February 13, 2009 at 3:24 pm #2858
Zombie Jim Undead
I was wondering…presumably holograms can masturbate and we know that they are capable of sexual contact with one another. Is Rimmer therefore able to ejaculate? Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity? If so, would Holly only be able to sustain either Rimmer OR his love batter and not both at the same time?
Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram? Which ship would be powering the resultant offspring?
Discuss.February 13, 2009 at 3:26 pm #91369
I think it like Rimmer can have holographic food but he can’t have a holographic shit, he can masturbate but no juice.February 13, 2009 at 3:27 pm #91370
Zombie Jim Undead
Thanks for clearing that up.
*cough*February 13, 2009 at 3:46 pm #91373
Does Rimmer produce man sauce?
I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.February 13, 2009 at 3:48 pm #91374
Zombie Jim Undead
YOU READ IT.
YOU CAN’T..etc etc etc.February 13, 2009 at 3:51 pm #91375
i think you may have brought up a major plot point of the specialsFebruary 13, 2009 at 3:53 pm #91376
Pete Part Three
Unless he’s got some wiring in his lightbee to produce a tantric-like orgasm, he must splurge. Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he’s unable to control himelf.
I have diagrams if you’d like to see them?February 13, 2009 at 4:03 pm #91377
I nominate this thread for hall of fame status.February 13, 2009 at 4:05 pm #91378
>Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram?
“We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.”
I’d repeat the next line, but I’m not Jane Horrocks so I can’t do it justice.February 13, 2009 at 4:07 pm #91379
>Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he?s unable to control himelf.
I read that line and I thought you meant the band at first, I had to read it again.February 13, 2009 at 4:12 pm #91380
Zombie Jim Undead
> ?We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.?
Damn, you’re right.
But do they have periods?
And if they eat but don’t defecate…do they still produce flatus? Imagine being able to let rip with no fear of follow-through! It’d be worth being dead.February 13, 2009 at 4:28 pm #91381
>do they still produce flatus?
It just smells like ozone.February 13, 2009 at 4:43 pm #91383
Zombie Jim Undead
Everyone remembers the day that they installed that giant toupee to cover the hole in Rimmer’s flatus layer.February 13, 2009 at 4:49 pm #91386
This will be answered in the making of BITR.February 13, 2009 at 4:49 pm #91387
Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity?
Cyber-Spunk.February 13, 2009 at 5:17 pm #91393
Ho!February 13, 2009 at 7:37 pm #91411
I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.
But you love his nano-bot.February 13, 2009 at 8:06 pm #91421
“Well it’s been a long time since I did that.”February 13, 2009 at 8:19 pm #91426
Arlene Rimmer BSc SSc
Aaaaand now I’m recalling that erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic I found somewhere in one of the darker, danker corners of the internet. (According to it, the answer is “yes”.) Just when I’d gone to the trouble of forgetting it properly, too.
I hate you all.February 13, 2009 at 8:43 pm #91430
*gouging out eyes*February 13, 2009 at 8:52 pm #91431
> erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic
I feel ill.February 13, 2009 at 10:14 pm #91437
I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the fact that I read this thread, or that it was created in the first place.February 14, 2009 at 2:39 am #91448
“ELECTRIC SPAGHETTI?!”February 14, 2009 at 2:58 am #91451
Well, I know that rimmING produces man-sauce. Or at least it can, if coupled with gentle stroking of the shaft and glans. That particular act is worth avoiding though if you and your partner had a strong curry not so long since. Though you could use this to get your own back on your partner for all the times you’ve had to go downstairs, trying to stay conscious without breathing apparatus or a dental dam. Alternatively, just don’t wash, on purpose. That’ll show them.February 14, 2009 at 8:18 am #91465
HollowgramFebruary 14, 2009 at 10:22 am #91477
There wouldn’t be any need for bodily fluids, so no, he wouldn’t have spunk, saliva, blood or anything like that.February 14, 2009 at 12:25 pm #91489
Wasn’t Rimmer sick in D.N.A?February 14, 2009 at 12:52 pm #91490
Nope. Cat sneezed, but that’s about it.February 14, 2009 at 12:55 pm #91491
I’m pretty sure it was off-screen when Kryten and Rimmer find the rancid corpse.
Or maybe he pooed (poo’d?) himself.February 14, 2009 at 1:05 pm #91492
Oh yeah! Good point.February 14, 2009 at 1:08 pm #91493
There is ‘The Young Ones’ slash-fiction on the hyperwebs.
No I will not explain how I stumbled upon it.February 14, 2009 at 6:21 pm #91540
Er… Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in “The Last Day”.February 14, 2009 at 6:25 pm #91544
I thought he’d peed himself, personally.February 14, 2009 at 6:34 pm #91549
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to America’s favorite gameshow, ‘Name That Bodily Fluid!’
Here’s your host, Guy Smiley!February 14, 2009 at 6:41 pm #91550
>Er? Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in ?The Last Day?.
True. Rob and Doug never took notice of logic when a good joke was available.February 14, 2009 at 8:53 pm #91568
Yeah, but strictly speaking it’s holo wee/poo, and composed entirely of light, and therefore not a bodily fluid per se.February 14, 2009 at 8:54 pm #91572
I thought he?d peed himself, personally.
Either way is good.February 14, 2009 at 9:41 pm #91580
“Mr. Rimmer, in a hard-light body you can do anything a human can do. With the added bonus you are practically indestructible.”
“I can’t be hurt?”
“Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot come to harm.”February 14, 2009 at 10:27 pm #91585
?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot cum to harm.?February 14, 2009 at 11:58 pm #91597
Holly brushes Rimmer’s teeth in series 1 too, and gives him a shower…just thought that had to figure in somewhere too.February 15, 2009 at 8:47 am #91618
?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot pleasure Lister on screen.?February 15, 2009 at 8:49 am #91619
I will personally kick the fuck out of all of you if this thread continues.February 16, 2009 at 2:32 am #91690
I’d love to quote “Simon the Sorcerer” here, but unfortunately I think I’m the only bugger on this forum who’s played it.February 16, 2009 at 2:57 am #91697
I played it! Years ago, and it was a floppy version without Chris Barrie’s voice, mind. Only the first game, too, unfortunately.
Still, it was tremendous. Swampy upset the fuck out of me, though…February 16, 2009 at 1:06 pm #91715
You bastard, thanks for bringing back some pained childhood memories.February 17, 2009 at 10:44 pm #91925
Chris Barrie is excellent as Simon in the first game, although I do like Brian Bowles’ version in Simon II and Simon 3D (even if Simon 3D was crap, it was still very funny… I might muster up the will to finish it one day). There are a couple of lines that Chris mis-reads, though – when he gives the money to the wizards in the tavern for his Wizardry membership, he says “There you are” as if he was looking for someone and just found them. I chalk that up to the director of the project, though, not Chris.
I found out at the end of last week that Simon the Sorcerer 4 has finally had an English language release, so I’m snagged a copy from Amazon UK for the remarkably cheap price of ?5 (plus international shipping, natch).February 17, 2009 at 10:47 pm #91926
Although having just watched the trailer for the English version of Simon 4, the voice acting is really, really bad. I’m actually wincing. I don’t think I’ve ever winced before.
Simon has an American accent! Calypso doesn’t sound anything like he did in the first three games! The bad guy sounds like Calypso did in the first three games! What the Hell is going on?February 18, 2009 at 4:54 pm #92061
I nominate this thread as one I never ever want to read again.February 18, 2009 at 7:40 pm #92074
I read this thread on a different forum first. It was emailed exclusively by Zombie Jim to this other forum before anywhere else on the internet.February 18, 2009 at 8:02 pm #92079
This is slowly turning into that “things we already knew” thread we had the other week.February 18, 2009 at 9:08 pm #92085
Pete Part Three
But, of course, we all know that.February 18, 2009 at 9:13 pm #92087
I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.February 18, 2009 at 10:08 pm #92091
But, of course, we all know that.
*applauds*February 18, 2009 at 10:25 pm #92099
I nominate this thread for… oh, someone already did it.February 18, 2009 at 11:05 pm #92109
> I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.
Isn’t this the thread from the double double future?February 19, 2009 at 11:23 am #92144
Yes, hence the moustache.February 19, 2009 at 11:26 am #92145
Going back to the start:
I was wondering?presumably holograms can masturbate
Why? Why were you wondering that?February 19, 2009 at 6:28 pm #92161
Can Rimmer wank? Could Holly provide that service? “Holly, handjob!”February 19, 2009 at 7:41 pm #92165
I was going to make a head joke but on second thoughts…February 19, 2009 at 7:58 pm #92166
>Could Holly provide that service? ?Holly, handjob!?
The undeniable squickiness of this thread aside, that’s a legitimately fucking awful side effect of being a hologram. If Holly manually runs your shower and toothbrushing functions, you have zero secrets from him; case in point, the holosocks in Kryten. That’s a whole dimension of hell for Rimmer that’s only been hinted at.February 19, 2009 at 8:47 pm #92172
I’d like to offer the following additional evidence:
Floor 3125, sports and sexual recreation.
Sports and what?
Sex. Don’t you have a sex deck on your ship?
Well what do you do when you want to have sex?
Well… we go for runs, watch gardening
programmes on the ship’s vid.
That’s very bad for you. Don’t you ever feel
tense or frustrated?
Well it’s got worse these last ten years or so,
I can’t deny it.February 19, 2009 at 9:23 pm #92173
Would there be hololube?February 19, 2009 at 9:39 pm #92177
Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.February 19, 2009 at 10:43 pm #92181
>Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.