Home Forums Ganymede & Titan Forum Jokes you don't/didn't get

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  • #254775
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    >I honestly find the idea of Doug knowing what “Cincinnati truffles” means incredibly unlikely.

    This.

    I also doubt his light reading is Urban Dictionary, probably more of a New Scientist kinda guy. If it is a reference to being farted on while rimming someone, then that doesn’t have Doug’s fingerprints on it for my money, maybe a suggestion from elsewhere.

    #254780
    bloodteller
    Participant

    >If it is a reference to being farted on while rimming someone, then that doesn’t have Doug’s fingerprints on it for my money, maybe a suggestion from elsewhere.

    maybe it was Andrew Ellard. he’s written some pretty unusual stuff for TOS (kill crazy murdering a 5 year old child, the london jets manager forcibly removing the teeth of a mexican child) so i wouldn’t put it past him to sneak a little reference to having someone fart in your mouth into a red dwarf episode

    #254784
    Lily
    Participant

    Or … and I realise this may be a stretch … it could be a reference to the film The Cincinnati Kid with Steve McQueen about a poker player.

    But yeah, the farting during rimming thing is far more likely.

    #254785
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Thank you Lily.

    Hope you’re around when someone decides that Smoke Me A Kipper is actually a reference to curling one out in someone’s arse crack and then resting your chap on it.

    #254786
    Dave
    Participant

    Just when I thought this thread couldn’t get any weirder.

    #254787
    clem
    Participant

    Too weird for turds?

    #254788
    Ridley
    Participant
    #254832
    Warbodog
    Member

    “A Cincinnati truffle… like Martha used to make. Thanks, Rimmer.”

    #255480
    Petrovich
    Member

    I didn’t initially understand “Do as the Snamor do” in Backwards.

    Mostly because he says it quickly, I wasn’t familiar with that ‘When in Rome’ saying, and it sounded on VHS to my 10 year old ear like “Do the snamordoo”

    #255482
    Warbodog
    Member

    Quality username, Petrovich.

    More youthful VIII misunderstandings: since my main knowledge of alcohol at 13 came from TV adverts, I thought there was some product placement going on with Lister mentioning “Metz drinkers” and “Baxter’s Hooch” being a reference to the controversial alcopop, rather than these being more generic names.

    #255483
    Petrovich
    Member

    Ha thanks :) I’m no dealer though! Also I would have been 12 or 13 not 10. I think I remember thinking Francis Bacon probably wasn’t a real person and just a silly name, although of course that would be a weaker joke.

    #255485
    Petrovich
    Member

    Actually the biggest would be Kryten’s idea of going to “Dallas, 1963, stand on the grassy knoll and shout Duck!” I had to have that one explained to me at the time for sure.

    #255486
    bloodteller
    Participant

    in Can’t Smeg Won’t Smeg, there’s this one line i never got:

    “RIMMER: What’s wrong with me?

    CAT: I’d give you the list, but by the time I was through I’d be cold!”

    what does being cold have to do with anything?

    #255489
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    He will have been dead for so long his body will have gone cold

    #255491
    Petrovich
    Member

    Doesn’t Rimmer call Lister a ‘modo’ in a S1 or S2 episode?

    And… what is a modo?

    #255492

    I always thought it was the opposite of “I’m hot” (ie I’m very attractive), although Ben’s suggestion makes far, far more sense.

    #255493
    bloodteller
    Participant

    just had a rewatch and he actually says “coal”, not “cold”. which only makes it more confusing really, why is the cat becoming coal?

    #255497
    Dave
    Participant

    I guess he would have died and the carbon in his body would have become compressed into coal.

    #255498
    bloodteller
    Participant

    that’s a bit of an unusual joke though isn’t it?

    #255499
    Dave
    Participant

    Yes.

    #255500
    Warbodog
    Member

    Modo’s future slang like gimboid, goit and the all-time number one, it just didn’t catch on in the same way.

    #255501
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Modo is made up, think they talk about it in a documentary or something, coming up with smeg and other future words that got them around swearing.

    Cold or coal are perfectly reasonable to me, think coal is funnier because that’s millions of years rather than 60 or so.

    #255504
    Pete Part Three
    Participant

    I feel “Can’t Smeg, Won’t Smeg” should be excluded from this thread on the basis that it does not contain actual jokes; just deeply strange dialogue and improv.

    #255505
    Dave
    Participant

    Are we excluding Series VIII on the same basis?

    #255510
    Warbodog
    Member

    Surely VII is the humour vacuum? If VIII didn’t have jokes, there’d be nothing to wreck through over-explanation. I can’t tell if the VIII hate has grown to eclipse it over the years or if VII’s been rehabilitated into society. Probably both.

    #255512
    Dave
    Participant

    You’re right, VIII does have more traditional jokes, even if I find VII generally funnier.

    #255517
    Warbodog
    Member

    Though VIII certainly has its share of improv (“you haven’t heard the news?”, “I’m Nigel, Doug said I could be in the show”) and deeply strange dialogue (open script book at random and point).

    #255522
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    I always think VII is still Rob and Doug style Red Dwarf but a bit crap, VIII onwards is different in style, traditional gags that could be in any sitcom, less conversational/character based.

    #255523
    Warbodog
    Member

    I only got Chris Barrie’s ‘Vat 69’ smeg-up joke recently. I used to mishear the last mumble as “so I don’t have to pay tax,” which I figured was somehow funny if you knew who Lester Piggott was. Now I know he’s saying [19]69 was “the last year I paid tax” and it’s an actual joke about the drink’s name… and maybe funny if you know who Lester Piggott is.

    #255525
    Warbodog
    Member

    “It would be average for my height if I happened to be a pregnant hippo.”

    This never sounded right to me. Shouldn’t the comparison be something very tall, not something very fat? Hippos aren’t notably tall and a pregnant hippo isn’t average for its height, it’s fat even by hippo standards. Maybe the rhythm and imagery matters more than the logic.

    #255526
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    A hippo is roughly as tall as a human give or take a few inches, and they’re heavy, a pregnant one even more so, basically in as boring language as possible, it’s

    “I am 5’8″ but I am a human so this weight does not make sense, it would make sense if I were a pregnant hippo of similar height, as they are considerable denser”

    So it makes perfect sense.

    #255527
    Warbodog
    Member

    Your interpretation makes sense. I was expecting him to say a ludicrous height that would balance out to give him an average BMI, so I got stumped when they went in a different direction and then tried to dig myself out.

    The older series should really have Holly explaining all the jokes.

    #255528
    Dave
    Participant

    “No bugger’ll drink it. So that’s why it lasts a really long time, you see, because no one will drink it, rather than due to any inherent properties of the milk itself.”

    #255529
    Warbodog
    Member

    “We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August Fool. That’s right: I am Queeg. Queeg never existed; it was me all along.”

    #255561

    If only Holly had over explained that joke, then we might know if it had only been a couple of weeks, or the several months the jokes suggests which some of us take as the case to make it feel all the more harrowing.

    #255565
    Ben Saunders
    Participant

    People think Queeg literally takes place from April to August? Surely you’re making a joke

    #255573
    Warbodog
    Member

    I always took it as reworking the April Fool / six months gag in Me², but the other interpretation fits in the timeline, if people want to think it. Thanks for the Memory takes place in early January (worked out via Me²), so Queeg could begin in April. I think the next date we have is Polymorph taking place over ‘Easter.’

    #255575
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    The jape is so big it’s covers more than just one month’s fool.

    If anyone seriously doesn’t understand that that’s the joke, then I don’t know what to say.

    If its literal then Lister would have died of malnourishment.

    Think the main things people wouldn’t get is references to Britain in the 70s and 80s which is fair enough, everything else is pretty straightforward.

    #255577
    Warbodog
    Member

    Well that’s what this thread’s for, clearing things up or realising you’ve held on to a bit of a strange idea from childhood viewings and never thought to question it before. Seems most of the forum has wanted clarifications on something or other.

    #255589

    I know that the joke isi meant to be the Queeg con is so big it’s bigger than April Fools, but I love the idea he kept it going for 5 months, just to keep himself entertained.

    #255592
    Plastic Percy
    Participant

    It would explain what happned to Holly. He went off to take over from the Jigsaw Killer.

    #256536
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    Winnie-the-Pooh is a good example of when you have to decide between honey and trousers.

    #256538
    JamesTC
    Participant

    I’ve just remembered an odd one from when I was a kid from Series II.

    RIMMER: They don’t do they? You say “keep an eye on that lamb” and they do. They sit there for three hours and watch it burn.

    I didn’t make the connection to him cooking a lamb and just imagined Rimmer asking the Skutters to take care of a live lamb and then returning to find it on fire.

    #256539
    Dave
    Participant

    That makes the joke 200% funnier now.

    #256547
    Plastic Percy
    Participant

    As a boy of 11, I thought Lister’s story about his geography teacher not thinking men were better than machines was suggesting that Lister caught her being bummed by a robot.

    Now, as a boy of 30, I’ve realised its just hinting at her using a vibrator.

    #258422
    Unrumble
    Participant

    Huh… I’ve spent the last 25 years thinking it was ‘lamp’ not ‘lamb’…

    #261636
    Katydid
    Participant

    I have this theory that “the fictional serial Robbie Rocketpants” is very specifically a reference to Commando Cody, a cheesy early 50s sci-fi serial starring a jetpack-clad hero who flies around saving the day. Considering Red Dwarf has an affinity for classic Hollywood, and has parodied B sci-fi before, I wouldn’t be surprised.

    I have no basis for this beyond the vague superficial similarity, but it’s definitely at least a reference to the KIND of cheesy sci-fi serial that Commando Cody is.

    #261638
    Dave
    Participant

    I always liked to think it’s a reference to Johnny Fartpants.

    #261641
    ARossiEsquire
    Participant

    My 12 year old self never understood the context of the “who fancies a kebab?” line from Only the Good. Only managed to join the dots after the first time I got properly drunk a few years later.

    The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.

    #261642
    Ridley
    Participant

    I have this theory that “the fictional serial Robbie Rocketpants” is very specifically a reference to Commando Cody, a cheesy early 50s sci-fi serial starring a jetpack-clad hero who flies around saving the day. Considering Red Dwarf has an affinity for classic Hollywood, and has parodied B sci-fi before, I wouldn’t be surprised.

    I have no basis for this beyond the vague superficial similarity, but it’s definitely at least a reference to the KIND of cheesy sci-fi serial that Commando Cody is.

    IWCD references King of the Rocket Men so it’s entirely possible.

    #261645

    My 12 year old self never understood the context of the “who fancies a kebab?” line from Only the Good. Only managed to join the dots after the first time I got properly drunk a few years later.

    The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.

    Ditto. And, same episode “packet of three”. Thought he meant biscuits at the time.

    Incidentally, “packet of three” is one of those things I always have to stop myself saying when offering anyone tea or coffee.

    #261647
    Jimjams
    Participant

    “I just ordered a shake a crispy bar.”
    “You’re lucky you didn’t order a double cheeseburger.”
    Didn’t get it then, still don’t get it now.

    #261648
    Dave
    Participant

    Cat assumes that if something as bad as the ship’s auto-destruct sequence could be triggered by a purchase as innocuous as a milkshake and a Toffee Crisp, then the potential additional damage that could have been caused by a larger food order would be directly proportional to that foodstuff’s greater size compared to Lister’s snack. And from thence the humour arose.

    #261649

    Cat would assume right. Last time Lister tried to order a curry, they accidentally changed the course of history and got stuck in a deserted America in the 60s

    #261731
    Katydid
    Participant

    My 12 year old self never understood the context of the “who fancies a kebab?” line from Only the Good. Only managed to join the dots after the first time I got properly drunk a few years later.

    The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.

    I resent the implication that proper Afghan kabobs with salad, flat bread and that yogurt sauce aren’t absolutely amazing.

    #261732
    Dave
    Participant

    Nah, that’s a decent proper kebab. They’re talking about a UK chippy style kebab.

    #261733

    The whole time I just thought they were making a jab at crap food.
    I resent the implication that proper Afghan kabobs with salad, flat bread and that yogurt sauce aren’t absolutely amazing.

    Ah, the innocent voice of the non-Brit.

    #261734
    GlenTokyo
    Participant

    Lovely sweaty donner on a stale pitta, chilli sauce to mask the blandness of the salad. Cheesy chips on the side.

    #261735
    Dave
    Participant

    Lovely sweaty donner

    That’s no way to talk about Ms DiStefano.

    #261746
    By Jove its holmes
    Participant

    the name Donna means “lady/mistress” in Italian. No reason for stating this. I just wanted you to think i was paying attention!

    #262190
    PhilPagett
    Participant

    I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

    #262191
    RunawayTrain
    Participant

    I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

    I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men. I may be wrong though, of course.

    #262205

    I’m still not entirely sure what “in and out bits” are.

    We’ll explain when you’re older.

    #262206
    Dave
    Participant

    I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men.

    I’ve always felt this more innocent reading was the intention, although given the general approach to Kochanski in VII and VIII who knows.

    #262230

    Boobs and fannies.

    #262241
    RunawayTrain
    Participant

    ^ ah, I thought ‘inny’ and ‘outy’ could both apply to breasts. Edit: though reading that back, that makes no sense – I was thinking of ‘in’ being where they go back in and meet the ribcage. Ah well. It would apply to waists though, in the stereotypical ‘curvy’ sense.

    I have *just* got “it’s the state of the floor I’m worried about” – not sauce dripping from the sarnie, but vomit.

    #262243

    I have *just* got “it’s the state of the floor I’m worried about” – not sauce dripping from the sarnie, but vomit.

    I’ve never read it that way, always how messy it is. Because I’ve made that sandwich, and it just falls apart in your hand and gets everywhere.

    #262245

    Although that’s technically true, it’s not much of a joke. Vomiting is funnier than bits of a sandwich.

    #262246
    Dave
    Participant

    If only it had been Series VIII, Holly could have explained his joke more clearly.

    “It’s the state of the floor I’m worried about. Because that sandwich might make you vomit. On the floor.”

    #262247
    RunawayTrain
    Participant

    I’ve never read it that way, always how messy it is. Because I’ve made that sandwich, and it just falls apart in your hand and gets everywhere.

    If it were just the sandwich, I don’t think I’d ever have thought anything else – but it’s because they’re drunk. It only just twigged today the connection between the state of them and ‘the state of the floor’.

    [Although hologrammic vomit arguably would be far simpler to clean up than real vomit, I guess Holly would just rather not have to deal with it if it can be prevented.]

    #262248
    clem
    Participant

    I assumed it was to do with women typically having curvier bodies than men.

    I’ve always felt this more innocent reading was the intention, although given the general approach to Kochanski in VII and VIII who knows.

    Remember Kryten says Rimmer “didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.” So yeah, he means Kochanski’s shape rather than something ruder. Should’ve said: ‘She’s got all those in-and-out bits that you like. By which I mean a curvaceous body, and not the various orifices I imagine you want to thrust your erect penis “in and out” of, like her vagina, mouth, and anus.’

    And I’ve always thought he just meant how sloppy the sandwich is.

    #262249
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    Remember Kryten says Rimmer “didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.” So yeah, he means Kochanski’s shape rather than something ruder.

    No, this is him saying that Rimmer had a small willy.

    You wouldn’t say “in and out bits” just to describe a person’s overall shape, especially in the context of a written joke in a sitcom about the difference between a woman’s body and a man’s. But I am charmed by the innocence of thinking Kryten was talking about hips or something.

    #262250

    Yeah this was definitely about tits and fanny. If the joke isn’t about the anatomical difference between men and women then it’s absurd. As Jack says, Kryten noticing the hips on a woman and thinking that *that* is what Lister like’s is quite cute. Kochanski (Chloe) isn’t even all that curvy is she?

    #262251
    clem
    Participant

    Tits, yes (“… all pointy and unnecessary”) but I’m not convinced he’s talking about her genitalia or other orifices.

    > Kryten noticing the hips on a woman and thinking that *that* is what Lister like’s is quite cute.

    Exactly. It’s Kryten. He doesn’t understand human anatomy and biology. See DNA and not knowing about periods in Only The Good.

    > Kochanski (Chloe) isn’t even all that curvy is she?

    She also doesn’t walk like Kryten’s impression of her, but that’s the way he sees her.

    #262252
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    He’s definitely talking about body shape rather than genitals imo. Breasts and hips *are* an anatomical difference between (cis) men and women. In fact, doesn’t he mime an hourglass shape as he says it?

    #262255

    But the joke about Rimmer’s small penis!

    #262256
    clem
    Participant

    That’s not what that is. He just means Rimmer has a much less undulate shape than Kochanski.

    #262257

    The “hardly at all” bit really sounds like it’s a tiny knob joke to me. Seems like a totally unnecessary line otherwise. It gets a laugh as well.

    #262258
    Dave
    Participant

    The “hardly at all” bit really sounds like it’s a tiny knob joke to me.

    I always thought it was because he’d put on a bit of weight between VII and VIII.

    #262264
    clem
    Participant

    “Why can’t she be more like Mr Rimmer? He was perfect! He didn’t have any in-and-out bits, hardly at all.”

    If he was saying that to mean Rimmer had a small cock, wouldnt that only really make sense if one of the in-and-out bits of Kochanski’s he’s bemoaning was a cock bigger than Rimmer’s, and also if that was something Lister would find appealing? It gets a laugh because it’s Kryten being ridiculous. He’s so jealous and paranoid about Kochanski he thinks Rimmer was perfect just because he didn’t have the sort of body Lister finds sexy.

    #262265
    clem
    Participant

    If only Doug had written “I’ve seen her naked!! You’d absolutely love the way her twat foams, sir.”

    #262266

    “Lovely muff she has sir, very tidy”

    #262270
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    This is the biggest schism the Red Dwarf fandom has faced since Give & Take made it ambiguous whether Asclepius was trying to kill Lister or save him.

    #262273
    PhilPagett
    Participant

    I wish I’d never brought this up now.

    #262280
    Ian Symes
    Keymaster

    This is the biggest schism the Red Dwarf fandom has faced since Give & Take made it ambiguous whether Asclepius was trying to kill Lister or save him.

    You forget the weeks we spent debating whether Bodyswap implies Lister has a massive cock or a dirty cock.

    #262283

    Clearly a massive, dirty cock.

    #262284
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    “Do you mean they had a war over whether my cock was massive or dirty?”

    “Yeah. Most of them were killed fighting about that. It’s daft really, innit?”

    “You’re not kidding. It’s actually just weirdly shaped.”

    #262285

    You forget the weeks we spent debating whether Bodyswap implies Lister has a massive cock or a dirty cock.

    For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

    Side note, if Spock’s urine is green he has kidney damage, because it’s Vulcan blood that’s green. Maybe Lister is a Vulcan with kidney cancer or something.

    #262286
    Flap Jack
    Participant

    Hey, there’s no reason why the blood and urine of a fictional alien species can’t coincidentally be a similar colour. Stop imposing your human standards onto Vulcans, quinn.

    Having said that, I don’t know Star Trek, so the canon colour of Vulcan urine might have been confirmed 7 times by now. There was probably a B plot in late era Voyager where Tuvok got a UTI.

    Maybe Vulcan urine is blue, so Spock’s urine would be green. Logical.

    #262287
    Dave
    Participant

    For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

    Yep, I thought this for years.

    #262288
    RunawayTrain
    Participant

    For the longest time I thought it was the green urine Rimmer (obviously now) jokingly mentions later on.

    That would actually still make sense, urinating with his eyes closed then having to take an incredulous look because it hurts or otherwise feels very wrong. You know how we adapt to the little aches and pains and quirks our bodies have, we just tend to compensate and get on with it – it is entirely possible to do that with urinary problems too, especially if other more urgent (heh) or worse things are happening in life. You just adapt to the urinary situation because you have to, if you don’t have the time or energy to try and sort that out as well as everything else. Not pleasant of course, but entirely possible.

    Also, isn’t beer full of B vitamins? If you have an excess of one of them in particular it turns your urine an almost neon yellowy green.

    #262303
    tombow
    Participant

    I always imagined Rimmer (in bodyswap) was reacting to the pubic hair. Like it would have small creatures nests in it and tons of insects or something or just bits of string caught in it.

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