Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Captain Bollocks]

MELTDOWN

G&T users go apeshit and discovering those meddling bastards at UKTV have taken it upon themselves to edit out a scene from recent episode MECH COCK? RACY!

[Captain Bollocks]

MECH COCK RACEY

Kryten enters Archie into a marathon.

[Captain Bollocks]

MELTDOWN

Kryten melts a stack of Milkybars into one glorious whole.

[Captain Bollocks]

WHITE HOLE

Kryten enters Archie into his Milkybar lump.

[Captain Bollocks]

M-PEOPLE

The crew discover the Jupiter Mining Corporation has been bought out by Heather Small.

[Dave]

HEY YA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Rimmer and Lister by making them listen to the extended mix of the Outkast classic.

[cwickham]

BELTDOWN

Lister’s trousers fall down.

[cwickham]

SAMSARA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to watch an episode of Red Dwarf XI.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXI

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of Danny DeVito’s character from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”.

[cwickham]

ARYA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to take part in a highly contrived crossover with “Game of Thrones”.

[cwickham]

KAYA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to meet an actress who rose to fame in the E4 drama series “Skins”.

[cwickham]

LIAR IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to watch a recent ITV drama series.

[cwickham]

MAYA JAMA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to watch the Channel 4 reality series “The Circle”.

[cwickham]

PIER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by throwing them off Brighton Pier.

[cwickham]

WIRE IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to watch a television series featuring Idris Elba.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXII

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the main character from “Shameless”.

[cwickham]

BUYER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by selling them on eBay.

[cwickham]

CRYER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by locking them in a room with Barry Cryer.

[cwickham]

DYER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by locking them in a room with Danny Dyer.

[cwickham]

FLYER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to design a flyer for his bring-and-buy sale at extremely short notice.

[cwickham]

GAIA IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by giving them lessons in Greek mythology.

[cwickham]

HIGHER IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to take drugs.

[cwickham]

TYRE IN TEN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by slashing their tyres.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXIII

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the Simpsons episode “Homer’s Enemy”.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXIV

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the architecture of Frank Lloyd Wright.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXV

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the filmography of Frank Oz.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXVI

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of reading the Dune novels.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXVII

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of British heavyweight boxing champion Frank Bruno.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXVIII

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the sitcom Up Pompeii!

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXIX

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of the lead actor from the sitcom Malcolm in the Middle.

[cwickham]

FRANKS FOR THE MEMORY XXX

Lister gives Rimmer all his memories of a little-remembered drama series starring Eve Myles.

[Dave]

CYAN TERN MINUETS

When Captain Hollister composes a series of slow ballroom dances to be sung by a very particular breed of seagull, he becomes enraged when Lister and Rimmer ruin his sheet music by covering it in a specific shade of blue-green paint.

[cwickham]

SEE YA IN TINTIN MINUTES

Captain Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to read all the racist Tintin albums.

[si]

SEIZURE IN TEN MINUTES

Hollister has a fit.
However, Cassandra had predicted it ten minutes previously, so he could prepare, and keep himself out of harm’s way.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CAESAR IN TEN MINUTES

Hollister punished Lister and Rimmer by making them prepare a caesar salad in 10 minutes. When Lister and Rimmer later question why they were given so much time to prepare such a simple dish, they conclude Hollister probably just wanted them out of the room for a cheeky wank. Something Holly is later able to corroberate, but won’t reveal why.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SEE HEAR IN TEN MINUTES

Hollister practices for his new role as BBC 2 continuity announcer, much to the bafflement of Rimmer and Lister.

[cwickham]

CESAREAN IN TEN MINUTES

Hollister punishes Lister and Rimmer by forcing them to deliver a baby despite having no medial qualifications whatsoever. This turns out to be a bit too close to something that might actually happen in Series VIII to actually be a joke.

[cwickham]

ACE STRIMMER

Kryten is delighted with the quality of his new lawnmower.

[Dave]

KIP ME A SMOKER

Lister falls asleep with a lit fag in his mouth.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SLIP ME A SNICKERS

Chris Barrie reprises the much loved character of Ace Rimmer in a brand new ad campaign

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

PUS EM A RETTIB

Arthur Smith dons his red waiste jacket once more and brings to life his most famous role as bar manager in this hilarious backwards ad campaign for John Smith’s

[cwickham]

DUCT SOUP WITH BLUE CHEESE

Hitherto unknown full title for “Duct Soup” which explains why it was shown in the wrong order with “Blue” when BBC2 repeated Series VII in October 1997.

[cwickham]

MELDREW²

New version of Me² where the second hologram disc was actually that of Victor Meldrew.

[Dave]

THE INQUISVICTOR

Victor Meldrew survives until the end of time and concludes that there is no god, no afterlife, and so begins a time-travelling journey through history beginning by insisting that Patrick & Pippa, Mrs Warboys and Mr Swainey justify their existence.

[Dave]

MELDOWN

A wax droid version of Victor Meldrew chances across the battle between good and evil on waxworld at the end of MELTDOWN, and he literally cannot believe such a thing would come to pass.

[Dave]

DIMELDREW JUMP

Victor Meldrew comes face-to-face with an alternate-universe version of himself, who (much to his surprise) is unusually pleasant, polite and credulous.

[cwickham]

I DUCT BELIEVE IT

New version of Duct Soup where the crew enter the ventilation shafts and discover Victor Meldrew.

[cwickham]

VICKIE TV

New version of Krytie TV where Kryten films Victor Meldrew naked.

[cwickham]

MELDREW-CORP

New version of M-Corp where everyone looks like Victor Meldrew to Lister.

[cwickham]

MELDREWWAVE

New version of Timewave where the crew express their disbelief at the behaviour of the crew of the Enconium using a well-known catchphrase.

[Author]

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