We write a Red Dwarf special

[Warbodog]

I was inspired by Rushy’s idea for an episode / special in another thread, and thought we could collaborate on fleshing it out / ruining it, if anyone’s game:

Rushy: The nanobot crew should come back. I feel like enough time has passed where they could do something really interesting and unique with them, like maybe they’ve had a much rougher time without Red Dwarf and have become a major threat. Hollister as some sort of crazed pirate captain trying to reclaim the ship would be enjoyable. I also feel like that crew is the most plausible place for Kochanski to be at this point. 

Warbodog: I’m not against it. Hollister with one Blue Midget’s worth of survivors (minus further casualties) would keep the guest cast within budget and taste. Confirm that the rest were all wiped out, restoring some balance to the universe. Then Doug just has to fill the rest of the episode with entertainment and humour, which is the easy part.

I’m aware that this is more an invitation to take the piss, so whatever’s fun for you. Personally, I’m being sincere, but my suggestions will all sound so close to piss-taking that I can pretend they are to save embarrassment. It’s not necessary to keep any suggestions in mind if they limit your vision, this is just brainstorming.

(Also, please note that this is not just idea for an episode. This is ideas for a special, it’s different).

Topic

[Warbodog]

Hollister could be bionic and have a robot parrot (too ‘The Pirate Planet’?) He gets injured and the component he needs to survive requires dissecting his pet first. He is forced to choose.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

[Stephen Abootman]

[Warbodog]

Vengeful Hollister keeps ending up at Khan.

[Renegade Rob]

I remember in my younger days I had an idea for a spec script called White Giant where it’s revealed that the nanobots had just gone around bringing everyone back wherever they went, like they did with Talia, but of course they’re all still in deep space, but there’s a colossal JMC space station called White Giant where the nano-crew found themselves after evacuating (and Kochanski pre-BTE, and maybe the Enlightenment), and it’s humongous, like Red Dwarf parking in it is like Lister flying through the ramscoop. And it’s basically the Citadel in Mass Effect, the new civilized hub of humanity’s remnants. And of course, Stasis Leak/Holoship/style shenanigans ensue and by the end of it, the Dwarfers fuck off again since it’s an episode-of-the-week, but kind of like when they find Jackson Hole in S1 in The Last of Us, they’ll always know it’s there going forward, to be a potential home to go back to down the line. But… Krysis does kind of fuck all of that up depending how long they were in stasis for that, so maybe they find that and see everyone there but they’re all in stasis pods and it’s like that movie Passengers only not stupid. 

[Paul Muller]

Sounds hilarious. Here, have some money. 

[Warbodog]

What would be really hilarious is Yvonne McGruder being among the survivors and berating Rimmer for taking advantage of her twice (pre- and post-resurrection) while he looks remorseful, then has a hasty redemption arc sub-plot to make it all okay. Doug can work out the details.

[Renegade Rob]

Hear me out, what if they had a son and he’s actually a pretty swell guy. 

[Warbodog]

When they’re shocked to see Kochanski there, she could do the “I had a choice: whether to be part of a gang of depraved, [negative adjective], [negative adjective] space crazies … … or to join Hollister’s pirates.” (She was talking about the Boys from the Dwarf after all!!!)

[Nick R]

LISTER: You’re all alive! Everyone’s here except… where’s Petersen?

HOLLISTER: That famous actor was too expensive to appear today. 

RIMMER: Famous? Too expensive? What do you mean? 

HOLLISTER: After Petersen appeared in our ship’s Christmas panto, the fame went to his head. He went to the JMC computer and demanded higher wages, and due to a glitch, his request was accepted. Since then, we’ve been unable to afford to pay him more than one day’s work every month.

KRYTEN: Ah, I understand now, sir. You used an intentionally misleading phrasing in order for it to sound as if Catering Officer Olaf Petersen was a fictional character played by an actor, and as if you yourself were also a fictional character making a fourth wall-breaking reference.

CRAIG CHARLES: Like the Priory joke in Back to Earth. 

KRYTEN: Indeed, sir.

[Dave]

HOLLISTER: On our crazy pirate adventures we even met a resurrected clone of the famous actor Marlon Brando. I wonder where he’s got to?

LISTER: …

[Renegade Rob]

That famous actor was too expensive to appear today.  

[Ridley]

Sounds hilarious. Here, have some money. 

[Rushy]

What have I started 

[Renegade Rob]

What have I started 

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

the nanobots had just gone around bringing everyone back wherever they went

I’d had that idea myself in a long since lost script I wrote in high school (thankfully, as it was embarrassingly derivative and the jokes were weak), though I think everyone had that idea at one point or another after Hollister’s declaration that they must have resurrected Talia too in Only the Good.

[Warbodog]

[Dave]

I’d had that idea myself in a long since lost script I wrote in high school (thankfully, as it was embarrassingly derivative and the jokes were weak)

[Author]

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