Idea for an episode.

[smoke me a kipper]

Here is my idea for an episode.

The crew come across an old space station. inside they find a stasis booth. After opening the stasis booth they don’y believe it. It seems to be Hollister, but quite a bit older than they remember. Hollister managed to survive the accident and got off the Red Dwarf to get help, I will cut a long story short, at the end of the episode Hollister makes a death bed confession. It was he who caused the accident not Rimmer. He also tells Rimmer that When the accident occured, Yvonne Mcguder was on planet leave so did not get killed. She was pregnant with Rimmers baby.

That would be the start and end of the episode, there would need to be a chain of events in between, but I think you have the gist.

Thank’s for reading smeg heads. Smoke me a kipper I’ll be back for breakfast.

Topic

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR A NEPOSODE

Everyone employed behind-the-scenes for series XIII is directly related to Doug Naylor.

[Warbodog]

IDEA FOR A NIPISODE

Pop your tops off.

[Warbodog]

LEMON ADE AND A REALLY LARGE SCOTCH

Lister is visited in prison by Robbie Coltrane and Adrian Edmondson dressed as a citrus fruit.

[Warbodog]

IPPY DIPPY MYSPACE SHIPPY

Lister writes thinly-disguised Itchy and Scratchy slash fiction on an obsolete social media platform.

[Warbodog]

I’VE BEEN IPPY-DIPPIED TO DEF

Rimmer’s forced to improvise a five-minute stand-up set on Def Comedy Jam.

[Dave]

I’VE BEEN IPPY-DIPPIED TO DEF II

Rimmer is randomly chosen to appear as part of BBC 2’s late-80s/early-90s youth TV segment at 6pm.

[Dave]

DEF II ISN’T THE HANDICAP IT WAS IN THE OLDEN DAYS, IT DOESN’T SCREW YOUR CAREER UP LIKE IT USED TO

Rimmer is delighted when Janet Street-Porter tells him that, against all the odds, his viewing figures are going up.

[Dave]

DEF II REALITY

Rimmer is dismayed when it turns out that his blossoming career on midweek BBC 2 was actually just a total-immersion videogame and he is actually a second technician on Red Dwarf, three million years in the future.

[bloodteller]

DAVE “CHINS GUANO BIANCO” LISTER

Lister gains a nickname at the Aigburth Arms after pub-goers discover his unusual habit of sticking his chin in bird shit before downing a bottle of really horrible vermouth.

[bloodteller]

SOME COUNTRY THAT’S BIG ON CURLY SHOES AND GUANO

Lister mistakes a famous Levantine dip for dry bird shit.

[Warbodog]

GUANO FUNKO CHANNEL 27

Kryten orders the complete set of Funko Pop! vinyl Androids figures, because the generic, scammy figurines are so shit, they actually work as great fertiliser for his garden.

[Warbodog]

MILK CRAZY

Jake Wood reprises a variant of his Red Dwarf character in a series of misjudged adverts promoting breastfeeding. Posters with the character’s manic face superimposed over a suckling infant and his catchphrase “Let’s Go Milk Something! Yeeeeeeeessssssss!” cause controversy when they appear in clinics nationwide, ironically leading to many nursing mothers drying up in fright.

[Dave]

GILL CRAZY

Lister becomes a huge fan of the writings of AA Gill, becoming narrowly his second favourite AA.

[cwickham]

MILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with windmills.

[cwickham]

GENERAL MILLS CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with cereal.

[cwickham]

KILL BILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with the filmography of Quentin Tarantino.

[cwickham]

SILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with window ledges.

[cwickham]

PILL CRAZY

Lister becomes addicted to painkillers.

[cwickham]

QUILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with antiquated methods of writing.

[cwickham]

TILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with cash registers.

[cwickham]

WILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with whether or not he’s included in Rimmer’s will.

[cwickham]

DILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with herbs.

[cwickham]

GILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with breathing underwater.

[cwickham]

HILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with large mounds of earth.

[cwickham]

LIL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with one of the characters from Rugrats.

[cwickham]

NIL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed over nothing.

[cwickham]

RILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with the mostly-missing 1965 Doctor Who serial Galaxy 4.

[cwickham]

BILL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with the 42nd President of the United States.

[Dave]

RHYL CRAZY

Lister has a disappointing seaside holiday in Wales.

[Dave]

RHYL HAZY

Craig Charles only vaguely remembers shooting the beach scenes from Better Than Life.

[Dave]

RHYL LAZY

The trilogy concludes with Lister not being arsed to go to Wales this year.

[Warbodog]

KEL CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with one half of a 1990s Nickelodeon double act.

[Warbodog]

STIR CRAZY

Lister becomes obsessed with owning an unnecessary kitchen appliance.

[Warbodog]

KILL KILL CRAZY CRAZY CRACY

A new character is introduced whose funny quirk is that he’s obsessed with killing a character who hasn’t been in the show for 20 years. An election is held to decide whether to keep him on as a regular character despite the lack of story potential.

[bloodteller]

KELICONIA

The crew come across a ship populated entirely by Kel Mitchell. As punishment, they are all turned into Kenan Thompson and have to deal with the ignominy of being the slightly less funny one of the duo.

[bloodteller]

WE CERTAINLY DON’T LIKE FRENCH PHILOSOPHERS PONCING AROUND IN THEIR BLACK POLO NECKS FILLING EVERYONE’S HEADS WITH THEIR THEORIES ABOUT THE BLEAKNESS OF EXISTENCE AND THE ABSURDITY OF THE COSMOS, CLEAR?

Due to a trivial comprehension error, Rimmer mistakenly assumes that Jean-Paul Satre hates a popular Seinfeld character, the green-haired one from Fairly Oddparents, and an all-you-can-eat buffet restuarant in Doncaster for “being too silly” and yells at him about it.

[Warbodog]

ANDREW WELL ‘ARD

Red Dwarf’s script editor inserts subtle references to his own formidable strength across the new series.

[Warbodog]

POOR, LAH? LEG SANDER

Down on his luck in Singapore, a former Red Dwarf writer accepts a menial job buffing the limbs of his betters.

[Warbodog]

THE NEVERENDING

A prolific shitposter remembers when he told quinn_drummer that he wasn’t going to post beyond page 12 in this thread “on principle,” and actually meant it until the next morning.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

THIS IS PAGE TWELVE OF THE THREAD, IF THE PARTY SAYS IT IS. IF I BELIEVE IT IS AND YOU BELIEVE IT IS THEN PAGE IT IS PAGE TWELVE.

Quinn arrests Warbodog and takes him to the Ministry of Love and and set about explaining the principles of doublethink.

Meanwhile Lister, Cat, Kryten and Rimmer play poker.

[Warbodog]

HAVE ANOTHER DRINK, HETERO BOYS

A prolific shitposter realises that his previous post unintentionally reads like he was in bed with quinn_drummer at the time.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

BOTTOMS UP, THEN BOTTOMS DOWN, THEN HOPEFULLY BOTTOMS UP AGAIN

Details into the scandalous accusation of fan forum posters bed sharing start to be revealed.

[Dave]

YOU’LL BANK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU LISTER

Rimmer is amused when Lister tries to make a deposit of $£1.23 in the ship’s brand of Barclays.

[Dave]

YOU’LL HONK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU LISTER

Rimmer is bemused when Lister sounds Starbug’s horn because a space-weevil has floated into view.

[Dave]

YULE BONK ANYTHING, WON’T YOU LISTER

Rimmer is disturbed when a roaring drunk Lister announces his intention to copulate with anyone or anything that appears under the mistletoe.

[Quinn: Clochebusters World Champion]

YUL BONK ANYTHING

Lister finds a game show on the ships video network where Yul Brynner is presented with a conveyor belt of various items and invited to fuck them.

[Dave]

ZUUL BONK ANYTHING

Ghostbusters, re-imagined as a 1970s British sex comedy.

[Dave]

PAUL McKENNA THING

Lister listens to Rimmer’s sleep hypnosis tapes.

[Dave]

ALBARN KENNER THING

The Blur frontman shows off his collection of vintage Star Wars toys.

[cwickham]

YOU’LL NEVER LEAVE BONKING ANYTHING

Crossover episode with The League of Gentlemen.

[Author]

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