Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

DOUG’S 0TH MOVIE

I’m just being mean now. Sorry, Doug, we love you.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THE END 2: POLYAMOUROUSMORPH – POLYMORPH 4

In the 4th episode in the Polymorph saga, the crew find a lonely shape shifting genetically enginerred life form that pines to have multiple partners.

He then raveshes the entire crew who all die from the internal bleeding caused by it’s giant sperm pipe being forcibley raped down their throats.

And thus concludes 32 years of Red Dwarf.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

ONLY THE EBENEEZER GOODE

When a camellionic virus threatens the crew of Red Dwarf, Rimmer must cross into a alternative universe and bring back The Shamen to sing their 1992 hit single to mullify the life form so the others scan sneak up on it from behind and kill it by …..

THE END …. THE SMEG IT IS

[Warbodog]

DOUG OF WAR

For Red Dwarf’s 50th anniversary, Doug Naylor reveals a previously unseen three-part series produced between series VI and VII that has an uncharacteristically violent tone. Ganymede & Titan members amicably agree on how it should be numbered.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SON OF SOUP

After Kryten rides off on Lister’s space bike, Lister tears down the wallpaper and frilly bed spreads, now covered in tomato soup, and chucks it all in the, as yet to be decontaminated, waste disposal. The soup mutates, undergoes mitosis and spawns an offspring. Adventrous as it is, Son of Soup finds his way back to the bunk room where his mother was so cruelly thrown against the bulkhead before being disguarded in the radioactive belly of the ship. He plots his revenge, but dies before he is able owing to the fact mutations of this callibre take millenia, whether aided by radiation or not, and the crew have all been long dead.

[Warbodog]

GRANDSON OF SOUP

When novelising Son of Soup in the next book, Doug elects to change it the grandson of the soup from Kryten so that its death is proportionally less upsetting.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SON OF GEZPACHO SOUP

After Rimmer send his soup back to be warmed up, the microwaves the chef uses to quickly heat the dish cause the soup to mutate. The soup splatter from within the microwave pools, and sets about a murderous revenge of the man the causes his father to die a death by boiling.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SON OF SOUPS: JUDGEMENT DAY

Son of gezpacho soup finds son of soup alone in the bunk room. They use the stasis leak on floor 16 to travel back in time to avenge their fallen parents and start the soup uprising.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

FATHERS AND SUNS OF SOUP

The fallen father of the avenging soup leave video messages for their offspring to encourage them not to give up hope.

The sons of soup collect together and inject themselves into space, colliding with hydrogen molecules and exploding into a multon globe of mouth burning soup that, under intense preasure, creates a star. Once they have taken their new form, they manuvour themselves into the direct path of Red Dwarf, preparing to swallow the ship whole, destroying it and all within.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SOUPER-MAN

Having been born on a plant in the hibaitable zone of a star comprised of the offspring of murdered soup. The radiation powers given off by the soup star causes an unremarkable baby to grow to have special powers. Sent to Earth as a refugee from the planets destruction, this baby grows up to be Souper-Man.

[Warbodog]

PRIMORDIAL SOUQ

The guys go back in time to observe the origin of life on Earth and are surprised to find an anachronistic Middle Eastern market there selling T-shirts and other tourist tat, the origin of life on Earth being a popular destination for time travellers.

[cwickham]

SOUPER

Rimmer skips from bowl of soup to bowl of soup, looking for one that doesn’t make him feel like a loser.

[Warbodog]

CLOTRIMAZOLE AND PARANOIA

Lister’s concerned when Cat develops a bald patch around a small wound that slowly spreads over a couple of weeks. The Vetibot rules out an abscess, but recommends he apply some antifungal cream twice a day for up to four weeks and see if it improves.

[Dave]

YOU’LL LIST ANYTHING, WON’T YOU BONKER

When the crew visit the planet of the nymphomaniacs, one inhabitant displays a love of compiling long itemised records.

[Dave]

YOU’LL LINK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU BUSTER

Buster Bloodvessel of ska band Bad Manners materialises on board Red Dwarf and ties everything on the ship to a long chain.

[Dave]

YOU’LL BLINK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU OYSTER

Lister adopts a pet oyster and gives it a cybernetic eye as its only means of communication.

[Dave]

YOU’LL OINK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU BLISTER

Lister develops a callous on his foot that does pig impressions.

[cwickham]

BUSTER

Buster Bloodvessel skips from universe to universe, looking for a world where his band ever did anything better than the Educating Marmalade theme song.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT BUNGLE

Rimmer constructs a 1:1 scale sculpture of the bear from Rainbow out of spherical vegetables. No one asks why.

[Warbodog]

SPROUT BRUM CULL

A batch of Brussels sprouts exposed to the radiation leak evolves into sentient miniature vintage cars that secretly explore the cargo decks for ten minutes every day before returning to their crates and pretending to be inanimate for unspecified reasons. When Rimmer catches them in the act, he opens the airlock and exterminates them all, prick.

[Warbodog]

THE MEX-FILES

When David Duchovny leaves the popular paranormal investigation drama, he’s replaced with Mex from Red Dwarf to shake up the status quo. When Mex’s unpredictable pausing invariably leads to culprits getting away, Gillian Anderson decides she’s had enough too.

[Dave]

YOU’LL HOST ANYTHING, WON’T YOU BLANKA

Street Fighter II’s Brazilian beast announces that he is available for a variety of after-dinner-speaking engagements.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

.. -. –.- ..- .. … .. – — .-. — — .-. … .

Cross over episode in which John Thaw plays the Inquisitor, solving murders and eradicating the perpetrators from existence.

[cwickham]

MORSEOCRACY

John Thaw is elected President of Red Dwarf.

[cwickham]

HORSEOCRACY

John Thaw goes mad and makes his horse a senator.

[cwickham]

NORSEOCRACY

Red Dwarf is taken over by Vikings.

[Dave]

IT’S CODE OUTSIDE

Rimmer and Lister look out of the window and realise that the stars are spelling out BACK TO EARTH IS SERIES IX in morse code.

[Warbodog]

DON’T GIVE ME THAT STAR WARS CRAP

Lister makes the mistake of haphazardly referencing a franchise with a fan base even more passionately opinionated on trivial minutiae than Red Dwarf’s and gets called some names.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CODE OF WORMS

New Red Dwarf special set between series 8 and 9, explaining what happened in the 9 year period (but not the resolution to the Only The Good cliffhanger.

Lister, bored in a very empty region of space, programmes the computer game Worms in morse code.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

MORSE-CORP

Red Dwarf is taken over by a company that causes Lister to only be able to view things in Morse Code. The entire episode looks like a cross between the green text of the Matrix and only analogue static.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

CODE MALFEASANCE AND PARANOIA

Lister hallucinates a man that is paranoid he will be accused of failure to carry out a public duty to code a something.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

SILLY CONE IDEA

Kryten dismisses a fleeting thought he has to turn everyone else into series 4000 robots and re-shape their heads into cones so they can re-enact the early 90s comedy Coneheads.

[Warbodog]

SILICONEAR

Lister gets ear augmentation.

[Captain Bollocks]

THREE MEN AND A GRAVY

Following the mishaps and adventures of three swinging bachelors aboard the mining ship Red Dwarf, as they attempt to adapt their lives to pseudo-religion with the unexpected arrival of a vat of the brown stuff that previously marked the shirt that the Cat Priest was once so fond of.

[Warbodog]

SHIP’S LOG – “URLGH!” – ONE

Red Dwarf is turned into a living organism and does its first poo. It’s horrid!!!

[Warbodog]

RED DWARF – SPECIAL (no 2)

Analysis of a leaked photo from recordings reveals that Bernard Wright’s character from SpaceVets won’t be appearing for at least one of the recording dates, possibly both.

[Warbodog]

DOGSBODYSWAP

New version of Parallel Universe that replaces Dog with the American puppet dog from SpaceVets. Probably better.

[Warbodog]

DOUG’S 1ST MOVIE

What do you mean ‘kind of’?

[Warbodog]

IF HE COMES NEAR ME, I’M GONNA RIP HIS NIPPLES OFF

Death finally catches up to Lister. Dave lifts his shirt, sucks in his gut and draws a rudimentary ribcage across his chest, fluffing his nipples in a mocking fashion as he prances about, then escapes in the confusion.

[Warbodog]

OWWWWW! HOW AM I LOOKING?

Cat confesses that he experiences intense pain every second of his life, due to having undergone a series of vain and dangerous cosmetic surgery procedures in his youth to have his organs painted and his pulse and heartbeat modified. The pursuit of clothes is a desperate distraction from this agony.

[Warbodog]

THE SHADOWS

Cat’s attractive shadow from The End, Rimmer’s vulgar shadow hand from Me², the other Rimmer’s nervous shadow from Cassandra and the shadow of Kryten’s head from Siliconia team up to record an album of instrumental surf rock covers.

[Warbodog]

WHEN IT WAS PAGE 14, I DIVORCED IT

Just in case the Inquisitor’s real, you never know.

[Dave]

THE BINQUISITOR

A simulant survives until the end of time, and – realising that there is no god, no afterlife – decides to become a self-appointed binman, emptying the bins of the universe across time and space.

[cwickham]

THE GINQUISITOR

A simulant survives until the end of time, and – realising that there is no god, no afterlife – decides to become a bartender..

[cwickham]

THE TINQUISITOR

A simulant survives until the end of time, and – realising that there is no god, no afterlife – decides to get cast in a remake of The Wizard of Oz.

[Warbodog]

THE SLIME’S PROBABLY NOT COMING HOME, IS IT?

Lister turns down another golden opportunity to go Back To Earth with a flimsy excuse, trying to pretend that he doesn’t know he’s fated to still be on Red Dwarf as a very old man, as optimistically confirmed in the second episode ever.

[bloodteller]

OUT OF TWINE

Lister tries to make a nice rug, but finds that he hasn’t got any thread left. Meanwhile, Rimmer takes up macramé and makes a big fucking mess.

[Warbodog]

OUT OF TWIX

No Bounty, no Revels, all our Mars confectionery supplies have been totalled.

[Warbodog]

TIZER TO RIDE

Worse still, a choice of only two varieties of fizzy pop: Lidl Ameristar diet cola or Asda Megasaurus limeade. It’s a human tragedy.

[Warbodog]

THE END?

Fans of a TV series prophesy the endtimes based on no real evidence, in the hope that they can point out that they “called it” when it eventually stops being annoyingly renewed.

[Author]

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