Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Idea for an episode.

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  • #223722
    si
    Participant

    Dead Dwarf: Lister doesn’t take a cat on board, and dies in a radiation leak.

    #223730
    bloodteller
    Participant

    “Dead Dwarf: Lister doesn’t take a cat on board, and dies in a radiation leak.”

    but if he’d died in the radiation leak he would have never existed in the first place because he needed to exist on Starbug in the future to take his baby self back to the past to leave under the pool table in order for him to exist.

    *camera explodes*

    #223741
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Curiosity Killed The Cat

    The Cat embarks on one of his ‘general investigations’ of the Cargo deck. On his travels, he’s run over by Rimmer. Rimmer rushes him to the medi-bay where Chippy tells him that the Cat’s injuries are so severe that he recommends he be put to sleep. Rimmer agrees and Cat is put down. Rimmer then has to get a new cat that looks similar in the hope that Lister never realises.

    The episode swiftly becomes even more controversial than Timewave. Did Rimmer deliberately murder Cat? Is the episode advocating euthanasia? Is the search for a new cat hideously racist, especially the scene with the blackface?

    Everyone logs onto G+T to rip the episode to pieces, apart from one regular user who doesn’t think it’s offensive at all. So that’s alright, then.

    #223742
    Ridley
    Participant

    Dr. Clitoris’ transphobic alien subplot

    #223743
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Rim Her’

    While wiping Lister’s anus after a particularly aggressive vindaloo, Kryten discovers a talent for rimming. Despite their initial reluctance, the rest of the crew allow him to practice his newfound skill on them as well, and soon getting rimmed by Kryten’s soft little mechanoid tongue becomes a regular part of daily life on board ship. Kochanski returns quite by chance and on her first night back Kryten goes into her quarters and starts rimming her while she is asleep. Kochanski wakes up and is so horrified by this sexual assault that she feeds him into the ship’s incinerator. The next day the others explain to her that they had an unspoken agreement with Kryten that he could rim them all because ‘he got so much out of it and he was really good at it’. Kochanski stares at them in disbelief. They all realise how odd it must seem that they let a robot lick their anuses each night and agree to never refer to it Kryten ever again. Kochanski’s expression of incredulous horror remains for the rest of the series.

    #223744
    cwickham
    Participant

    M-Cloche: All cloches become invisible to the crew. Mealtime is ruined forever.

    #223745
    bloodteller
    Participant

    CAN OF SPERMS- the Cat wanks into a jar and tries to sell it to Rimmer as alien ectoplasm. Rimmer is dubious about the whole thing, so its up to him and Lister to do a taste test.

    the sounds of the studio audience vomiting in disgust can be heard in the background.

    #223746
    Ridley
    Participant

    M-BOP: Everyone becomes Hanson.

    #223747
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Thanks for the Mammaries: Kochanski uses the time wand to give herself a boob job.

    #223748
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Balance of Gower: The crew go to the circus. Guest starring David Gower as a Tight-rope walker.

    #223749
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Queerg’

    The ship’s backup-backup computer kicks in and is a gay man. Doug attempts to write a gay character without constantly referring to his sexuality and mannerisms, nor the slightly uncomfortable reactions of the crew to this handsless face on a screen. Success is not guaranteed.

    #223750
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Everybody Becomes Right-On: Ziggy returns to the show to educate the crew on political correctness.

    #223751
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Holoshit : Rimmer cacks his pants. (2 part episode)

    #223752
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘White Hole’

    The crew run out of curry and are forced to barter with an anally fixated tribe of GELFs for further supplies, or else simply not eat curry. The GELFs collect and frame the arseholes of their defeated foes and insist on inspecting the ring pieces of the Dwarf posse in return for the curry. Rimmer’s dazzling Caucasian anus – a rarity in GELF circles – is agreed as the price. The gang try to convince him to part with his bum for the sake of curry, reasoning that as a hologram he doesn’t need it anyway. He refuses and eventually Lister persuades Kryten to chloroform him and hand him over to the GELFs for the arsectomy process. The surgery commences and the GELF surgeon quickly realise he can’t make a dent in Rimmer’s hard light drive. The crew exchange panicked looks, but suddenly Kochanski turns up. They turn to her with sinister, ingratiating smiles. Credits roll. Yes l

    #223753
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Yes I’

    #223754
    cwickham
    Participant

    Polymorph 1.5: The crew discover the second Polymorph in Lister’s clean underpants drawer. This causes them all to remember how shit Remastered was and they all die of a collective brain aneurysm.

    #223755
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    We Wish You A Smeggy Christmas

    It’s Christmas Eve and Rimmer is refusing to allow Lister time-off from doing the annual cargo check to enjoy the yuletide season. Rimmer is also very rude to Hoagy the Roguey who’s now homeless and has to resort to performing christmas carols and giving hand-jobs to earn money.

    Later that night, Rimmer is haunted by the resurrected hologram of his brother Howard who urges him to change his uncharitable and grumpy ways. Rimmer refuses to listen. Howard engages the services of Lister and Kryten (played by Robert Llewellyn) to find out why Rimmer is such a cunt.

    Using magic, Lister takes Rimmer back to Christmas Past and a pre-accident Red Dwarf where they observe Young Rimmer avoiding the festivities shortly after the humiliation of Gazpacho Soup Day. They then see his heart being broken by Yvonne McGruder a few Christmases later. A tearful young Rimmer sings A Winter’s Tale by David Essex. The studio audience shift uncomfortably in their seats, but clap anyway.

    We return to the present where Kryten attempts to show Rimmer the magic and joy of Christmas Present. They all sit around the table and exchange dialogue about the inventor of formica for several minutes. It is very funny.

    Then the Grim Reaper (Ed Bye) arrives, warning Rimmer of his untimely demise in Christmas Future. Rimmer correctly points out that he’s already dead and the episode kind of ends abruptly without any real conclusion. After the end credits, Lister looks at the camera and says “Incidentally, a smeggy Christmas to all of you at home”.

    The Cat is absent from this episode as he doesn’t give a shit about Rimmer. Also Danny is involved in a contract dispute with Doug at the time.

    #223757
    cwickham
    Participant

    We Wish You A Smeggy Christmas Remastered: The Cat now appears in the episode by way of a greenscreened Danny John-Jules being composited into the opening scene.

    #223758
    Dave
    Participant

    Barack In The Red: Part One

    When the crew stumble across a research facility that claims to have resurrected several former US presidents and cured them from evil, it’s up to the crew to decide whether to trust them or leave them to die from something that is suddenly going to coincidentally show up and kill them all in a few hours. Luckily, any moral ambiguity is eliminated when it turns out that was all bollocks and they’re all actually robots, or something.

    Baracus In The Red: Part Two

    On their way back from the facility, the bemused Boys From The Dwarf are stunned and delighted to realise that some mutated DVD-cleaning fluid brings their favourite TV shows to life, allowing much-loved fictional characters to step out of the screen and into reality. But when an A-Team marathon heralds the arrival of Bosco B.A. ‘Bad Attitude’ Baracus, he immediately deems the crew to all be fools and insists on pitying them incessantly until they all eat at least seventeen Snickers bars.

    Baraka In The Red: Part Three

    When the Snickers-engorged Dwarfers get trapped inside a malfunctioning AR machine during a session on Mortal Kombat II, they are quickly disemboweled by a bald man with cartoonishly large teeth and razor-sharp swords embedded in each arm.

    #223759
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Nan-Archie’

    The crew discover Lister’s dear old gran floating through deep space in a stasis pod. She moves into the spare bedroom on Red Dwarf and spends all her time complaining and criticising the boys. One evening she finds Kryten’s rogue portable penis in the drawer of her bedside table and begins making use of its stimulating properties. Lister eventually learns of this and struggles to come to terms with the idea of his grandmother getting fucked by Kryten, even if Kryten wasn’t present or aware of this. Rimmer and Cat share a look that tacitly says ‘fucking hell, it’s turned into the Lister and Kryten Show again, how 1997’ and wander off to play cards in the green room until they’re needed on set again in a few years.

    #223760
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Cry Titty V’

    For the fifth night in a row, Kryten sobs wretchedly over the fact that Kochanski has breasts which are aesthetically appealing to Lister.

    #223761
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Cry Titty VI’

    Mrs Critcop overhears Cat’s savage comments about her breasts. It makes her sad.

    #223763
    Dave
    Participant

    Quran Teen

    When the crew stumble across an abandoned deep-space academic research facility, discover a young Muslim scholar in stasis and decide to unfreeze her, the arses of viewers across the nation clench in unison as the audience realises that the show has decided to broach such a potentially controversial and complex topic.

    However, preconceptions are dashed after the the youthful theologist leads the episode into a thoughtful and nuanced discussion of Islam, its history and its place in the modern world.

    The only fly in the ointment is the arrival of Chris Barrie in a gingham dress with a penguin glove puppet, intent on ‘funnying up’ the episode while also providing a fanwanky callback to a much-loved classic-era story for the fifteenth episode in a row.

    #223765
    cwickham
    Participant

    “Pete Part Two”

    The Dwarfers feed a dinosaur some curry and it shits everywhere.

    #223766
    bloodteller
    Participant

    CRACK TO REALITY: Lister snorts so much cocaine that he believes he’s a facist dictator on a dystopian Earth and none of his friends are real. it’s up to the rest of the Dwarfers to get him back to the Priory

    #223767
    cwickham
    Participant

    SACK TO REALITY: The show is referred to Ofcom.

    #223768
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Pension Sheet’

    Lister begins to worry about old age and opens an Excel document to keep track of his pension contributions. Meanwhile, Rimmer, Cat and Kryten find an abandoned baby in a stasis booth and try to keep it comfortable and alive, with hilariously unsuccessful results.

    #223769
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Fascist Leak’

    The crew encounter a scientific research facility where a clone of Mussolini has been kept in stasis after supposedly being cured of evil. Although apparently now nice, a side-effect of the treatment is that he is also incontinent. Meanwhile, Kryten becomes a wedding planner.

    #223773
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Skutters’

    Rimmer has left his keys somewhere. But where?

    #223774
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Back to Earth 2049

    Cat and Kryten go shopping.

    (The plot has nothing to do with the recent Blade Runner movie, but there are lots of references to it anyway)

    #223775
    Ridley
    Participant

    The JMC sends Lister and Rimmer on a team building exercise.

    #223776
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘The Last Gay’

    The crew find the stupid anti-criticism ship from Timewave smashed on an asteroid. Ziggy is the only survivor but his limbs are crushed beyond repair and he is in constant pain. The crew awkwardly debate among themselves whether smashing his skull in with one of the large rocks nearby would be considered a mercy killing or a homophobic attack.

    #223777
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Plot Hole

    Lister suddenly realises that he’s had his appendix removed twice and voices his concerns to Rimmer. Rimmer sympathises as he’s a bit confused about how exactly he saved the crew from that chameleonic microbe and how he’s now a hologram. Kryten deduces that a large amount of inconsistencies are being spewed into the universe by an ever-expanding plot hole. The Cat asks “so, what is it?” several times and we all die a little inside. Doug wanders onto the set, sticks his fingers in his ears and sings “la la laaa”

    #223778
    cwickham
    Participant

    Polymorph IV: The Final Chapter

    #223779
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Dimension Lump’

    All that hopping between dimensions has given Ace Rimmer pancreatic cancer.

    #223780
    cwickham
    Participant

    ‘Dimension Hump’

    Ace Rimmer gets crabs.

    #223781
    bloodteller
    Participant

    CACK IN THE RED- Rimmer does a shit in his red uniform and so has to wear his green one for the rest of the day.

    yes it’s a prequel to The Inquisitor.

    #223782
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Dimension Trump

    Donald Trump arrives from another dimension. Everybody shits on his head. BAFTA winning episode.

    #223783
    bloodteller
    Participant

    SHAQ IN THE RED: the nanobots have inexplicably resurrected the 2010 Boston Celtics basketball team. amongst them is professional basketballer Shaquille O’ Neal, who asks exactly why a mining ship had a basketball court in its secret prison, and why there were specifically-made uniforms for the guards and convicts. to stop him from poking any more holes in the plot, Lister flushes him out of an airlock, remarking “What an absolute Shaq.”

    #223784
    cwickham
    Participant

    LACK IN THE RED: Owing to a lack of red paint, Red Dwarf is repainted pink. Ziggy gets involved somehow because he’s gay.

    #223785
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Homoship’

    After the crew discover, name and take soil samples from a ‘Helium-7’-rich moon (Planet Rimmer), Starbug is hit by a Time Wave, bringing them into contact with a Twenty-Third Century ship, the S.S. Enconium. However, there are two problems. First, the ship is set on a horrific collision course with Planet Rimmer. And second, upon the ship, all forms of criticism are punishable by life imprisonment or ‘draining’.

    #223786
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Gove and Take

    Michael Gove turns up and treats everyone to his repetioir of topical jokes. Doug tells him to tone it down for fear of offending people.

    #223789
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Office Chair Rimmer’

    Who’s taken Rimmer’s lumbar support?

    #223790
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Red In The Cack’

    Oh dear, Lister’s got piles again.

    #223791
    cwickham
    Participant

    “Waiting for Gove”: Thrilling prequel to “Gove and Take”.

    #223792
    cwickham
    Participant

    “Cable TV”: A rival broadcaster to Krytie TV is set up by the leader of the Liberal Democrats.

    #223793
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Kry Sis’

    Kryten’s drug addict sister turns up, almost gets everyone killed, then dies.

    #223794
    cwickham
    Participant

    “Only the Gove…”: Dramatic conclusion to the trilogy.

    #223795
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Letdown

    The crew use a matter-paddle to travel to Earth in February 1999. They observe how audiences reacted to Series VIII.

    #223797
    cwickham
    Participant

    “Flack in the Red”: A crossover with “Love Island”.

    #223798
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Polymorph 2 : Lost in New York

    The Polymorph is back. But this time he’s in New York City with enough cash and credit cards to turn the Big Apple into his very own playground. But the Polymorph won’t be alone for long. The notorious Wet Bandits, Harry and Marv, still smarting from their last encounter with the Polymorph, are bound for New York too, plotting a huge holiday heist! The Polymorph’s ready to welcome them with more battery of booby traps the bumbling bandits will never forget!

    Featuring Dominique Moore as the female cat, with a cameo from Donald Trump as The Pussy Grabber.

    #223799
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Better Than Litigation

    Patrick Stewart begins legal proceedings against Red Dwarf.

    #223800
    Ridley
    Participant

    Captain’s Orifice: Rimmer becomes a model employee…

    Only joking!

    CGI Rimmer is shrunk down and goes on a fantasstic voyeurge up Hollister’s anus to unclog an artery or twelve.

    #223801
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Last Hummus

    The ship’s supply of hummus begins to run out. Leading to hilarious consequences.

    #223802
    Dave
    Participant

    Better Than Fife

    When Rimmer takes up playing the flute, the rest of the crew remarks that hearing him practice is at least slightly more bearable than it was when he used to play a slightly smaller, piccolo-like instrument.

    #223803
    Hamish
    Participant

    “Corbyn”

    The Dwarfers discover a new refrain for Seven Nation Army.

    #223804
    Dave
    Participant

    Feltdown

    When the crew travel back in time to the early 21st century, they are surprised to find how invasive airport security staff were in that era.

    Bodyswab

    Sequel.

    #223805
    Ridley
    Participant

    Colon-y: It’s almost exactly the same as Captain’s Orifice but you can’t copyright an idea.

    #223806
    Dave
    Participant

    The Fast Day

    As Lister and Rimmer get older, they begin to remark on how quickly time feels like it passes at their age.

    Meanwhile, Cat can’t eat for a full 24 hours because he imminently has to have a general anaesthetic for a lifesaving operation.

    #223807
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    Hamill

    Kryten follows a distress call to a planet called Ahch-To, where a Jedi Knight called Luke Skywalker lives alone. When Rimmer sees him he sees not a Jedi but rather a cartoon character called The Joker. It emerges that the survivor is really a method actor called Mark Hamill who has been living in deep space for at least 30 years. Holly doesn’t see anything when she looks at him because her screen is dirty and also because I can’t think of anything else that Mark Hamill’s been in. Fuck off.

    #223809
    Dave
    Participant

    Is Wing Commander really so easily forgotten?

    Oh yes, of course it is.

    #223810
    Ridley
    Participant

    Incontinence: It’s almost exactly the same as Captain’s Orifice but you can’t copyright an idea. Bloody EU.

    #223811
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Poke Me A Cripple’

    Lister owns up to having an amputee fetish.

    #223812
    cwickham
    Participant

    Skipper: The Dwarfers meet some UKIP voters, whom they refer to in quite casual terms.

    #223813
    cwickham
    Participant

    Holocracy: The Rimmer from VIII is resurrected as a hologram and there is a presidential election between him and the other Rimmer from I-VII and Back to Earth onwards, to decide who becomes Hologram President.

    #223814
    flanl3
    Participant

    M’COCKCRACY:

    When Kryten discovers that Rimmer has decided to run for machine president, he tries to encourage Archie to join the race as well.

    #223815
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Babooned’

    Professor E is back, only this time she’s an even bigger, stupider primate. Rimmer still tries to fuck her though.

    #223816
    cwickham
    Participant

    Catocracy: There is an election to decide who becomes Cat President. Cat is the only candidate and is elected unopposed due to the fact that nobody else gives a shit.

    #223817
    flanl3
    Participant

    KRYTEN II:

    Direct sequel to Kryten. Just thirty minutes of Kryten (played by the child of David Ross and Robert Llewellyn) riding the space bike, flipping off Red Dwarf the entire time. He keeps saying funny insults about Rimmer, and this enrages fans because we shouldn’t be able to hear this in space. It ends with Kryten slamming into an asteroid, then a shocking scene where Lister, upon discovering the body, doesn’t reconstruct Kryten, but instead goes down to the cargo decks and reprograms a mechanoid (played

    #223818
    flanl3
    Participant

    Apparently, Kryten II also has a bit of a lackluster ending, as usual.

    #223819
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Better Than Leith’

    Kochanski decides the warm cushion of heroin addiction is preferable to the reality of Edinburgh in the late 20th century. Back on Red Dwarf, a mouse has eaten all the icing sugar!

    #223820
    cwickham
    Participant

    Captainocracy: Captain Hollister decides to run in the election for Captain of Red Dwarf. The election is cancelled when everyone remembers he already holds this position anyway.

    #223821
    flanl3
    Participant

    SAM SARA:

    It turns out that Sam Murray was not gay but instead pansexual, and ends up dating a nice computer engineer called Sara. They end up creating a karma drive on board Red Dwarf by accident, then program it wrong so that it wipes out the whole crew in a radiation leak, but not before a scene praised by Twitter as thw best Red Dwarf has done yet where Sam gets caught by Sara using a pan handle as a dildo.

    #223822
    cwickham
    Participant

    Better Than Leith II: Bake Off finds a judge who doesn’t accidentally tweet the winner’s name ten hours early.

    #223823
    flanl3
    Participant

    MACAWCRACY:

    The Dwarfers accidentally turn Pete into a macaw that slowly takes over the ship for no sensible reason allowing for a lot of jokes with no audience reaction whatsoever about ‘the pecking order.’

    #223824
    cwickham
    Participant

    Kochansocracy: Clare Grogan, Chloe Annett and Dona DiStefano run for election to the position of Kochanski, with the winner being retroactively edited into the losers’ episodes.

    #223825
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘Pissirens’

    Cat starts wetting the bed and is forced to use an alarmed rubber bedsheet in an attempt to cure the problem. Meanwhile, Rimmer tried to select an appropriate typeface for his new hologrammatic H.

    #223826
    flanl3
    Participant

    STRIPPER:

    Rimmer gets a hold of a quantum stripper and starts stripping through time and space, causing eyes to have been an evolutionary disadvantage, thus resulting in sight no longer existing.

    #223827
    bloodteller
    Participant

    OUT OF TIM- The crew encounter the Tim Drive. it turns them all into Tim McInnery.

    #223828
    flanl3
    Participant

    EPIDERM:

    Lister accidentally contracts sentient skin. It gets really annoyed whenever he jacks off, tries to keep him in the shower all the time, and occasionally just trying to leave Lister. Eventually, it turns him a really pasty white, which stays in his DNA once they’ve got his old skin back, explaining why his mech body was that color in Siliconia.

    #223829
    bloodteller
    Participant

    THE LUST DAY- The crew all take a swig of the sexual magnetism virus and fuck each other senseless for 24 hours.

    #223830
    cwickham
    Participant

    Toastocracy: Talkie Toaster runs for the position of Toast President. The election is cancelled when everyone realises that slices of toast are not sentient and none of them can vote.

    #223831
    flanl3
    Participant

    PANARCHY:

    Sequel to Sam Sara. It turns out Sam wasn’t dead, and he comes back to Red Dwarf. With the highest rank on the ship, they are effectively taken over by the pan-dildoing Sam. Since Doug doesn’t know any good pansexual stereotypes, he jist writes Sam as really camp anyways.

    #223832
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    the crew all die of a radiation leak. again. the whole show so far has just been a massive preamble for a story about a family of weevils

    #223833
    flanl3
    Participant

    MOONED:

    Lister comes crashing into Rimmer’s snowy backside. He has to eat ‘dog food’ and his guitar, the model soldiers, and Rimmer’s chest all get involved.

    #223834
    cwickham
    Participant

    Red Dwarf XII II (Parts One, Two and Three): Kryten is ineligible to run for re-election as Machine President due to term limits, so an open primary is held for his party’s candidate. The primary is won by a version of Donald Trump who has been cured of evil, only for it to turn out that he is actually the real Donald Trump, who has come to the future via a time wave. Rimmer decides to skip to a parallel universe where Donald Trump has never sought any elected office of any kind, only to be turned into an invisible mechanoid.

    #223835
    Rubber
    Participant

    ‘TwinTikka’

    Lister, who loves curry, runs out of curry supplies and asks Kryten if he can locate some. Kryten nips across to the girly parallel universe, butchers Jim and Bexley, returns with their corpses and curries them. Lister loves curry. Just before Lister tucks in, he asks Kryten what the curry is made from, and Kryten is completely honest, but despite feeling a little guilty Lister eats his curried sons anyway – he just loves curry THAT much! Lister loves curry. Meanwhile, Rimmer and Cat can’t solve the final crossword clue.

    #223836
    Rubber
    Participant

    All the holograms on the Holoship Enlightenment start reporting their crewmates for coercing them into having inappropriate sexual contact during the early 90s by applying the pressure of ‘ship regulations’ and ‘good etiquette’. Reputations are ruined and careers are quite rightly destroyed. Back on Red Dwarf, Kryten tries to grow a moustache.

    #223837
    Rubber
    Participant

    (‘Spaceyship’)

    #223838
    bloodteller
    Participant

    OUR OBOROS: The crew find a woman known as Oboro in stasis. She was the granddaughter of Ogen and therefore the rightful princess of the Iga Tsubagakure clan. She was engaged to Gennosuke Kouga and was one of the ten ninja picked by her grandmother to represent Iga in the battle against the Kouga. After the death of her grandmother Ogen, Oboro ascends to take leadership of the clan, but due to her passive demeanor soon finds her authority usurped by Tenzen Yakushiji. She is considered a poor leader to the Iga clan.

    #223839
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    BACK TO REALTY

    kryten decides to pack it in and go back to flogging condos

    #223840
    cwickham
    Participant

    Mechxit: Kryten holds an ill-advised referendum on whether Red Dwarf should remain a part of the Jupiter Mining Corporation or leave the JMC, then fucks off when he loses.

    #223841
    Dollar Pound
    Participant

    PSARONGS

    all sarongs get all over starbug’s windscreen so they can’t see shit. cat just stands up and goes ‘fuck this this is bollucks’ and walks out.

    #223842
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    Rimmer tries to convince everybody that the latest episode of their favorite TV show was, in fact, shite, despite everybody else loving it. They all think he’s a boring old sod but he believes his arguments to be foolproof. The episode lasts two weeks.

    #223843
    flanl3
    Participant

    BACKWORDS:

    In the backwards universe, the crew stumble across a spelling bee and contemplate the purpose of such a competition in such a universe, if you just start with one person and anybody who feels like it just runs on stage, but then they Rimmer and Kryten get on stage as soon as they see that nosmailliW bocaJ is competing. Meanwhile, Cat suddenly doesn’t know how to spell a single word, so Lister has to teach him.

    #223844
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    Who is Jacob Williamson?

    #223845
    Dave
    Participant

    Tanks For The Memory

    Kryten suddenly wakes in a cold sweat and feels intensely embarrassed as he remembers that awful bit from Series VII where he used military equipment to blow up Jane Austen world, or whatever the fuck it was.

    #223846
    Dave
    Participant

    Tranqs For The Memory

    In order to subdue the distressed Kryten, the crew tranquillises him. But due to Rimmer accidentally over-estimating the dose by a factor of 100, Kryten is left effectively lobotomised. For ever.

    #223847
    Dave
    Participant

    Trank For The Memory

    To distract themselves from the shame of breaking Kryten’s mind, the crew decide to watch the new rebooted Fantastic Four movie. Imagine their disappointment when they see what a crock of shit it was.

    #223848
    Dave
    Participant

    Hanks For The Memory

    Everyone in the crew renames themself Henry. For some reason. To paper over the weaknesses in the script, there are several needless callbacks to ‘the Om song’.

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