Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[bloodteller]

WANKS FOR THE MEMORY- Lister has a really good wank while remembering that time he kissed Rimmer. He ejaculates all over the bedsheets, creating the ultimate laundry challenge for Kryten.

[Pete Part Three]

Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory

Kryten stumbles on a fantastic way of restoring an amnesiac Lister’s memories when he finds a portal back to the Blade Runner cocksuck reality. He raids the sci-fi shop of Red Dwarf DVDs and shows them to Lister. Unfortunately, the Series 2 DVD is slightly scratched, so it’s up to Rimmer to recount the memory of the memory of Lise Yates.

[Pete Part Three]

Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory

Kryten loses his memory of the previous episode. Lister and Rimmer fill in the blanks for him.

[Pete Part Three]

Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory

Rimmer’s light-bee goes wrong and they need to restore his personality from a backup. Lister and Kryten explain what’s been going on recently.

[Dave]

Pranks For The Memory

Rimmer decides to get one over on Lister by balancing a bucket of water on top of the door to the sleeping quarters and then waiting for him to walk in. However, after a couple of hours pass, Rimmer forgets the bucket was there, walks into the sleeping quarters himself, and… well, there are hilarious consequences, let’s just say that.

[Dave]

Shabba Ranks For The Memory

When ‘Mr Loverman’ becomes the new earworm for the crew of Red Dwarf, there’s a rush to get to the memory-erasing machine and eradicate all knowledge of the eponymous artist’s oeuvre.

[Dave]

Uncle Franks For The Memory

Rimmer reminisces about his first kiss again.

[cwickham]

Mechxit – Referendum II: Sir Vince Cable, guest-starring as himself, persuades the machines to hold a second referendum on leaving the JMC.

[cwickham]

Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory of Thanks for the Memory:

By the time they’ve got through the title, it’s already time for the end credits, so nobody knows what this episode is actually about.

[Rubber]

‘Solo Hip’

Kryten smashes half of Lister’s pelvis and amputates the entire leg to make him completely physically dependent on him. Meanwhile, Rimmer and Cat can’t agree on a new pair of curtains for the Drive Room.

[Pete Part Three]

Beyond a Choke

Lister develops an interest in erotic asphyxiation. Leading to hilarious consequences. Also death.

[cwickham]

Beyond a Yolk: The dinosaur egg from the end of Pete Part Two is washed up on a time wave. Reality cannot cope with this combination of two shit episodes and folds in upon itself, destroying the entire universe.

[Pete Part Three]

Beyond a Bloke

Lister takes Kochanski for a drive in Starbug, gets lost but is too embarrassed to ask for directions. Kochanski tuts,

[Rubber]

‘Lesion’

After being tricked into fucking another Polymorph, Cat contracts HIV but ignores a variety of increasingly alarming symptoms for several years, eventually developing full-blown AIDS. His immune system fatally compromised, he starts showing signs of Kaposi’s Sarcoma, losing several kilos of weight and developing a large, purple skin lesion on his cheek, Meanwhile, Lister and Kochanski are giving it yet another go, but can their relationship survive Rimmer’s karaoke night at Parrot’s?

[flanl3]

Kochanski tuts,

[flanl3]

ROBYMORPH:

Rob Grant goes around and eats all the Dave era episodes.

[flanl3]

TUTCHANSKI:

Clochanski tuts, then Tutankhamun cloches.

[Rubber]

‘Kormille’

Desperate for a curry, even a mild one, Lister sees Camille as a chicken korma and eats her. Meanwhile, Cat gets neutered.

[cwickham]

Camilleocracy: An election is held to decide which form Camille should take permanently.

[Rubber]

‘Thanks For The Mammary’

A deranged medibot gives Kochanski a masectomy, so the crew nip back in time three days to discreetly steal her pre-op breasts from her former self. Meanwhile, Rimmer accidentally joins Grindr.

[Pete Part Three]

DNA

The crew travel to Russia in the 20th century where they meet the anthropologist Dmitry Nikolayevich Anuchin. Kryten accidentally stabs him 9 times so they have to take him back to Red Dwarf and replace his gall bladder or something. Leading to hilarious consequences, I’d imagine.

[Ridley]

Toysrus: Festive episode in which the Dwarfers take care of a baby mech who has been delivered to the wrong address.

Or has it?

(Yes.)

[Ridley]

Tabby Ranks For The Memory

[Rubber]

‘Black In The Red’

The mining ship Red Dwarf holds a Jamaican-Indo-Ghanian fusion banquet to welcome Dave Lister, its first ever non-white crew member. Meanwhile, Todhunter, still concealing his severe depression, makes plans to end his own life.

[Ben Saunders]

Kochanski’s tits,

[Ben Saunders]

BLOCKQUOTE: Rimmer doesn’t know how to quote somebody on a popular sci-fi forum and repeatedly makes an arse of himself

[bloodteller]

OUT OF LIME- Lister has run out of limes for his tequila slammers, and so goes down to the shops to buy some more.

[bloodteller]

OUT OF PINEY SHINE- Kryten has run out of Piney Shine and so goes down to the shops to buy some more.

[cwickham]

OUT OF RHYME: Rimmer and Lister are forced to compete in an episode of Len Goodman’s Partners in Rhyme.

[Dollar Pound]

GIVE AND TAKE CLOCHE:

the crew’s thoughtless regifting leads to kryten recieving the cloche he gave to lister on his birthday as a christmas present from rimmer. kryten is obviously really upset, insisting he is fine but unable to meet anyone’s eye even for a moment

THANKS FOR THE MELON TREE:

they all chip in to buy the sod a melon tree and hope he gets over it

[Dollar Pound]

OUT OF CHARACTER

cat starts having a go at everyone’s hypothetical wife

[Rubber]

‘McAnnoyed’

Kochanski is fuckin furious that nobody believes she comes from Glasgow anymore. Meanwhile, will Kryten remember the correct placing of cutlery when laying the table before Rimmer’s birthday banquet?

[International Debris]

This thread has doubled in size since yesterday.

[flanl3]

‘Thanks For The Mammary’

A deranged medibot gives Kochanski a masectomy, so the crew nip back in time three days to discreetly steal her pre-op breasts from her former self. Meanwhile, Rimmer accidentally joins Grindr.

so the crew nip back in time

nip

[Ben Saunders]

The altercation with our future episode ideas caused dimensional anomalies which have expanded this thread by 212%

[Ben Saunders]

SLASH: Rimmer accidentally joins Grindr, to find that the only other remaining active member of the app is… Dave Lister

[Dollar Pound]

BICWARDS

bottle episode. rimmer loses his pen

[Dollar Pound]

BACK WARD

he slips over the pen and does his back in

[flanl3]

15:

Rimmer joins the pen club and finds out that he is the fifteenth member.

[Rubber]

‘Maroon’

The crew disagree over the precise hue of their spaceship.

[flanl3]

M-CORPSE:

The crew end up all in hiding and tracking each other around the ship attempting to murder each other over whether M-Corp has anything to do with the Mega Corps from Samsara.

[Rubber]

‘D ‘n’ A’

Dave and Arnold are colleagues with a mutual dislike of the other’s habits and characteristics, but underpinned by a strange affection borne of familiarity and shared experience. Are they friends or are they enemies? They’re frenemies! Meanwhile, Kryten can’t believe there’s human faeces in Sparehead Two’s mouth again.

[Rubber]

‘Silly Cone-y Her’

The main female mechanoid on the MILF ship has Camillesque breast implants. Meanwhile, Cat likes fish.

[Rubber]

‘Silly Cone Ear’

The new Kryten mask is really fucking terrible. Meanwhile, Rimmer and Lister have some fun working out derogatory acrostics based on the names of the rest of the crew.

[bloodteller]

FATHERS AND GUNS- Lister nicks Rimmer’s duelling pistols and attempts a mexican standoff with his dad. he just ends up shooting himself

[JamesTC]

Heil Hogey I’m Home:

Hogey the Roguey and Hitler-Bot move in next door to Rimmer and Lister. Hogey invites his boss for dinner but Hitler can’t make it so Lister has to pretend to be Hitler. Meanwhile Cat gets a tattoo.

Directed by Juliet May.

[flanl3]

SPACE LEAK:

Hogey is finally crushed through the hole in the old bunkroom, no longer acting as a plug. Everything leaks out into space. Can they plug the hole before – oh wait, they’ve already been spaced. Whoops.

[clem]

POLYMORPH II: BACK IN THE HABIT

The polymorph assumes the form of a nun in order to teach music at an inner-city school.

[clem]

BACK TO GIRTH

Rimmer tries jelqing.

[clem]

PILLOCKONIA

The crew discover a space station manned by a right bunch of numpties.

[Author]

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