Red Dwarf Script I've Written.

[writingstuff]

So, I’ve been a big fan since I was a kid and have always written fan-fictions so decided to post a bit of one on here to see if anyone wants to read any more.

EXT. SPACE.

Starbug is flying through a deserted part of space. In the distance we see an almost earth-like planet.

INT. STARBUG COCKPIT.

The crew are sat in their usual seats. Lister is eating a curry and drinking a beer.

RIMMER: Look there’s a planet over there.

CAT: Where?

RIMMER: To your left, you stupid cat.

CAT: Sorry. I was distracted by my own reflection on the windscreen mirror.

Audience laugh.

KRYTEN: Sirs, it appears that the atmosphere on that planet is breathable.

RIMMER: Guess we can rule out that planet being a planet that is entirely comprised of Lister’s clones.

Audience laugh.

RIMMER: That planet certainly wouldn’t be breathable.

Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time.

KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of life. Suggest we plot a course to that planet and see what’s going on there.

Kryten plots a course to the planet.

EXT. SPACE.

Starbug flies to the planet.

INT. PLANET

It’s a deserted wasteland, sand everywhere.

CAT: This place is Sandier than a Grease convention.

Audience laugh.

LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here?

Audience laugh.

KRYTEN: Sir, is that all you can think about?

LISTER: No. I also wondered if there was anywhere to get a beer round here too.

Audience laugh.

RIMMER: If this entire planet’s a wasteland with no means of growing crops, etc, then how can there be lifeforms here?

KRYTEN: Best guess, sir: this planet is in the final stages of its existence.

They notice a scruffy man lying on the floor.

LISTER: Are you okay?

MAN: I can’t hear you, my ears haven’t worked since the explosion. Although, after the sounds I’ve heard, I feel it’s a blessing.

CAT: What did he hear?

RIMMER: Probably Lister playing his guitar.

Audience laugh.

LISTER: What happened here?

KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of a nuclear bomb.

LISTER: Where? I can’t see Robert Downey. Jr talking to animals. (Change this line dependent on the year)

Audience laugh.

Rimmer points in front of him.

RIMMER: What’s that?

Cat’s eyes follow Rimmer’s arm to the tip of his finger.

CAT: Your finger.

RIMMER: No, you stupid gimboid: THAT!

We see that he’s pointing to a building…which just so happens to be…The houses of parliament!

To be continued…

[Offline]

‘Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time’

[q u i n n _ d r u m m e r]

please clap

[Nick R]

Better than Timewave/10

[Plastic Percy]

LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here?

Audience laugh.

I can confirm I’m not interested in reading any more.

[Taiwan Tony]

Personally I liked it. A good piss-take. Tough crowd, though.

[Veni]

What do you expect from the miserable bastards of G&T?

[Flap Jack]

The miserable bastards of G&T, though they do deserve constant mocking and derision for their life choices, are not to blame for Poe’s Law.

[Author]

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