Someone broke into my apartment last night – Spoilers!

[Phil]

Around 10 o’clock or so. My landlord saw him climbing out of my window and caught him. He called me and sat with the boy until I got home. The kid looked about 16 or so and only spoke Spanish.

As far as we could tell he didn’t take anything from my apartment other than beer. But he WAS kind enough to utterly trash the place. My tables were overturned, all of my books and CDs were thrown around carelessly, my Wii and DVD player (but thankfully not my new TV) were knocked off the shelf, and my guitar was thrown or kicked across the room.

Also he puked all over the bathroom.

There’s no real reason I’m telling you this. Except that in spite of all my anger, I decided not to call the cops, and now I feel like the biggest pushover in the world.

I don’t know.

I guess I just kind of felt bad for him.

He didn’t steal anything other than beer. He wasn’t trying to be a criminal. He was probably just trying to impress someone, or make himself feel good. I have no idea what went through his mind…all he did was throw things around. He had to throw up at some point during the act so he DID take the time to puke in the bathroom, and not on the carpet or in my hamper or anything.

I don’t know. The whole way home I was raging, and later that night I was so mad I could have put my fist through the wall if I didn’t have a more sobering influence in my life right now. My girlfriend came over and helped me clean up, even though she didn’t have to. That felt good. It kept me calm.

But I do kind of wish I hadn’t felt bad for the kid. Maybe I should have called the cops. Maybe I should have just walked into the room and threw him up against the wall and beat the shit out of him.

But that’s all stuff I didn’t feel like doing. I think I looked at him and remembered all the stupid things I did as a kid. I let him go because, in a very real way, I was let go myself. And I turned out okay.

Well, overall okay.

If you don’t count the fact that I’m a big fucking pushover.

Topic

[ChrisM]

I’m not sure what I would have done in that circumstance.

You probably should have called the police really, even if just to teach him a lesson. If he was as pathetic as he sounds, it’s doubtful he would have gotton into that bad trouble anyway, (and you could decide to not press charges) but spending a night in a cell might put him off doing the same thing again.

That being said your willingness to show him mercy does you credit. I don’t think that makes you a pushover.

Its arguable he should have at least been made to clear the stuff up, but I understand that’s easier said than done, especially with the language difference and all (and likely you just wanted him gone at that point.)

I find it difficult to be forceful with people, even when I really should.
I even allowed a couple of guys take a bike off me once around the Peckham area (South London). One guy accused me of stealing the bike from him and I just didn’t know how to respond to that, except to say “no I didn’t”. He kept grabbing his bag at me too, as if he was going for a knife (which I doubt he had.)

I weighed the odds (there were 2 of them, and they likely had more experience fighting than me, and there was at least a possibility of knives) but if I’m honest, I just wanted out of that situation and letting them take it was the easiest way. Weird thing is I didn’t actually feel that scared, and I really wish I’d made a fight of it, but I’m just rubbish at the aggressive thing in those circumstances. (When they’d left then I was fuming and fantasizing violence on them, mind you, but face to face with people… not so easy.) I went to the police station later, but I never got that bike back. I was scheduled for a sponsored bike ride to Brighton that weekend too. What are the odds of that? I ended up doing it on my Dad’s old five gear push bike.

I’d like to think I’d react differently now. I certainly was a pushover.

[Dave]

Shit.

If you’re bothered about being a pushover, then you probably wouldn’t feel any better if they’d thrown the book at him. You’re more likely to have regretted it.

That said, your landlord sounds great.

Did you lose anything in the trashing?

[Seb Patrick]

Shit, Phil. Sorry to hear that. I know what you mean for feeling bad for the guy, though, no matter what he’s done. We got burgled in Oxford a couple of years back. Rachel actually caught the guy climbing out of our bedroom window, and she and one of our other housemates ended up pinning the guy against the wall. He whinged about his asthma, and eventually got away, leaving his glasses behind – all of which made him sound more pathetic than evil. When they finally caught him, it turned out that he was known in the area and had countless burglaries to his name – never violent or anything, never carried a weapon, he was basically a sad pathetic little junkie nicking laptops from students for smack money. He was Spud from Trainspotting, basically. He went down, because he was wanted for so many other burglaries, but while the incident really shook Rachel up in some ways and I’d never forgive him for that (it’s a horrible, horrible feeling knowing that someone’s been in your house, in your bedroom, rifling through your things), I definitely felt that here was the sort of person for whom just sticking him in prison for a while wasn’t the answer to sorting out his problems…

[Tanya Jones]

Yeah, I don’t know whether the police getting involved would have made you feel better, or done the kid any good. Bloody annoying, though; if someone knocked my Wii off the shelf, I’d have problems keeping cool.

[Pete Part Three]

I nominate Phil for the Hall of Pushovers Thread.

Seriously, though; I was burgled three times back when I lived with my parents and felt so unbelievably angry each time. I didn’t ever get anything substantial nicked (well, apart from my NES the first time…and the police recovered that) but it was more the invasion of privacy.

I think I’d be more annoyed by someone making a mess and treating my possessions like shit than stuff being nicked.

[Tarka Dal]

Don’t consider yourself a push over. Where’s the rulebook that states how someone reacts in these situations. There’s an awful lot to be proud of in the way you handled the situation.

[Phil]

>Did you lose anything in the trashing?

Some CD cases were shattered, a few DVDs were unprotected on the floor and so possibly scratched…but the major thing for me was my books. I’m the kind of reader who doesn’t even crease the spine of a paperback. I don’t mark them up and I’m always careful to keep them in good condition. I don’t know…I respect books. Even books I don’t like much.

But, well, throw some books across the room and you’ll see how easily spines separate, pages crease, paperback covers get bent back…that was the most maddening of all. Worse than seeing the guitar laying on its face, which was bad enough. (The Wii, for the record, was the first thing I tried, knowing it was still in warranty but maybe not for long. It worked.)

But yeah…I don’t know. Seb’s exactly right about it just FEELING odd that someone was in your house without you knowing, behaving so disrespectfully. To him they were just books. Just objects. To me those were things that I’ve accumulated over a lifetime that had sentimental meaning.

>That said, your landlord sounds great.

Yeah, he is great. My first weekend (or maybe second) in my apartment I had a party and he stopped up. I thought he was going to tell us to keep the noise down, but instead he just wanted to know if he could have a beer.

The funny thing about this is that if the kid had just walked out the door (which would have been easy enough after coming through the window) he probably wouldn’t have raised suspicion. At least not enough for my landlord to just come straight for him.

>I don?t know whether the police getting involved would have made you feel better

Yeah. I guess that’s true, and that’s good to hear. That makes me feel a little better. If anything, I might even have felt guilty about it.

I guess the whole thing…I don’t know. I’m an adult now, you know? Dealing with adult things and dangers that are sometimes horrible. And for whatever reason I feel at least slightly like a failure that when this happened, I just wanted the kid to go away so I could lay around feeling sorry for myself.

Well, whatever. I’m wallowing. I’ll probably wallow for at least another few days. Eventually I’ll look back on it and laugh. For now I just wish I had something better up my sleeve than conflict avoidance.

[Danny Stephenson]

I don’t know what consolation i can give you. I too feel like you in the way you just pity people who do stuff like this, who, in this particular case, seems to have done it for childish reasons. I know it doesn’t make it any easier to understand, mate. But, it could have been worse…

[Tanya Jones]

I also apprehended a burglar in my student house, although I only knew he was a burglar when he grabbed me round the back of the neck and told me if I shut up, I wouldn’t get hurt. He’d actually picked the lock on the front door and stepped into the hall the same time as I did. He had a girl with him and there was some awkward talk about talking to the landlord and using the loo before he decided to get rough. Luckily, I had a housemate upstairs next to the phone, so I wriggled free, shoved him away and shouted blue murder. They both made a hasty exit. When the police came round, they asked the guys next door if they’d heard anything. They had, and hadn’t bothered to check it out. Cheers!

[Phil]

Jesus Christ, Tanya. Obviously that could have gone far, far worse, but that’s terrifying.

[Andrew]

I think with anything like this, you do have to trust your instincts. You were going to come away feeling bad either way – because it’s a rotten situation, and you were even going to feel like a pushover or like an overreactive git. Both equally legit, and equally unnecessary.

When it’s not a call your brain can win, going with your instincts is as good as you can do. If it felt like the better of two evils, it probably was. Doesn’t make you a pushover.

[pfm]

> They had, and hadn?t bothered to check it out.

This is the world we live in!

[Smeg4Brains]

……………little cunt.

[Tanya Jones]

Yeah, I know; you’d think me screaming ‘CALL THE POLICE!’ might have pricked their curiousity, but I suppose it was a mixture of the bystander effect and fear that they might get harmed that stopped them. On a brighter note, I was struggling with taking shopping out of the car the other day, and a nice young man walking past did offer to help, so the world’s not all bad.

The police did catch that burglar just down the road from our house, acting on another call, so he obviously was trying to get as much as possible in one day to sell. I was told he was a drug addict, so I did feel sorry for him in the end; he was clearly desperate to carry on after knowing the police had been called, and he went to jail in the end. Although I was relieved he was off the streets after seeing one of his victims in the police station (she was very shaken indeed), I did think it was sad that he wouldn’t get any help in jail, and would probably come out in the same situation.

[mick]

If someone broke into my house and laid a finger on any of my records or instruments I would quite honestly beat them to within an inch of their lives and then deal with the consequences.

…unless it was Ian or Cappsy, they are always welcome to lay their hands on my instrument.

[Pete Part Three]

Do you have a big organ, Mick?

[James]

Awful news. I’m with Mick on this one. I couldn’t stop myself from at least a light pummel. I’m glad there wasn’t too much personal damage to yourself and property. It takes a strong person to do what you did. I hope the criminal realises that.

[cliff]

I would certainly have attempted to get a translater and found out why the little shit had done what he did…..very odd!. Don’t feel such a pushover though, it’s not a sign of weakness to feel pity for someone when most people would have drop kicked him out the window…Adios, or called the police.

….needless to say, if anyone messed up my cd’s i’d have to kill them!.

[cliff]

Oh i hate creasing the spines of my paperbacks too, Hurrah, i’m not a lone freak!…

[Pete Part Three]

Join the club, we’ve got badges.

I lent a friend my (pristine) copy of “Are you Dave Gorman?” and it came back with the photo pages falling out. Not sure why people have to fold the pages right back when they read.

Grr.

[Phil]

I’ve actually re-bought books that came back from a friend with creased spines or folded pages or something. That way I can still have a pristine (or close) copy, with the added bonus that I no longer need to be precious about the copy that is now damaged (making it an excellent candidate for travel or the beach).

I have mental health problems.

[cliff]

there is nothing wrong with having pride in ones possetions, then again if i go round someones house and there cd’s/dvd’s are loose i do get the sweats!…

[Danny Stephenson]

I have a system for the cd/dvd thing.

i have a spindle, and when the case is not about at the moment, i just put it on the spindle. Then if at any point i found a case without a cd in it i go to the spindle and empty the spindle. I’m lazy like that.

[Dave]

>there is nothing wrong with having pride in ones possetions

http://www.ganymede.tv/forum/2008/07/how-am-i-lookin-im-lookin-nice

[peas_and_corn]

>I?ve actually re-bought books that came back from a friend with creased spines or folded pages or something.

I remember once my other half wanted me to read a trade paperback of hers, and instinctively I bent back the cover, since I was lying on my back and it made it easier to hold. MISTAKE.

I… I break the spines on my books all the time.

[Dave]

Don’t lend me a book unless you want it breaking in.

Sorry poor choice of words there.

[ChrisM]

Oooooh. Paper cuts.

[Danny Stephenson]

I was lying on my back and it made it easier to hold.

I find it nearly impossible to read while laying on my back, I just can’t seem to concentrate on the content. My backs in a bit of state but if i’m lying down it should be affecting it tht much… I find it easier if I happen to reading while lying down to be on my side. it’s very strange, either that or just sat up reading it on a desk…

Just thought I’d share that with you.

I also bend spines. Which is quite ironic as I have one…

[Author]

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