Worst line from Red Dwarf

[Smeg4Brains]

What line in Dwarf reaaly makes you cringe?

For me it has to be “What a Dibbley!”

Topic

[John Hoare]

Just because it represents the moment that a show that once brought us Queeg and Back to Reality descended into Carry On Up The Cretaceous.

I would argue that most of the Carry On films are VASTLY superior to VIII in pretty much every way – not least in terms of jokes and performances. With the odd exception towards the end, they’re a brilliant series of films.

[John Hoare]

?Well, now I know why dogs lick their testicles?

Massive laugh

?It?s to take away the taste of their food?

Give us some fucking credit, maybe we knew why we were laughing.

I must say, I didn’t really understand the joke until we got the second line. I know some people will get it just from the first bit, but I think it would have been hard to predict that the studio audience would have laughed as hard as they did on that first line, and been as quick on the ball.

But either way, I agree that once you GET an audience reaction like that, the explanatory line suddenly feels awkward, even if I didn’t quite get the joke without the explanation.

[Phil]

>But either way, I agree that once you GET an audience reaction like that, the explanatory line suddenly feels awkward, even if I didn?t quite get the joke without the explanation.

Right. Dave’s point is entirely correct, but, for the reason John states, I understand why they wrote the second line. If they knew they could bank on a big laugh after the first, they would have ended it there. But there’s really no way to know when it’s on paper.

[Seb Patrick]

?Don?t try to help us. We?re finished. Save yourselves.?

*Shudders*

Oh, god, yeah. At least with most of the others, the flaw is in the writing, not the delivery. I actually find it physically uncomfortable to watch that entire scene.

[John Hoare]

GHET AAHHT THE BELT WHILE YE CAN!

Actually, I don’t really mind Grogan there. I make fun of it because it’s an easy target, but it doesn’t really bother me at all. Unlike Ted, I wouldn’t argue it’s a great performance – or even a good one – but it doesn’t really stick out as being horrendously bad, if only because she’s got so little screen time. And the Lister side – the important bit, and the whole point of the scene – works perfectly.

[Seb Patrick]

I don’t know, his “Ah-ah-ah-ah-donnunderstand!” is a bit cringey too. That might just be from the reflected awfulness of CPG, though.

[Pete Part Three]

I don’t understand the hate for that scene in Psirens. Surely it’s supposed to be cringeworthy and stupid to be believable as a big con? I’d be more concerned about Grogan’s pronunciation of ‘Dwarf”.

[John Hoare]

I don?t understand the hate for that scene in Psirens. Surely it?s supposed to be cringeworthy and stupid to be believable as a big con?

I think you’ve just stumbled on why I don’t mind the scene! Although it is supposed to be more convincing than Cat’s.

[pfm]

> ?You?ve already screwed up the ping-pong tournaments, now
you?re gonna mess up the yo-yo championships too.?

Danny fucking that up time after time is a million times funnier than the actual line, and the whole episode for that matter.

The dog testicles line is messed up by the audience. As it’s written the laugh is supposed to come after ‘It’s to take away the taste of their food’ rather than ‘now I know why dogs lick their testicles’ but because of how great the episode is they were always gonna laugh after that line.

VII is definitely the worst for lines. But it DOES contain some belters such as ‘it’s an obscene phone call, sir’.

[John Hoare]

VII is definitely the worst for lines. But it DOES contain some belters such as ?it?s an obscene phone call, sir?.

The line doesn’t make me laugh, though. By the end of an episode like that, the funniest joke in the world wouldn’t make me laugh.

Mind you, a lot of people on here like the episode!

[Dave]

>But either way, I agree that once you GET an audience reaction like that, the explanatory line suddenly feels awkward, even if I didn?t quite get the joke without the explanation.

I just think it would have been an easy edit to remove the second half of the line, but since it gets another laugh I can see why they didn’t.

Like if they’d taken just one more frame out of “Ketchup!” in Beyond A Joke we would have believed Kryten’s bonce had actually blown up and the episode might have had a redeeming feature.

[Seb Patrick]

>?it?s an obscene phone call, sir?

Best gag in VII, there. Mainly for Robert’s delivery. Comes in an otherwise appalling episode, as well.

>I?d be more concerned about Grogan?s pronunciation of ?Dwarf?.

Loads of people pronounce it that way, it’s really fucking annoying. Eternal are one of the worst offenders, in the A-Z, but if you look at some of the continuity we’ve got on the site, even some of the fucking BBC2 announcers do it. IT IS NOT PRONOUNCED DA-WARF. IT IS ONE SYLLABLE.

[John Hoare]

Like if they?d taken just one more frame out of ?Ketchup!? in Beyond A Joke we would have believed Kryten?s bonce had actually blown up and the episode might have had a redeeming feature.

In one of the music videos on the DVDs (can’t remember which one), a few frames are removed from Kryten’s “I can’t believe it. I simply cannot be-” explosion, removing the obvious fake head and making the effect work a lot better. Which is a nice touch.

[Dave]

>In one of the music videos on the DVDs (can?t remember which one), a few frames are removed from Kryten?s ?I can?t believe it. I simply cannot be-? explosion, removing the obvious fake head and making the effect work a lot better. Which is a nice touch

And completely achievable in 1997

[John Hoare]

Yes, it’s strange. And I noticed it was pretty badly done on first broadcast back in 1997. Which admittedly most people wouldn’t… but you’d have thought that the makers of the show would have done!

Still, in an odd way I quite like it. I’m sure it wasn’t deliberate – but it does make the scenes slightly unnerving. The big white staring eyes…

[Dave]

Is that probably the most complimentary thing you’ve ever said about Beyond A Joke?

[John Hoare]

No. That’s: “Nice explosion”.

[Dave]

Nice explosion to you too

[Anonymous]

“Have you ever seen so many blackheads outside the staff room of a fried chicken franchise?”

*Joke thuds to the floor, rolls into the gutter and melts into a putrid puddle of badly written sick*.

[Turk Thrust]

I think the ‘Brylcreem’ gag is one of the best in Series VIII.

Unfortunately it’s followed up with the explanation which insults the intelligence of anyone watching.

[Dave]

“Obviously I’m excluding women who work in Oxfam shops.”

Cheap shot

[Pete Part Three]

I had to do a Google for that as my memory of VIII is pretty weak. Came across the following transcription from Only the Good which made me smile;

Lister: Where did you get that?
Rimmer: From a fight, years ago, dual.
Lister: A dual! You! Get out of town!
Rimmer : Not a dual. Jewel, the old Steven Speilburg movie. A friend of mine attacked me with the video case.

I wasn’t smiling at the the dialogue mind, just the spelling mistakes.

[John Hoare]

The Oxfam shops joke is undoubtedly a cheap shot, but that’s part of what makes it funny for me. One of the few VII jokes I really like, just for its sheer unfairness.

The dual/Duel joke is pretty terrible, although it doesn’t bother me that much, but I like the joke preceding it:

LISTER: This little scar’s itchy today. Must be all the dust.
RIMMER: You’ve got a scar? When did you get that?
LISTER: Those complimentary pens that the hospital guys were giving out – y’know, “most accidents happen in the home, so be careful” ones? I accidentally stabbed myself in the head with one.
RIMMER: Where were you?
LISTER: I wasn’t at home, so I didn’t feel stupid or anything.

God, defending both VII and VIII in the same post. I need a lie down.

[Pete Part Three]

Duel/Duel!

[John Hoare]

Duel/Duel!

Oooh, yes. Dunno why I put that.

Maybe Doug should have added a HILARIOUS third confusion.

[Seb Patrick]

>I think the ?Brylcreem? gag is one of the best in Series VIII.

Yes, of all the attempts to bring “Series II-ish Holly dialogue” back in series VIII, that was probably the best. Well, I say “best”, I mean “only vaguely successful one”.

[Ben Paddon]

I liked a lot of the Holly dialogue from VIII. What ruins the lines in most cases is Norm’s delivery. He seemed much more enthusiastic than he did in the first two series, it didn’t really work.

If the film ever gets made, I’d vote for Hattie to come back. I think she’s probably the only one of the two still capable of playing “their” Holly effectively.

[Dave]

>Duel/Duel!

Dual Duel

[Danny Stephenson]

No doubt Norman would be fuming, I would actually find it hilarious to see Norman talking about the movie the way he does, and expects them to get him in for it… It would be a real kick in the balls for him to be replaced with Hattie for the movie.

[Dave]

Akin to the kick in the teeth Hattie probably got when Nanarchy rolled around. I’d be amazed if anyone told her Norm was back before it aired.

[Lonely Among Us]

“What are you saying? Red Dwarf’s gonna blow?”

“In less time than it takes a Norwegian to buy ski-boots!”

Awkward, awkward line.

[John Hoare]

Yes, it doesn’t bother me that much, but it is a bit of an odd line.

The deleted scenes on the V DVD show that it survived both the original recording and the reshoot, too…

[Dave]

“We like a bit of that don’t we?”

Not so much a bad line, as catchphrase I pray never caught on

[Anonymous]

“Do you want a screwdriver?”

Just because the way Claire asks it and her facial expression are so weird and it makes no sense. Seriously, take a look at it.

[Antipodean]

“You mean there’s a heart out there with no body? No wonder it’s beating so fast.” Um… what?

The Nostrilomo comes close.

[Anonymous]

>?You mean there?s a heart out there with no body? No wonder it?s beating so fast.? Um? what?

Yeah, I never understood that either.

And from the same scene – “About the same odds as discovering Mr Lister saddle-stitching the hem of a pair of lemon maternity slacks.” – letscramasmanyjokesintothefirstscenesoftheepisodeevenifitsreallyinappropriatetodoso.

Oh, and “they don’t like it when you’re rat-arsed”. Actually, no…it’s not a bad line. I just hate Norman’s stupid smug face afterwards.

[Ian Symes]

> ?About the same odds as discovering Mr Lister saddle-stitching the hem of a pair of lemon maternity slacks.?

My problem with this is that Lister has actually been pregnant at one point, which makes the scenario distinctly possible.

[Seb Patrick]

“Talia! The nanobots must have resurrected you, as well!”

As an explanation for being able to bring in a character from outside, it’s appalling. As a conclusion that Hollister would have instantly arrived at naturally, it’s even worse.

“I’ve tried to fit in, I really have. I even tried learning what offside was!”

Yes. Have to say, I can’t remember the episodes where the rest of the Dwarf crew sat around obsessing over football, but they must have existed for it to be such a crucial element of “fitting in”.

[Dave]

>I can?t remember the episodes where the rest of the Dwarf crew sat around obsessing over football

Zero G Football?

[pfm]

That just shows how badly Kochanski was written most of the time. I still can’t believe the ‘period’ gag. What with Doug and Graham Linehan, it’s as though they think ‘hmmm, what’s funny about women…aha, periods!’ Not that I didn’t laugh every time…YES I laughed at an VIII gag.

[Seb Patrick]

>Zero G Football?

Well, yes, Lister’s into that, but he hardly bangs on about it (I’m not sure it’s mentioned at all beyond series II), and no-one else ever expresses an interest. And it’s (association) football whose offside rule is the legendarily incomprehensible one (even though it isn’t, even, actually).

The point is, it’s a lazy “women versus blokes” stereotype that bears absolutely no relevance to the characters Kochanski is trying to “fit in” with, and has no place in Dwarf.

[Seb Patrick]

>What with Doug and Graham Linehan, it?s as though they think ?hmmm, what?s funny about women?aha, periods!?

I’m not sure what you’re getting at with Linehan here; maybe there’s some obvious stereotyping in The IT Crowd that I’m not aware of (not watched owt beyond a couple of series one eps), but lest we forget, he did co-create Fran, one of the most well-drawn and un-stereotypical female comedy characters of recent times.

[TheLeen]

> I?m not sure what you?re getting at with Linehan here; maybe there?s some obvious stereotyping in The IT Crowd that I?m not aware of

Well, there is that one episode named “Aunt Irma visits”… (series one)

> not watched owt beyond a couple of series one eps

Boo.

[Phil]

Actually there’s quite a lot of female stereotyping in the IT Crowd, but I think it’s always done with an understanding that it’s humor ABOUT that kind of stereotyping. (“I’ve only ever met one woman and she’s just walked out of the room screaming ‘The shoooes-ahh!'”)

It’s comedy ABOUT stereotypes rather than Linehan just trying to write for a woman and falling into that trap.

>Fran, one of the most well-drawn and un-stereotypical female comedy characters of recent times.

Definitely unstereotypical. I might take a bit of issue with “well-drawn” though. (Not that that’s a criticism…I don’t see it as negative in any way…but it’s a certain type of writing that creates a show like Black Books…and well-drawn isn’t really the term I’d use to describe the characters.)

[Andrew]

> ?Talia! The nanobots must have resurrected you, as well!?

Compounded by this:

“it must have been the escape pod; the one Talia whatsername arrived on.”

So which was it – arrival-on-pod, or resurrection by nanos? YOU NEED TO PICK ONE!

[Seb Patrick]

I now have a mental picture of Andrew confronting Doug in the GNP office over that issue.

[Andrew]

He doesn’t like it when I do that. You should hear the ‘time drive now travels through space as well’ discussions… :-)

[Seb Patrick]

I now have a mental image of Doug going “If you don’t like it, Andrew, write your own bloody sci-fi sitcom!”

And now I wish I’d thought of that in time to put it in TM:YNYN ;-)

[Ben Paddon]

There may be an actual, logical reason for that, mind. Unless, when you bring it up, Doug just sort of goes “Er” and then hides behind a potted plant in the hopes you think he’s vanished from the room.

I’ve been asked a similar question about Jump Leads on a couple of occasions – “Does the Flurry materialise in the exact same spatial co-ordinates in every Universe, or does it appear in an entirely random location? If it’s the latter, why did their first attempt to jump away after Lucas died bring them to a parallel version of the Universe they were already in?” – and I actually have an answer that I’d quite happily insert into the comic if I thought it would move the story along. Which it wouldn’t. Maybe I’ll write it down sometime.

[ChrisM]

I thought the period gag was one of the funniest scenes in series 8. And the little package with the ribbon. The fact that it involves an embarassing subject is part of what makes it so funny I reckon.

Mind you a lot of the lines people list here I found funny. I agree concerning the rewinding Hollister scene. The gag wasn’t too bad, but they repeated it a bit too much.

There was also a line when Rimmer mentions something about “Lister’s old underpants.” The line itself was quite good, but the way he delivered it felt hokey somehow.

[Author]

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