Life Imitating Red Dwarf

[Dave]

This morning, still slightly bleary-eyed, I reached for my shaving foam and razor but accidentally grabbed a can of air freshener out of the cupboard instead, and only when I picked it up to use it did I realise my mistake.

Have any other readers enjoyed vague similarities between their own lives and the events of the popular fictional TV programme Red Dwarf?

[Jonathan Capps]

I was once served cold soup at someone’s wedding and thought it was shite.

[tombow]

bruce Wayne in batman Returns got cold soup wrong too. Only his was Vichyssoise.

“They are both generally known as cold soups but Vichyssoise is also delicious served hot with croutons and a swirl of cream. Gazpacho can only be served cold or it changes its flavour.”

[cwickham]

In three million years, we will all indeed be dead.

[Dave]

I like curry.

[Jonathan Capps]

Only his was Vichyssoise.

Urgh, that was the cunt. Absolutely vile. Needed three bottles of free red wine to get rid of the taste.

[Flap Jack]

You know that scene in Balance of Power where Lister is drinking alone and in the dark, sadly reminiscing about the good times he had with his friends, friends he can no longer see again due to circumstances beyond his control?

Well nothing like that has happened to me, but I did once steal a wig off the corpse of my doppelganger and kill a knight that had escaped from a video game into the real world. The 2 events were unrelated, but still.

[Dave]

I once dropped a pea on the floor.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

There was a time I’d never had a prawn vindaloo

[clem]

I’ve never had Vichyssoise and don’t much like the sound of it but gazpacho is very tasty.

I totally sex down steps.

[ARossiEsquire]

I once got very drunk and took home a traffic cone. Don’t think that’s exclusive to Red Dwarf though.

[GlenTokyo]

If you were knocking about in Europe around 1986 you’ve been involved in a radiation leak.

[Ridley]

Only his was Vichyssoise.

Urgh, that was the cunt. Absolutely vile. Needed three bottles of free red wine to get rid of the taste.

At least you know it’s red wine with vichyssoise.

[Jonathan Capps]

I spit roast giraffes

[Hamish]

We’ve lost our keys. And had a picture fall of the wall. Not to mention all the times we’ve used up a whole bog roll in a day.

[tombow]

I’m low esteem with a disappointed family like Rimmer
and probably can be as dirty as Lister and anxious as Kryten at times…maybe as dumb as Cat or grumpy as Holly

[Dave]

My toaster can be a bit annoying sometimes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I once tried to urinate on my dead roommate from a high balcony.

[Jonathan Capps]

I hit my boxer shorts with a Smeg Hammer

[Pete Part Three]

I

[pi r squared]

That brilliant “I” speech. “I…” something something something. It’s brilliant writing, it really is. Unforgettable.

[Yaron Ru]

I’ve never eaten a coconut whole.

[Jonsmad]

I bought the red dwarf DVD’s that appear in Back to Earth, and I too realise they are just characters in a TV show.

[RunawayTrain]

I used to share bunk beds with a really annoying and sometimes disgusting person. Looking back, I was also quite horrible to her :(

[evilmorwen]

I don’t know what an iguana is.

[Joe]

Every time I see a Parker Knoll I too get really horny.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Katherine Parkinson basically just did the “Tarka Dahl” bit from Gunmen on Task Master

Katherine Parkinson – Task Master

[si]

To be fair, it wasn’t invented by Rob and Doug.

[bloodteller]

when i was on a nude beach once, i saw a man with a penis that looked like the Low Strawberry from Demons And Angels

[Pete Part Three]

How did it taste?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

It had a crunchy wriggly texture

[Dave]

Tangy. Meaty, even.

[Shoes Have Soles]

Life is constantly repeating itself, like time spewing back into the Universe.

[Spaceworm Jim]

I’m having a midlife crisis, just like the Universe in that one scene.

[Jonathan Capps]

I was really unfunny when I was 8.

[Jonathan Capps]

Guess that means series 13 to 37 (at least) are going to be dire.

[Dave]

I went straight from 8 to 10 and skipped being 9 altogether.

[Ben Saunders]

I had sex once, just like Rimmer. Then I had it again, but for a while it was just the once.

[si]

I once imagined making love to a woman.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I once made love to a women who enjoyed it so much she chose to commit suicide so I could have her job.

[Ridley]

I do lessons on how to blow gags.

[Jonathan Capps]

When I get my lines right, I buy myself a bag of chips.

[Ian Symes]

Then you drop it on the floor as soon as you get home, pretend that you’re perfectly happy with the pasta you have to make yourself as you watch everyone else eat their chips, and get the piss taken out of you for approximately 14 years and counting.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Is this that internet bullying I hear so much about?

[Ridley]

Don’t give me that Star Trek crap etc.

[Ian Symes]

No, this is real life bullying that’s taking place on the internet due to lockdown.

[Jonathan Capps]

What I wouldn’t give to be bullied to my face!

[evilmorwen]

Is it just me, or is that cockroach shuffling too loudly?

[Dave]

In fairness when they’re seven feet long they’re probably going to make a bit of a din.

[Dollar Pound]

dead people voting

[Author]

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