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    So, I’ve been a big fan since I was a kid and have always written fan-fictions so decided to post a bit of one on here to see if anyone wants to read any more.


    Starbug is flying through a deserted part of space. In the distance we see an almost earth-like planet.


    The crew are sat in their usual seats. Lister is eating a curry and drinking a beer.

    RIMMER: Look there’s a planet over there.

    CAT: Where?

    RIMMER: To your left, you stupid cat.

    CAT: Sorry. I was distracted by my own reflection on the windscreen mirror.

    Audience laugh.

    KRYTEN: Sirs, it appears that the atmosphere on that planet is breathable.

    RIMMER: Guess we can rule out that planet being a planet that is entirely comprised of Lister’s clones.

    Audience laugh.

    RIMMER: That planet certainly wouldn’t be breathable.

    Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time.

    KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of life. Suggest we plot a course to that planet and see what’s going on there.

    Kryten plots a course to the planet.


    Starbug flies to the planet.


    It’s a deserted wasteland, sand everywhere.

    CAT: This place is Sandier than a Grease convention.

    Audience laugh.

    LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here?

    Audience laugh.

    KRYTEN: Sir, is that all you can think about?

    LISTER: No. I also wondered if there was anywhere to get a beer round here too.

    Audience laugh.

    RIMMER: If this entire planet’s a wasteland with no means of growing crops, etc, then how can there be lifeforms here?

    KRYTEN: Best guess, sir: this planet is in the final stages of its existence.

    They notice a scruffy man lying on the floor.

    LISTER: Are you okay?

    MAN: I can’t hear you, my ears haven’t worked since the explosion. Although, after the sounds I’ve heard, I feel it’s a blessing.

    CAT: What did he hear?

    RIMMER: Probably Lister playing his guitar.

    Audience laugh.

    LISTER: What happened here?

    KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of a nuclear bomb.

    LISTER: Where? I can’t see Robert Downey. Jr talking to animals. (Change this line dependent on the year)

    Audience laugh.

    Rimmer points in front of him.

    RIMMER: What’s that?

    Cat’s eyes follow Rimmer’s arm to the tip of his finger.

    CAT: Your finger.

    RIMMER: No, you stupid gimboid: THAT!

    We see that he’s pointing to a building…which just so happens to be…The houses of parliament!

    To be continued…


    ‘Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time’


    please clap

    Nick R

    Better than Timewave/10

    Plastic Percy

    LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here?

    Audience laugh.

    I can confirm I’m not interested in reading any more.

    Taiwan Tony

    Personally I liked it. A good piss-take. Tough crowd, though.


    What do you expect from the miserable bastards of G&T?

    Flap Jack

    The miserable bastards of G&T, though they do deserve constant mocking and derision for their life choices, are not to blame for Poe’s Law.

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