Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

OFFICER DEE-DEE

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a character from Dexter’s Laboratory.

[cwickham]

OFFICER EEVEE

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a Pokémon.

[cwickham]

OFFICER FIFI

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a poodle.

[cwickham]

OFFICER S E-B

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as the lead singer of theaudience.

[cwickham]

OFFICER GB

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Andrew Neil.

[si]

OFFICER BEE GEE

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Barry Gibb.

[Jenuall]

OFFICER BB-8

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a droid from Star Wars

[Jenuall]

OFFICER CBGB

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a NYC music venue

[Jenuall]

OFFICER JCVD

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a Series VII script, Kochanski is recast as everyone’s favourite 90s kick boxing star Jean-Claude Van Damme

[Dave]

OFFICER BOO-BOO

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as Yogi Bear’s diminutive companion.

[Dave]

OFFICER BARBIE

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski is recast as a small plastic doll.

[Dave]

OFFICER BIDET

Due to a misunderstanding over one of Cat’s lines in a series VII script, Kochanski has to wash the rest of the crew’s arses.

[Warbodog]

I’D PROBABLY CHOOSE TO GO BACK TO A WEEK LAST WEDNESDAY

A forum member reminisces fondly about the most recent time the admin suggested closing this thread.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-EIGHT

The Skutters have been told to organise Rimmer’s back issues of Morris Dancer Monthly. They have a box with 113 monthly issues and 63 special editions in it, and a bag with another 72 monthly issues in it.

Every time they reach into the box, they pull out two issues. If they pull out a monthly issue and a special edition, they throw a special edition back into the box. If they’re both the same type, they throw a monthly issue back in. They keep doing this until there’s only one issue left in the box. What type of issue is it?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEGA-DRIVE WAVE

Free from all criticism, forum users flood a popular fan site with any and all memes created by the new Smega-Drive technology, neglecting their 125 page shit posting thread about episode ideas

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEGA-DRIVE SLIDES

All the new Red Dwarf memes come to life.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THANKS FOR THE SMEGA-DRIVE

Realising what a mistake it was to empower Red Dwarf fans with the power to create any Red Dwarf meme they want, the G&T team set about systematically going around to everyone’s house and erasing their memories of the last 4 days.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>OUT OF SMEGA-DRIVE</p>
When the Smega-Drive breaks, the G&T admins travel back in time and end up killing their past selves in a dispute over code IP.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEGA-DRIVE HOLE

The crew discover a special anomaly that is spewing Red Dwarf memes into the universe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IDEA FOR A SMEGA-DRIVE

A forum thread dedicated to coming up with different names for a Red Dwarf meme engine is posted to a popular fan site by an unwitting user, who isn’t aware of the years of anguish the G&T admins will suffer that they will be indirectly responsible for.

[Flap Jack]

OUT OF IDEAS FOR AN EPISODE

Agreeing that the “Idea for an episode.” thread is at serious risk of losing its popularity thanks to competition from the hipper, younger, more technically impressive Smega-Drive, one desperate forum poster suggests capitalising on the trend by letting the “Random everything… ” button pitch the episode ideas instead.

[Warbodog]

THE SLASHA-DRIVE

[Dave]

THE HEIDEGGER-DRIVE

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEG-BOX

Lister scraps his smeg into a box to keep just to annoy Rimmer.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SMEG-STATION

The area where Lister prepares his Smeg-Box.

[Jenuall]

TIME WAND TONY

A racist vending machine finds a device that can manipulate time and the result is a load of shit

[Rudolph]

TAIWAN PONY

The crew are paid £25 to tell some racist jokes.

[cwickham]

TAKE CHRISTMAS, WHAT DID WE DO CHRISTMAS DAY?

Rimmer feigns amnesia over his illegal Christmas celebrations.

[Warbodog]

OUROBSOLESCENCE

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MEME MEN OF THA APOCALYPSE

After released a deadly Smega-drive into the Fandom, forum posts and comment sections get heavily infected with memes focusing on how shit one particular series is.

[Jenuall]

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

Talkie Toaster checks in with the happenings on the G&T forums and is unsurprised to discover series 8 is taking a kicking

[Rudolph]

SO WHAT ELSE IS PEW?

The Dwarfers check in on Blind Pew, who shows off his new contact lenses.

[cwickham]

SHROPSHIREOCRACY

Kryten is so shit at being Machine President he manages to lose re-election, despite such a thing being theoretically impossible since it’s never come up.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SHROPSHIRECONIA

All the mechs on board the SSS Shropshire get an upgrade from Conservative to Lib Dem, and have their outer shells painted yellow.

[Dave]

BEYOND A WOKE

Doug decides to write a sequel to Timewave that will allow him to really stick it to “cancel culture”.

[Dave]

BEYOND A POKE

Abandoned episode concept from Series VIII in which someone spills the sexual magnetism virus all over Kryten.

[Dave]

BEYOND A TOKE

‘Edgy’ new episode for Series XIV in which Doug has the Boys From The Dwarf all suddenly become casual drug users.

[Dave]

BEYOND A CHOKE

BEGG-centric feature-length special.

[cwickham]

BEYOND A SOAK

Doug has a really, really long bath.

[cwickham]

BEYOND A MOKE

Doug drives a comically small car.

[cwickham]

BEYOND A BOAK

Doug hires an incompetent former Doctor Who director.

[cwickham]

BEYOND A YOLK

Doug eats eggs.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BEYOND A SOAK: WAITING FOR GOD 2

Having convinced Kochanski it isn’t really sex if he just penetrates her with his penis but they both lie still, Lister then gets Kryten to bounce up and down on the bed next to them to create some friction.

 

[Dave]

THE HOLLY AND THE A.V.

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Norman Lovett reminisces about the various equipment on which his image has been displayed over the past 30 years.

[Dave]

ICE RIMMER

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Chris Barrie constructs a snowman version of his popular alter ego while regaling viewers with stories about how difficult it was to get the wig right.

[Dave]

LAST HO-HO-HO MAN

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Craig Charles sits in a leather armchair by a log fire and reads a heartwarming story about how Lister, as the last human being in the universe, has to act as Santa Claus for himself, preserving the surprise by getting so drunk on Christmas Eve that he forgets what presents he’s got himself.

[Dave]

ROARING LOG FIRE

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Craig Charles burns all remaining existing copies of The Log: A Dwarfer’s Guide To Everything, by popular demand.

[Dave]

A CHRISTMAS CATROLL

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Danny John-Jules attempts to recreate his initial acrobatic entrance in ‘The End’, spraining his ankle and suffering a neck injury, after other drunk members of the cast and crew egg him on.

[Dave]

KRYSTMAS

Festive Red Dwarf special in which Kryten suffers another mid-life crisis, this time believing himself to be the son of god, and insisting that Lister, Rimmer and Cat act the part of the three wise men at his nativity.

[Dave]

FUCK MY ARSE IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS

Etc.

[Author]

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