Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[cwickham]

Phew. Thank you for successfully utilising your harassment powers, Moonlight.
While we’re here, I would like to formally request cwickham for an answer – or at least a blatant clue – to NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART TWO, please. I appreciate being given a long time to think about it, but it’s been 8 months now. I don’t think any of us is going to get it unaided, if at all.
Occasionally when this thread gets bumped I’ll spend a little while trying to solve it again, but nothing I can come up with works. I’ve thought about card games by descending number of cards dealt to each player, counting numbers in different languages, things you shout out during games, the position of either a “0” or “O” on a card, all fruitless. The only sequence I could even get to work with all 4 frames (and with exactly 3 of Nick R’s key word guesses being correct) was “Contains a word with exactly 2 vowels, one of which is an ‘o’ and the other of which is ‘u’, then ‘o’, then ‘i’…”, but I’m pretty confident it’s not going to be something that obtuse and open with the words that can be used. If I’m thinking like this, I’m pretty sure I’ve crossed some kind of overthinking threshold that I can’t pull back from. Please throw my sanity a lifebuoy. (Although if the operative word in frame 1 turns out to be “Rimsy” I may be upset.)
I do actually really dig the idea of Only Connect But With Smega-Drive Frames, but I think I need to be started on a more baby-friendly puzzle, like this:

I think you’d better call someone for help.

[cwickham]

Fuck my arse we’re on the two hundred and sixty-seventh page

[si]

CATS IN THE RED (affectionately known as THE ONE WHERE EVERYONE IS CAT)
The crew travels to an alternate universe in which Red Dwarf is inhabited by Felis sapiens versions of Lister and Rimmer, a Kryten mechanoid with fangs and pointy ears, and Human. (Human has Duane Dibbley’s appearance but the personality of Mr Rat.)

CAT’S IN THE RED
After Cat gets into debt, the crew tries to help him with his financial problems.

CAT’S IN THE FED
Sequel to the above, in which Cat gets a job at the US central bank.

CAT’S IN THE BED
Cat refuses to get up in the morning. 

CAT’S IN THE WED
Cat gets married.

CAT’S IN THE LED
Cat joins a band with Plant and Page.

CAT’S IN THE SHED

Cat does some D.I Y.

[cwickham]

CAT’S IN THE CRADLE AND A SILVER SPOON, YES WE HAVE NO BANANAS

Cat is sued for plagiarism.

[Dave]

CAST IN THE RED

B-list 90s Britpop merchants Cast turn up on Red Dwarf and start regaling the crew with hits like Sandstorm, Walk Away and… the other one.

[Nick R]

CAT’S IN THE BLED

Cat donates his blood.

[cwickham]

THE DUKE OF LINCOLN’S ELDEST DAUGHTER

Taylor Swift song about Sabrina Mulholland-JJones.

[cwickham]

RUIN THE FRIENDSHIP

Taylor Swift song about Holly’s collection of singing potatoes.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

TO INFINITY AND BEYOND A JOKE

Exactly the same episode as Beyond a Joke, but Able is Buzz Lightyear 

[Dax101]

A good one. Like something really good.

[applemask]

Beef…stew.

[cwickham]

MAPS IN THE RED

The Dwarfers are challenged to solve some shit cartography-based puzzles.

[Warbodog]

NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART THREE

Which is the odd one out?

(I mean for the reason I’m thinking of, not other possibilities which are invalid).

[Dave]

McIntyre in image 1 is saying the only odd number (and the only one that doesn’t end in a 2).

Lister in image 2 is saying the only prime number.

Lister in image 3 is saying the only number that is an age.

Rimmer in image 4 is saying the only number with more than one syllable, and the only one that isn’t the number of a Red Dwarf series.

[Warbodog]

Good, but not telepathic enough.

You did get the right image though.

[Flap Jack]

Lister is the only one not saying the number of the current episode.

[Warbodog]

Lister is the only one not saying the number of the current episode.

Good job! I didn’t want to make it cwickham-hard.

[Dave]

Lister is the only one not saying the number of the current episode.

Lister in Marooned? That make sense.

[Flap Jack]

Sweet.

And yes, I realise now it’s not clear, but I interpreted Image 2 as being when Cat says “2 suits???” rather than when Lister says it.

Anyway, back to ruminating on the previous puzzle I guess.

[Warbodog]

I interpreted Image 2 as being when Cat says “2 suits???” rather than when Lister says it.

Supposed to be Cat, but that was the one where I didn’t bother trying to match the lips, being blurry and further away.

It started as me seeing how far you can go with episodes referencing their number, which ends disappointingly (but realistically) early at Kryten, unless you wrongly count

[Dave]

I always took the Legion example to be an intentional nod to how many episodes there had been so far.

[Ian Symes]

There’s actually one for every episode in Series 2.

[Moonlight]

Warbodog
NON-MATHS-RELATED PUZZLES IN THE RED PART THREE

Which is the odd one out?

McIntyre is dead, Cat says two suits is dead, and Rimmer has just been told he’ll be here until the day he dies. Is that anything?

[Warbodog]

Lister is also distracting himself from his imminent death though (by thinking about la petite mort). It’s a bit of a morbid show, really.

[Flap Jack]

McIntyre is dead, Cat says two suits is dead, and Rimmer has just been told he’ll be here until the day he dies. Is that anything?

Rimmer is also dead, so you don’t need the context to make this connection, just Rimmer.

[JEMesis]

IT’S SO CRYPTOFASCIST

Red Dwarf is reprogrammed to mine the elusive Smegecoin, a currency it’s enigmatic creator promises will go to the moon. Meanwhile, the Russian Military Village People reject takes advantage of the blockchain with a series of NFTs.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-SEVEN

Starbug is attacked by a GELF ship with a laser cannon.

When the GELF ship is beneath Starbug, it launches a laser bolt which travels straight up for 100 metres, but misses and goes straight down again, but then bounces off the GELF ship’s shields to one-tenth of its previous height. It keeps bouncing off the shield, but each bounce is one-tenth of the height of the last one.

The GELFs demand to know exactly how far in metres the laser bolt travelled, but they don’t understand decimals and mentioning them should be avoided at all costs. Can it be explained to the GELFs how far the laser bolt travelled?

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

222m?

100+100+10+10+1+1

[cwickham]

VERY BLATANT CLUES IN THE RED

In total the bolt travels 222.22222…. metres, but unless you write out an infinite number of 2s you can’t give the answer exactly, and the GELFs don’t like decimals anyway.

[Moonlight]

NINE YEARS LATER

Idea for an Episode inexplicably continues.

[cwickham]

MATHS IN THE RED PART ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-EIGHT

Lister has less than one dollarpound in coins. What is the largest amount of money he can have and not be able to give Rimmer exactly fifty pennycents?

(For example: Lister could have three twenty-pennycent coins and one five-pennycent coin, which makes 65 pennycents in total, but he still could not give exactly 50 pennycents. But the answer to this question is larger than 65 pennycents.)

[Dave]

Assuming the coin denominations are the same as UK pence, I presume 93?

(20+20+20+20+5+2+2+2+2)

[Flap Jack]

The answer is 99 pennycents, if you assume that the 48 pennycent and 3 pennycent coins exist.

[cwickham]

Assuming the coin denominations are the same as UK pence, I presume 93?
(20+20+20+20+5+2+2+2+2)

ANSWERS IN THE RED

Yes.

[Moonlight]

INTO THE FRANKIVERSE

Rob Grant’s spinoff finally sees the light of day in the form of all of Red Dwarf’s Franks living together in a swanky London apartment, featuring the voice of Kelsey Grammer as Frank the Washing Machine. Frequent guest Richard O’Callaghan stars as wacky neighbor Hougey.

[Ian Symes]

[MANI506]

The penny dropped that Chris Barrie is playing Uncle Frank. I used to think ‘who listens to all this Big Finish’ but last week I was in a hall full of Big Finish listeners at Time Lash IX convention.

[cwickham]

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

[Dave]

BACK TO ROYAL ITALY

The crew wake up in late 19th century Italy and discover that they’re not futuristic space adventurers at all, but members of the Italian royal family! But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out that this was just a hallucination, so that’s all right then.

[Dave]

BACK TO REALTY

The crew wake up in mid-1980s Slough and discover that they’re not futuristic space adventurers at all, but estate agents! But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out that this was just a hallucination, so that’s all right then.

[Dave]

BACK TO REAL ALLEY TEA

The crew wake up in late 20th century Los Angeles and discover that they’re not futuristic space adventurers at all, but runners working on the popular sitcom Cheers – and one of the female stars has just demanded a cup of Earl Grey! But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out that this was just a hallucination, so that’s all right then.

[Dave]

BACK TO REEL ATTLEE

The crew wake up in post-WWII Britain and discover that they’re not futuristic space adventurers at all, but members of the press charged with filming newsreel footage of the new prime minister! But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out that this was just a hallucination, so that’s all right then.

[Nick R]

BACK TOR, EEL TEA

The crew gets persuaded to support a privacy-focused, onion-themed online network. Meanwhile, Cat decides to experiment with adding different flavours of fish to his drinks.

[Moonlight]

BACH TOO REAL, QUALITY

Due to a mishap with the AR machine, a perfect replica of Johann Sebastian Bach becomes part of the crew. Teaming up with Rimmer, he puts on the first good organ recital night the ship has ever had. Meanwhile, Lister and the Cat form a competing act called the Curried Pussies.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BAKULA TO REALITY

Scott Bakula wakes up in the body of Dave Lister and must save himself to ensure his life remains on the right path to go on to father himself and keep the human race from going extinct. 

But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out that this was the wrong TV series and Scott actually wakes up at home, in his bunk on the NX01 where he must ensure the United Federation of Planets is formed. 

But then after a bit of faffing around it turns out his best mate Al isn’t the only hologram and that this was just a holo-simulation created by Will Riker for some reason.

I guess if you’re banging Troi you need to pass the test or the time some other way.

What was the question?

[Moonlight]

CELLULAR TIMEWAVE CAKE, WITH MINCING FROSTING

In 2045, a very old Doug Naylor decides to finally release the Red Dwarf Movie script but accidentally publishes an unfinished draft of a Series XII Cookbook instead.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

5-KIPPER

Doug’s recipe for 5 smoked herring to be served with an-om-e-lette.

Which I feel I need to point out is a pun on anomaly, and might just be worst than the whole “eggs-stir-min-eight” thing from Asylum of the Daleks. 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

M-CARP

Doug’s recipe from serving up 1000 fresh water fish. 

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MOCHA-CRAZY

Doug’s chapter on numerous recipes for chocolate flavoured coffee

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THAI-MICROWAVE

Doug’s chapter for several delicious Thai dishes to be cooked in your microwave. 

[Author]

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