Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

IT’LL NEVER BONK ANYTHING?

1990s CBBC technology series presented by Craig Charles, dedicated exclusively to Japan’s emerging Dildonics industry. The fearless presenter does his own stunts as he tests each device himself. Abruptly cancelled in 1994.

[Warbodog]

DILDONIC PLATES

Craig Charles opens a restaurant over a fault line, themed around electronic sex aids. Customers lucky enough to be dining when a potentially devastating earthquake happens get to hear Charles’ signature “awooga!” catch-phrase as they run for their lives.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S NOT CHICKEN SARS

When Lister shows symptoms of a viral respiratory disease, Kryten’s quick to clear his cooking of blame.

[Warbodog]

FAT, SNOT, CHICKEN, SIRS

Kryten scores 3/3 in a blind taste test.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S NOT CHICKENSUS

Lemons in the poultry remake of Red Dwarf.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S NOT CHICKEN’S HEARSE

Kryten realises they’ve been following the wrong animal funeral procession.

[Warbodog]

THAT’S NOT CHIG, IT’S ZERGS

Kryten explains that Starcraft isn’t set in the Space: Above and Beyond universe.

[Dave]

IT’S BATMAN WE FOUND

While exploring Stately Wayne Manor, the Boys From The Dwarf stumble across the batcave.

[Dave]

IT’S SCATMAN WE FOUND

When a mysterious pod arrives, the Boys From The Dwarf soon realise that it contains mid-90s two-hit wonder Scatman John, preserved in stasis.

They don’t revive him.

[Dave]

IT’S SCATMAN WE FOUND II: EMOHAWK

When a mysterious pod arrives, the Boys From The Dwarf soon realise that it contains Scatman Crothers. They revive him and he regales them with anecdotes from the set of The Shining.

[Warbodog]

ONE MINUTE YOU’RE DOWN, THE NEXT YOU’RE RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN

Rimmer releases a workout video for lazy people.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE TREV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Sir Trevor McDonald showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE BEV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Beverley Knight showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE KEV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing Kevin Pietersen showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE DEV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing an unpopular Radio 1 DJ showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE NEV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing a sentient toy bear showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

PERTH

In order to make the originally planned Series VIII finale with the budget available, Doug sets it entirely in Scotland.

[cwickham]

BACK IN THE LEV

New version of “Only the Good…” which resolves the cliffhanger by revealing the Bulgarian unit of currency showed up and saved the day.

[cwickham]

GYLESIS

The Dwarfers have to help Gyles Brandreth through his mid-life crisis.

[cwickham]

GYLES & TAKE

The Dwarfers steal Gyles Brandreth’s vital organs.

[cwickham]

GYLES OF THE APOCALYPSE

Gyles Brandreth transmits a virus to Starbug.

[cwickham]

BRANDRETH THE RED

The nanobots reconstitute Gyles Brandreth.

[Dave]

RED DWARF X

Red Dwarf returns for its ninth series.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF XXX

Red Dwarf returns, but as a porn film.

[Dave]

RED DWARF xXx

Red Dwarf returns, starring Vin Diesel on a snowboard.

[Warbodog]

LEE AND HERRING

Lee Harvey Oswald and Captain Herring form an unlikely double-act that’s big with sixth-formers.

[Warbodog]

THE MARY WHITEHOUSE EXPERIENCE EXPERIENCE

Lister misses an early 1990s comedy series. Kryten cobbles together edited highlights and Lister realises it wasn’t all that he remembered it to be.

[Warbodog]

NEWMANANDBADDIELICONIA

Well, that’s me converted, I’m a Newman.

[Warbodog]

SATURDAY NIGHT ARM IS THIS

Extremely brief edit of Balance of Power.

[Dave]

PUNT AND DENNIS THE DONUT BOY

Captain Hollister goes to Cambridge and pushes himself down the river with a big stick.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF IIII

New title for Red Dwarf IV enforced on it by the Roman Numeral Pedants Society.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF I-I-I-I-I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH

Episode guest-starring Carmen Miranda.

[Warbodog]

DENTICA

The new series of Red Dwarf is sponsored by Happy Smiles Dental Clinic in London SW1. Doug assures fans that this will have no impact on the content of the episodes going forward.

[Warbodog]

THE ENDODONTIC THERAPY

Lister gets root canal treatment. Do you have a toothache or sensitivity to hot and cold food and drink that won’t go away? You might have a tooth pulp infection. Make an appointment with our dentists in London SW1 for a comprehensive oral health assessment today.

[Warbodog]

COMPOSITE AND PORCELAINA

Lister struggles to decide which material he wants his dental veneers to be made out of.

[Warbodog]

PERIODONTAL UNIVERSE

The guys jump to universe where everyone has red, itchy, swollen and/or bleeding gums (possible symptoms of gum disease).

[Warbodog]

TEMPOROMANDIBULARFORM

Rimmer is attacked by manifestations of his jaw joint pain (which may be relieved using a bruxism mouthguard, get a diagnosis from a qualified health professional).

[Dave]

ONLY THE GOOD IDEAS FOR AN EPISODE

The ‘idea for an episode’ thread is edited down to remove any posts without merit.

It now runs to six posts long.

[Warbodog]

NEXT PAGE, IT’S ON NEXT PAGE’S MONTHLY GOAL LIST

A prolific shitposter swears absolutely that he promises that page XIII is his last, let’s finish this mother.

[cwickham]

RED DWARF XXXL

Red Dwarf returns, but everyone is now really overweight.

[Connell]

YOU’LL BONK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU LISTERINE

A sentient mouthwash attempts to have it’s way with the crew

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE ENDOMETRIOSIS

The crew are wiped out by a virus that causes inner womb tissue to grow exponentially all over the ship, smothering everyone.

[Warbodog]

IT’S QUIET …. TOO QUIET

When the autocue breaks during his Björk karaoke performance, Doug Naylor has to improvise.

[Warbodog]

TOMORROW WILL BE NOISIER….

Grant Naylor Productions is excited to announce its Net Operating Income for FY2018/19. Fans aren’t massively let down at all.

[Warbodog]

THE ENDO

Lister pops a front wheelie on his space bike. In space, where it’s not really impressive.

[Warbodog]

DIG DOUG

Doug Naylor discovers a diamond mine in his back garden, which he realises could be handy for funding the Red Dwarf movie. Unfortunately, it’s filled with patrolling subterranean monsters, but he learns that these can be quickly dispatched by tricking them into walking under rocks or using his bicycle pump to blow the mothers away. A time traveller from the 1950s observes the goings-on and voices their approval in an idiomatic manner, then posts photos to an obsolete social news aggregator platform because they think they’re in 2009.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

IT’S QUIET … TOO QUIET. CAN ANYBODY HEAR ANYTHING?

When Doug’s hearing starts to go, he starts to embody his own creation, Kryten, to see if anyone else is afflicted.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

DOUGGIT!

Reboot ITV’s Sunday morning children’s programming hosted by Doug Naylor. Things start to fall apart when producers are unable to deliver instructions through Doug’s in ear monitor due to rapidly declining hearing.

[Warbodog]

DILDONIC THE HEDGEHOG

Craig Charles braves the most intimidating dildonics release yet, for science.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

I REMEMBER WHEN THIS THREAD USED TO BE ABOUT IDEAS FOR EPISODES

Abed from Community makes a meta quip about how the thread has shifted away from episode ideas and is now just random puns vaguely related to the cast and crew.

[Author]

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