Would you watch a Red Dwarf porn film?

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This topic contains 81 replies, has 28 voices, and was last updated by  Dave 4 months ago.

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  • #218478

    Jawscvmcdia

    Discuss.

    #218479

    SoundableObject

    Stop.

    #218480

    Jawscvmcdia

    Okay, I apologise.

    #218481

    Stephen Abootman

    ‘Member when you said you were “really sorry for posting these topics?”
    Ooh, I ‘member.

    #218482

    Ben Paddon

    Can we knock it on the head with these novelty goof threads, maybe? They’re turning Geeantie into… well, into literally every other ruddy forum on the internet. Bin ’em.

    #218484

    SoundableObject

    This thread is shit so I’ll hijack it for something not worthy of its own thread.

    I’m watching Crime Traveller for the first time right now and I noticed that the clock in the opening of the first episode represents a 4 as IIII rather than IV and thought why many clocks with Roman numerals do this. On thorough investigation I found nobody really knows why. I don’t like it.

    #218486

    International Debris

    The clock in my parents’ living room had it as IIII and I thought IV was wrong for quite a long time. It’s very odd.

    #218487

    clem

    Good hijack. I didn’t know about the convention of using IIII until I listened to the commentary on Back to the Future. Bob Gale points out that the clock tower is unusual for having a IV.

    #218488

    MANI506

    I’m just waiting for the DVD review…

    IT IS HERE.

    Cloche

    #218489

    flanl3

    It’s dumb and really ought to quit it

    #218497

    pendo86

    I’m watching Crime Traveller for the first time right now and I noticed that the clock in the opening of the first episode represents a 4 as IIII rather than IV and thought why many clocks with Roman numerals do this. On thorough investigation I found nobody really knows why. I don’t like it.

    Having worked in a Clock Museum for almost 14 years (seriously!), I’ve heard many theories about this. The most common one, and the one I tend to go with, is that some king in the past (I can’t remember which one now. King George? Louis? Can’t remember) decided that he didn’t like the look of the IV because he felt it didn’t make the clock face look symmetrical so it was changed to IIII. Obviously, I’m aware that’s not what symmetry is but that’s the version of the story I’ve heard the most.

    #218498

    Phobos And Deimos

    Pendo’s coffee lounge clock.

    #218499

    Darrell

    I want to work in a clock museum now. Nothing else is good enough.

    #218501

    peas_and_corn

    I’d wager there is some manner of walking clock in that box

    #218502

    clem

    > I want to work in a clock museum now. Nothing else is good enough.

    How about a cloche museum?

    #218507

    Pete Part Three

    >I’m watching Crime Traveller for the first time right now

    Probably the last time too.

    #234206

    Jawscvmcdia

    Bump.

    #234212

    Lily

    Good bump, this really is quite fascinating. I’ve never noticed that clocks have IIII !

    It looks like the whole King ‘whoever’ thing has been dismissed as it’s attributed to a number of different Kings, most of whom post-date earlier sun dials that use IIII.

    Leading contenders for the reason are that Romans didn’t really use IV, IIII was seen as easier and IV was only introduced in more ‘modern’ times. So older sun-dials would use the original IIII which is still copied today.

    Alternatively it’s to maintain symmetry on the clock face, the heavier IIII balancing the VIII on the other side and also maintaining the radial symmetry of a group of IIIs, a group of VIs and a group of XIs.

    It’s probably a bit of all of the above.

    #234214

    bloodteller

    this is rather interesting

    #234215

    bloodteller

    also, a Clock Museum sounds pretty cool. wouldn’t mind visiting one of those

    #234230

    Flap Jack

    I’m not against stupid threads at all. They can be harmless fun if you approach them with the right mindset. I just wish they weren’t framed as simple Yes/No questions. Throwing out the word “Discuss” afterwards doesn’t really make up for that.

    Because of course we would watch a Red Dwarf porn film. We’re fans; we’re guaranteed to look into anything Red Dwarf related, just out of curiosity… and so we can discuss it in forums.

    What you need to be asking are questions which actually prompt discussion, or at least have the potential to. Such as:

    • Which pornstars would you cast as the main characters?
    • Which would be the best production company and writers for the film?
    • Which supporting characters would appear?
    • Which combinations of characters would get to fuck?
    • What would everyone’s porn parody name be?
    • What would the story need to be in order to make it plausible that Kryten and The Cat would end up double-teaming Lister?
    • Can you think of a parody title that’s at least better than “Pink Dwarf”?
    • Is a porn parody literally the only context in which Kochanski or female Holly would reappear in Red Dwarf?

    Sorry, what’s this about clocks?

    #234234

    bloodteller

    >Can you think of a parody title that’s at least better than “Pink Dwarf”?

    Bed Dwarf?

    Red Phwoaaaarrr?

    #234235

    bloodteller

    Ron Jeremy as Captain Hollister, obviously

    #234237

    Flap Jack

    The best regular title variant I can think of is:

    Bred Dwarf: Bareback to Girth

    Created by Knob Grant and Doug Nailer

    This is why I’m not in the porno writing biz.

    #234239

    bloodteller

    Dave Fister and Anal Rimmer

    #234240

    Flap Jack

    Kryten 2seX4BJ 532Pnis

    The Scat

    #234241

    Dave

    Blue Dwarf

    #234242

    bloodteller

    Kristine Cockhandski

    #234247

    bloodteller

    Captain Holefister

    #234251

    Hamish

    Would you watch a Red Dwarf porn musical?

    #234252

    flanl3

    Only if every character was played by Ron Jeremy.

    #234254

    Plastic Percy

    Dave Clister
    Arnold Rimmer
    Holey
    Shat
    Kryben Dover

    #234277

    clem

    Wankita
    Gorge Dick-Entire
    Mr Rut
    Swallow
    Cockmuncher (Todhunter)
    Spunky (Snacky)

    #234278

    Ben Saunders

    Hudzen-10-Inch

    #234386

    Taiwan Tony

    I’ve seen a porn film with four oldish blokes and one young woman. It was a bit unsavoury but they didn’t kill her!

    #234398

    Hamish

    …good?

    #234400

    Bargain Bin Holly

    Assclepius
    Big Bang Beryl
    Cockie Toaster
    Bear McGee

    #234405

    bloodteller

    surprised nobody has mentioned Big Meat yet…

    #234414

    Taiwan Tony

    >…good?

    It did the job.

    #234429

    flanl3

    Dick Crazy
    Ziggy Likesmen
    Anal Fiddler
    Dispenis Machine 23
    Tight Wank Tony

    #234435

    bloodteller

    Scaterina Barticockski

    Peterscum

    Nirvanal Crane

    Professor Telfuck

    Buttler

    Clit Cop

    #234446

    Dave

    Spitonawrist

    #234450

    Bargain Bin Holly

    The Skatters

    #234453

    Warbofrog

    Thomas Ball Man

    #234459

    Dave

    Spunk me a titter

    #234464

    quinn_drummer

    Doug Nail Her

    Back to Rear Alley

    #234468

    Ben Saunders

    Rimmer World

    #234469

    Ben Saunders

    The Last Gay

    #234478

    clem

    Fucked Hoop

    #234493

    flanl3

    Craig All Holes

    #234495

    Ben Saunders

    White Holes

    #234498

    clem

    Fucked Hoop XXXtended

    #234500

    Dave

    The Rimmer Munching Song

    #234501

    Dave

    Better Than Wife

    #234503

    Unrumble

    Thanks For The Mammaries

    #234505

    Ben Saunders

    Mech Cock Crazy

    Siliconia

    #234507

    Dave

    Todgehunter

    #234508

    Dave

    Anally The Good

    #234510

    clem

    Cum Meal
    Hung Men of the Ass Pucker Lips

    #234511

    clem

    Fadge the skutter

    #234512

    Ben Saunders

    Krytie TV

    #234516

    Dave

    Dimension Hump

    #234519

    Dollar Pound

    more into quanderporn these days

    #234520

    Dollar Pound

    the 8 of series viii is depicted as a chalk board tally. fun fact: the first three series also conform to this format

    #234521

    Dollar Pound

    I googled quander and quanderporn would be weird

    #234536

    bloodteller

    You know you would watch it though

    #234546

    Plastic Percy

    There’s actually an erotic novel based on the series on Amazon. ‘Pink Dwarf’ by Dick Bush. The best part is, they apparently appear to be a fan as they’ve gone to the trouble of calling the first book ‘Byte One: Infinity Welcomes Sexy Drivers’.

    “The year is 2280. The Pink Dwarf strip club is in orbit around Mimas, one of the moons of Saturn. Among the exotic dancers on board is Deb Lister, who is caught by her manager, Reginald Rimmer, sucking off customers in the private booths. She’s sent into stasis for the rest of the tour without pay. Three million years later and Deb emerges from stasis and finds all the crew dead and Pink Dwarf adrift in deep deep space. Reginald has been brought back as a hologram and there’s a mysterious life-form onboard. As they strive to find their way back to earth they encounter Sexbots, Genetically Engineered Milfs, parallel universes and a homicidal shopping centre hell-bent on destroying the entire universe. This erotic parody contains ridiculously descriptive sex scenes of a sci-fi nature. Expect sickness.”

    https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pink-Dwarf-Erotic-Dick-Bush/dp/099350163X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1531512494&sr=8-1&keywords=pink+dwarf

    #234547

    Hamish

    > homicidal shopping centre hell-bent on destroying the entire universe.

    Taken from Rob Grant’s attempted rewrite of Trojan…

    #234550

    bloodteller

    I love the reviews on the back cover-

    “This made me very uneasy”

    #234551

    bloodteller

    “Let me know if they are any good. Asking for a friend”

    “I don’t know why this is a thing but I’m not gonna lie, I’m intrigued”

    “Fucking hell. I knew it would be bad. I didn’t realise how bad it would be”

    #234557

    Dave

    Having read the synopses of all five chapters, they at least seem to have done their homework.

    #234564

    flanl3

    We’re all buying this just to prove that Jawscvmcdia needs to stop making threads, right?

    #234565

    Pete Part Three

    “Lister got to her knees and crawled across the stage as she spied one guy. He wasn’t yelling, like the others. He was just looking. Watching. Mesmerised. She crawls right up to him and grabs hold of his collar and licks her tongue over his lips and nose. He lets out a sigh of amazement.”

    This is shameless. They just shifted verb tense in the middle of a paragraph.

    #234569

    Jonsmad

    At one of the TV recordings Ian the warm up guy was gifted a fan in the audience making a claim her boyfriend had made her record a red dwarf porn film with him. I think Ian made her reveal more detail between takes of the actual show. Think it might have been Rimmer and Kochanski cos play, all I really remember is that she said they used a portaloo as the set for Star bug. Theres a tip for series XIII budget constraints.

    #234572

    flanl3

    I’d actually say that tense shift is somewhat valid.

    #234573

    Dave

    I’d love to see a G&T review of Pink Dwarf that focuses exclusively on spelling and grammar errors.

    #234574

    Dave

    But seriously, it feels like there’s a G&T article in this. I’m tempted to buy it and write one on spec.

    Actually buying it would feel a bit grimy though.

    #234599

    Katydid

    What kind of person pays for slash fiction?

    #234607

    Ben Saunders

    Everybody who bought 50 Shades of Gray

    #234608

    bloodteller

    if a Red Dwarf porn film was released, it would be digitally remastered 10 years later so that the chode is now a ridiculously long cock.

    #234641

    Katydid

    I am extremely tempted to take the The End Remastered skutter and paste him over pornography.

    #234643

    Dave

    I am extremely tempted to take the The End Remastered skutter and paste him

    The opening line of Pink Dwarf Part Six.

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