Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Pete Part Three]

KNICKERS TOO WIDE

After an unfortunate foaming twat incident, Kochanski’s underpantskis become misshapen.  

[Flap Jack]

SPIN MY NUT NIPPLES AND SEND ME TO ALASKA 

The geniuses behind the “Better Smeg Than Dead” merchandise think they’ve worked their magic on yet another classic Red Dwarf quote, not realising they actually made it ruder.

[Dave]

KRISTINE KIBBUTTZSKI

Kochanski travels to Israel to discover the source all of Rob Grant’s Red Dwarf merchandise and spinoff material.

[Ridley]

DWARFER IN THE FAMILY NESS
Inexplicable crossover with a cartoon about a family of Loch Ness Monsters.

Stubble Ness

[cwickham]

LETTER E TV

Ian Symes is astonished when he watches two episodes of Red Dwarf and discovers they’re called Emohawk and Epideme.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

END, THE

Whilst sorting his episode collection alphabetically, Ian Symes ponders his position as 1/3 of a team running a hit fan site for a show with multiple episodes starting with E.

[Dave]

IRE IAN E

Ian gets into such a blind fury when he realises that there are multiple Red Dwarf episodes that begin with the letter E that he accidentally trips and falls out of an airlock to his death.

[Pete Part Three]

THANKS FOR THE MISSING E

Ian Symes thanks people for pointing out his scandalous error without making a big fuss.

[Pete Part Three]

MOHAWK: POLYMORPH II

Th crw ncountr a chamlonic lifform who givs thm all mohawks. Lading to hystrical circumstancs. 

[Pete Part Three]

E-CORP

The letter E is brought by Disney, causing any media which contains the letter and are not owned by them to be come invisible.

[Pete Part Three]

E-CANGO

Ian jettisons all the Red Dwarf episodes which begin with the letter E from the Smegle servers. Fortunately, none of these episodes are very good, so no one cares. Much.

[Ian Symes]

GOOD ONE, GENTLEMEN. THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT.

Ian Symes points out that he mentioned his mistaken belief that only one episode began with E to his G&T colleagues on a call on Sunday, hours before the hideous error was discussed publicly, and neither of the bastards corrected him. He further suspects that this is all part of an elaborate attempt by Cappsy to distract from his abysmal quiz performances.

[Flap Jack]

LOW STAKE ME A CLIPPER 

G&T users relentlessly make fun of Ian for only remembering 1 of 3 Red Dwarf episodes whose titles begin with an E at a time when he had a lot of other things on his mind, even though it only had an effect on a preview image for a post which did not appear in the post itself.

The fact that Emohawk: Polymorph II is commonly referred to as Polymorph II: Emohawk, and Epideme is commonly referred to as… uh… That Villain, Epideme, does not inspire mercy.

[Warbodog]

IT HAS ACROSTIC CAPABILITIES

G&T admin bungle what would have been a clever Easter egg as an esoteric tribute to the Vindalunar campaign.

[cwickham]

LETTER TO RIDE

Ian Symes goes back in time and convinces Doug Naylor to use the originally planned title for a Series VI episode, thereby making him one-third less wrong. In the process he accidentally stops the breakup of Grant Naylor, meaning Series VI is the last series of Red Dwarf and Ganymede & Titan was never created. He plans to go back in time to put things right before realising that this means the “idea for an episode” thread will never be created either.

[cwickham]

THE MOST DIFFICULT MATHS IN THE RED OF ALL

How many Red Dwarf episodes are there whose titles start with an E?

[cwickham]

FUCKED IN THE HEAD

Taylor Swift lyric about the state of mind you have to be in to produce over one hundred and eighty Red Dwarf-based maths puzzles.

[Dave]

BACK IN THE WEB

The transfer process for the official Red Dwarf website is stretched out to a three-part epic, making it take much longer than expected. 

[Flap Jack]

MELTDOWNTIME 

The downtime of TOS is extended when an all out war breaks out within GNP. At least 3 of the people involved are in fancy dress.

[Dave]

TIMELINESLIDES
When Rob Grant’s buttski fails to fart out a new Red Dwarf website after weeks of TOS being offline, fans start to suspect that the schedule is slipping.

[Dave]

ENTITLED

G&T posters get tangled up in a case of quantum entitlement, leading them to make sarcastic comments about an extensive and 100% free Red Dwarf website temporarily being unavailable to them, as though it’s the end of the world or something.

[Flap Jack]

FANARCHY PART TWO

Red Dwarf fans from all walks of life band together and storm GNP headquarters to demand that the official website be put back up immediately, after assessing 100% correctly that the Red Dwarf website being temporarily unavailable to them is in fact the end of the world.

[Dave]

CAN’T WEB WON’T WEB

Ainsley Harriott is drafted in to help get TOS back online. He genuinely doesn’t notice that Danny has switched the domain name.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BACK IN THE THREAD

After several bleak punless weeks, the prolonged downtime of Red Dwarf’s official website creates a flurry of new text based imageless posts in a fan sites original meme thread 

[cwickham]

KRYTEN COULDN’T BE MORE FRIED IF HE WAS VERONICA MARS

Lister likens Kryten to an American teen detective.

[cwickham]

I COULD SMELL YOU IF YOU WAS IN VERONICA MARS

The Cat suggests the Dog would still smell even if he appeared in an American teen detective series.

[Dave]

ERRORFORM

The new Red Dwarf website is prevented from launching due to a technicality linked to a mistake made when someone filled out a key piece of paperwork.

[Jenuall]

CONFIDENCE & PARANOIA

The extended downtime of TOS leads to a response from fans that rapidly flips between insane hopefulness that it indicates something big is coming and abject fear that it means the show is entirely fucked

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-SEVEN

How many polygons are there on the side of Starbug?

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

I wish I’d never brought it up in the first place.

[cwickham]

PETE (PART TWO)

A dinosaur eats some food and shits everywhere.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PETE PART THREE

A forum user shits all over the forum.

[Future Producer of Series IX – aaaaany day now]

PETE – PART E
A dinosaur miscounts the number of Red Dwarf episodes beginning with the fifth letter of the alphabet and then gets shat on all over the forum.

[si]

PETE (PARTY)

A dinosaur has a party.

*sigh*

[Dave]

PEA EAT PART TWO

Years later, Lister finds the pea he lost off his plate in Queeg and finally consumes it. Then shits everywhere. 

[cwickham]

PETE (FARTY)

A dinosaur eats some food and farts a lot for 27 straight minutes. Still preferable to Pete (Part Two).

[cwickham]

TIMEWAVE PART TWO

Doug Naylor metaphorically shits everywhere.

[cwickham]

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

[Flap Jack]

Still can’t believe that smoke me a kipper posted 6 times on the forum in total, yet one of those times was to start a thread that would get 12,000+ replies and still be active over 5 years later. What a legend.

Didn’t need an episode idea that made sense or had any substance. Didn’t need to respond to any replies or expand on it. Didn’t need to post any more episode ideas beyond that. Just threw in the grenade and got the hell out. Wherever they are now, I hope they’re prospering.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TOKE ME A SPLIFFER

The crew are visited by a Rimmer from a hippy dimension who is permanently stoned. 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

WOKE ME A KIPPER

The crew are visited by an Rimmer who travels from dimension to dimension getting into heavy debates with UKippers in an attempt to make them woke. 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

QUOTE ME A STICKER

The crew are visited by a Rimmer from a dimension where he makes bumper stickers for cars

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

VOTE ME A SINGER

The crew a visited by a Rimmer who habitually enters TV singing contests and loses. 

[cwickham]

THIS WILL SOLVE ALL OUR AIR SUPPLY PROBLEMS

Kryten uses the triplicator on some CDs by an Australian soft-rock band.

[cwickham]

GOING DOWN TO THE AIR SUPPLY DECKS

Lister discovers an entire supply deck devoted to CDs by an Australian soft-rock band.

[cwickham]

ENGINES DEAD, AIR SUPPLY LOW

Rimmer announces the ship is running short on CDs by an Australian soft-rock band.

[cwickham]

THE AIR SUPPLY SITUATION GROWS INCREASINGLY BLEAK

More ideas for episodes based around an Australian soft-rock band are posted.

[cwickham]

APPRAISE THE AIR SUPPLY SITUATION

We prepare to tick over to the new page, so the Air Supply puns prepare to stop.

[cwickham]

Alright, let’s keep it up, I’ve got a good one ready once we’ve hit 6000.

Don’t think we ever saw this one

[Author]

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