Your Red Dwarf juvenilia

[Warbodog]

I’ve been self-indulgently digging through the Internet Archive and exhumed a review I wrote about Red Dwarf at 14 for dooyoo.co.uk. It earned me £1.52.

It’s not funny (my reverential just-discovered-nu-metal ones are funnier) or particularly insightful, except that I apparently preferred VIII to I & II, which would be corrected when the DVDs came out a few years later.

I’m hoping other people might have more entertaining enthusiastic, angry or embarrassing opinions/forum posts/art/fic that’s preserved online/offline for posterity, whether they like it or not. Arbitrary cut-off age 15-16, you’re too fully formed after that.

Review: “Smeggin’ Fantastic”

*****

01.07.2000

Red Dwarf is simply amazing. It’s managed to last over ten years, while its original concept was turned away by the BBC many times. It has now become one of the most-loved British programmes, and manages to balance science fiction and comedy like no other show.

The first few series, now remastered, mainly focused on the comedy angle, but with the addition of Kryten in series 3, the stories started to veer more towards science fiction with series four and five, while series six, my favourite series, kept the balance perfectly. Series 7 was created by Doug Naylor alone after his co-creator Rob Grant left the franchise, and the stories became generally duller and less funny thsn previous series. However, in 1999s series eight, the balance was restored and Red Dwarf became popular again.

I’ve followed the programme for years although I’m only fourteen, and with the new film due to begin filming in 2001 it seems fans like me will have plenty to sink our teeth into in the future. I only wish the videos for series four to six would be re-released as I desperately want them.

Advantages: An incredible show, and by far my favourite TV show ever.

Disadvantages: The first few series suffered a low budget, and these aren’t as good as the later ones.

[Bargain Bin Holly]

and with the new film due to begin filming in 2001 it seems fans like me will have plenty to sink our teeth into in the future.

Yeah, about that…

[clem]

I didn’t know Rob co-created Doug.

[Dave]

With Rob and Doug going round and round in time, Grant Naylor will never truly be extinct.

[Warbodog]

Bragging about having known about Red Dwarf “for years although I’m only fourteen.” Can you imagine how insufferable I was/am?

[MANI506]

I loved the VHS video designs when I was a sbool boy and created my own versions. This would have been 1992 when only III, IV and II were available.

[Dax101]

>However, in 1999s series eight, the balance was restored and Red Dwarf became popular again.

Ah how times change.

[Warbodog]

Bits of non-Red Dwarf reviews from that same month that made me laugh in either their weird phrasing or how absolutely contrary they are to my opinions and personality today.

There’s Something About Mary **** “The film is very funny, moreso to Americans than us because it is about their lifestyle, and with Cameron Diaz in it you know it’s going to be good.”

The Haunting (1999) *** “A lot better than the original film, made in black and white decades ago”

Chicken Run *** “The animation was excellent, and they’ve obviously spent a lot of time on it, but I think Aardman should realize that with breakthroughs such as Toy Story and Antz, computer animation is much more impressive, quicker and simpler.”

[Bargain Bin Holly]

I used to write down every episode of Red Dwarf into a notebook over-and-over.

Last day of 5th grade, I did the Rimmer-salute (Series VIII edition) to every friend of mine as a so-long, none of them knew what Red Dwarf was needless to say.

Don’t have any written-reviews, but I can assure you I thought they were all amazing. Though past me was disappointed Series X wasn’t on Netflix, I was able to watch it (I don’t remember how tho).

[Dave]

and with Cameron Diaz in it you know it’s going to be good

Spoken like a true fourteen-year-old.

[Warbodog]

I used to write down every episode of Red Dwarf into a notebook over-and-over.

Do you mean a list of the titles? I made some Red Dwarf documents on Word and Amiga Wordworth, because I remember doing the bolded white on black with red Ds logo various times, but the only one I remember the purpose of was updating the second edition programme guide’s now-outdated A to Z to include VIII references from memory. I got as far as just ‘Ackerman’ before boring even myself, presumably Howarth & Lyons got around to it without my help.

When I was 16-17 and discovered Yahoo! Groups I made a /reddwarfvi group to express how much I particularly liked series VI. I added the VI images from the official site’s gallery (Dibbley with Emohawk etc.) and that was it. Presumably closed shortly after due to lack of people interested in discussing just one eighth of a series they also like the rest of.

[Warbodog]

[Bargain Bin Holly]

I’d also write down every GELF and Simulant they came across, this was before I knew there was a wiki or even a Wikipedia page.

[Warbodog]

“I’m only 14” strikes again on the Lee and Herring quotes page.

Don’t know who the other chap is.

[Ben Saunders]

I hope you’ve changed your opinion on claymation since, Warbohog

[Warbodog]

I’ve gone too far in the other direction and can’t really appreciate CGI artistically because I want everything to be impractically practical like it used to be.

[International Debris]

One lunchtime at school, a friend and I – we would probably have been 14 ourselves – recited the whole of The End, start-to-finish, word-for-word.

[Dave]

I remember going into class as a 12-year-old and trying to do the whole “what things? I said what?” scene from memory after seeing it on TV the night before.

[Pete Part Three]

>“I’m only 14” strikes again on the Lee and Herring quotes page.

Yelp. I’m on that page. I wasn’t 14, sadly.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Last day of 5th grade, I did the Rimmer-salute (Series VIII edition) to every friend of mine as a so-long, none of them knew what Red Dwarf was needless to say.

I went on a school trip to Germany for 2 weeks when I was 11 or 12 and whilst everyone else was hugging their mums and dads saying they’d miss them, I just turned to mine and said “smoke me a kipper, I’ll be back for breakfast”, turned and got on the coach.

My mum thought it was hilarious.

[bloodteller]

To be fair, that is hilarious

[Ben Saunders]

I would often quote “and Santa Clause! What a bastard! He’s the fat little git who sneaks down chimneys stealing all the kid’s favourite toys”, and “Rimmer, I want me body back now!”, among other things, in primary school.

I quoted the Santa Clause line incorrectly for years and was surprised to discover it’s actually phrased differently on a recent rewatch

[Pete Part Three]

It’s also spelt differently.

[si]

Behold my old homemade VHS sleeves.

The homemade RD VHS sleeves I came up with, back in the day. Notice the spine inserts I created later. pic.twitter.com/zbDe9p8gb7

— Si (@bromley001) August 6, 2018

Although, having thought about it, only series IV, V and VI were done in my early teens. And possibly RD USA. I was 18 by the time series VII rolled around.

[Plastic Percy]

I remember drawing my own new Red Dwarf shuttlecraft, Yellow Imp, and my nan stuck it on her fridge.

[clem]

> Behold my old homemade VHS sleeves.

Nice. I’d forgotten about those caricaturey Rimmer and Duane model kits. I had the Kryten one when I was about 14 and painted it really rather shitly.

[si]

The Sheffield Space Centre (book/comic/Forbidden Planet-type shop) had a Kryten model for years, and I never got round to buying it. When I finally got the opportunity, I’d missed it.

[tombow]

When I was in year 7 (age 12 ish) we had to do a big project on any subject we wanted, and I chose Red Dwarf. I basically just copied out sections of the programme guide and “making of Gunmen of the..” book along with my own cartoons of the characters and ships.

Thing is my Dad got the idea that this project was some super important deal that was going to set the scene of how my teachers judged me for the rest of my school years, and yelled at me about it for weeks afterward – for choosing RD as a subject, for writing it in a confusing way that assumed the reader already knew what RD was and who the actors were, for doing a half-arsed job (which was true, I hated home work and my Dad stressing about it made me hate it more).

I remember him yelling something like “you keep mentioning Starbug what is Starbug?” and I said “the small ship” and he yelled “and how the hell is anyone supposed to know that?”

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I did something similar in year 5. Had to present a few minutes on a subject of my choice. I introduced Red Dwarf and what it was, then basically went through and explained each episode in detail. My teacher stopped me before I got too far into that.

Then we had to do a presentation in year 8 or 9 in English for some sort of media thing, so I again chose Red Dwarf and got permission to show a clip from the show. I used the Backwards then Forwards clip of Arthur Smith shouting and Rimmer and Kryten in Backwards “you are a stupid square headed bald git” etc ….

There was a little shock that that it had a bit of swearing in it, and my teacher graciously told the class I had gotten permission before hand. Which I had, but not for that specific clip, just a clip in general. I think she just covered her arse and didn’t say anything to me which was nice.

[Pete Part Three]

I bought the Duane and Rimmer models and they were delivered and left on my doorstep when I was on holiday. They were nicked when we were burgled. I’m guessing the scumbags when they opened up the parcels.

I then re-bought them, and made such a mess of painting them that they might as well have been nicked.

[tombow]

“my reverential just-discovered-nu-metal ones are funnier”

did you review Korn’s debut? I still remember how much that blew me away

[Warbodog]

My Korn – Korn review is only notable for my explanation that the song ‘Daddy’ “is about Jon receiving unwanted sexual abuse.” As opposed to the other kind.

And ‘Good God’ on Life is Peachy is about “drugs in the form of needles.”

[tombow]

well, he did follow it up with “beat it uptight”, explaining how his idea of consensual but slightly edgy encounters may work.

[Ben Saunders]

>As opposed to the other kind
Boy have i got a surprise for you

[tombow]

oh man on Korn it’s that song with the nursery Rhymes when it gets heavy

[Author]

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