PLOTS FOR SERIES 11

[Pecospete666]

PLOTS FOR SERIES 11?

I would like to see serious bad guys in some sort of in ship battle!

Topic

[Pete Part Three]

Forget series XI. I want a spin off show with all my favourite characters: Hogey, Irene, the Medibot, the Data Doctor, Bird Man, Kill Crazy, that woman who raped Rimmer, Nice Nigel and Taiwan Tony.

[MANI506]

I never saw Red Christmas but I read John Hoare’s review so I think I got the best out of that situation.

[Ben Paddon]

All I wanted was a sitcom! Is that too much to ask? A sitcom in a biscuit factory!

[dodgelister]

kryten gets a female genital attachment and lister forgets all about finding kochanski.

[Smeg4Brains]

The crew find Kochanski on a planet inhabited by her clones (in the same way as Rimmerworld) and decide they can just “have one each”.

[Connell]

I want to see an episode set in space. I don’t think Doug has ever thought of taking the show in that direction, could be interesting

[Reece]

kryten gets a female genital attachment and lister forgets all about finding kochanski.

Red Dwarf XXX

[Danny Stephenson]

I want to see an episode set in space. I don’t think Doug has ever thought of taking the show in that direction, could be interesting

Computer, set a plot in space…

[HelloMabel]

I have already done that, Doug. It doesn’t go well because the audience needs French windows. There is now no need for you to write this plot.

[Ben Kirkham]

Here’s one – the Red Dwarf crew wake up one day… and they’ve all got tails. Squirrel tails, fox tails, all sorts of tails.

No?

[JamesTC]

Kryten buys a new hat and Rimmer is jealous. Meanwhile, Cat loses his favourite needle in a bale of hay and has to try and find it.

Classic Quotes:
Lister: Cat, you’re looking for a needle in a haystack.

Lister: Where is me curry?

Rimmer: I really like Kryten’s new hat.

Lister: Smeg head.

[Ben Kirkham]

Lister eats a big curry and a can of lager and burps lolol

[Connell]

A mysterious vessel known only as ‘CUNTG&T’, inhabited by some of the most unruly and ugly beings in the universe, is spotted dropping large amounts of shit and live trolls onto the less successful vessel, ‘GAZSOUP-7’. Hilarity ensues.

Can the boys from the Dwarf save the day?

[Ben Kirkham]

“A mysterious vessel known only as ‘CUNTG&T’, inhabited by some of the most unruly and ugly beings in the universe, is spotted dropping large amounts of shit and live trolls onto the less successful vessel, ‘GAZSOUP-7′. Hilarity ensues.

Can the boys from the Dwarf save the day?”

I want to watch this one, please.

[JamesTC]

Our podcast was getting more downloads than the Dwarfcast at one point.

I’ll show you who drops shit on who.

[takerdemon]

Cat appears on Rolf Harris’ Animal Hospital TV show

[CackThosePants]

> Red Dwarf XXX

What? Wait 20 series for that to happen. Fuck that.

[Bexley Heath]

I have already done that, Doug. It doesn’t go well because the audience needs French windows. There is now no need for you to write this plot.

I award HelloMabel one internet.

[anniescribe]

As the climactic scene in Episode 6, a simulant demands that the crew explain what “smeg” means. And none of them can get out of it by crawling out of the drive room.

[Connell]

David Brent arrives of the Dwarf. Rimmer and Brent hit it off and decide to try and take over control of the ship, and later the galaxy. Hilarity ensues.

[HelloMabel]

Brilliant, Connell. Not only could I picture those two becoming friends, but your scenario also reminded me of this:

Red Dwarf X – Episode 4 – Set Report

[Pete Part Three]

Was Jonsmad thinking of The Office when watching Entangled? I didn’t get that.

[HelloMabel]

Just that Connell’s crossover story reminded me of that crossover tangent we did, inspired by Jonsmad’s comment. That was fun.

Actually, did Jonsmad ever say what he was referring to?

[peas_and_corn]

Lister and the rest get arrested after watching a droid being mugged by a simulant and doing nothing to help

[Ben Paddon]

Lister and the group spend thirty minutes waiting at Taiwan Tony’s for their order to come in.

[NoFro]

> Lister and the group spend thirty minutes waiting at Taiwan Tony’s for their order to come in.

Racist.

[si]

Kryten gets turned into a human (again), travels back in time (again), and decides to write a book about the future to make some money.

;)

[Ian Symes]

No, that’s Robert Llewellyn. He’s an actor.

[anniescribe]

And then is sent back to the future (HA I WORKED IT IN THERE) because no big change stays permanent on the Dwarf, after all.

“Sirs! They’re still not using videocassette tapes again yet in 2012! And the global economy is in a massive tank because of all those lost discs, I’m certain!”

[srmcd1]

How about a sequel to Back to Earth where the Dwarfers and the actors who play them switch universes. Rimmer is suddenly doing documentaries about massive tools, Lister has to learn how to be somebody else all day, Cat finds himself in a police uniform, and Kryten becomes the host of Carpool.

Meanwhile, Craig, Chris, Danny and Robert are having to figure how all this crap works that they’ve been pretending to use for so many years.

[anniescribe]

Come to think of it, this probably gets written eventually in every fandom, but there were a couple of great old (and by old, I mean 20 years ago or so) fanfics in Trek where this very thing happened to the main few leads in both TOS and TNG. As I recall, the only switch that really didn’t make that much difference in their lives was Commander Riker/Jonathan Frakes. :-D

(Also, I’d lay money Chris would be the first to figure out the controls and doohickeys on the Dwarf. Which would be far more hilarious if only a couple of the actors were switched around and half the crew were left wondering how the hell Rimmer got competent all of a sudden.)

[Ben Kirkham]

Series XI, Episode 1 – Lister discovers that the Cat has finally lost his virginity – to Kochanski!

Mayhem ensues.

[anniescribe]

Not to mention a deal of medical reconstruction and mental therapy for Kochanski, if “Backwards” is to be believed …

[JamesTC]

Series XI, Episode 2 – The aftermath of Kochanski’s vagina being torn open. Meanwhile, Kryten attempts to create a new flavour of milkshake.

[Alex]

Series XI, Episode 2 – The aftermath of Kochanski’s vagina being torn open.

Ah, they’ve got Rob Grant back on writing duties again then.

[Ben Kirkham]

Series XI, Episode 3 – Kochanski has kittens.

[Pete Part Three]

Episode 4: Some stuff happens. Then some other stuff happens unrelated to that. Then some other stuff happens. Then there’s a mention of Kochanski. Then some other stuff happens. Then it stops.

[anniescribe]

HIRE US, DOUG, QUICK, BEFORE NEW LINE SNATCHES US UP.

[Pecospete666]

Cat meets Cat Woman, the hot one,from Bat man. Result Kittens!

[Moonlight]

Series XI, Episode 5 “YOU DIE NOW” – Kochanski and her kittens are sealed into the cargo decks. Meanwhile, Lister goes into stasis to pass the time while on hold for a Veg-o-Matic, and Rimmer is forced at gun-point by Taiwan Tony to loosen the drive plate and set off a radiation leak, which destroys them all and mutates Cat into a polymorph.

Series XI, Episode 6 “The Rebeginning” – Lister emerges from stasis to discover he and Kochanski are the only surviving members of the crew. Unfortunately, the Cat polymorph is still at large. Can a trip to Tijuana and a song-and-dance polymorphectomy by Krytens’s Mexican cousin save the day?

[peas_and_corn]

I’m not sure if you’re taking this seriously, Smegerama.

[Stephen R. Fletcher]

Is it wrong that part of me wants to see a DVD extra of some of this stuff? A fucked up episode of Dwarf, if you will. Kinda like what they did on the My Name Is Earl Season One DVD with an alternate take on the pilot.

[CackThosePants]

> Lister and the group spend thirty minutes waiting at Taiwan Tony’s for their order to come in.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES…….and I’m spent!

[Connell]

A foaming twat is loose on board. It’s up to the Dwarfers to hunt it down.

[CackThosePants]

> A foaming ropey old twat sandwich is loose on board. It’s up to the Dwarfers to cunt it down.

I’m going to regret that in the morning. CHEEEERS!

[Moonlight]

> A foaming twat is loose on board. It’s up to the Dwarfers to hunt it down.

“Curiosity Killed the Twat”

[Almighty_crj]

“Waiting for Cod”
Rimmer’s attempt at a traditional Friday night fish & chip supper goes awry when Lister insists on fishing barefoot in the ship’s fish tank and the Cat does diving for live food.

[Ridley]

Uh oh, better watch out Kristine! It’s the wrong time of the month and you’ve returned just when Cat is in heat for some reason! Join the crew of Red Dwarf for another classic half hour of wacky shenanigans in this hilarious homage to The Most Dangerous Game as our favourite navigation officer is pursued through the city-sized ship. Is he gonna get you little Krissie?

*See the two who know their way around Red Dwarf best face off!
*Laugh as Kryten hijacks all the best hiding spots to tell the contestant that she’s been Krytered!
*Hear Rimmer call the action on the ship’s speaker system!
*Enjoy Lister saying that this is just typical of her in a variery of silly voices!

“Finally, a Cat episode!”

[Pecospete666]

“Waiting for Cod”
That’s good I’m going to steal that!
Fuck you Ridex! You back stabbing cunt!

[srmcd1]

At one point, we find out that Rimmer *didn’t* cause the accident. Holly simply planted the memory in his head so he’d feel guilty enough to stay on as the ship’s hologram.

[Author]

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