Your ideal script writers (is a fucking just bug me cunt)

[Zombie Jim Undead]

Hello love!

Riddle me this: Who, out of all the writers what there is, would you choose to pen new Dwarf?

Grant Naylor is an obvious choice…Doug Naylor less so.

My dream scenario would be a Dwarf written by someone like the folks behind Arrested Development….. People who really get character-based comedy and can mix the absurd with the heartfelt…they’d be able to inject some of the depth that was missing from series 8 and some of the laughs that were missing from 7.

But who would you go for, daddy-oh?

Topic

[Seb Patrick]

I’m not convinced that Dwarf written by anyone other than Rob and Doug would ever actually work – but for the purposes of the game… Steven Moffat

[Zombie Jim Undead]

I don’t think the spirit / soul of good Dwarf would be too hard to capture providing the writer really understood it. The problem with the guest writers in series 7 was that it felt that they had just seen a couple of episodes, understood it in the broadest strokes and missed most of what made it great. There are some really talented writers out there.

[Baz]

Douglas Adams.

[Seb Patrick]

>The problem with the guest writers in series 7 was that it felt that they had just seen a couple of episodes

Yeah, Robert Llewellyn was quite notorious for not watching the show…

[Dave]

Gore Vidal

[peas_and_corn]

And even he’s kissed more boys than I ever will :P

[Zombie Jim Undead]

> Yeah, Robert Llewellyn was quite notorious for not watching the show?

Ha…yes, Llewellyn aside. He had no excuse.

[Danny Stephenson]

> Ha?yes, Llewellyn aside. He had no excuse.]

I really want to read the first draft of “Beyond a Joke” to see how much had changed.

[Andrew]

> I really want to read the first draft of ?Beyond a Joke? to see how much had changed.

Hugely. There’s a bit of a summary in the VII booklet…

[Danny Stephenson]

> Hugely. There?s a bit of a summary in the VII booklet?

I would have liked to have seen Spare Head Three come back actually…

[Phil]

James Joyce. The stage directions would be several pages long.

[ChrisM]

Ha?yes, Llewellyn aside. He had no excuse.]

I liked Beyond a Joke.

We had Jane Austin world silliness at the start. (Including Chloe Annette in an interesting ‘uplifting’ costume… ;) but that’s just icing like… not wanting to come across shallow…)

We had exploding Kryten heads. (Cheap joke, but cheap isn’t bad in this case.)

We had sci-fi fun with simulants and gelfs, not to mention a cracking new slightly disturbing mechanoid character in Able.

We had plotting and double crossing antics…

We had that comical double bluff -is there a bomb? Isn’t there-exchange with Kochanski and the Cat… (well I liked it. Particularly them just not getting the plan and her expression when she didn’t get the credit when it worked…)

We had self-sacrifice and redemption…

I wasn’t overly keen on the ending with the negadrive beam flooding the simulant ship. I think the negadrive being utilized was great, just the method was rather hokey. Still it was no worse than killing a curry monster with lager.

There are also a few other possible plot points, which I won’t list here (cos this is getting long) but they’re mostly explainable in a satisfactory way to my mind, and no less so than similar points in the ‘good episodes.’ (Quick example- the quick defeat of those other simulants in Gunmen…)

Of course the ‘good stuff’ in the episode might be rewriting done by Doug Naylor rather than Llewellyn’s script but the episode seems to be despised by a lot of the fan-base just the same. (Those online anyway.) I disagree. One of my favorites in this series in fact.

>I would have liked to have seen Spare Head Three come back actually?

Actually, that’s a good point… but he was on a downhill road what with the droid-rot and all. If I wanted to make a very bad joke I’d say he just… completely went to pieces.

If I wanted to. (Smeg. Just slipped out..)

[pfm]

I don’t mind Beyond A Joke now, after repeat viewings on the VII DVD. It’s definitely not the worst episode of VII, that would IMO be a toss-up between Ouroboros, Epideme or Nanarchy (‘hand, pick up the ball’ is the only thing in the episode remotely worth laughing at, and believe me I struggle to). Nanarchy might well be my least-favourite Dwarf episode out of the 52.

[Andrew]

> Nanarchy might well be my least-favourite Dwarf episode out of the 52.

Snap, actually.

[Dave]

Andrew Ellard to write?

[Andrew]

I’d have to check my schedule…

[hummingbird]

Philip K Dick

OK, so there wouldn’t be many laughs, … but there weren’t many in VII and VIII either.

[Phil]

>Philip K Dick

Philip J Reed

[Seb Patrick]

If the franchise can be beaten out for long enough, then by the time I’ve become a successful comedy writer I’m totally pitching for it ;-)

>> Nanarchy might well be my least-favourite Dwarf episode out of the 52.

>Snap, actually.

It’s not quite at the bottom for me, given the sheer ghastliness of the entire second half of VIII, but it’s definitely the worst of VII in my book.

[locusceruleus]

It amazes me that anyone can like anything in the Red Dwarf canon less than Pete Part 2, which remains one of the most embarrassing half hours of scripted TV I’ve ever seen.

[Nakrophile]

Garth Ennis.

[Jo]

>>Philip K Dick

>Philip J Reed

Philip J Reed’s dick… Austin says he can do amazing things with it.

[pfm]

> Pete Part 2, which remains one of the most embarrassing half hours of scripted TV I?ve ever seen.

Thinking about it I would probably rather watch that than some VI episodes (namely Psirens and Rimmerworld – the latter may contain a gag better than anything in the whole of VII and VIII but it’s still a BAD episode, and the former is one I wouldn’t care if I never saw again) though I would always watch it with Pete pt.1. Pete edited down to a single 30 minutes would be a fairly solid episode along the lines of DNA. God I’m making a couple of mad statements there. I stand by them though.

[hummingbird]

>Thinking about it I would probably rather watch that than some VI episodes

Psirens isn’t *that* bad. Everything up to (and not including) Pete Tranter’s sister is OK.
Rimmerworld just bugs me for it’s rather gaping plot hole (Clone yourself from your DNA, eh? What DNA would that be, then?)
VI has it’s weak moments, but even the worst of VI surpasses most of VIII.
Possible exception of Cassandra. Maybe BITR #1 at a push.
Of course, that’s only IMO
.

I think Russell T Davis may have a window in his schedule right now.

[Pete Part Three]

No one can write Red Dwarf as well as Rob Grant & Doug Naylor.

And the “&” is the important bit.

[Dave]

>And the ?&? is the important bit

Grand Naylor

[Jonathan Capps]

> Thinking about it I would probably rather watch that than some VI episodes (namely Psirens and Rimmerworld)

You know, sometimes you really astonish the shit out me.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

Series 6 isn’t quite as strong as those it followed…but quite honestly I’d rather have unnecessary eye and bowel surgery than watch most of 7 or 8.

[pfm]

> I think Russell T Davis may have a window in his schedule right now.

Yeah he’s definitely free. Right after he’s completed Torchwood series 3 and the four Who specials next year, all which he’s writing/co-writing.

> You know, sometimes you really astonish the shit out me.

Psirens, Legion and Rimmerworld seriously just bug the fucking cunt’s shit out of me. Emohawk I can about stand, even with the Ace/Duane ‘cameos’.

[Pete Part Three]

>Legion

[splutters]

[Seb Patrick]

Copy that splutter.

The others I can just about understand, but… my God, man, you really are all sorts of demented, aren’t you?

[Dave]

Series VI is by a delightfully small margin my favourite, I love it, I feel like was there, I can still taste the urine.

[Jonathan Capps]

> The others I can just about understand

Dude! Seriously, is everyone taking crack, or something?

[TheLeen]

I love Rimmerworld.

[ChrisM]

>I love Rimmerworld.

And rightfully so. Very good episode.

And the Rimmer DNA thing didn’t bother me that much. Sure he doesn’t have any, but it’s possible he’s got the code on file somewhere. The light bee might even project his image based on it…

And for the contradictions with him not aging, (compared to the last episode where he clearly does in just 20 years…) well the latter was from a life of debauchery. And it all adds to the fun to me.

One thing I did wonder about in series 6 though, (it didn’t both me, I just found it curious) was the change in status of Rimmer’s light bee in this episode. It seemed to be more or less invulnerable, hence his being locked up for centuries. It even withstood an Emohawk grenade explosion in Emohawk.

Then along comes Ace Rimmer in series 7 and a bullet damages his light bee…

I have a theory that the light bee produced by Legion was made of sterner stuff…

And is it wrong that I have a bit of a thing for the female simulant in Rimmerworld? Really, she’s an amazingly attractive lady. Once you get used to the whole double eyebrow thing. And the xenophobic psychotic killing machine thing.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

She’s got a voice like a hippo farting in treacle, though.

[ChrisM]

>She?s got a voice like a hippo farting in treacle, though.

Not how I thought of it. I guess one person’s ‘sexy and husky’ is another’s ‘hippo farting in treacle.’

[TheLeen]

> And is it wrong that I have a bit of a thing for the female simulant in Rimmerworld?

Nah.
I have a bit of a thing for the female Rimmer making out with the other Rimmer. That is probably a bit wrong. Ish.

[hummingbird]

>I have a bit of a thing for the female Rimmer making out with the other Rimmer.

Me too.

>That is probably a bit wrong. Ish.

Yep.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

“I have a bit of a thing for the female Rimmer making out with the other Rimmer. “

What, when she’s grinding against his leg and saying “Come on – you KNOW you want it!”?

Ha!

[Ian Symes]

She?s got a voice like a hippo farting in treacle, though.

You hear that? Zombie Dave says the Simulant’s voice is like a hippo farting in treacle.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

No, I said she’s got a voice like a hippo. THEN I asked if you…

[Ian Symes]

*gives withering look*

[Jonathan Capps]

> *gives withering look*

Sexy.

[pfm]

Legion contains some of the only moments pre-VII where I sit thinking ‘why am I watching this show?’ namely the dinner scene. I hate loads of the lines in it too like ‘just because I look like Herman Munster’s stunt double doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate art, sir’ and I just can’t laugh at stuff like the light switch gag or, of course, ‘it does mean changing the bulb.’ Legion’s radio presenter voice does my head in also.

Like much of VI (IMO) it just doesn’t stand the test of time as well as pre-VI.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

> and I just can?t laugh at stuff like the light switch gag or, of course, ?it does mean changing the bulb.?

*stunned*

[peas_and_corn]

Most people list at least one of the two as their favourite. I really like the light switch gag, as bad as it is, it’s well delivered (like a lot of Dwarf gags, if done badly it would really suck)

[Pete Part Three]

I agree, it’s a completely stupid and illogical joke (Rimmer doesn’t know what a light-switch is? Fuck off!) but the delivery of “I need it to turn the lights on and off” (complete with ‘radio presenter’ voice), is so good that it elevates it several notches.

Compare and contrast with Lister doing a join the dots puzzle and being fascinated that it’s a bucket and spade.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

It’s not obviously a light switch though, is it? It’s just a little white box on the wall.

[Zombie Jim Undead]

> the delivery of ?I need it to turn the lights on and off? (complete with ?radio presenter? voice), is so good that it elevates it several notches.

Very agreed!

[Author]

Replies