What are shirt tails for?

[Ben Saunders]

In D.N.A, after a mutated skeleton falls though Rimmer, Kryten says “I believe he’s just discovered what shirt-tails are for.”
This gets a big laugh from the audience.

I’m sorry, what?

Topic

[(deleted)]

They absorbed the mess when he shat himself.

[Ben Saunders]

Yeah, I sort of guessed that must be it. Meh.

Now let’s turn this into a 5,000 reply debate about whether or not holograms can shit themselves or if it’s just another shocking example of the writers eschewing logic for cheap laughs, shall we?

[(deleted)]

If they can, what on earth did Legion go on to do to his arse and why?

[Phil]

It always bothers me for some strange reason that Kryten refers to him as “Rimmer” in that exchange and not “Mr. Rimmer.”

[cwickham]

He wiped his arse on them after shitting himself, surely?

[John Hoare]

It always bothers me for some strange reason that Kryten refers to him as “Rimmer” in that exchange and not “Mr. Rimmer.”

And we’ll NEVER get a D.N.A. Remastered to fix this, dammit.

[Moonlight]

Now let’s turn this into a 5,000 reply debate about whether or not holograms can shit themselves or if it’s just another shocking example of the writers eschewing logic for cheap laughs, shall we?

Must we really assume that he literally shit himself, considering it sounds just like the kind of hyperbole the show makes use of all the time?

[bloodteller]

doesn’t he also shit himself in Demons and Angels?
they mention in it that he’s been “using his uniform as a temporary latrine”

[Dave]

I assume that it’s a bit like when he gets ‘invisible’ drinks etc. from Holly, but in reverse – the hologram Rimmer goes through the action of shitting but doesn’t actually generate a hologrammatic shit at the end of it – the shit effectively becomes non-existent at the point it leaves his hologrammatic anus. Otherwise Holly would be having to generate hologrammatic shits to fill his pants whenever he got scared, which would be a bit weird.

[Ridley]

#ShirtTails poo-oo!

[Moonlight]

doesn’t he also shit himself in Demons and Angels?
they mention in it that he’s been “using his uniform as a temporary latrine”

I also always took that as hyperbole.

Regardless, I don’t think either Rob and Doug expected this joke to be under scrutiny by anal-retentive nerds 30 years down the line.

[Dave]

The anal-retentiveness explains why we’re confused about what shirt tails are for.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

He spoils himself in The Last Day right? So would would assume there is at least programming within holograms to have certain bodily functions

[Dave]

I guess they are simulated to the extent that it provides a more convincing recreation of the real person for the living crew members.

I’m not sure Rimmer really goes off and uses the toilet or anything, though.

[John Hoare]

DOES CAT STILL SHIT IN LISTER’S WARDROBE

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

“DOES CAT STILL SHIT IN LISTER’S WARDROBE”

No, he shits in Rimmer’s wardrobe.

[JamesTC]

It is a real shame that Doug and the cast are always asked what their favourite episode is or if they remember Tongue Tied when we could be getting the real answers we all want such as the intricacies of hologramatic bowel movements.

While we are at it, do holograms cum?

[Dave]

While we are at it, do holograms cum?

Worst chat-up line ever.

[Ben Saunders]

If holograms can’t cum, what do the crew of the Enlightment do when they shag? Just stop when they agree they’ve both had enough?

These are important questions. Much more interesting than “what’s your favorite episode” for the 700th time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

“If holograms can’t cum, what do the crew of the Enlightment do when they shag? Just stop when they agree they’ve both had enough?”

That sounds like how early Rimmer would have had sex. Really regimented, spend 10mins humping like Will in The Inbetweeners, then looking down at his watch, declaring time is up, jumping off getting dressed and walking away smugly.

[si]

So, do/can Holograms defecate, urinate or ejaculate?
Prospective Hall of Famer right here.

[JamesTC]

Also can a hologram get an ingrowing toenail?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

“Also can a hologram get an ingrowing toenail?”

Well Rimmer suffers from stress at being told he has heart problems in Rimmerworld … so why not?

Perhaps holograms have the sickness and symptoms etc that they have when their back up discs are made.

That would explain why McIntyre looks so pale and dying at his funeral. He was dying of something so they took a new back up so he could be restored to a more up to date version.

[Ben Saunders]

Thayt’s pretty morbid. Imagine you’ve got the final stages of cancer, so they send you off down to the medibay to have your personality scanned so they can bring you back as a hologram to keep you working after you imminently die.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

The concept of bringing back holograms that can’t touch anything to continue doing their jobs is a bit morbid.

[bloodteller]

the real question is how exactly do they continue to do their jobs if they can’t touch anything? e.g rimmer isn’t going to be able to fiddle with vending machines or fail to repair drive plates, because he needs to be able to touch things with his hands. in the same vein, mcintrye, who’s stated to be the flight co-ordinator, probably wouldn’t be too good at his job after his death.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

You’d have to assume it’s their experience they are bringing, they’d be able to advice and give orders where applicable, but not physically do anything for themselves.

Still seems a bit pointless. What makes a holographic McIntyre better at doing his job than the person who worked directly below him who has foregone a promotion to allow him to continue bossing him around whilst presumably doing all the physical aspect of his work for him.

[clem]

Isn’t that partly what the skutters are for? To be Rimmer’s hands, as it were?

[International Debris]

God it’s like they didn’t even think this through

[JamesTC]

Rimmer can just use a voice operated forklift.

[Ben Saunders]

Holograms could be there for morale – your best mate dies, you’re not going to be able to give it your all when it comes to doing your job; your best mate comes back to life, at least you can pretend he’s not dead. Also the “if anyone of a higher rank dies they become a hologram” thing could be to ensure the ship is never captainless and/or that very important minds like particularly clever people or leading scientist’s minds aren’t lost

[Moonlight]

Perhaps holograms have the sickness and symptoms etc that they have when their back up discs are made.
That would explain why McIntyre looks so pale and dying at his funeral.

Isn’t looking pale kind of Series I’s thing?

[International Debris]

Holograms could be there for morale – your best mate dies, you’re not going to be able to give it your all when it comes to doing your job; your best mate comes back to life, at least you can pretend he’s not dead.

Of course, this could have the opposite effect too. “Sorry your best mate’s dead. We can’t bring him back to life because someone more important than him is also dead”.

[Author]

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