PLOTS FOR SERIES 11

[Pecospete666]

PLOTS FOR SERIES 11?

I would like to see serious bad guys in some sort of in ship battle!

Topic

[Phil]

They all become bone marrow donors.

[Ridley]

They all become man to man with Birdman.

The Birdman Centipede

[peepingsignal]

They all make blueberry muffins, like Martha used to make.

[si]

Here’s a thought. Bring back Norm *and* Hattie as Holly. We know Holly’s been out of action, so now he/she can be back, but with the odd glitch – a ”fzzzt ” mid-sentence where they change, and back. I think that’d be funny, even if it’s just for one ep.

[Ridley]

P2P already thought that and put it in a (Red Dwarf IX?) trailer.

[si]

Oh. Didn’t know that. Oh well. It’s a good idea. Great minds, and all that.

[Ridley]

And here is his idea that they all become Holly: http://www.ganymede.tv/forums/topic/which-holly/#post-97330

Which I perfected a couple of years later: http://www.ganymede.tv/forums/topic/holly-not-hilly-interested-in-red-dwarf-return/#post-208634 Ahem.

[By Jove its holmes]

Rimmer – who treats women like garbage – wakes up to find out that the others have adjusted his hologrammatic settings so he looks just like this, clothes, accessories and all:

[Pongo]

Rimmer mentions he had a secret dog on Red Dwarf before the accident. They open up some vents and find a race of humanoid dogs. The Cat gets tired of not being the only evolved pet and swaps bodies with Kryten. Then, a knock on the airlock: Kochanski is back – and she’s on her period.

[si]

Camille returns, and Taiwan Tony falls in love with her, thinking that she is a female racially stereotypical vending machine called Ah-so Suzi.

[John Hoare]

Camille returns, and Taiwan Tony falls in love with her, thinking that she is a female racially stereotypical vending machine called Ah-so Suzi.

That’s the arc plot stretching across XI and XII.

[Phil]

The crew encounters a rapping vending machine called Taiwan Tone-Def.

[Pongo]

Holly reveals he actually put Lister in stasis to keep Rimmer sane. This episode is also a musical.

[si]

Frankenstein awakes from a horrible dream whilst on Titan, and decides to stay away from that big black Tom.

[peepingsignal]

Rimmer’s body is crushed by a Mexican vending machine (named El Taco Loco Chico) and his head is sewn onto Lister’s shoulder. No mention is made of how this is possible.

[Ridley]

Rimmer discovers that he’s an extraterrestrial and a big fuss is made about him being an alien for thirty minutes before he remembers that he’s from Io. Episode ends with Lister winking at the cameria but it’s, like, a lizard eye or something.

[peas_and_corn]

The crew lose Starbug and spend the whole of series XI looking or it. The arc ends when Rimmer asks “why are we looking? we have dozens of them”.

[guvnor]

Since nobody from Red Dwarf has reported for duty or submitted any paperwork in over 3 million years, a “policies and procedures” drone is dispatched to ensure that all Jupiter Mining Corp employees abide by the rules and regulations of the Space Corp Directives handbook. In a hilarious B plot, regulations state that Cat must be neutered.

[Ridley]

The musical episode has different songs depending on the individual viewer.

[JamesTC]

Rimmer realises he really likes curry. Lister gets annoyed as it is one of his two character traits. The episode ends with Archie landing in Rimmer’s curry and he declares that he is so disgusted that he’ll never eat another curry again. The hilarious coda is Cat walking in and declaring he really likes larger.

[si]

Larger what?

[JamesTC]

Larger spelling mistakes.

[Paul Muller]

Kill Crazy’s back, and he’s crazier than ever!

After drifting in space for 16 years in a cramped Canary shuttle, he’s suffering from severe muscle wastage and bone loss, malnutrition and advanced thyroid cancer caused by solar radiation, alongside acute post traumatic stress disorder after being forced to feed on his dead crewmates to avoid starvation.

Hilarious hijinks ensue!

[Ridley]

Cat opens a real estate company called Realty Sucks on an anicent Indian burial ground haunted by Roman soldiers.

[Pete Part Three]

Rimmer, Lister and Cat all become robots because why the fuck not? Then they all go to the circus.

[Ridley]

Even though he’s wearing a cape out of season, the Dwarfers don’t realise that Cat has become a vampire until he starts trying to suck Rimmer.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

The boys from the Dwarf stumble upon the near derelict base made out of the escape pods, shuttles and salvaged vessels that the regenerated crew and prisoners were forced to flee in for their lives and make their home for eternity.

Mutiny, starvation, catastrophic engineering failures and sheer corruption have dwindled the population of tens of thousands down to only one man, Kill Crazy, who is seen chomping on Captain Hollister’s left buttock in a psychotic frenzy for survival.

Rimmer promptly kicks him in the bollocks, eliciting pained laughter from Lister and they all go on their merry way again with nary a thought to the thousands they left to die in deep space while their city-sized mining vessel could comfortably hold numbers many times that.

In the distance, an ice-cold, humanoid figure hurtles towards the surface. It’s Irene Edgington. The frozen, dead projectile smashes through the last of the frail shuttles and whacks Kill Crazy once more in the bollocks before his life is slowly taken away in the vacuum of space, all while having bruised and very tender testicles.

Lister and Rimmer share a chuckle about how they could’ve easily saved Irene’s life as humans can easily survive for a few minutes in space without any major effects to their health.

The theme tune plays, but there is a strange, almost unnoticed change to the words…

Let me die, far away from here…

Fun, fun, fun…

[Pete Part Three]

Ainsley Harriott arrives and the crew have a cooking competition. Because that’s what this series needs. You twat.

[Pete Part Three]

Lister gets his cock out and we all have a look.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Doug Naylor receives a new leg which is hilariously racist.

[peepingsignal]

The Dwarfers meet the Go Compare guy. He sings for 19 minutes straight. At the end of the episode he trips over a box filled with forms and is flushed into space. Ironically, he wasn’t insured.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

Taiwan Tony and Kryten do a mind swap.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Ruby Wax and Ed Bye guest star as two rutting Pleasure GELFs in their natural form to a nauseous but curious audience.

The audience wants to look away, but they can’t.

[By Jove its holmes]

Clayton Marks comes back as Elvis and sings “In the Ghetto” to a sobbing Lister.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

In a sequel to Lemons, the crew meet God, but it turns out to just be another bloke who happens to be called “God”.

[si]

In a sequel to both Lemons and Backwards, the crew meet a dog.

[si]

Who, in a bizarre twist, just happens to have created the world.

[Ridley]

Limes: a sequel to Lemons where the crew is sent back in time to a 19th century ship – the Scarlet Lilliputian – in a flat pack bookcase.

[By Jove its holmes]

The Low Rimmer from Demons and Angela comes back and everyone admits he’s just a rip off of Tim Curry’s character from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[Pete Tranter’s Sister]

Alexei Sayle makes a guest appearance as the creator of Better Than Life.

[Phil]

ALF dreams he is a famous stand-up comic. David Spade guests stars in this episode.

[Ridley]

Richard Armitage guest stars as The Great Red Dwarf.

[JamesTC]

Lister falls in love with Spare Hand 1.

[Jason aka Smeg4Brains]

In a sequel to Entangled, nobody knows what the fuck’s going on.

[Phil]

Is anyone else worried the Doug isn’t reading these?

[Jonsmad]

An episode called “that fan that won a part on twitter” where the bloke who blacked up as Dwayne Dibbley at Dimension jump gets beamed aboard the ship via a UKTV competition. And hilarity ensues. With the catchphrase. What a dodgy dibbley!

[By Jove its holmes]

some fan actually did <i>blackface</i>?! What’s next, a racist “Herrow Mistah!” vending machi – oh, wait…

[peepingsignal]

Rimmer believes he has rediscovered the Luck virus, but it turns out to just be dishwashing liquid. He makes a face.

[Bowen]

The blacked up Dwayne Dibbley. I remember him. What a …..

[Bowen]

The blacked up Dwayne Dibbley. I remember him. What a ….. We could have nicked his camera Jon on the Sunday and probably should have.

[Author]

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