Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

POUT OF THE RED

Lister is all sulky.

[cwickham]

SHOUT OF THE RED

Lister is loud.

[cwickham]

ROUT OF THE RED

Documentary on the defeat of communism.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

OUT OF THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER

Lister finds that all copies of the 1990 film based on the Tom Clancy debut novel have been checked out of the the ships video rental store, which leaves him confused being the only crew member left alive!

[Dave]

DOUBT OF THE RED

Opinions are mixed over how good Doug’s new non-Dwarf Dwarf project is likely to be.

[Warbodog]

GET OUT OF THE RED

Red Dwarf fans get disproportionately wound up over a planned one-off comedy programme they don’t have to watch starring some of their favourite people.

[Dave]

I’M SURE THE DOG FOOD WILL BE LOVELY

Rob Grant responds with an Eric Cantona-style cryptic comment when asked about Doug’s new non-Dwarf Dwarf project.

[Dave]

THIS IS GONNA SOLVE ALL OUR SUPPLY PROBLEMS

In an attempt to create more content for Dave despite ongoing legal wranglings, Doug Naylor puts Red Dwarf into a triplicator, resulting in two new shows: one is an inspired and innovative brand new sci-fi comedy drama; the other is the cast of Red Dwarf in their civvies running around trying to improvise comedy off the back of some half-baked global conspiracy plot.

[Dave]

GIVE NICHE A CHANCE

Proponents of Doug’s new non-Dwarf Dwarf project insist that it could be a great new programme, despite it seeming only appealing to a subset of a subset of TV comedy/sci-fi fans.

[Dave]

THIS IS TOTALLY SHADY! IT’S BEYOND SHADY, IT’S SURREAL!

Rob Grant is incredulous when he hears how Doug Naylor intends to circumvent their current legal wranglings to produce new non-Dwarf Dwarf.

 

[Warbodog]

INSTEAD OF THE RED

New sci-fi comedy drama by Red Dwarf co-creator Doug Naylor set on a mining ship in the future, starring Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, et al. Subject to advance criticism from picky fans for sounding “sarcastically similar” to the earlier show.

[Dave]

SHE’S OUT OF MY… RED

Theme tune to Out Of The Red, sung by Craig Charles, which is 100% original and not based on any previous song, referring to the fact that Chloe Annett hasn’t been asked back for Doug’s new project.

[Pete Part Three]

THE BRITTAS EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Suddenly aware that a contingent of Red Dwarf fans will support their “favourite people” in anything as long as it’s tangentially related to a show they love, Dave recommissions The Brittas Empire for another 24 episodes.  In a spot of recasting, Craig Charles takes up the role of Councillor  Drugget so they can do some nod and winks about the priory.

[Jenuall]

MAID MARIAN AND HER PRINCE AMONG MEN

Hoping to fully exploit a newly identified market Dave creates a hybrid revival of two 90s comedy shows featuring Red Dwarf cast members

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SCRAPHEAP STREET

Robert Llewellyn hosts a show whereby Craig Charles as Lloyd Mullaney rebuilds Coronation Street from scrap metal.

[Dave]

IN AND OUT OF LOVETT

Doug Naylor-penned sitcom about an ageing Jon Bon Jovi tribute act starring everyone’s favourite grumpypants.

[Dave]

KEEP THE FAITH

Doug tries to convince fans that his new projects will be good, with the help of Jon Bon Jovi.

[Dave]

SINCE ALWAYS!

Lister tells Rimmer how long he’s been a Bon Jovi fan.

[Pete Part Three]

IT’S MY LIFE

Doug realises that a lone voice of negativity towards one of his ideas doesn’t actually affect him in any way from doing what he wants to do.

[Jenuall]

YOU’RE TOO OLD TO RECEIVE WHAT WE’RE TRYING TO TRANSMIT!

Doug rejects the frosty reception to his new ideas from some old school stalwart Red Dwarf fans

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SIXTY-EIGHT

The Skutters clean Red Dwarf at a constant rate, but the Dwarfers keep making a mess continuously.

48 Skutters can completely clean Red Dwarf from top to bottom in 90 days.

120 Skutters can completely clean Red Dwarf in 30 days.

How many Skutters would be needed to completely clean the ship in 16 days, rounded to the nearest whole Skutter?

[Warbodog]

OUT OF THE RED BUTTSKI

Doug finally commissions enough hot diarrhoea to pop out Rob Grant’s stubbornly-squeezed buttski plug and get some Red Dwarf flowing.

[Jenuall]

I WAS WITH YOU ALL THE WAY UP TO ‘SKUTTERS’

I don’t get this one, if the Dwarfers are dirtying the ship at a constant rate and each individual skutter cleans at a constant rate then I can’t get a formula that works with these numbers!

[Dave]

NEW JERSEY

The Red Dwarf online shop reopens, selling a single item of clothing: a London Jets sports jersey, modelled in the listing photograph by none other than Jon Bon Jovi.

[Dave]

SOMEDAY I’LL WORK SATURDAY NIGHT

Remastered version of Balance Of Power in which the flashback disco conversation is now soundtracked by Bon Jovi.

[cwickham]

CLUES IN THE RED

Let’s say that M is the amount of mess in the ship at the beginning of day 1, and d is the amount of mess generated by the Dwarfers in 1 day.

To get the amount of mess 1 Skutter can clean up per day, for the 48 Skutters over 90 days, we’d get (M + 90d)/(48*90)
To get the amount of mess 1 Skutter cleans per day, for the 120 Skutters over 30 days, we’d get (M + 30d)/(120*30)

Since the Skutters always clean the same amount, the two formulas are going to be equal.

120 * 30 = 3600, and 48 * 90 = 4320, so:

(M + 90r)/4320 = (M + 30d)/3600.

Solve for M, and we get M=270d, or d = M/270.

[cwickham]

TYPOS IN CLUES IN THE RED

That r on the penultimate line should be a d, obviously

[Dave]

THEME²

Grant Naylor like the Red Dwarf opening theme so much that they decide it would be even better to have two of them at the same time for Series V. However, they don’t get on and one of them is deleted by the time Series VI rolls around.

[Dave]

AUDIO PRE-ECHOES

When Red Dwarf approaches the speed of sound, the crew start hearing the things they say just before they say them.

[cwickham]

THE CLITORIS EMPIRE

Rimmer travels to an alternative reality where he is merely a fictional character in a TV show. He meets the actor who plays him and inexplicably mishears the name of the other sitcom he stars in.

[cwickham]

CLIT OR SIS

Rimmer has to decide whether to commit incest or not.

[cwickham]

RTD²

When Chris Chibnall attempts to renew his contract as showrunner of Doctor Who, it turns out it’s actually a duplicate of the contract another showrunner signed in 2003 because everyone’s sick to death of him.

[Dave]

BOOOK TO REALITY

The boys from the Dwarf wake up and realise they’ve actually just been reading a comedy sci-fi novel for four years.

[Dave]

BOOOK TO EARTH

The boys from the Dwarf find out they are just fictional characters from a sci-fi comedy novel.

[Dave]

BOOOK IN THE RED

During their Red Dwarf rewatches, everyone decides to skip the Series VIII opener and read a good novel instead.

[cwickham]

BABADOOK TO REALITY

The Dwarfers wake up to discover they are actually monsters in a children’s book.

[cwickham]

BABADOOK IN THE RED

The Polymorph torments the Dwarfers after they become aware of its existence.

[cwickham]

BABADOOK TO EARTH

“Back to Earth” torments the Dwarfers after they become aware of its existence.

[Warbodog]

YOUR OWN DEATH AND HOW TO COPE WITH IT

Rimmer converts his death tape into a blade for cutting curves.

[Warbodog]

BACK TO BACK WORLD

The one where everyone’s a conjoined twin.

[cwickham]

DIY

The DNA machine comes back, but with some assembly required.

[cwickham]

DYK

The DNA machine comes back, but nobody knows about it.

[cwickham]

KYD

The DNA machine comes back, and turns all Lister’s money into the currency of the Cayman Islands.

[cwickham]

KND

The DNA machine comes back, and turns the Dwarfers into characters from a Cartoon Network series.

[Dave]

BACK FROM THE DEAD

Special commemorative T-Shirt produced to mark the long-awaited return of the Idea For An Episode thread after an extended absence, featuring all the regular contributors as skeletons.

[Dave]

BACK FROM THE GRATEFUL DEAD

Lister uses the time drive to go back and see a gig from one of his favourite bands. Upon his return, he offers an effusive review.

[Dave]

BARACK FROM THE DEAD

The Boys From The Dwarf are attacked by zombie US presidents.

[Dave]

CACK FROM THE THREAD

Other G&T posters notice that the Idea For An Episode thread is active again.

[Dave]

SNACK FROM THE BREAD

Lister makes a sandwich.

[Dave]

FUCK FROM THE DEAD, WE’RE ON PAGE 124

Etc.

[Author]

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