“What do you want this time? A ham with your homework?”

[Ben Paddon]

For the longest time – until about five years ago, actually – I thought this was Holly’s line in “Future Echoes”. When I realised what he was actually saying, I felt relieved that I’d never repeated the line myself, or written it out anywhere.

I can’t be the only one who has, or had, some Red Dwarf Lady Mondegreens stored in their little grey cells. So g’wan – let’s hear ’em.

Topic

[HelloMabel]

You’d better b’lieve in add do.

[MANI506]

Colonel Sebastian Doyle – ‘I’m sayin” (answer him)

[Jonsmad]

In backwards. I thought the club owner was saying someflobadobblibblobbleeb.
but turns out he says, “tog seh efil das roop a tahw”.

Erm no I cant think of any serious ones. I struggle a bit with some of things “swallow” says in back to earth. Does he say “All legal” ? about the carbug? cus it sounds like hollyhole to me, but im in danger of sounding father ted like racist, at the lovely chinesse people here, so I should I probably have a go at some of craig’s scouse to even things out. So “what’s an iguana” sounds like a tennis player clearing his nose to me.

[HelloMabel]

Yeah, “All legal” is what I heard.

I have to go back and remind myself because I have a lot more, probably including some really embarrassing ones. I watched for years on home-recorded VHS before buying the box set of DVDs and discovering how totally, utterly and completely wrongly I was hearing everything.

I know there are also a few of them where I’m not sure who’s right – me or the subtitles.

[Carlito]

> Colonel Sebastian Doyle – ‘I’m sayin” (answer him)

Second that.

[Danny Stephenson]

“Pink gudgeon down me sides you could float me over the Superbowl”

I blame that one on being a ‘for the americans’ line.

[Kris ‘Drivaaar’ Carter]

Danny – THANK YOU. Not just me.

[Ian Symes]

I had “pink gudgeon” in my head for years.

[Al Marshall]

“That’s Rice Puddin’- the most hated, loathed and despised man of his era”

In my defence I was 5 in 1991 and more well versed in Ambrosia products than the scandals of the turn-of-the-century Russian monarchy.

[Danny Stephenson]

LOL I still can’t hear ‘Rasputin’ it’s always “rice puddin’ ” to me. Always.

On an aside: We seem to be getting a lot of people popping out of the woodwork to comment these days.

Welcome all those popping out the woodwork to comment these days!

[Al Marshall]

I’ve been reading the site since about 2003, which is mental. I have registered and then forgot my password etc many a time!

9 years readership is a testament to the quality of the site- Cheers Team!

Also:

“Would it make any difference if it was… Holness?”

[Plastic Percy]

In Queeg, I always heard Deganwy as “on Ganymede” and thought it pretty far out that Lister and his school would go for a camping trip on one of the moons of Jupiter. To be fair, Deganwy is in North Wales and is just as inhospitable and lifeless as Ganymede.

[ChrisM]

Not really.
https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Deganwy&hl=en&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=dGsJUNKVMKfI0QXm1vjdCg&ved=0CGwQsAQ&biw=1263&bih=623

[Phil]

I once misheard “What’s an iguana?” as being a funny joke.

[Jimboid]

“This one’s my newt!”

[Jonathan Capps]

“Genitalia, smaller than inoffensive”
“Switch me on, switch me off, like I’m some battery powered sexay”
“GET OWT THA BEWLT WHALE YA KHAAAAAAN!”

[Seb Patrick]

I think we’ve done this before, but in the Smeg Ups I always wondered what a “parpussy” was. As in, “she’s a computer parpussy”.

Oh, and for years, I thought it was “I gather we had no siren, you see.” I had no idea why they might have needed a siren for that particular scene.

[si]

> n the Smeg Ups I always wondered what a “parpussy” was. As in, “she’s a computer parpussy”

I always thought that too…in fact, what *does* he say? I’m not sure I actually know. :/

[MANI506]

Computer powered pussy… I think.

[Danny Stephenson]

The line Chris fluffs is: “Lister, she’s a computer sprite, and surely that’s the point. She’s just a load of pixels”

So my guess is Chris was about to say computer pixels. Stops himself and makes the fuckup hilarious. ‘p-ah-pussy’

[si]

Oh. Glad that’s sorted then.

[Danny Stephenson]

“Paint it in yellow and black stripes and pretend you play quarterback with the Bangles?”

[ChrisM]

Not Red Dwarf, but for years I thought they were singing ‘Cookie Street’ in the end theme tune of Only Fools and Horses. I used to wonder why a British sitcom full of working class English folk were using such an Americanism… (Mind you I always think of those biscuits with the chocolate chips as cookies.)

[ori-STUDFARM]

You mean they’re not!!

[HelloMabel]

They are. Cookies is cookies.

Another non Red Dwarf one: Ra’s Uncle (Ra’s al Ghul)

[Connell]

The song Seven Nation Army came about because when Jack White was younger he thought that was the name of the Salvation Army.

[si]

In The Inquisitor, I always misheard Kryten’s line, “Virgil’s ‘Aeneid'” as “Virgil’s an idiot”. It wasn’t until I got the DVD and read the subtitles that I knew what the line actually was. In fact, I’ve just put it on now and had to check again. :/

[Seb Patrick]

I always misheard the line as being “Ah, Homer’s Iliad”.

Well, I didn’t, but that’s what the line should have been, given the Iliad is the work which is ACTUALLY about Agamemnon and Helen of Troy, which the Aeneid isn’t.

[si]

Ooh, get Mr Intellectual, there.

[Jonathan Capps]

Yeah, Seb, why do you insist on knowing things and stuff?

[genericnerdyusername]

My brother points that out every time we watch that episode. EVERY TIME.

[HelloMabel]

“If it’s not worth doing, give it to Rimmer. He hates the responsibility but constantly fails the engineering exam.”

“It’s bone-crunching time, me old shiner.” I knew this was wrong but couldn’t work it out for the life of me.

[George Kaplan]

Lister to Red Dwarf, we have here Mr Complete Smegpot.

I was only young.

[Jonathan Capps]

> Lister to Red Dwarf, we have here Mr Complete Smegpot.

This is a better line than the real one!

[Danny Stephenson]

amazing how many of these seem to ring true for a lot of other people.

Mr Complete Smegpot

Guilty of that one as well…

[Ian Symes]

A Lister stasis pods!

[Pete Part Three]

This isn’t a mishearing more a smutty assumption. From Back in the Red (part 3, or part 2) :

Kochanski : I don’t know what got into me
Lister : Nothing, sadly

Having not seen the episode in a while, I, um, assumed the line was:

Kochanski : I don’t know what came over me
Lister : Nothing, sadly.

[si]

Fnaar.

[Jonathan Capps]

> Kochanski : I don’t know what came over me
> Lister : Nothing, sadly.

And again, a *much* better line.

[si]

I can imagine ‘came over’ being the line in an earlier draft, before Doug maybe chickened out and decided ‘got into’ was perhaps not quite as graphic a mental image for a 9pm BBC2 audience.

[ori-STUDFARM]

I don’t know. ‘In Chloe’ would be better than ‘over Chloe’ by my reckoning…..although I’d take either…

[Pete Part Three]

>I can imagine ‘came over’ being the line in an earlier draft,

Nah, the early draft was:

Kochanski : I don’t know what bent me over and fucked me up the arse.
Lister : Nothing, sadly.

Alas, this was omitted because it didn’t actually make sense within the context of the story.

Ah well.

[si]

It’s been over three and a half hours, and not one Foaming Twat mention. Tut.

[mick]

Why bother when a picture of one accompanies your every post.

:-P

[ori-STUDFARM]

That’s not nice….he isn’t foaming in his picture :P

[si]

I’ve had my moments.

I’ve often woken in a hospital bed after said moments, but still.

[mick]

They’re your sexyest moments Si, I’ve been eagerly awaiting the TV movie starring Daniel Baldwin.

[si]

I studied Drama at college and university, I can play myself, thankyou.

[Ben Paddon]

You forgot “with” in that last post, Si.

[Phil]

http://www.zoklet.net/totse/en/ego/science_fiction/rd5-6.html

Found this when I needed to check a quote OH ABOUT 10 SECONDS AGO.

Sir, I think you should take a look at this. William, meet your brother
Sebastian. (Compare ID’s). Well, half brothers. New Urinal, same mother.

I love that this is almost beyond a mishearing…Kryten defines the term immediately after saying it, so you’d think they could figure it out easily enough.

[Author]

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