Jokes you don't/didn't get

[bloodteller]

i know there’s the thing of “the joke isn’t funny if you explain it” but were there ever gags in Red Dwarf you didn’t get? and if so, what?

i never quite got what Cat’s “stan and ollie” line in White Hole was about, for example. nor did i get what “see you in ten minutes?” (repeat x10) from Pete was all about, and also Rimmer’s “steers and queers, which are you boy?” joke from Meltdown

Topic

[Jimjams]

“I just ordered a shake a crispy bar.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t order a double cheeseburger.”
Didn’t get it then, still don’t get it now.

[Dave]

Cat assumes that if something as bad as the ship’s auto-destruct sequence could be triggered by a purchase as innocuous as a milkshake and a Toffee Crisp, then the potential additional damage that could have been caused by a larger food order would be directly proportional to that foodstuff’s greater size compared to Lister’s snack. And from thence the humour arose.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Cat would assume right. Last time Lister tried to order a curry, they accidentally changed the course of history and got stuck in a deserted America in the 60s

[Moonlight]

My 12 year old self never understood the context of the “who fancies a kebab?” line from Only the Good. Only managed to join the dots after the first time I got properly drunk a few years later.

The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.

I resent the implication that proper Afghan kabobs with salad, flat bread and that yogurt sauce aren’t absolutely amazing.

[Dave]

Nah, that’s a decent proper kebab. They’re talking about a UK chippy style kebab.

[International Debris]

The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.
I resent the implication that proper Afghan kabobs with salad, flat bread and that yogurt sauce aren’t absolutely amazing.

Ah, the innocent voice of the non-Brit.

[GlenTokyo]

Lovely sweaty donner on a stale pitta, chilli sauce to mask the blandness of the salad. Cheesy chips on the side.

[Dave]

Lovely sweaty donner

That’s no way to talk about Ms DiStefano.

[By Jove its holmes]

the name Donna means “lady/mistress” in Italian. No reason for stating this. I just wanted you to think i was paying attention!

[PhilPagett]

I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

[RunawayTrain]

I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men. I may be wrong though, of course.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

We’ll explain when you’re older.

[Dave]

I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men.

I’ve always felt this more innocent reading was the intention, although given the general approach to Kochanski in VII and VIII who knows.

[International Debris]

Boobs and fannies.

[RunawayTrain]

^ ah, I thought ‘inny’ and ‘outy’ could both apply to breasts. Edit: though reading that back, that makes no sense – I was thinking of ‘in’ being where they go back in and meet the ribcage. Ah well. It would apply to waists though, in the stereotypical ‘curvy’ sense.

I have *just* got “it’s the state of the floor I’m worried about” – not sauce dripping from the sarnie, but vomit.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I have *just* got “it’s the state of the floor I’m worried about” – not sauce dripping from the sarnie, but vomit.

I’ve never read it that way, always how messy it is. Because I’ve made that sandwich, and it just falls apart in your hand and gets everywhere.

[International Debris]

Although that’s technically true, it’s not much of a joke. Vomiting is funnier than bits of a sandwich.

[Dave]

If only it had been Series VIII, Holly could have explained his joke more clearly.

“It’s the state of the floor I’m worried about. Because that sandwich might make you vomit. On the floor.”

[RunawayTrain]

I’ve never read it that way, always how messy it is. Because I’ve made that sandwich, and it just falls apart in your hand and gets everywhere.

If it were just the sandwich, I don’t think I’d ever have thought anything else – but it’s because they’re drunk. It only just twigged today the connection between the state of them and ‘the state of the floor’.

[Although hologrammic vomit arguably would be far simpler to clean up than real vomit, I guess Holly would just rather not have to deal with it if it can be prevented.]

[clem]

I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men.

I’ve always felt this more innocent reading was the intention, although given the general approach to Kochanski in VII and VIII who knows.

Remember Kryten says Rimmer “didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.” So yeah, he means Kochanski’s shape rather than something ruder. Should’ve said: ‘She’s got all those in-and-out bits that you like. By which I mean a curvaceous body, and not the various orifices I imagine you want to thrust your erect penis “in and out” of, like her vagina, mouth, and anus.’

And I’ve always thought he just meant how sloppy the sandwich is.

[Flap Jack]

Remember Kryten says Rimmer “didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.” So yeah, he means Kochanski’s shape rather than something ruder.

No, this is him saying that Rimmer had a small willy.

You wouldn’t say “in and out bits” just to describe a person’s overall shape, especially in the context of a written joke in a sitcom about the difference between a woman’s body and a man’s. But I am charmed by the innocence of thinking Kryten was talking about hips or something.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

Yeah this was definitely about tits and fanny. If the joke isn’t about the anatomical difference between men and women then it’s absurd. As Jack says, Kryten noticing the hips on a woman and thinking that *that* is what Lister like’s is quite cute. Kochanski (Chloe) isn’t even all that curvy is she?

[clem]

Tits, yes (“… all pointy and unnecessary”) but I’m not convinced he’s talking about her genitalia or other orifices.

> Kryten noticing the hips on a woman and thinking that *that* is what Lister like’s is quite cute.

Exactly. It’s Kryten. He doesn’t understand human anatomy and biology. See DNA and not knowing about periods in Only The Good.

> Kochanski (Chloe) isn’t even all that curvy is she?

She also doesn’t walk like Kryten’s impression of her, but that’s the way he sees her.

[Ian Symes]

He’s definitely talking about body shape rather than genitals imo. Breasts and hips *are* an anatomical difference between (cis) men and women. In fact, doesn’t he mime an hourglass shape as he says it?

[International Debris]

But the joke about Rimmer’s small penis!

[clem]

That’s not what that is. He just means Rimmer has a much less undulate shape than Kochanski.

[International Debris]

The “hardly at all” bit really sounds like it’s a tiny knob joke to me. Seems like a totally unnecessary line otherwise. It gets a laugh as well.

[Dave]

The “hardly at all” bit really sounds like it’s a tiny knob joke to me.

I always thought it was because he’d put on a bit of weight between VII and VIII.

[clem]

“Why can’t she be more like Mr Rimmer? He was perfect! He didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.”

If he was saying that to mean Rimmer had a small cock, wouldnt that only really make sense if one of the in-and-out bits of Kochanski’s he’s bemoaning was a cock bigger than Rimmer’s, and also if that was something Lister would find appealing? It gets a laugh because it’s Kryten being ridiculous. He’s so jealous and paranoid about Kochanski he thinks Rimmer was perfect just because he didn’t have the sort of body Lister finds sexy.

[clem]

If only Doug had written “I’ve seen her naked!! You’d absolutely love the way her twat foams, sir.”

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

“Lovely muff she has sir, very tidy”

[Flap Jack]

This is the biggest schism the Red Dwarf fandom has faced since Give & Take made it ambiguous whether Asclepius was trying to kill Lister or save him.

[PhilPagett]

I wish I’d never brought this up now.

[Ian Symes]

This is the biggest schism the Red Dwarf fandom has faced since Give & Take made it ambiguous whether Asclepius was trying to kill Lister or save him.

You forget the weeks we spent debating whether Bodyswap implies Lister has a massive cock or a dirty cock.

[International Debris]

Clearly a massive, dirty cock.

[Flap Jack]

“Do you mean they had a war over whether my cock was massive or dirty?”

“Yeah. Most of them were killed fighting about that. It’s daft really, innit?”

“You’re not kidding. It’s actually just weirdly shaped.”

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

You forget the weeks we spent debating whether Bodyswap implies Lister has a massive cock or a dirty cock.

For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

Side note, if Spock’s urine is green he has kidney damage, because it’s Vulcan blood that’s green. Maybe Lister is a Vulcan with kidney cancer or something.

[Flap Jack]

Hey, there’s no reason why the blood and urine of a fictional alien species can’t coincidentally be a similar colour. Stop imposing your human standards onto Vulcans, quinn.

Having said that, I don’t know Star Trek, so the canon colour of Vulcan urine might have been confirmed 7 times by now. There was probably a B plot in late era Voyager where Tuvok got a UTI.

Maybe Vulcan urine is blue, so Spock’s urine would be green. Logical.

[Dave]

For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

Yep, I thought this for years.

[RunawayTrain]

For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

That would actually still make sense, urinating with his eyes closed then having to take an incredulous look because it hurts or otherwise feels very wrong. You know how we adapt to the little aches and pains and quirks our bodies have, we just tend to compensate and get on with it – it is entirely possible to do that with urinary problems too, especially if other more urgent (heh) or worse things are happening in life. You just adapt to the urinary situation because you have to, if you don’t have the time or energy to try and sort that out as well as everything else. Not pleasant of course, but entirely possible.

Also, isn’t beer full of B vitamins? If you have an excess of one of them in particular it turns your urine an almost neon yellowy green.

[tombow]

I always imagined Rimmer (in bodyswap) was reacting to the pubic hair. Like it would have small creatures nests in it and tons of insects or something or just bits of string caught in it.

[clem]

‘They used to call me Dave “Cinzano Bianco” Lister ’cause once I was on the table, you couldn’t get rid of me.’

Wha?

[International Debris]

It stains.

[clem]

Thank you

[International Debris]

That’s not the usual response I get to that statement.

[Ian Symes]

Oh, I thought that it was because it’s such a shit drink that if you put it on a table, nobody will pick it up and drink it. Also ties in with Cinzano Bianco and Advocaat being the only drinks left in Tikka To Ride, and that being a bad thing.

[si]

Oh, I thought that it was because it’s such a shit drink that if you put it on a table, nobody will pick it up and drink it.

So did I.
Oh well, you learn something new everyday, don’t you?

[clem]

Oh dear, is this the new “in-and-out bits”? I thought it was something along the lines of what Ian said but I dunno, why would it even be on the table if nobody wanted to drink it? Maybe if someone had brought a bottle to a party, but in the pub? The stain explanation makes sense if he means the pool table though, if it’s a drink that would leave a stain – the baize is gonna have a mark on it if someone spills a drink like that. I’d forgotten that line in Tikka though, and the idea of it being a naff, unfashionable drink sounds right as well, as I mostly associate it with those adverts starring Rigsby and Joan Collins.

[RunawayTrain]

Oh wow, I thought correction: assumed Cinzano Bianco was a reference to a pool player or something like that!

(I’m going to have to pay more attention and in future challenge my assumptions about the references I don’t actually get.)

[GlenTokyo]

I’m with the “shit drink” argument too, because surely Cinzano rosso would be the one that stained, not bianco? Unless it’s so acidic it eats the varnish or something.

I mean, it would stain a bit because it’s got some colour, it’s not water, but not to a jokeworthy degree in my opinion.

[Author]

Replies