Insult List

Here we go… a complete list of insults used in the 52 episodes of Red Dwarf. Many of these are highly inventive, original and amusing, whereas others are mere variations on the word ‘smeg’. Still, there are some interesting findings. The insults are listed alphabetically, and where there is more than one occurance of the insult being used, these are listed chronologically. Eventually, this document will include Red Dwarf Night, the Smeg Upstapes, deleted scenes, maybe even the cast commentary. Stay tuned.

Insult Episode Used by Used against
Abomination Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew
Alphabet Head Stasis Leak Cat Rimmer
Justice Cat Rimmer
Annoying little smeggy smegging smegger Only The Good… Rimmer Dispensing Machine
Arsehole Kryten Lister Rimmer
Arse Wipe Cassandra Knot Rimmer
Baboon’s rump Kryten Rimmer Holly
Back-stabbing, weaselly smegger Back in the Red (Part Three) Lister Rimmer
Baldy Queeg Cat Holly
Barney’s ugly brother Pete (Part One) Lister Pete
Pete (Part Two) Lister Pete
Bastard Waiting For God Rimmer Lister
Backwards Lister Santa Claus
Body Swap Lister Rimmer
Ouroboros Kochanski Lister
Big lig The End Rimmer Todhunter
Big lug Pete (Part One) Kryten Baxter
Big, stupid, yellow idiot Only the Good… Rimmer Hollister
Bird-tray head Krytie TV Cat Kryten
Bonehead Kryten Lister Rimmer
Polymorph Kryten Rimmer
Bog-bot from Hell Rimmerworld Rimmer Kryten
Bossy old trollop Ouroboros Kryten Kochanski
Bot Brains Demons & Angels Cat Kryten
Bozo Future Echoes Toaster Rimmer
Better Than Life Lister Rimmer
The Bozo Brothers Beyond a Joke Kochanski Cat and Lister
Brummie git Back to Reality Rimmer Andy
Buffoon Justice Kryten Rimmer
Bug-head Epideme Kochanski Epideme
Bunch of Tarts Polymorph Lister Cat, Kryten and Rimmer
Butter-pat Head Legion Cat Kryten
Captain Bogbot Quarantine Rimmer Kryten
Captain Chloroform Body Swap Lister Kryten
Captain Paxo Stasis Leak Rimmer Hollister
Captain Sadness Camille Cat Rimmer
Captain Smug Git Stoke Me A Clipper Rimmer Ace Rimmer
Captain Yawn Dimension Jump Cat Rimmer
Cheating, weaselly, low-life scum bucket The Inquisitor Lister Rimmer
Chickens Body Swap Rimmer Cat, Kryten and Lister
Commander U-Bend Quarantine Rimmer Kryten
Complete and total nutter Timeslides Lister Hitler
Coward Backwards Rimmer Lister
Marooned Lister Rimmer
Blue Lister Kryten
Cruddy little scudball Terrorform Kryten Rimmer
Dact tuft of rectal pubic hair Terrorforum The Unspeakable One Rimmer
Dead Git Me² Rimmer 2 Rimmer
Deformed Monsters Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew
Demented Tonka toy Tikka to Ride Rimmer Kryten
Dinglebat Better Than Life Lister Rimmer
Dingleberry Breath Backwards Rimmer Holly
Dinosaur Breath Kryten Lister Rimmer
Kryten Kryten Rimmer
A disgrace to the species Future Echoes Rimmer Lister
Disgusting, pus-filled buboe Polymorph Kryten Rimmer
Disgusting, rotting, fetid piece of congealed monkey vomit Back in the Red (Part One) Rimmer Lister
Dishwasher-breath Balance of Power Rimmer Lister
Divvy Back in the Red (Part One) Lister Holly
Doctor Fruit Loop Quarantine Rimmer Dr. Lanstrom
Dog Food Face Kryten Rimmer Lister
Doink Marooned Lister Rimmer
Dork Polymorph Kryten Rimmer
Body Swap Lister Young Lister
Justice Kryten Rimmer
Dormouse Cheeks Demons & Angels Cat Lister
Double-dealing, two-faced rat Back in the Red (Part Three) Lister Rimmer
El Dirtball White Hole Rimmer Lister
El Slobbo Balance of Power Rimmer Lister
El Weirdo Parallel Universe Rimmer Ms. Rimmer
Eraser head Camille Cat Rimmer
Fat, bearded git Gumen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Bear Strangler McGee
Fat Boy Beyond A Joke Kryten Lister
Only the Good… Cat Big Meat
Fat, little human The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Lister
Filthy piece of distended rectum Me² Rimmer Rimmer 2
Foolish, aged, blubbery fish Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum
Frankenstein Quarantine Cat Kryten
Freak-face Backwards Cat Kryten
Body Swap Cat Kryten
Frigid Parallel Universe Ms. Rimmer Rimmer
Gerbil-face White Hole Cat Lister
Ghastly maggot Emohawk – Polymorph II Ace Rimmer Rimmer
Gimboid Future Echoes (twice) Rimmer Lister
Waiting For God Rimmer Lister
Gimp Kryten Rimmer Lister
Better Than Life Lister Rimmer
Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Hollister
Timeslides Rimmer Thicky Holden
White Hole Rimmer Lister
Epideme Lister Cat
Git Future Echoes Rimmer Lister
Justice Lister Rimmer
Dimension Jump Rimmer Kryten
Goalpost Head Parallel Universe Cat Rimmer
Backwards Cat Rimmer
Body Swap Cat Rimmer
DNA Cat Rimmer
Demons & Angels Cat Rimmer
Rimmerworld Cat Rimmer
Tikka to Ride Cat Rimmer
Goit Future Echoes (twice) Rimmer Lister
Future Echoes Rimmer Future Lister
Future Echoes Rimmer Holly
Balance of Power Rimmer Holly
Confidence & Paranoia Rimmer Lister
Me² Rimmers Lister
Gooseberry Gunmen of the Apocalypse Lister Kryten
Grandad Timeslides Young Lister Lister
Grease stain Waiting For God Cat Rimmer
Thanks for the Memory Cat Rimmer
Grossly overweight Holoship Commander Binks Lister
Gwenlyn Kryten Lister Rimmer
Gutless, spineless, gormless, direction-less, neurotic, under-achieving, snivelling, cowardly pile of smeg Stoke Me A Clipper Lister Rimmer
Hadron-Head Balance of Power Lister Selby
Polymorph Kryten Rimmer
Half-eaten lollipop head Epideme Cat Kryten
Halibut breath Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Cat
Hoity-toity gonad-brained gimp Better Than Life Rimmer The Captain
Hooch-head Gunmen of the Apocalypse Cat Kryten
The human equivalent of a visible panty-line Blue Cat Rimmer
Hypocrite Blue Kryten Lister
Idiot Future Echoes Rimmer Holly
Balance of Power Rimmer Cat
Polymorph Cat Rimmer
Timeslides Cat Young Lister
Duct Soup Kochanski Kryten
Idiot droid Camille Rimmer Kryten
Impudent fool Meltdown Caligula Cat
Insufferable pratt Back to Reality Andy Rimmer
Irritating, awkward and unsightly Blue Cat Rimmer
Jammy Goit White Hole Rimmer Lister
Jerk Timeslides Cat Young Lister
Joke of a man Justice Kryten Rimmer
Judas Pete (Part One) Lister Rimmer
Jumped-up Filofax Future Echoes Rimmer Holly
Keyboard teeth Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Duane Dibbley
Khazi-droid Quarantine Rimmer Kryten
Killer Justice Lister Rimmer
Little bleeder White Hole Lister Talkie Toaster
Little glob of tuberculatic spewtum Terrorform Kryten Rimmer
Little worm Balance of Power Rimmer Lister
A lowly grease monkey Justice Kryten Rimmer
The Mad Monk Brothers Demons & Angels Cat High Crew
Maggot Dimension Jump Ace Rimmer
Back in the Red (Part One) Thornton Lister
Marshmallow-ass Only the Good… Cat Big Meat
Meat-tenderiser head Epideme Cat Kryten
Metal Trash Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten
Miss Yo-Yo Knickers Parallel Universe Lister Ms. Lister
Mister Fat Bastard 2044 Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Hollister
Mister Gazpacho Me² (twice) Rimmer 2 Rimmer
Mister Maturity Me² Rimmer 2 Rimmer
Mister Sad Git Gunmen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Kryten
Mister Shouty Back in the Red (Part One) Lister Thornton
Mister Swankypants Gunmen of the Apocalypse Jimmy Lister
Modo Waiting For God Rimmer Hollister
Waiting For God Rimmer Cat
Molecule Mind Kryten Lister Rimmer
Kryten Kryten Rimmer
Monkey Future Echoes Cat Lister
Waiting For God Cat Lister
Moron Waiting For God Rimmer Lister
Marooned Rimmer Lister
Quarantine Kryten Cat
Murderer The End Rimmer Lister
Mutant Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew
A neurotic, under-achieving emotional retard Justice Kryten Rimmer
Nickel-hydrate breath Krytie TV Kochanski Kryten
Ninny Pete (Part One) Kryten Kochanski
A nothing The End Rimmer Lister
Justice Kryten Rimmer
No-good, disgusting bum Nanarchy Kochanski Lister
Novelty condom-head DNA Cat Kryten
Nutter Queeg Lister Queeg
Timeslides Lister Rimmer
Legion Lister Legion
Obnoxious, trumped-up, farty little smeghead White Hole Kryten Rimmer
Old Codger Timeslides Lister The Duke of Lincoln
Old Five Fingers Epideme Cat Lister
Old Laundry Chute Nostrils Out of Time Cat Rimmer
One glorious hole Backwards Lister Rimmer
Over-zealous, trumped-up little squirt Justice Kryten Rimmer
Pathetic man Justice Kryten Rimmer
Pesky little critters Nanarchy Kryten Nanobots
Piece of dirty, filthy, cheating scum Queeg Lister Rimmer
A piece of sputum, floating in the toilet bowl of life Justice Kryten Rimmer
Petty-minded little sadist Backwards Lister St. Francis of Assisi
Pigs Meltdown Caligula Cat and Lister
Pilgrim Queeg Queeg Rimmer
Pipsqueak Better Than Life Rimmer Rathbone
Plastic Percy Body Swap Cat Kryten
Pop-eyed balding git Better Than Life Rimmer Rimmer’s Dad
Pratt White Hole Rimmer Captain Oates
Pregnant baboon-bellied space bum Future Echoes Rimmer Lister
Priscilla, Queen of Deep Space Ouroboros Kochanski Lister
Private Nobody Only the Good… Rimmer Mirror Hollister
Punk Kryten Kryten Rimmer
Cassandra Knot Kill Crazy
Pus-head Waiting For God Rimmer Hollister
Pus-sucking, puke-laden walking cesspits of unspeakableness Rimmerworld Simulant Leiutenant The Crew
Pussycat Willum Justice Rimmer Cat
Putrid, amphibious gill-breather with less brains than a mollusc Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum
Quark-brain Balance of Power Lister Rimmer
Rectum-faced pygmy Balance of Power Rimmer Lister
Rubber-headed eunuch Legion Rimmer Kryten
Sad man Justice Kryten Rimmer
A sad weasle of a man Parallel Universe Lister Rimmer
Scoundrels Backwards Bike Owner Lister and Cat
Scudball Polymorph Lister The Polymorph
Scum Meltdown (twice) Caligula Cat and Lister
The Inquisitor Lister The Inquisitor
Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Lister
Ouroboros Rimmer Lister
Scummiest knave in Christendom Stoke Me A Clipper King of Camelot Lister
Scum-sucking, lying, weasley smegger Blue Lister Rimmer
Scum-sucking molluscs Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten The Apocalypse Boys
Scum-sucking, two-faced, weaselly weasel Back in the Red (Part Two) Lister Rimmer
Second-rate scum Ouroboros Rimmer Lister
Self-serving, scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag Back in the Red (Part Three) Kochanski Rimmer
Shambles Only the Good… Rimmer Mirror Hollister
Shirley Only the Good… Big Meat Cat
The short, dumpy one with the stupid haircut Cassandra Rimmer Lister
Silly old trout Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum
Simple-minded, scaly, old piscine Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum
Slags Polymorph Lister Cat, Kryten and Rimmer
Slimeball Queeg Holly Queeg
Slimy, dispicable, rat-hearted green-discharge of a man The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Rimmer
Slimy, double-crossing, two-faced piece of scum Beyond a Joke Kryten Able
Slimy, triple-faced backstabbing Judas Rimmerworld Lister Rimmer
Slimy, river-dwelling rodent Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer
The slobbiest entity in the entire universe The End Rimmer Lister
Slow, stupid, crudely designed and quite amazingly ugly The Last Day Jim Reaper Kryten
Small-minded, bureaucratic, cowardly little person Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Rimmer
Smart-Alec android Back to Reality Rimmer Kryten
Smart-Alec metal git Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten
Smartarse Future Echoes Lister Toaster
Smee Camille (twice) Kryten Rimmer
Quarantine (twice) Kryten Rimmer
Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten Rimmer
Smee Heee Camille (four times) Kryten Rimmer
Quarantine Rimmer Kryten
Gunmen of the Apocalypse Kryten Rimmer
Stoke Me A Clipper Kryten Rimmer
Smeg-brain Thanks for the Memory Rimmer Lister
Smeg-for-brains Balance of Power Lister Rimmer
Kryten Kryten Rimmer
Smeghead The End (twice) Lister Rimmer
The End Todhunter Rimmer
Waiting For God Lister Rimmer
Kryten Lister Rimmer
Better Than Life Rimmer’s Dad Rimmer
Thanks for the Memory Lister Rimmer
Stasis Leak (twice) Lister Future Lister
Body Swap Cat Rimmer
Camille Kryten Rimmer
Camille Kryten Lister
White Hole Holly Rimmer
Meltdown Lister Rimmer
Holoship Lister Rimmer
The Inquisitor Lister Trojans
The Inquisitor The Inquisitor Lister
Stoke Me A Clipper Lister Rimmer
Blue Cat Rimmer
Smegger Polymorph Lister The Polymorph
Cassandra Lister Cat
Smegpot Holoship Lister Commander Binks
Smelly-arsed smegger Stasis Leak Lister Petersen
Smug, self-satisfied git Stoke Me A Clipper Rimmer Ace Rimmer
Snooty cow Balance of Power Rimmer Kochanski
Sour Kraut Stoke Me A Clipper Ace Rimmer Gestapo Officer
Spanny Tikka to Ride Lister Kryten
Stan and Ollie White Hole Cat Kryten and Rimmer
Stumpy DNA Cat Lister
Stupid cat Balance of Power Rimmer Cat
Stupid moggy Confidence & Paranoia Rimmer Cat
Stupid, stinking, festering gimboid of a cat Balance of Power Rimmer Cat
Stupid woman Body Swap Rimmer Brown
Stupid ‘zoney Beyond A Joke Simulant Able
Thick, titanium plank Blue Rimmer Kryten
Tight git Backwards Lister Taxi Driver
Tin can The Last Day Hudzen Kryten
A toad Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer
Toilet brush hair Rimmerworld Cat Rimmer
Totally worthless, unwashed space bum The Inquisitor Holly Lister
Trans-Am Wheel Arch Nostrils The Inquisitor Cat Rimmer
Trash Gunmen of the Apocalypse Lister Loretta
Travesty Rimmerworld Rimmer Double The Crew
Tutankhamun’s horny grandma Epideme Lister Caroline Carmen
Twonk(s) Back to Reality Andy Rimmer
Back to Reality Andy The Crew
Tyke Waiting For God Rimmer Lister
Ugly, lungless marine animal with galloping senility Polymorph Kryten Rimmer’s Mum
Unbelievable git Out of Time Rimmer Cat
Unnecesserily ugly Holoship Commander Binks Lister
A very rude man The Last Day Rimmer Hudzen
Wa-hum Barbow Emohawk – Polymorph II Rimmer Kryten
A weasel Demons & Angels Lister Rimmer
Wig stand head Duct Soup Kochanski Kryten
Xenophobic, homocidal maniac Gunmen of the Apocalypse Rimmer Simulant Captain

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