Home › Forums › Ganymede & Titan Forum › Red Dwarf Script I've Written. Search for: This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 months, 1 week ago by Flap Jack. Scroll to bottom Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total) Author Posts February 3, 2020 at 8:04 pm #257467 writingstuffMember So, I’ve been a big fan since I was a kid and have always written fan-fictions so decided to post a bit of one on here to see if anyone wants to read any more. EXT. SPACE. Starbug is flying through a deserted part of space. In the distance we see an almost earth-like planet. INT. STARBUG COCKPIT. The crew are sat in their usual seats. Lister is eating a curry and drinking a beer. RIMMER: Look there’s a planet over there. CAT: Where? RIMMER: To your left, you stupid cat. CAT: Sorry. I was distracted by my own reflection on the windscreen mirror. Audience laugh. KRYTEN: Sirs, it appears that the atmosphere on that planet is breathable. RIMMER: Guess we can rule out that planet being a planet that is entirely comprised of Lister’s clones. Audience laugh. RIMMER: That planet certainly wouldn’t be breathable. Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time. KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of life. Suggest we plot a course to that planet and see what’s going on there. Kryten plots a course to the planet. EXT. SPACE. Starbug flies to the planet. INT. PLANET It’s a deserted wasteland, sand everywhere. CAT: This place is Sandier than a Grease convention. Audience laugh. LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here? Audience laugh. KRYTEN: Sir, is that all you can think about? LISTER: No. I also wondered if there was anywhere to get a beer round here too. Audience laugh. RIMMER: If this entire planet’s a wasteland with no means of growing crops, etc, then how can there be lifeforms here? KRYTEN: Best guess, sir: this planet is in the final stages of its existence. They notice a scruffy man lying on the floor. LISTER: Are you okay? MAN: I can’t hear you, my ears haven’t worked since the explosion. Although, after the sounds I’ve heard, I feel it’s a blessing. CAT: What did he hear? RIMMER: Probably Lister playing his guitar. Audience laugh. LISTER: What happened here? KRYTEN: There appears to be signs of a nuclear bomb. LISTER: Where? I can’t see Robert Downey. Jr talking to animals. (Change this line dependent on the year) Audience laugh. Rimmer points in front of him. RIMMER: What’s that? Cat’s eyes follow Rimmer’s arm to the tip of his finger. CAT: Your finger. RIMMER: No, you stupid gimboid: THAT! We see that he’s pointing to a building…which just so happens to be…The houses of parliament! To be continued… February 4, 2020 at 12:43 pm #257469 OfflineMember ‘Audience laugh, slightly shorter this time’ February 4, 2020 at 1:31 pm #257470 q u i n n _ d r u m m e rParticipant please clap February 4, 2020 at 11:11 pm #257476 Nick RParticipant Better than Timewave/10 February 5, 2020 at 9:00 pm #257500 Plastic PercyParticipant LISTER: I wonder if there’s anywhere to get a curry round here? Audience laugh. I can confirm I’m not interested in reading any more. February 6, 2020 at 6:58 pm #257506 Taiwan TonyParticipant Personally I liked it. A good piss-take. Tough crowd, though. February 6, 2020 at 11:22 pm #257508 VeniMember What do you expect from the miserable bastards of G&T? February 7, 2020 at 12:38 pm #257523 Flap JackParticipant The miserable bastards of G&T, though they do deserve constant mocking and derision for their life choices, are not to blame for Poe’s Law. Author Posts Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total) Scroll to top • Scroll to Recent Forum Posts You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Log In Username: Password: Keep me signed in Log In