them to the US.

Originally, I didn’t buy into that at all, but now I’m not so sure.

I know that Doug talked about BBC Worldwide saying they “just couldn’t sell” the series as it stood, but I thought that meant more along the lines of quality, rather than rights.

Anyone able to put this one to bed?

Topic

[Andrew]

It’s nonsense.

> The ?evidence? is that the only series that were remastered were the ones with the PJP credit at the end

But there IS a PJP logo on all the remastered VHS tapes. Not on the DVD, admittedly, but if you were trying to disassociate the episodes, including the logo on the videos is kind of a big mis-step!

Also, PJP was merged into Noel Gay Television, who remain the sister company of GNP. So you only end up hurting yourself.

> I know that Doug talked about BBC Worldwide saying they ?just couldn?t sell? the series as it stood, but I thought that meant more along the lines of quality, rather than rights.

I does. The shows sold abroad before the remastering – just not as well. PJP was no issue there.

The only reason to try a trick like the one suggested is to keep more of the sales cash for yourself. But here’s the thing – why would Worldwide finance it?

Money that would have gone to PJP would be going to GNP instead – doesn’t mean Worldwide make any more cash. So what’s in it for them to bankroll an expensive project? And why would they commission IV a V to be done?

For that matter, since when does recutting a show and adding effects allow you to remove the rights of those involved with the original production?

All piffle.

[This reminds me of the Star Wars ‘originals’ rumour, where people claimed Lucas didn’t present the original versions of eps IV-VI on DVD in a cleaned-up, anamorphic, surround-sound versions in order to keep the films categorised as ‘bonus material’. Because if they were, his ex-wife wouldn’t get her entitlement from the sales.

It’s crackers – as if bonus material is somehow ‘not allowed’ to be anamorphic! As if using a film as bonus material, or re-editing a film into special editions, suddenly avoids all the underlying rights.]

[dennisthedoughnutboy]

Thanks, I’m now going to print this page and wave it in his non-intellectual property knowing face.

[Smeg4Brains]

The Titanic was an insurance job.

[Al]

nah it woz the sister ship wot got repainted!!!!11111 tupac ain’t ded eiva

[pfm]

Diana was switched with a double in the ambulance.

The World Trade Center towers were always just two giant holograms, everyone who worked there were agents who upon entering the ‘buildings’ took hidden lifts to New York’s secret underground city housing millenia-old aeons shaping world events with their minds, the towers collapsing was just CG trickery, as was all footage of the planes crashing (or rather melting) into the buildings.

Just thinking about that seriously for a moment, as someone who has spent many an hour on various Flight Simulator incarnations (yes, I AM that sad, you better bloody believe it) I know it’s just that, a simulation, but the moves that those planes pulled on 9/11 to hit the WTC towers in the precise way that they did at that speed are so far-fetched that they wouldn’t even feature in an ’80s action flick. No pilot could pull off what they did. One view of the crashes that hardly gets shown is the pulled back view of the whole Manhattan skyline where you can see the plane coming in from miles away. The insanely quick twist it makes is so so exact and precise no-one could achieve it. It just screams ‘drone’. You can hear it as it flies past – ‘DROOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!’

[Smeg4Brains]

Gravity is a CIA plot to keep us on Earth!

They have cameras in ham…they’re called hameras.

And it was mug manufacturers that killed Lady Di.

[penny]

Mr Ed was really a mutated duck.

Robin Williams real name is Mork.

[Andrew]

Back on the topic for a second – Paul Jackson gives an excellent breakdown of the PJP/GNP/Noel Gay situation here:

http://www.reddwarf.co.uk/flibble/jackson/interview.html

[Phil]

>Robin Williams real name is Mork.

And I wish to God he’d go back to Ork.

[Pete Part Three]

Does anyone remember that one-off thing with Paul Merton called “Does China Exist?” (“…because none of us have ever been there”).

It wasn’t particularly good but I’d forgotten all about it and it just popped into my head.

[mick]

>I?d forgotten all about it and it just popped into my head.

Reminds me of Ian’s penis.

[Seb Patrick]

>Paul Jackson gives an excellent breakdown of the PJP/GNP/Noel Gay situation here:

Excellent stuff. I’d been wondering about that having done a bit of research into the various companies involved, and that seems to be pretty much how I’d assumed it was… cheers for the link.

[Ian Symes]

Back to the conspiracy theories, I heard that Craig Charles actually died during the filming on Series 2, and was replaced by a look-a-like. The clues are all there. Apparently, if you play Tongue Tied backwards, it says “I buried Craig, I buried Craig”, and the Rimmer Munchkin song bears the message “turn me on, dead Craig”. Plus, you’ll notice on the Timeslides video cover, “Craig” is the only one sitting down, and his guitar is laid across his body diagonally, making him appear “crossed out”. Plus, on the inside cover of The Log, “Craig” is shown eating a sandwich, which is an ancient Indian symbol for death.

[Pete Part Three]

Red Dwarf I-VI was actually shot in space;that’s why the ‘model’ shots look so good. The cost of this was astronomical so they switched to CGI.

Chris Barrie died before filming began on The End in 1985. Production on the series was then delayed until 1987 when the hologram was invented and Barrie was resurrected. The death of Rimmer in the first episode was written into the script, so that Barrie could get away with not touching any props.

Rob Grant is Doug Naylor and vice versa. They lived so long as a gestalt entity they forgot who was who.

Patrick Stewart has never watched an episode of Red Dwarf in his life.

Robert Llewellyn is actually a real robot pretending to be an actor playing a robot.

Danny John Jules is a vampire.

Norman Lovett is, in actuality, a moaning old git. Oh hang on…

[Andrew]

Norman Lovett has…

Ah, fuck it – just go and read page 5 of the Beat the Geek booklet.

[Phil]

>The death of Rimmer in the first episode was written into the script, so that Barrie could get away with not touching any props.

Best conspiracy yet. (Sorry Ian.)

[pfm]

> Patrick Stewart has never watched an episode of Red Dwarf in his life.

Now that I can believe. He was just laughing at episodes of TNG.

[dennisthedoughnutboy]

I asked my flatmate for more conspiracy theories to pad this thread out, but all he could come up with was something libellous about the reason why Norman came back in Series VII rather than Hattie. Purely to do with Remastered shooting, apparently.

[Smeg4Brains]

> Purely to do with Remastered shooting, apparently.

Brimming over with wrongability.

It’s because Hattie was busy doing a porno.

[Danny Stephenson]

I read “promo” with that last comment…

[Dave]

Promographic

[pfm]

That’s what you call a porno set on Prom night. Of course, for that other American school event you’ve got ‘Homecumming Queen’.

Regarding Norman, does anyone know if he recorded the VII cameo at the same time as the Remastered reshoots? Or is that way off? I truly do think that if it wasn’t for Remastered, for which GNP needed him, he wouldn’t have returned for VII and VIII at all. Thanks to the new DVD we now know the proper story of why Norman didn’t do III and it makes him look even more of a twat. I wouldn’t have asked him back after that.

Personally, for the Remastered series’ 1 & 2 I would have blacked his face out of the screens, replaced it with Hattie’s where possible, and of course have Hattie redo all the Holly dialogue and shoot closeups. For Parallel Universe I would have brought in a new male actor to play ‘Hilly’ (or maybe get Norman in without properly telling him what’s going on, just to play that part). The Backwards opening crawl doesn’t need to be changed because you can hardly read it anyway.

[John Hoare]

No, the VII shoot was way before the Remastered stuff. Haven’t got dates to hand – maybe Andrew knows roughly…

[Dave]

There’s a date mentioned in the What’s Different? Text Track for the filming of the Lister paints an F, the Tikka To Ride X-Tended ending and Norm’s reshoots, but off hand I don’t know what it is

[Andrew]

Yeah, totally separate shoots. Nanarchy was part of the regular VII shoot (and isn’t Norman way better with an audience?), the remastering followed later.

And nope, sorry, no dates committed to memory!

[penny]

>And nope, sorry, no dates committed to memory!

What!? But you’re the MAN?! Like the big man man!
*Shocked*

Ok, got over it now…still bows to the greatest till told otherwise. ;-P

[Wayne]

My personal fav RD conspiracy theory is that Lister actualy died in stasis and what you see is his own personal pergatory. A load of old sweaty bollocks obviously but never ceases to make me smile.

[Ben Paddon]

It’s an interesting theory. A load of tot, of course, but interesting all the same.

[Tanya Jones]

That theory amuses me! I can see why someone would believe it, if they didn’t think about it too much.

[Phil]

Right, yeah. Superficially it’s a very seductive theory and I’m sure you can have some fun with forming a psychological profile of Lister based on this being his afterlife (along with his personalized ideas of rewards and punishments).

I like toying with this like this…they might unravel if you look at them logically, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth exploring.

[Paul Muller]

I like the scene in Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers where we see him actually cracking up after coming out of stasis, riding on escalators naked and shouting abuse at Holly.

I don’t know why I like it, I think i’m just a bit wierd.

[Ben Paddon]

I like it to, because it paints Lister’s reaction to the circumstances in a much more realistic tone, I think.

[Author]

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