Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Does Rimmer produce man sauce?

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  • #2858
    Zombie Jim Undead
    Participant

    I was wondering…presumably holograms can masturbate and we know that they are capable of sexual contact with one another. Is Rimmer therefore able to ejaculate? Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity? If so, would Holly only be able to sustain either Rimmer OR his love batter and not both at the same time?

    Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram? Which ship would be powering the resultant offspring?

    Discuss.

    #91369
    JamesTC
    Participant

    I think it like Rimmer can have holographic food but he can’t have a holographic shit, he can masturbate but no juice.

    #91370
    Zombie Jim Undead
    Participant

    Thanks for clearing that up.

    *cough*

    #91373
    TheLeen
    Participant

    Does Rimmer produce man sauce?

    I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.

    #91374
    Zombie Jim Undead
    Participant

    YOU READ IT.

    YOU CAN’T..etc etc etc.

    #91375
    NitroChrisUK
    Participant

    i think you may have brought up a major plot point of the specials

    #91376
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Unless he’s got some wiring in his lightbee to produce a tantric-like orgasm, he must splurge. Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he’s unable to control himelf.

    I have diagrams if you’d like to see them?

    #91377
    John Hoare
    Participant

    I nominate this thread for hall of fame status.

    #91378
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    >Is the holographic juice fertile? Could it impregnate a female hologram?

    “We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.”

    I’d repeat the next line, but I’m not Jane Horrocks so I can’t do it justice.

    #91379
    JamesTC
    Participant

    >Nirvannah seemed to enjoy his small portions, so it looks like he?s unable to control himelf.

    I read that line and I thought you meant the band at first, I had to read it again.

    #91380
    Zombie Jim Undead
    Participant

    > ?We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy.?

    Damn, you’re right.

    But do they have periods?

    And if they eat but don’t defecate…do they still produce flatus? Imagine being able to let rip with no fear of follow-through! It’d be worth being dead.

    #91381
    Phil
    Participant

    >do they still produce flatus?

    It just smells like ozone.

    #91383
    Zombie Jim Undead
    Participant

    Everyone remembers the day that they installed that giant toupee to cover the hole in Rimmer’s flatus layer.

    #91386
    pfm
    Participant

    This will be answered in the making of BITR.

    #91387
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    Does this ejaculate then exist as a separate holographic entity?

    Cyber-Spunk.

    #91393
    Phil
    Participant

    Ho!

    #91411
    James
    Participant

    I would very much like to UNREAD that topic title.

    But you love his nano-bot.

    #91421
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    “Well it’s been a long time since I did that.”

    #91426

    Aaaaand now I’m recalling that erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic I found somewhere in one of the darker, danker corners of the internet. (According to it, the answer is “yes”.) Just when I’d gone to the trouble of forgetting it properly, too.

    I hate you all.

    #91430
    Blisschick
    Participant

    *gouging out eyes*

    #91431
    hummingbird
    Participant

    > erotic Lister/Rimmer fanfic

    I feel ill.

    #91437
    si
    Participant

    I don’t know what’s more disturbing – the fact that I read this thread, or that it was created in the first place.

    #91448
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    “ELECTRIC SPAGHETTI?!”

    #91451
    pfm
    Participant

    Well, I know that rimmING produces man-sauce. Or at least it can, if coupled with gentle stroking of the shaft and glans. That particular act is worth avoiding though if you and your partner had a strong curry not so long since. Though you could use this to get your own back on your partner for all the times you’ve had to go downstairs, trying to stay conscious without breathing apparatus or a dental dam. Alternatively, just don’t wash, on purpose. That’ll show them.

    #91465
    Dave
    Participant

    Hollowgram

    #91477
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    There wouldn’t be any need for bodily fluids, so no, he wouldn’t have spunk, saliva, blood or anything like that.

    #91489
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    Wasn’t Rimmer sick in D.N.A?

    #91490
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Nope. Cat sneezed, but that’s about it.

    #91491
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I’m pretty sure it was off-screen when Kryten and Rimmer find the rancid corpse.

    Or maybe he pooed (poo’d?) himself.

    #91492
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    Oh yeah! Good point.

    #91493
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    There is ‘The Young Ones’ slash-fiction on the hyperwebs.

    No I will not explain how I stumbled upon it.

    #91540
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Er… Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in “The Last Day”.

    #91544
    Danny Stephenson
    Keymaster

    I thought he’d peed himself, personally.

    #91549
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to America’s favorite gameshow, ‘Name That Bodily Fluid!’

    Here’s your host, Guy Smiley!

    #91550
    Tanya Jones
    Participant

    >Er? Rimmer cacked his pants when confronting Hudzen 10 in ?The Last Day?.

    True. Rob and Doug never took notice of logic when a good joke was available.

    #91568
    hummingbird
    Participant

    Yeah, but strictly speaking it’s holo wee/poo, and composed entirely of light, and therefore not a bodily fluid per se.

    #91572
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I thought he?d peed himself, personally.

    Either way is good.

    #91580
    Ridley
    Participant

    “Mr. Rimmer, in a hard-light body you can do anything a human can do. With the added bonus you are practically indestructible.”

    “I can’t be hurt?”

    “Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot come to harm.”

    #91585
    Dave
    Participant

    ?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot cum to harm.?

    #91597
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    Holly brushes Rimmer’s teeth in series 1 too, and gives him a shower…just thought that had to figure in somewhere too.

    #91618
    peas_and_corn
    Participant

    ?Your pleasure and pain responses remain the same but you cannot pleasure Lister on screen.?

    #91619
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    I will personally kick the fuck out of all of you if this thread continues.

    #91690
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I’d love to quote “Simon the Sorcerer” here, but unfortunately I think I’m the only bugger on this forum who’s played it.

    #91697
    John Hoare
    Participant

    I played it! Years ago, and it was a floppy version without Chris Barrie’s voice, mind. Only the first game, too, unfortunately.

    Still, it was tremendous. Swampy upset the fuck out of me, though…

    #91715
    Tyrell Corporation
    Participant

    OH GOD.

    Swampy…

    You bastard, thanks for bringing back some pained childhood memories.

    #91925
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Chris Barrie is excellent as Simon in the first game, although I do like Brian Bowles’ version in Simon II and Simon 3D (even if Simon 3D was crap, it was still very funny… I might muster up the will to finish it one day). There are a couple of lines that Chris mis-reads, though – when he gives the money to the wizards in the tavern for his Wizardry membership, he says “There you are” as if he was looking for someone and just found them. I chalk that up to the director of the project, though, not Chris.

    I found out at the end of last week that Simon the Sorcerer 4 has finally had an English language release, so I’m snagged a copy from Amazon UK for the remarkably cheap price of ?5 (plus international shipping, natch).

    #91926
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Although having just watched the trailer for the English version of Simon 4, the voice acting is really, really bad. I’m actually wincing. I don’t think I’ve ever winced before.

    Simon has an American accent! Calypso doesn’t sound anything like he did in the first three games! The bad guy sounds like Calypso did in the first three games! What the Hell is going on?

    #92061
    Tarka Dal
    Participant

    I nominate this thread as one I never ever want to read again.

    #92074
    Seb Patrick
    Keymaster

    I read this thread on a different forum first. It was emailed exclusively by Zombie Jim to this other forum before anywhere else on the internet.

    #92079
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    This is slowly turning into that “things we already knew” thread we had the other week.

    #92085
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    But, of course, we all know that.

    #92087
    locusceruleus
    Participant

    I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.

    #92091
    Mr Flibble
    Participant

    But, of course, we all know that.

    *applauds*

    #92099
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I nominate this thread for… oh, someone already did it.

    #92109
    hummingbird
    Participant

    > I wrote my contributions to this thread before you even read them.

    Isn’t this the thread from the double double future?

    #92144
    si
    Participant

    Yes, hence the moustache.

    #92145
    si
    Participant

    Going back to the start:

    I was wondering?presumably holograms can masturbate

    Why? Why were you wondering that?

    #92161
    pfm
    Participant

    Can Rimmer wank? Could Holly provide that service? “Holly, handjob!”

    #92165
    ChrisM
    Participant

    I was going to make a head joke but on second thoughts…

    #92166
    Mnoooah
    Participant

    >Could Holly provide that service? ?Holly, handjob!?

    The undeniable squickiness of this thread aside, that’s a legitimately fucking awful side effect of being a hologram. If Holly manually runs your shower and toothbrushing functions, you have zero secrets from him; case in point, the holosocks in Kryten. That’s a whole dimension of hell for Rimmer that’s only been hinted at.

    #92172
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    I’d like to offer the following additional evidence:

    LIFT
    Floor 3125, sports and sexual recreation.

    RIMMER
    Sports and what?

    CRANE
    Sex. Don’t you have a sex deck on your ship?

    RIMMER
    Nnno.

    CRANE
    Well what do you do when you want to have sex?

    RIMMER
    Well… we go for runs, watch gardening
    programmes on the ship’s vid.

    CRANE
    That’s very bad for you. Don’t you ever feel
    tense or frustrated?

    RIMMER
    Well it’s got worse these last ten years or so,
    I can’t deny it.

    #92173
    pfm
    Participant

    Would there be hololube?

    #92177
    Ben Paddon
    Participant

    Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.

    #92181
    Dave
    Participant

    >Presumably. It does also make you wonder what other uses the Holowhip has.

    Holowhipped Cream?

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