YOUR FAN CLUB MAG NEED YOU(R LETTERS)!

[Jonathan Capps]

(NOTE: The following post is written by Fan Club Cappsy. G&T Cappsy will join you in other threads.)

Ok, this is the final boarding call for you all to submit magazine content to appear in Issue #1 of the all new Fan Club magazine (the name of which will be announced in good time)! It’s all coming together nicely but there’s still a chance for YOU to get something included. You’ll go down in history! Maybe.

First and foremost, we need letters. They can be as long or short as you like. They can be a statement of opinion, a question posed to the team (which we will try to answer!) or just anything that’s on your mind, Dwarf-Wise. Surely you all have plenty to say at the moment? Well, we want to hear every blessed word of it (within reason.)

The usual invitation to send in reviews, articles, fan-fic, pictures or anything else still stands as always so if you have something a bit more substantial then don’t be shy to submit that, too

Your options, as usual, are two-fold:
* Email submissions@reddwarffanclub.com
* Submit via our form on the Fan Club submissions page (2 meg file limit)

Thank you!
The Fan Club Team via Cappsy

Topic

[pfm]

> the name of which will be announced in good time

C.L.I.T.O.R.I.S.

[Jonathan Capps]

WE HAVE A LEAK.

[Ben Paddon]

There is a temptation to sit down and write some of the Red Dwarf stories I mapped out a couple of years ago when I was building an honest-to-goodness pitch, which I’d intended to present to GNP, for a series of novels to be set in the television continuity and taking place during perceived gaps in the show’s run (think of the old, good Doctor Who novels).

That said, time working on non-paying fan-fiction is a) time that could be better spent on paid writing gigs and/or increasing the size of my writing portfolio (using natural herbal remedies, natch), and b) time spent writing fan-fiction.

[Jonathan Capps]

Well you could always just write a short letter!

[Ben Paddon]

“Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

…’Sup?

Warmest regards,
Ben Paddon”

[cliff]

‘Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine’

I am writing to inform you that your father is dad….

[Jonathan Capps]

WRITE PROPER LETTERS LEST I DESTROY YOU.

[Tarka Dal]

Was it Ian Capps or Jonathan Symes who wrote that brilliant letter a couple of issues back?

[Phil]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

I am a raging homo. Just thought you’d like to know.

Your pal,
Ian Symes

[thomasaevans]

Good timing, I just re-joined the fan club.

[Tarka Dal]

Have you joined the TORDFC fan club forums yet? Well have you!?

[Zombie Jim Undead]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

What is actually wrong with Norman Lovett?

Best wishes,

A concerned friend.

[Tarka Dal]

I thought it had been titled now?

[Pete Part Three]

Dear Red Dwarf Fanzine to be named later,

Are tickets available yet?

Hugs + Kisses,

Your Mum

PS. Those short skirts you wear make me really horny.

[cliff]

Dear Red Dwarf Fanzine to be named later,

When does the film come out?.

regards

Doug Naylor.

[Almighty_crj]

Dear sir,

I wish to complain about Red Dwarf’s constant attempts to dress Arnold Rimmer as a woman. Many of my friends are dead and only a few of them are transvestites.

Yours sincerley,
Brigadier Sir Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (Mrs)

PS. I have never kissed Andrew Ellard.

[cliff]

Dear Red Dwarf Fanzine to be named later,

Can the owner of the green smart car, licence number STARBUG 1 please move it from outside my house.

Sincerely

J.Duckworth.

[Ridley]

Do you like red? Do you like dwarfs? Red Dwarf Magazine.

[Tarka Dal]

Dear God,

MAKE THEM GO AWAY!

[hummingbird]

> First and foremost, we need letters.

Can I have a P please, Bob.

[Jo]

>I thought it had been titled now?

Pls see…
>the all new Fan Club magazine (the name of which will be announced in good time)

[Phil]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

We’re fucking done, professionally.

Your hero,
Batman

[Ridley]

Dear ‘Just The Smeg Smeg Smeg Smeg Smeg, Oh Look A Cat’,

RedDwarfEatsCock.

Yours,
Iain Lee

[JamesTC]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

Why the hell is he called Silent Bob anyway?

Randal.

PS. I’m Dante and I’m the biggest idiot ever.

[JamesTC]

>Have you joined the TORDFC fan club forums yet? Well have you!?
The Red Dwarf Fan Club has its own Fan Club, I wonder if the Red Dwarf Fan Club Fan Club like Red Dwarf.

[Tarka Dal]

Oh naff off.

> the all new Fan Club magazine (the name of which will be announced in good time)

I’ve seen it. It’s rubbish.

[Paul Muller]

Dear Red Dwarf Fan Club Magazine thing,

I’m looking for Doug Naylor’s phone number, do you have it?

I went through his bins and took out some phone bills, but he’d crossed out the bits with his number on it.

Please give me the number. You can contact me in left-most cubicle in the ‘Gents’ section of the public toilets outside Kings Walk shopping centre in Gloucester.

I’m waiting there now.

Yours,

Paul Muller.

[Ian Symes]

I’ve got Bill Oddie’s if you’re interested.

[Paul Muller]

YES I WOULD BE INTERESTED IN THAT.

[Phil]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

Arse! Feck!
Drink! Girrrls!

Yours in Christ,
Joseph Ratzinger (Pope)

[Ben Paddon]

Some suggested taglines for the new magazine:

• “It’s Red! It’s Dwarf! It’s Red and Dwarf! It’s Red Dwarf!”
• “First there was a fan-club magazine. Now there is another one of it.”
• “Red Dwarf! It’s back! (back! Back!)”

No, I have not been reading my back issues of Amiga Power.

[Mr Flibble]

How about Look Around You style:

Thanks Red Dwarf. Rewarf.

[Ben Paddon]

Thrwarf, surely.

[Danny Stephenson]

I thought it would be Thed Dwarf?

[Ben Paddon]

Thrwarf sounds funnier.

[Dave]

>Thrwarf sounds funnier

You drank my Thrwarfeega?

[TheLeen]

Red Schwartz.

[peas_and_corn]

Dear red dwarf fan magazine,

I apologise for sticking your pencil up your nose. Though it was the rubber end, and I heard that the doctor got it out quick smart.

Yours,
Ace

[Jonathan Capps]

We are considering three of these letters for the mag.

[Phil]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

You are Lisa Simpson.

Sincerely,
Mr. Bergstrom

[Seb Patrick]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

Why the hell is he called Silent Bob anyway?

Randal.

PS. I?m Dante and I?m the biggest idiot ever.

Wow, you had to post something good eventually, I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.

[JamesTC]

Clerks fan I take it?

[Ridley]

Dear as-yet-untitled Red Dwarf fanzine,

Me? The 13th Duke of Manchester. Here? With MY reputation?

[Pete Part Three]

Phil and Ridley made me do LOLs.

[Dave]

Dear Phil and Ridley made me do LOLs,

I’m so glad you chose to name your (and potentially our) magazine after this post.

Dave

(Dave)

P.S. Is there any truth to the rumour that you are using fan club funds to build an actual hall of fame to house the threads nominated for hall of fame status.

P.P.S. Red Dwarf is coming back, but now Paddington eats Marmite.

[Ben Paddon]

P.P.S. Please use this magic map and dog to assist you.

[si]

Dear Red Dwarf Smegazine: The Next Generation,

I LIKE Hyperdrive. Leave me alone.

Yours, Si.

Seriously, I was working on a really good, ‘proper’ piece of artwork – then I went away and woke up in intensive care, and I’ve kind of got behind in my plans. Soon, though. Especially now I’ve got some photos that aren’t ten years old to work from.

[Author]

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