AMERICAN CHOCOLATE IS SHIT

[Ben Paddon]

But don’t take my word for it, here’s what I have to say on the matter!

I’ll be doing a new one of these every week, usually just after I finish shooting an episode of PortsCenter. If you have any suggestions for American chocolate I should subject myself to, feel free to let me know.

Topic

[Karnie]

Good, more for me. ;)

[Karnie]

I’m sure these are MUCH better…..made in the good ‘ol UK!

http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/food/novelty/edible-anus-chocolates.asp

[Blisschick]

Nope, no suggestions. With the exception of Dove, I pretty much agree with that sentiment.

I could happily eat my weight in Cadbury mini-eggs. Too bad they’re seasonal.

BTW…Ben, you’re adorable. :)

[Blisschick]

Thanks, Karnie. I’ll never unsee that.

[Seb Patrick]

They’re not chocolate (which might also be why they’re actually any good), but Payday bars are amazing.

[Pecospete666]

Try these

http://www.lindtusa.com/category-exec/category_id/18/

[HelloMabel]

I did a blind chocolate taste test last year. Because I went to college in Austria for a while, I was able to recognize Lindt, Ritter Sport and Milka by texture and flavor. Hershey’s, Ghirardelli and Godiva, I wasn’t able to recognize, but I could tell they were American because they were, as Ben rightly says, shit.

Weirdly, Ghirardelli is a division of Lindt, but something about being headquartered in California must make them think they are only allowed to make chalky and sugary products instead of chocolatey ones. Blech.

[clem]

Payday bars are indeed lush. I also like Tootsie Roll, and Tootsie Pops except the chocolate flavour ones.

Isn’t it the case that in America they have a chocolate bar called a Milky Way which isn’t the same as a UK Milky Way, and is in fact a UK Mars bar?

[Seb Patrick]

Isn’t it the case that in America they have a chocolate bar called a Milky Way which isn’t the same as a UK Milky Way, and is in fact a UK Mars bar?

Yes, although the nougat is slightly different. And the closest to a UK Milky Way in the US is a 3 Musketeers.

Basically, when it comes to American confectionery, the chocolate itself is almost uniformly shit, but by gum do they know how to do good things with peanuts/peanut butter.

[redhead85]

Are Peanut M&Ms American? If so, that’s the only chocolate (apart from Reeces buttercups) that I like from the country!

[clem]

Oh yeah I forgot about Reese’s. Reese’s Cups and Nutrageous Bars are wonderful. What Seb said sounds about right to me.

[Danny Stephenson]

All peanut based chcolate is amazing. I’m all about the Star Bars…

[Ben Kirkham]

Best Chocolate Bars:

Topic
Star Bar
and the ultimate…
Twix – it’s two chocolate bars for the price of one! And the King Size version is heavenly!

[Danny Stephenson]

Twix + tea = chocolate caramel straw. I’ve gone through a 14 pack of singles with one brew. It’s fucking heavenly:)

[HelloMabel]

In the US, Twix is not hollow in the middle. But the idea sounds brilliant. I’ll try it with Pirouettes. :)

[Ben Kirkham]

“Twix + tea = chocolate caramel straw. I’ve gone through a 14 pack of singles with one brew. It’s fucking heavenly:)”

As of this very second, I’m officially 28 years of age, and I’m soooo doing this as a birthday treat tomorrow!

[peas_and_corn]

Twix is the only chocolate bar with the cookie crunch

[Joey TORDFC]

I’m a fan of US candy (Runts are the BEST) but not chocolate. Hershey’s smells and tastes a bit….well, poo.

[Blisschick]

I don’t eat very much chocolate compared to what I used to. I’ll get a bag (my stash), and everyone else will end up eating way more of it than I do, and oddly, that’s okay now. What I’ve really come to love is the chocolate covered cherries from an upper end toy/candy store. The cherries taste exactly like cherry Tootsie Pops, only much, much richer. Sadly, I don’t get them very often.

Edit: No wonder I like them so much. They’re made by Ghirardelli.

http://www.ghirardelli.com/store/shop-products/gift/specialty/ghirardelli-milk-chocolate-covered-cherries-1.html

[Blisschick]

*scratches head*

Odd…I made a post, then went to edit it, and it went poof. The sidebar said that there were over 2200 replies to this thread. I know I’m up late, but I promise I was not hallucinating.

[Ben Paddon]

Don’t get me bloody started on Hershey. Except that I already did, and I filmed it and put it on the internet.

Leaning towards the next episode of British Candy Authority covering THE GREAT TASTE OF CHARLESTON CHEW.

[Tarka Dal]

The words “British Candy” alone amuse me.

[Karnie]

“Twix + tea = chocolate caramel straw.”

Yeah, that threw me as well =)

[Pecospete666]

The Aztec’s Chili Chocolate has aphrodisiacal properties! Mostly works on women.

The original “Spanish Fly”

[Ben Paddon]

That chili chocolate confuses and infuriates me.

Anyway, filming episode 2 today or tomorrow. Still haven’t decided what to do yet.

[HelloMabel]

I vote for Godiva. Not just shit, but ridiculously expensive shit.

http://www.soap.com/p/godiva-dark-chocolate-bar-72-cacao-323623?site=CA&utm_source=Google&utm_medium=cpc_S&utm_term=ZQB-25898B&utm_campaign=GoogleAW&CAWELAID=1323254865&utm_content=pla&adtype=pla&cagpspn=pla

I really should learn how to do that thing where I replace a url with a word.

[Pecospete666]

Are you doing Chocolate or chocolate flavored candy bars?

[Ben Paddon]

Basically all American candy, be it chocolate or otherwise. Though I’m probably going to avoid chocolate that America and Britain have in common, like Kit Kats and Twix and the like.

[Pecospete666]

Mary Jane
Candy

caseofcandy.com
Mary Jane is a peanut butter and molasses flavored taffy-type candy with peanut butter in the center. Originally made in 1914 by The Charles N. Miller Co., and later by Stark Candy Co., it is now manufactured by Necco. Wikipedia

[clem]

Today I went to Yankee Doodle Candy and got a Zero bar. It’s caramel, peanut and almond nougat covered with white fudge. Very nice.

[Jo]

“Twix + tea = chocolate caramel straw.”

“In the US, Twix is not hollow in the middle.”

Twix isn’t hollow here either, it’s the same theory as a Tim-tam explosion – you suck the tea through the biscuit section. (see Natalie Imbruglia’s explanation/demonstration: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMbrlxTIVtI ) I have tried this with Tim-Tams, Penguins, KitKat, Twix and Spira (which *is* hollow).

While we’re on the subject, i can highly recommend dipping twix into peanut butter, it’s much nicer than the peanut butter Twix that you can buy. Too nice. Addictive. WORTH IT.

[Phil]

“i can highly recommend dipping twix into peanut butter, it’s much nicer than the peanut butter Twix that you can buy.”

I’m Phil and I support this message.

[Seb Patrick]

I dunno, I do love a peanut butter Twix. Mainly for the chocolate-cookie base that replaces the usual biscuit.

[Danny Stephenson]

i can highly recommend dipping twix into peanut butter, it’s much nicer than the peanut butter Twix that you can buy. Too nice. Addictive. WORTH IT.

Shiiit, i completely forgot about trying this out. Luckily Twix’s are sold in 2-finger packs of 10 here and peanut butter is in abundance :)

[HelloMabel]

> Twix isn’t hollow here either, it’s the same theory as a Tim-tam explosion – you suck the tea through the biscuit section.

Jo has just made my tea breaks 200 times better.

[Danny Stephenson]

This also works with Penguins, unless that’s what tim-tams are… But Jo introduced me to the ‘corner-removal-straw’ technique and now I have a problem….

[si]

If anyone’s interested, I finished a bag of diabetic toffee this morning.

[Blisschick]

I remember my grandma’s diabetic hard candy welded my teeth together. I thought I was going to have to pull them out to get them apart. :/

[anniescribe]

I don’t care what anyone says, Dark Chocolate Snickers and devil’s food Entenmann doughnuts are the best things ever.

[Ben Kirkham]

Dark Chocolate Snickers is an exotic delight.

Sorry, I just can’t think of another… topic.

[Ben Paddon]

Don’t mention Topics! They’re… not available in the US.

[Ben Kirkham]

Oh, Topic’s are fantastic. Poor USA.

[Ben Paddon]

I love Topics. Miss ’em terribly.

[Jo]

“This also works with Penguins, unless that’s what tim-tams are…”

Tim-Tams are Australian biscuits, very similar to Penguins but a bit bigger.

[Jo]

“Jo has just made my tea breaks 200 times better.”

You’re welcome! :-)

[Yaron Ru]

The good ones are few and far between, but the burger joints are good. I don’t like American candy at all but they know food like my cock knows my hand.

[Author]

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